


No Place Like Home

by DeepLittleSOB



Series: Lizzy-verse [22]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Married Couple, Parent-Child Relationship, Post-Purgatory, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Purgatory, Reunions, Rufus's Cabin, Sex, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-31
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-05-30 08:03:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 127,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6415555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeepLittleSOB/pseuds/DeepLittleSOB
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's no place like home... unless home has changed and so have you. </p><p>Lizzy returns from Purgatory to find a totally new type of home waiting for her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Trying to Get Home

 

* * *

****THEN****

_Lizzy doesn't hesitate. She doesn't second guess. She does exactly what she promised, exactly what she's been itching to do for so long._

_With every ounce of hatred she has in her for Dick Roman and what the Leviathan have done to her and her family, she thrusts the bone straight through his gut._

_The surprised face Dick shows, undoubtedly there because he now realizes that the weapon was real and Crowley cheated him, has the triumphant feeling deep in Lizzy's heart grow quickly. She did it._

_Looking him right in the eyes, still holding the hilt of the weapon, Lizzy growls out, "I promised you I'd kill you, you fucking piece of shit."_

_Waves of energy, pulsating hard, emanate from Dick's body. A loud heartbeat is heard accompanying each pulse, the speed of them picking up quickly._

_Then suddenly it's quiet for just a second. Dick Roman's eyes connects with Lizzy's. He smiles, laughing as he knows what's about to happen and this won't be the last laugh for her. He's getting the last laugh. He's bring her along for the ride of a lifetime._

_The explosion happens in a flash, Dick's form turning to black goo that splashes out and coats the entire room. Sam tries to cover Lou and Kevin, turning his back to it all last second._

_And then… silence. Calm. Stillness. Once the explosion happens everything changes._

_Sam straightens up and looks around the room. Black goo covers everything, including all the people in it. Sam Lou, Kevin… and that's it._

_Exhaling hard once, panic hitting him as he looks around the empty room._

" _What the fuck?" Lou quietly asks while standing next to him, both slowly starting to realize what's actually happened here._

_Kevin finds his voice when he knows they have to flee. "Sam, we should go. Now."_

" _What the hell?" Sam asks, the full anxious alarm clear in his tone._

" _Where the fuck is she!?" Lou falls into true fear._

**SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS**

" _Is she in Purgatory!?" Sam panics, asking again as he steps closer to Lou. She doesn't stop pacing. He grabs her shoulders and forces her to look at him. "Is she!?"_

_Lou just nods yes._

" _Oh god…." Sam huffs a few harsh breaths as they come to terms with the sudden situation. "We can't go get her. Or Cass."_

" _We can't open the door to that place," Lou agrees. "We're in this situation because it was opened in the first place."_

" _I know," Sam nods, his mind empty with solutions. "What the fuck do we do? We can't let her rot in there…."_

" _Yes we can. We have to," Lou's face changes._

_Lou starts to crumble and he sees it happening. Sam moves closer and grabs her shoulders, getting her attention. "What do we do?"_

" _We lie," Lou begrudgingly says, hating this plan. "We lie to him. We have to."_

_Sam just closes his eyes, not ready to start lying to his brother about anything, especially something this big._

**SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS**

" _Wake up."_

_The voice, one she hasn't heard sounding so stern in so long, cuts through the haze in her head. She comes to, eyes blinking open. The darkness surrounds her as she looks up to the sky, leafless trees peeking into her line of vision from the edges. Suddenly, Castiel's face appears above her, looking hard at her._

" _Good. We need to get out of here."_

" _What?" Lizzy asks, still completely lost as to what happened._

_Castiel reaches a hand down to her and she takes it. He hauls her to her feet as her mind flies. They killed Dick, she knows that much. He exploded, black goo everywhere… and then she woke up hearing Castiel's voice while lying on the ground._

_Eyes sweeping their surroundings, Lizzy asks, "Where are we?"_

_Castiel's head cocks to the side as he peers around them, his eyes constantly on the lookout. He seems tense and on edge. "You don't know?_

" _Last I remember, we ganked Dick," Lizzy admits, her heart beginning to pound hard with confusion._

" _And where would he go in death?" Castiel challenges, dropping her hand and sharply looking towards a sound made off to the right of him._

_Her heart freezes over, icy in her chest. Fear unlike she's ever felt before envelopes her entre being. "Wait… does that mean we're...?"_

" _Every soul here is a monster." Castiel turns sharply again when something rustles the leaves of a tree right next to them. "This is where they come to prey upon each other for all eternity."_

" _Purgatory?" she sputters the word, afraid to actually say it. "We're… we're in Purgatory?"_

" _Shit, Cass. I think we better…." She turns back to the angel but finds empty air instead. "Cass?"_

_Her form is frozen. She's alone._

" _Cass!?"_

_Nothing. He's gone. He ditched her alone in the land of monsters._

**SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS**

_Dean's head sharply turns to Sam, eyes wild with need for explanation._

" _We need to talk," Sam tells his brother, the entire thing already eating him up inside._

" _Where is she?" Dean asks, his voice small and scared._

" _Dean, let's just go inside and talk," Lou asks of him._

" _Where is she!?" Dean shouts, already knowing something went severely wrong and the fear wins over._

" _Dean…."_

" _Don't do that!" Dean yells at his brother. "No bullshit! Where's L!?"_

" _She killed Dick," Lou blurts out. "She did exactly what she said she would."_

" _Then why isn't she in the car with you?" Dean dangerously asks, tone low._

" _She… didn't make it out," Sam says, his eyes glancing at Lou quickly. This was what they agreed on. Dean has to think she's dead in order to keep the entire world safe and keep Purgatory closed. "She fought hard but… she just, she didn't make it."_

_Dean's face gets angry. "Are you telling me that the two of you made it out but L didn't?"_

" _Cass didn't either," Sam mentions. "They both didn't."_

_Dean walks away a bit, making an aimless circle. He knots his fingers together at the back of his head, His back to the two of them as he attempts to process and understand what's happening._

_Lizzy didn't make it._

_Lizzy's gone._

_L is dead._

_He shakes his head. "No." Dean turns back to them, tears threatening to spill over from his watery eyes. "No fucking way. Lizzy wouldn't do that. She said she'd come back."_

" _Dean, I'm sorry…."_

" _Shut up, Sam!" Dean points harshly at his brother. "She said she'd be back! L wouldn't leave Sammy like this!"_

" _She didn't want to," Lou tells him, her voice small and eyes wet. "You know she didn't. Dean… she and Cass did the impossible. They saved the fucking world. Sammy gets live a good, real life now…."_

" _Yeah… without his mother," Dean fires back, anger coursing through him. He stares Lou down as the first tear makes it way down his cheek. His chin quivers once and he storms off, aiming for the cabin._

_Lou and Sam watch helplessly at the door gets yanked open, hitting the outside of the cabin with huge force. Dean marches inside and disappears._

" _Shit," Lou cries out. "This feels so wrong."_

" _I know," Sam says to her, keeping his composure amid those that can't. He pulls her in and holds her tight as she cries again, the knowledge of what Lizzy's doing and where she is crushing her. "We're doing the right thing."_

" _I hate this," Lou tells him, jumping afterwards with the sound of glass smashing in a loud burst from inside the house._

* * *

****NOW****

"Alright, you fucking morons…" Lou says to the two gruff, flannel and canvas clad hunters sitting on stools at the old bar. She slaps a manila file folder that's overflowing with unorganized scraps of paper and pictures onto the bar top. She then slides it across to their side with narrowed eyes. "I just saved your dumb asses once again so you better make sure you pay your tab in full before you leave tonight."

"Saved our asses?" one of the two men asks with disbelief.

"Yeah, saved 'em, Roy. Because you two numb nuts aren't after a _revenant_ ," Lou smugly tells them, taking their empty beer bottles from them and tossing them into the glass bin behind the bar. "You're after a zombie."

"What!?" Walt disbelieves, flipping through the case file they made for her to look at. "I swear it's not a zombie…."

"It is," she assures with an air of superiority. She knows she's right and she's knows she's good. "And you should listen to me… or did you two not learn a damn thing from the last time I saved your hides?"

They remain quiet. She did in fact save them last time. They didn't know how to manage the case they ran into in the middle of Yellowstone just months before. Once quick call to Lou's outpost and they got their answer, escaping a finished hunt alive while only superficially roughed up by a wendigo.

"But a headshot didn't work," Roy mentions, still reading through his own research for what he didn't catch onto.

"And you need to stop watching so much Walking Dead," Lou laughs a little, leaning onto her elbows on the bar and looking straight across at the men. "Headshots only work if the dead have been risen a certain way. More often than not, a headshot does nothing but slow a zombie down for a little bit… _if_ the bullet's silver."

"So… what do we do?" Walt wants to know.

"First, you start keeping a fucking journal! Everything you learn, whether from your own experience or from someone else, you write it down so I don't have to do all this work for you next time," she says with disdain for the lazy men, pulling out an old drawing she photo copied from Bobby's backup library from the manila folder. In it is a depiction of a man with a skeleton face being staked into a coffin. "Second, you get yourselves a couple silver stakes. You gotta stab him through in his own death bed."

"How do we know where this zombie's coffin is?" Walt asks.

Lou stares at him with a serious face for a beat. "What do I look like? Google? Do some fucking research, you deadbeats!"

They both sigh and groan a little with the idea.

"Now, last I checked…." Lou pauses and grabs a ledger from under the register behind the bar. She plops it onto the bar, flips a few pages, and announces, "You two owe me a solid two-twenty-eight in cheap beer and cheaper whiskey shots. How you racked that up in the few months we've been open I'll never understand but that's the number. Pay up before you leave."

"Hard ass," Walt complains as he pulls out his wallet from his back pocket.

"You know it, honey," Lou winks, grabbing her ass in a show of just how hard her ass is before walking away for a bar rag. As she starts to wipe down the bar after a long night that's coming to a close the phone on the wall by the old register rings. She runs to answer it. "Roadhouse."

"Hey."

"Aw, my favorite man," Lou cheers a bit when she hears Sam's voice. She leans sideways into the wall and watches Roy and Walt count their money for her. "What's happening? You coming to help close?"

"No, not tonight," Sam tells her. "Just wondering when you'll be home."

"Well, it was a quiet night so not too late," she says, looking around. Just Roy and Walt now getting up and waving goodbye to her along with three other local men in the back corner finishing up a card game after she told them it was last call a few minutes ago.

"Good," Sam says. "It's been too quiet around here today."

"Where's Dean?" she asks with worry.

"You know… doing whatever he does when he leaves for the night."

Lou bites her tongue. Dean thinks Lizzy's dead so he can do what he needs to in order to get by. She just wishes he'd stay home with his family instead. "So, you're playing babysitter?"

"Yeah, but Sammy's been down for a while," Sam tells her. "I was hoping for some more adult company."

She grins wide. "I can help with that."

"I'm sure you can," Sam laughs a little. "Nothing new over there?"

"Well… a couple hunters passed through, needed some help on a case."

"What kind of help?"

"Uh, they had a weird one. Thought they were dealing with a revenant but I knew better."

"What was it?"

"Zombie. Super obvious."

"How does a hunter not know how to deal with a zombie?"

"I blame Robert Kirkman," Lou smirks. "Though, honestly, I'm surprised Walt and Roy are still alive at this point. Those idiots should be long dead by now."

There's a pause on the other end. "Who?"

"Walt and Roy? A couple older dudes, been doing this for a while…."

"Are they still there!?" Sam sounds angry out of nowhere.

"They just finally paid their long overdue bar tab and left. Why?"

"Shit!" Sam exhales hard. "Remember I told you about a couple hunters that tracked Dean and I down years back? They killed us and Lizzy because they knew about the whole demon blood thing. We went to heaven but not before Dean threatened revenge on them?"

"Uh. Kinda…."

"Yeah, well, that's them."

Lou inhales hard, the audacity running through her system. "Those assholes! They fucking know who I'm with!"

"Probably," Sam agrees.

"And they still came into my bar and got my help!? Those mother fuckers!" Lou growls furious into the phone. "I'm gonna kill them!"

"Lou!"

"No one tries to fucking kill my husband but me!" Lou grits out and drops the phone, not even bothering to hang up. She rushes to the loaded shotgun under the bar and cocks it once. She then sprints for the front door.

Bursting out into the night, she watches as taillights from a beat-up old pickup start to fade in the short distance.

"You fuckers!" she shouts after them and aims. She takes a shot and manages to shatter their back windshield. "You think I wouldn't find out!?"

The driver, either Walt or Roy, hits the brakes for a second with the shocking turn of events and she takes aim again while marching for their car.

"You come into _my_ bar, ask for _my_ help… and you're the assholes that shot _my_ _family_!?" she screams after them, shooting again. She gets their left brake light, shards littering her parking lot entrance. She doesn't want to shoot them from behind and kill them, no. She wants them out of the car so she can kill them face to face. She knows the story of what they did and revenge sounds pretty damn good about now. "Get out of the fucking car!"

Instead they peel out and don't confront her. They wouldn't be the only ones to fear Lou. She's got a reputation in the community these days. She's the bad ass bitch with the dive bar that all hunters are welcome in… as long as they act according to her rules.

"Cowardly pussies," Lou says and spits on the ground. "I'll fucking find you. Someday. Mark my fucking words…."

Quickly walking back into the bar, Lou looks to the men in the back corner as she retakes her place behind the bar. "Hey guys. You might wanna bounce." She reloads her shotgun and puts it back in place. "Cops'll be here in a few minutes."

"What'd you go do this time, Louie?" one of the men asks lightly with a smile, clearing up the cards.

"Just trying to clean the scum off the streets as always, Ern," she smirks and winks at him. "Pony up before you go, huh? I keep running tabs for your broke asses and I won't be able to keep the lights on anymore."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Pete brushes her off jokingly as he places the card pack and the cribbage board on the shelf on the wall by their usual table. They then make their way to the bar to pay her.

"Thanks, boys," she says, picking up the phone receiver she left on the bar. "See you Friday?"

"As always," Ernie grins, slapping money onto the bar and the three men walk out.

Lou raises the phone to her ear. "Sorry 'bout that, honey."

"What did you do?" Sam wonders.

"Nothing," she innocently claims.

" _What did you do, Lou_?" he asks again, knowing she's lying.

"Alright, so I might have tried to shoot them…."

"Lou!"

"They deserved it!"

"And the cops are just gonna get pissed at you!" Sam reminds her. "They're gonna shut you down if this keeps up."

"Hey! I wasn't the one firing off rounds last time!" Lou excuses. Some hunters had played a game of poker, handguns put into the pot to raise the stakes. The winner wanted to test his new Colt out… indoors.

"But it's still _your_ bar!" Sam reminds. "Just… take it easy, ok? We've invested a lot into that place for you to just lose it. No more guns."

"Unless I have to," Lou adds in the caveat.

Sam just sighs at that. "What are you gonna tell the cops?"

"If it's the lovely Officer Jepson then I'll tell him the truth," Lou reminds him of the police officer on their side.

"And if it's any of the other officers from the sheriff's department?" he challenges her.

"You mean the other two?" Lou laughs. The town they live in is so small that the entire police force isn't all that large.

" _Lou_ …."

"Ok, ok," she rolls her eyes again with his warning tone. "I'll come up with something. I always do."

"This town hates your bar already."

"Because they're small townies."

"No. It's because you always bring trouble."

Lou sighs. "Well, too bad. If it wasn't for this bar some of those annoyed townies wouldn't be alive."

"We should have moved to a bigger town… or a city," Sam comments.

"Very true," Lou agrees totally while catching the sound of sirens in the distance, growing closer quite rapidly. "But here we're smack in the middle of the country. What better place for a hunter's outpost?"

Sam just sighs.

"I gotta go," Lou tells him, the police car arriving out front.

"Don't get arrested," Sam asks of her.

"Get my bail money ready," Lou jokes and hangs up, heading for the front door right away. She walks out front and relaxes once she finds Officer Jepson getting out of his cruiser. "Mike!"

"Crap on a God damned cracker, Lou," he complains immediately. "What now?'

"I was just getting rid of some pests," she shrugs innocently. She then crosses her arms over her chest and deepens her cleavage. Tight jeans and a low cut shirt do wonders for more than just her tip jar.

"And I'm sure that will go over well as an excuse with the sheriff after a call comes in about shots fired at the Roadhouse," Jepson bitches. "I mean, I can only lie so many times for you before it becomes obvious, Lou."

"I know, and I'm sorry," she says, grabbing his arm. "Honestly, I had some unsavory characters come through here and they needed to get out of town. For the safety of the community."

"Don't act like you're doing my job, ok?" Jepson tells her, pulling her hand off his arm as he looks to the bar, checking around.

"Relax, Sam's not here," she laughs at him.

Jepsen just eyes her hard. "Alright, what do I tell the sheriff?"

"I was shooting the rats on my property," Lou suggests.

"That's what I told them the first time."

"And they came back!"

"Lou…."

"I have a permit for the gun," Lou reminds him. "And this is my property. It was after hours, I was the only one here… what can they do besides tell me to not do it again?"

Jepson shakes his head. "Fine."

"Thanks, Mike," she smirks and kisses his cheek before walking for the front door of the bar.

"I know you saved my life once before and all, but soon you're gonna run out of favors from me!"

"Okay!" Lou ignores the warning and heads inside, knowing he'll never stop helping her. The vamp nest that came through town nearly used him for dinner. She stopped them. He'll always have a place in his heart for her now.

Another crisis averted and Lou stands in the front doorway, looking over her bar. It's dirty, she needs to wipe down the table tops and pick up the empties littered about, but it's hers. Her bar. Her way of being still attached to the hunting world without being a hunter. Her husband was a smart man when he bought her this place for cheap.

The refinished wood, the repairs and coats of new paint, and the old place isn't half bad. It's still a bit of a dive, no families are coming here to hang, but it's her little piece of the pie. It's her compromise between hunting and living the straight and narrow.

Before going off to clean and shut down for the night, Lou looks to her left. On the wall are several framed pictures of all the hunters she and the Winchesters have lost through the years. Ellen and Jo are marked prominently by the door with the biggest photo of the bunch, the bar being in honor of what Ellen once did for the community.

But the one she always looks to is the one of Bobby in front of the sign at his salvage yard and home. She misses him so much and still thinks of him every single day. They all do.

"I did good, sensei," she bows jokingly to the picture before grabbing her bar rag and getting to work.

* * *

This is the fifth time he's done this and Dean's not about to give up.

Settling into the motel room one small town over from Smith Center, the place Dean, Lou, Sam, and Sammy have called home for a year now, he prepares to brew up the very special cup of very disgusting tasting tea.

"L, you better be sleeping this time," he mutters to himself mostly as he pulls a few long strands of hair from one of Lizzy's old hairbrushes. "I'm running out of parts of you."

Once she was gone he kept everything she had been traveling around with in her duffle. He barely went through it, kept everything in it just as she left it, and he's brought it with them everywhere they go out of habit. For some reason it gives him comfort, he still doesn't know why.

The electric kettle he bought with him boils up some water while set on the old, dusty desk in the room and he pours it into the chipped mug with an 'UMass Amherst' logo on the side that already has some very specific roots in it. He then drops some of Lizzy's hair into the mug and takes a seat at the foot of the queen bed in the dingy room.

"Fifth times the charm," Dean hopes to himself as he swirls the cup and steeps the awful tasting yet powerful tea. He found a shop in Illinois that had an unadvertised, under-the-radar deal on dreamroot. Ever since, he's gotten Sam to watch his son for a night now and then and he disappears. His brother and Lou probably assume the worst, like he's going out to bang strange for the night in order to dull the pain of his loss, but he's not.

Instead, he's trying to contact his lost wife.

He says 'lost' a lot these days, not dead. He doesn't think Lizzy's actually dead anymore. Sure, Dean knows what Sam and Lou told him once they returned from killing Dick. Lizzy died. The weapon exploded, she and Cass were too close to it, and they went up with Dick. There was nothing left of either of them.

But he knows, deep in his soul, that there's _everything_ left of his wife. He can just feel it.

When Dean and Lizzy had first been together they'd found that they had an odd connection. Lizzy could literally feel him at times, feel his emotions when they were really strong, feel his pain when he was very hurt. It was all a part of the Nephilim bloodline paired with the fact that they are soulmates.

But now Dean's felt _her_ pain on rare occasions. One day it hit him hard, right in the side, and he thought he was dying. Nothing on his skin, no wound to be seen, he felt like he was cut wide open and bleeding out. It lasted days. And at a few points he's felt her emotional pain when it gets too strong, the loss and longing and utter sadness. He's even had bouts of missing his own son to such a desperate, frightening point… all while Sammy was in his lap at the time, or in the next room. It didn't make any sense… unless he was feeling his wife's emotions.

Dean can just sense it deep in his heart that Lizzy is alive and that these odd experiences are just her reaching out to him, connecting to him. And now he's desperate to reach out to her in return.

He has no idea where she is. Heaven, Hell… who knows? But he has to find her, talk to her, find out where she is, and bring her back. He just needs to time it out right and pray that wherever she is she still needs to sleep.

"Here goes nothing," Dean tips his cup a bit before slugging it all down in one go to avoid as much of the bitter, horrid taste as he can. "Ugh. Worse every time."

Quickly, Dean places the cup onto the nightstand and pulls a picture out of his back jeans pocket. Looking down at the picture, smiling a little when he gets a load of himself with Sammy sitting on his lap in a park, both grinning brightly and happily, Dean concentrates on the photo as he starts to go under, knowing that if he focuses hard enough on it he can bring it with him in his dream walk.

Blinking slowly once, Dean lifts his eyelids to find the motel room gone. Instead, he's surrounded by thick woods. The scene is calm, quiet, almost serene. The leaves rustle with a slight wind and he looks upward. It's daytime, he knows that, but the sepia, old tone that cloaks the place gives it an eerie and unwelcoming feeling. He's immediately on guard, jeebs running down his spine.

Dean stands up from the motel bed, the only thing that's come with him from the motel room through his dream, and his heart starts beating wildly. This is the first time this has happened. Every attempt before now was a failure, Dean's own mind just simply dreaming and never connecting to Lizzy. But this is new, it feels new. It feels _real_.

"Lizzy!" Dean shouts immediately, knowing she has to be close by. "L! Lizzy!"

He hears running feet coming up from behind him. Dean turns around just in time to see what looks like a werewolf, yellow eyes paired with sharp teeth and claws out, heading right for him. He doesn't have time to move out of the way and the werewolf runs right by him, Dean feeling a breeze as he nearly gets bowled over.

"Whoa," Dean awes at the moment. The werewolf ignored him. Didn't even see him. It's clear now that he's there but not really there… wherever _there_ is.

It's then he sees the picture in his hand still, having brought it with him. He's very thankful he was able to keep it close.

From the same direction another monster comes jogging up. He has a stone, handmade, quite crude weapon in his hand with a very sharp edge. Looking him over, his teeth descended, Dean knows instantly that he's staring at a vampire.

"Best be on your way now," he mutters to himself with a southern accent, relaxing when he knows the werewolf is gone. He lifts his vintage sailor cap to wipe his brow with his sleeve. He grins a little and walks away, looking on the prowl the entire time while never once even peeking Dean's way.

Dean shakes his head. No one seems to see or hear him. What if Lizzy can't see or hear him either even if he finds her?

No, she will be able to see him. He has to be positive. He has to find her. This is _her_ sleeping mind after all… or maybe just resting mind?

"Lizzy!" Dean calls out a few more times, roaming the area with eyes scanning. "Come on, L! Where are you?"

"Dean?"

He freezes. That voice, the one he began to forget the very beautiful sound of, says his name with sheer confusion.

"Lizzy!?" he tries again.

"What the fuck… Dean?"

He follows the sound, walking around an exceptionally wide tree and finds hers. She's sitting on the ground with her back to the massive tree trunk, her face covered in dirt and blood. Her hair, the bottom half blonde still and the top half of new growth being her brown color, is tied up with what looks like a strip of leather. Her clothing is tattered and there's another weapon much like the one he saw in the vampire's hold on the ground next to her, her fist tightly around it.

They pause, both unsure of what to say as wide eyes connect. The shock of actually seeing each other after so long is too much to function at first.

Lizzy's the first to truly react.

"Fuck you," Lizzy shakily says to him to break the silence, lifting her weapon and springing to her feet shockingly quickly. She lunges for him and takes a swing, Dean jumping back and dodging the swipe just in time.

"Lizzy!" He holds his hands out in surrender. "It's me!"

"Bullshit, you shifter asshat!" she screams at him.

"Shit!" Dean yells when she tries to slice him again, ducking from her makeshift blade. "Lizzy! It's me!"

"No," she attacks again, Dean happy he remembers how to handle himself in a fight right now. "You're. Not. Him!"

"You're Elizabeth Winchester!" he tells her, backing up into a tree and cornering himself. She holds the blade to his neck and he keeps talking. "You're my wife. We've been married for over three years. We have a son…"

"And a shifter would know all that," Lizzy challenges.

"But a shifter wouldn't have this," Dean holds up the picture in his hand, the photo now wrinkled with the fight. He holds it in front of her face so that she has to look at it.

Lizzy looks and her weapon slowly lowers as she takes in the image. Her eyes lock onto the little boy in it, her brain needing to work slowly to really recognize who is in the image. With her free hand she pulls the picture out of Dean's grip and looks it over.

"Lizzy, it's me," Dean tells her while she never stops peering at her boy. He sees her chin quiver and her eyes water. "I took some dreamroot. I'm not actually here, but… I had to find you."

Her teary eyes look up at him with sudden awe. "He's so old."

"He just had his second birthday," Dean explains, trying to keep his own emotions in check as her tears start to fall. "He's talking like crazy. We, uh… we hang out every day, read books together, even work on the car… and we say goodnight to your picture every night. He misses you."

"He doesn't remember me," she corrects him, the tears running down her face as she looks at her boy, his face older now. He looks like a person, not the baby she remembers every day of her miserable, damned life. She's missed so much.

"He knows you," Dean nods. "You think I'd let him forget you?"

Lizzy looks up at him, exhaling a sob as she looks into the beautiful green eyes she's longed for every damn day since she was taken to this place. She drops her weapon onto the forest ground and places an open palm to his cheek. She watches Dean lean into her touch, his eyes fluttering closed as a tear of his own trails down his cheek with how thankful he is to have her back even for just this short amount of time.

"Oh god, it's really you," she cries hard as she pulls her arms around his neck and hugs him with every ounce of strength she has.

Dean immediately yanks her in, desperate to feel her in any way possible. His hand at the back of her head, he can hear her crying in his ear with relief. His entire world lightens, the boulder of dread and guilt and uncertainty that has been on his shoulders from the moment he found out she was gone is suddenly no longer there.

"I missed you so much," she sobs into his shoulder.

"God, L," he starts, keeping her in tightly. "I'm a mess without you."

"I always knew you were," she half laughs, half cries as she looks up at him.

"Yeah, you know me so well," Dean nods, leaning down to kiss her. When their lips meet, it having been so long since they could do this, it's solid. It's as if no time has passed. They both still need one another just as much, if not more, than ever.

Lizzy pulls him in with a hand at the back of his neck, deepening the kiss with desperation. It's the first time in who knows how long that she's felt good in any way. It's been pain, blood, fear, and never ending fight. This… well, this is what Lizzy's been fighting for.

When she ends the kiss she doesn't back away. Dean's forehead pressed to hers, he asks her, "Where the hell are we?"

When her eyes meet his, she tells him plain and simple. "Purgatory."

His face drops. "Purgatory!? How? You're human."

"Dick exploded and took me and Cass here with him," Lizzy explains, hugging him in and pressing the side of her head to his flannel. "Been here ever since."

"Jesus," Dean shakes his head. "We thought you were dead."

"What?" Lizzy asks with outrage, letting him go and taking a step back. "Why would you think that?"

"Because Sam and Lou saw it," Dean explains, his forehead wrinkled in confusion for her reaction. "They told me you died."

The fire of pure fury alights in her eyes. "But Lou should have known."

"What?" Dean asks.

"She should have known," Lizzy repeats. "She went here herself. She knows what happens when a monster dies and Dick was a monster." She shakes her head in bafflement. "How did she explain it to you?"

"She and Sam just said you exploded with Dick. Cass, too. There was nothing left…."

"No," she strongly denies. "No. I've been here and she knows it. She knows all about this! Cass and I have been stuck here, clawing our way out… and she told you I died!? None of you were even looking for me!?"

Dean's face shows the hurt within him at this. "I've been looking for you from the second I knew you were really alive."

Lizzy's heart melts, her anger calms. "How did you know?"

"I could feel you," Dean admits. "Seven months ago you got hurt, or at least I think you did. On your side." He points to her left side below her ribs.

Lizzy presses a hand to the old, healed up injury. "How did you know that?" she almost whispers with surprise.

"When you got hurt… I got hurt," he says to her. "I never bled or anything but I felt every ounce of pain that you did. I thought I was dying."

"So did I," Lizzy nods, wiping her eyes, the places the tears touched now clean on her otherwise dirt-stained face. "But I made it. I had to."

"What do I have to do to get you out?" Dean asks quickly. "Anything. Name it." He grabs her free hand and squeezes it.

"Nothing," Lizzy assures him. "You can't open this place up. You saw what happened when Cass did it."

"But you can't stay here," Dean says painfully. "L, I can't leave you here. How do I ever look Sammy in the eye again if I know where you are and I did nothing about it?"

She sighs heavily with that. "I love you so much."

He just smiles sadly, heart bursting with the words she says.

"And this is all you have to do," Lizzy tells him, grabbing harder to his hand. "You take my little man and you head to the cabin. I'll meet you there soon."

Dean's face screws up in confusion.

"There's a way out of here, a backdoor for souls that aren't meant to be here," she explains quickly. "I'm working on getting there. Me and Cass, we'll be out before you know it."

Dean shakes his head. "I don't understand…."

"It's a long story, one I can't wait to tell you when I'm back," Lizzy tells him, leaning up to kiss him again. "Baby, I'm coming home. I told you I'd come back. Just head to the cabin. I'll do the rest."

"Lizzy, you look exhausted…" Dean airs his concern about her doing this on her own.

"I am. But that will never stop me," she tells him, looking once more at the picture she has in her hand. Her beautiful boys. Her life. Her everything. She tears up all over again. "I missed so much of his life. I'm not missing anymore of it." She sighs. "God, he's so handsome! Is he okay?"

"L, he's great," Dean gets choked up. "He's running around, getting into everything. He wears me out." Dean laughs a little, so does Lizzy through her crying. "And he's smart. Damn, the kid's gonna be smarter than me before I know it."

Lizzy covers her forehead with a hand and sobs, her heart breaking. "I knew it. I knew he'd be so smart. I miss him so fucking much."

Dean watches as a tear falls onto the picture and he can't help himself. He pulls her in and wraps her up in his arms, knowing how this has all but killed her to be away from Sammy. "You gotta get outta here."

"I'm going to, I swear," she sobs into his chest.

"L… I can't keep going without you," Dean admits. "I've been trying to contact you for so long… I need you."

She looks up to glazed over green eyes and can't stop herself. She kisses him again, long and seriously. That feeling of home hits her just like every time she's around her man. Dean, even after seven years, is her home. And she hasn't been home in so long.

"Go to the cabin and wait for me," Lizzy tells him, her lips still touching his, and the sound of a freight truck blaring its horn wakes him up.

Dean sits up fast from his reclined position still at the end of the motel bed in the crappy truck stop stayover. He breathes hard, blinks rapidly as he tries to register what just happened.

He can feel her on his lips still, hear her voice. It felt so real. It had to be real.

Looking to his hand he finds the picture of he and his two-year-old son still there, now wrinkled. He notices a single drop of water on the top corner.

He touches it with his thumb, smearing the drop as he realizes its Lizzy's tear. It was real. All of it.

Lizzy's out there. She's trying to get home.

And his brother and sister-in-law lied to him. He knows they did.

Gathering everything into his bag as quickly as he can, Dean rushes out the door and doesn't even bother checking out. He peels out of the lot and heads for their house.

* * *

"Long day," Lou says as she flops onto the couch next to Sam, leaning a head onto his shoulder. He passes her a beer can and she grins. "Uh, I love you."

"Funny how easy that is to say when I give you beer," Sam jokes.

She nudges his shoulder with a warm grin but cracks the can and takes a sip. "How was he tonight?"

"Easy as ever until bath time," Sam nods, this being the usual routine. "What does he have against being clean?"

"Who knows," Lou shrugs, not getting it.

"I got this out of the whole ordeal though," Sam tells her, opening his phone and pulling up a video.

Lou takes the phone and watches a video of Sammy running around the house bare-assed naked and screaming with laughter as he hides from Uncle Sam, the evil bath time monger.

"Oh my god," Lou smiles, laughing lightly. "Jesus. He's lucky he's so damn cute."

"Yeah," Sam huffs a solid laugh, pocketing his phone when the video ends. "He's exhausting though."

Lou looks at him. "Aww, you tired?"

"Yeah," Sam huffs and nods. "Sammy's tiring these days."

"And where did Dean say he was going tonight?" Lou wonders, sipping her beer.

"Uh, as I recall… _out_ ," Sam answers, imitating his brother's voice.

"So…?"

"I don't really want to know," Sam admits.

Lou sighs. "Me neither." They both do assume the worst. They remember old Dean well. "But… we do have a quiet night to ourselves now."

Sam grins. "We do."

"What do you wanna do about that?" Lou wonders, winking at him.

Putting his beer on the coffee table, Sam leans over to her. "I might have an idea."

"Yeah?" Lou plays back.

"Oh, definitely," Sam assures her, adding her beer next to his, and closes the space between them. He kisses her slowly, knowing they have time for once.

And Lou giggles a little, leaning back on the couch until she's lying on her back, pulling Sam over her.

They remain like that, making out and enjoying their quiet little lives in a quiet little town… until the front door bursts open.

Sam's head pops up over the couch to look to the front door, just catching the sight of his brother marching through the hallway and up the stairs of their quaint yet cute two story home.

"Dean?" Sam calls out and the only response he gets is some slamming around on the second floor. One quick glance to Lou and they both get up, knowing something is very wrong here.

When they get to Dean's bedroom they find him shoving clothes and toiletries into his bag with fury.

"Dean, what the hell?" Sam asks, walking in first.

He doesn't answer.

"Seriously, Dean. What's happening?" Lou tries now, standing next to Sam.

Still, Dean won't say a word. He just packs his things up like the old days. As many clothing items as he can, the bare necessities, and he's rushing out of the room, pushing between the two of them gruffly.

Sam huffs. "Come on, Dean. You gotta talk to us." They follow him.

Dean flicks on the light in Sammy's room and he starts doing the same for his son. He throws items into the empty duffle he grabbed from his own closet. He packs diapers, some books, toys, clothing, everything Sammy will need to be gone for a while… however long it takes Lizzy to get back.

"You're gonna wake Sammy…." Sam tries to stop him.

Dean grits his teeth and looks at Sam, pausing his work. "You were never gonna tell me, were you?"

"Tell you what?" Sam asks, completely confused.

Dean nods. He's done talking. He finishes packing up and slings both bags over his shoulder. Walking to Sammy's racecar bed, he kneels to the floor quickly. He eases up his tone. "Hey, buddy," he says to his son, a hand to his back and rubbing lightly to wake him. "We're gonna go for a ride, ok?"

"Dean, what the hell?" Lou asks, getting angry. "You're taking your son for a ride at two in the morning?"

Closing his eyes with the lecture that's coming, Dean says screw it. He picks up his son and pulls him in tight. Sammy's head on his shoulder, Dean keeps marching. He makes his way down the stairs and to the front door before Sam rushes up behind him and pushes the door shut before he could leave.

"Back off, Sam," Dean dangerously warns to the door, not even bothering to turn around and face his lying brother.

"Not until you tell me what this is about, Dean," Sam pushes back, waiting for an explanation.

Dean snaps around, eyeing his little brother with ire. "You know where she is. You both do. You lied to me."

Sam and Lou can't find any words to respond to that at first. It's too much of a shock that he's figured it out after all this time.

Dean turns slowly around, a very confused Sammy in his arm. He eyes the two of them. "You knew she was alive this whole year. And you never did anything about it."

"How did you…?"

"Doesn't matter," Dean tells his brother. He shakes his head with still running disbelief. "How could you lie to me like that, Sam? For a whole year?"

The sadness is what's killing Sam. He knew this day would eventually come but he'd always hoped it'd come the day Lizzy returned and all was explained at once. He assumed Dean would find out when Lizzy was back and that would trump the deceit. So much for that. "We know you too well. We knew you'd... run off. And done something maybe… stupid."

"Of course I would've done something!" Dean yells. "I don't want her rotting in fucking Purgatory! I care about her!"

"We care about her too!" Lou immediately shouts, fired up with the accusation.

"No. You don't," Dean assures her. "Because if you did… you would have told her family where she was. You would have done something."

"But we knew…."

"I don't want to hear it," Dean stops Lou and walks out the door, marching for his Impala.

Lou glances at Sam with a helpless face right before Sam runs after his brother.

"We did what we thought was best!" Sam tells his brother, catching up in time to watch Dean buckle Sammy in. "At least wait until morning to leave if you have to. Let Sammy sleep the night."

"No," Dean tells them quickly, no other explanation needed.

"You can't be this pissed at us," Sam tells him.

"Oh no?" Dean challenges, standing up straight once Sammy's strapped into his seat. Dean eyes his brother less than a foot away, fire in his expression. "I've been without her for a year. I told you I thought she was still alive!"

"And if I said you were right?" Sam challenges. "What would you have done?"

Dean clenches his jaw and doesn't answer. He knows he would have been a risk, wanting to take drastic measures to get Lizzy out of Purgatory. But that doesn't mean he'd do it. He still has to think about his son and his future, doesn't he? And the world he has to live in?

Dean takes a deep breath before speaking. "I thought, after all this time and all the shit we've dealt with… that we didn't lie to each other anymore."

Sam doesn't know what to say to that. He stands his ground and looks right at his brother, but inside he feels like that small, scrawny kid he used to be when his brother would get mad at him for fucking something up.

And Dean just points a finger in his brother's face. "I would have told you." He then gets into his car, ending the conversation. The Impala peels out of the driveway and speeds off, to where Sam and Lou have no clue.

Sam knows how hard he screwed up.

* * *

"Is that it?" Lizzy questions Benny, looking up the cliff in front of them at the bright blue light that seems to be pulsating and growing.

"That's it darlin'," he tells her, sure of it.

"It's reacting to you," Castiel informs her. "We need to move quickly."

"Why?" Lizzy questions.

"We won't be alone for long… I can sense them coming," Castiel admits, eyes everywhere.

Benny turns to Lizzy with a slight grin. "You ready?"

"Just like we planned, sweetie," she winks with a little smile of her own, already able to taste the freedom.

"I'm putting a lot of faith into you," Benny reminds her. "You're lucky I trusted Lou so much."

"Hey, you've earned it… and not just because Lou trusted you," she tells him, pulling a large silver knife out of her jacket pocket and slicing her forearm open. "Benny, you're good people. Let's get the fuck outta here."

"Good people," he huffs a laugh at her as she pulls his forearm to her and she slices him.

"You sure this isn't gonna turn me?" she asks one last time before blood to blood contact happens with him. She's been fearful of this whole spell from the jump.

"No… but even if you do turn you'll be able to get my blood when we get Earth-side to reverse that anyways, right?" He cocks an eyebrow at her.

"You're lucky I like you," she comments quietly, grabbing his arm near the elbow and Benny doing the same so that their cuts line up. "Conjunti sumus, unum sumus."

The warm pain hits her arm quickly as Benny's entire body stiffens. The bright white and red light starts in his arm and travels its way through his form. Once it consumes him it breaks down into an amorphous shape of light that quickly gets absorbed into Lizzy's arm. Once it's entirely under her skin the cut heals itself and she's left with a light under skin moving around and causing a dull ache.

"Well, shit," Lizzy huffs out. She then looks to Castiel. "You sure you don't want the same ride out?"

"I wouldn't have a vessel to return to. It isn't possible," Castiel answers, focus darting everywhere as he looks nothing short of horribly worried.

"Cass," she says his name and he manages to look at her. "We're almost home. We just have a little further. Believe in us. We're getting out."

Castiel simply nods once. They don't have time now for her to decipher what the hell is wrong with him and why he seems so blasé about the momentous finding. They just need to move.

Lizzy takes off, looking back once to be sure Castiel is with her. They get to a clearing just under the cliff the portal is opening on when Castiel grabs her arm and makes her stop.

"Cass!" she gets mad.

"Wait!" he tells her and immediately two black streaks rocket from the sky and impact into the ground right in front of them. The small craters made by the harsh landing fill with black goo. The goo quick solidifies into human form, letting both human and angel know that they are in the presence of two Leviathans.

"Fuck," Lizzy shouts, absolutely furious with this timing. She's so close and these two dickbags have to stand in her way. Nothing will stop her from getting to her son and her husband. "Not now, assholes," she says under her breath and twirls her makeshift weapon in her grip.

Castiel watches Lizzy charge at one of the Leviathan without a shade of fear. She quickly dispatches of him, his head rolling away, and Castiel makes his move. He grabs the Leviathan from behind and ducks his head, Lizzy ready and sharp, her quick reflexes and overall abilities are honed and fine-tuned after so long in Purgatory. She lops the second Leviathan's head off without hesitation and continues running.

"Come on!" she yells to her angel as they keep marching.

Castiel dutifully follows, needing to be sure she gets out safely. Of the two of them, Lizzy doesn't deserve to be here.

Climbing the cliff, the wind picking up as the portal opens further with her proximity, they struggle. It's steep, the dirt and rocks are loose, and the wind becomes stronger and more unbearable as they go. But Lizzy makes it to the top.

Turning around, she looks down at Castiel barely holding on. "Grab my hand!" she leans down and reaches for him.

"Get in first!" Castiel shouts back to her, still clawing his way upwards.

She listens. Lizzy steps into the portal and reaches over the edge again on her hands and knees. One hand still gripping her weapon, she managed to grasp his hand as hard as she can. She starts to pull. "Hurry! Cass, it's closing!"

"Elizabeth!" he yells her name, trying harder but still failing.

"Cassie, please!" she starts to fear as their grip loosen. She's losing him.

"No! Elizabeth!" he yells her name again and their hands slide out of each other's hold. "Elizabeth!"

Castiel falls some feet down the cliff as the portal closes and takes her with it, the terror in his eyes the last Lizzy sees of her guardian angel.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The answer is yes, I am skipping a year. I will do flashbacks like the show did. I'm not saying I loved the way the show did it, and no I won't have nearly as many flashbacks as the show, but I wanted to try my hand at the style. Why not, right?
> 
> Always feel free to let me know how you feel about this chapter. A lot going on here. I am so curious as to what you all think! Thank you for continuing on with this series with me!


	2. Bittersweet

* * *

**Six Days Later**

"It's been almost a fucking week, Sam!" Lou all out yells at Sam as she yanks clothing on in a huff first thing in the morning.

"I know," Sam groans, rubbing his eyes as he sits up in bed. He's exhausted. They've been running on empty trying to get Dean to answer his phone, attempting to figure out where he could have gone, getting the entire network of hunters they know to keep their eyes peeled, calling all local businesses around their known hideouts… and nothing. When Dean wants to be gone he knows how to be gone.

"I know he doesn't want to be found and everything but I can't just fucking sit here and know he's out there with Sammy alone!" Lou tells her husband, looking at him helplessly.

"Lou, honestly… what do you think is gonna happen to Sammy?" Sam challenges. "Dean's a great dad. He can take care of his own son. Have some faith in him."

"I do," her tone lowers. Lou sighs. "I just remember what he was like when Lizzy first disappeared. He was a fucking wreck."

"I know…" Sam groans, remembering it all too clearly.

"We had to be Sammy's parents for that whole first few months," Lou angrily reminds, the more she recalls the angrier she gets.

"Yeah, I know…."

"Well, what if it's happening all over again, huh!?" Lou asks with fear and panic. "What if Dean's out there somewhere drinking and being a total disaster and no one is there to pick up the slack this time!?"

"You really think that's happening?" Sam asks, skeptical as all hell at her accusation. He remains unmoving and very calm as he sits there staring at her.

"I don't know… maybe," Lou says, taking a second to calm herself. Waking up without Sammy in the house yet again put her immediately in a terrible place that morning. She knows she's doing that thing where she gets crazy and irrational because of her pending fear. She does this. And every time Sam takes it in stride and remains the even tempered one that brings her back to reality.

Lou huffs a sigh and plops down onto the foot of their bed. She looks at him with an apologetic face for the rude wake up.

"I know," Sam smiles lightly and nods, fully understanding her upset.

"I'm worried," Lou admits.

"Me too. But Dean's a really good dad, you know this."

"Unless things go wrong," Lou stipulates.

"That was a year ago," Sam reminds her. "After that big blow out we had he realized he fucked up. He's been the picture of perfect since then. And you know deep down that he's never going back to that, not when Sammy means the world to him."

Lou takes all the information in and nods, head hung a little. "I just wish he'd have stayed and talked to us. Let us explain."

"When have you ever known Dean to be that rational?" Sam half laughs as he crawls over the comforter a bit until he's sitting right near her. He kisses her cheek once and settles there, Lou leaning her side into his. "This sucks. And you're right, we need to find them and clear all this up."

"I just wish he'd answer his fucking phone," Lou wishes aloud. "Just so we know they're alright."

"That would be nice, but again, it's Dean we're talking about. And we pissed him off," Sam says with a little sadness in his tone. "I knew we should've told him."

"Yeah, you were right," Lou concedes, knowing about five months back, when Dean hit his peak of being okay with everything, that Sam really tried to get her to agree with his want to inform Dean of everything. Sam even tried again when Dean confessed he thought Lizzy was still alive. He always knew the secret would bite them in the ass.

Sam's eyes pop wide. "Say that again."

Lou glowers at him. "Fuck off."

"Come on! You've never said that before! I want to enjoy it!"

"You're an asshole." Lou tries to get out of bed with anger but her arm gets pulled back and she falls back onto Sam. He pulls his arms around her and locks her there, her back to his front.

"I know this sucks," Sam says, letting Lou sit there a moment and get some form of comfort after the past week they've had. "But when he's ready, Dean will call us."

"Or we find him so I can punch him in his face." She cranes her neck around to grin at him patronizingly.

Sam half smiles at that. "Or that."

"Sorry," Lou says to him with sincerity once she really looks at him. She knows she went off the deep end a touch with her anger directed at Dean right now and she knows once more Sam's the reason she's calmed down.

"Eh, I'm used to it by now," Sam smirks a little, still holding her in place. He knows what she's apologizing for.

"God, I'm such a pain," she groans, a hand pressed to her face in shame. "How the hell do you still deal with this every day?"

Sam laughs at her. "You're not that bad… at least not anymore."

"Oh no?" she drops her hand and looks at him with disbelief.

Sam dips her lower in his arms until she's almost lying down before kissing her plump lips once. "No way. The year we've had was good for you. You're less… harsh."

"I can see how that'd be good," Lou nods, happy to hear he thinks she's improving herself.

"You're not who you used to be," he reminds her, pulling her tighter and quickly kissing her again. "You're New Lou."

"New Lou? Yuck. That rhymes." She scrunches her nose up like Sammy does when he hates the taste of a new food.

"Whatever, point is you're not as bad as you think you are these days," Sam says, sitting her up until she's settled in his lap at the edge of the bed. He rests his chin on her shoulder without letting her go. "I really like you a lot these days."

Lou huffs a laugh at that, her arms covering over his around her smaller form. She leans her temple against his. "I love you."

"And I love how easily you can now get those words out," he tells her yet again and kisses her cheek.

"I'm gonna call again," Lou informs him, turning her head to meet his eyes. "I have to try at least once a day."

"That's fair enough," Sam nods, completely agreeing. "But you know he won't answer."

"I know," Lou says sadly. "But I do have Mari up in Montana finishing up a hunt today. She told me she'd do a drive by at Rufus' old place when she can, see if maybe he's there."

Sam nods. "Okay. That's a good guess."

"Aside from that… guess we just do this bullshit waiting thing he's forcing us to do," Lou laments and gets up out of bed for good. She grabs her cell phone from the nightstand and heads for the door.

"Leave a _nice_ message this time, huh?" Sam calls out after her as he also gets up, reaching for a t-shirt and jeans to get his day going. The plumbing at the Roadhouse isn't looking too good so he promised he'd head in and look at it for her, see if he can figure it out.

* * *

"No, no, no," Dean scolds very lightly when he sees his son sitting at the old, worn kitchen table in the Rufus' Whitefish cabin picking at his sandwich. "You told me you didn't want me to cut off the crust."

"Don't want it, daddy," Sammy tells his father as he peels another strip of crust from his grilled cheese.

"But before, when I asked, you _did_ want it?" he questions, confused as all hell as he sits across from Sammy with his own sandwich and a beer.

"Yeah," Sammy answers, eating a clump of melty cheese and crumbs off his thumb before pulling more crust off his sandwich.

"Dude, I would have cut it off for you," Dean reminds, feeling his phone vibrate in his pocket. "I do it all the time."

"I know," Sammy answers, carefree.

"So why didn't you say yes when I asked if you wanted the crust cut off?"

"'Cause I do it."

"You don't have to do everything yourself, kiddo. Daddy's exist to help." Dean pulls out his phone and checks the caller I.D. Lou. He ignores the call and replaces his phone in his pocket.

"I do it."

"Oh, you do everything now?"

"Yeah."

Dean's speechless for the moment. His son does that to him quite often, arguing in pointless circles as he remains just as stubborn as both his parent combined. "I don't get you, kid." He shakes his head at one of the many weird little things his son does. He's definitely turned out to have quite the personality.

"S'okay, daddy," Sammy grins, crumbs on his lips and cheese in his little pearl whites. The smile is overdone and all teeth. It reminds Dean of Lizzy, especially when she was a kid.

"It's okay that I don't get you?" Dean huffs a laugh.

"Yeah," he answers, his tone still easy.

"Why's that again?" he questions.

"'Cause I no get you," Sammy tells him.

"What? What don't you get about me?" Dean has to pry, staring seriously at his boy. It's these kinds of conversations that he ends up loving or getting something profound out of so he has to keep going with it.

"Don't know," Sammy answers, his two year old mind having a hard time making sense.

"No, come on. What don't you understand about daddy?" Dean asks him, sitting back in his chair as he uses a paper napkin to wipe his face.

"You sing bad," Sammy tells him before taking a big bite of crust-free sandwich.

" _I_ sing bad?" Dean asks with surprise. Sammy nods yes. Dean corrects him. " _You_ sing bad."

"No don't." Sammy's face wrinkles up in a scowl.

"Uh, yeah. You definitely do," Dean fights back right away, never giving in to even his son.

"No," Sammy says, sounding offended, his face angry.

"Hey, remember that I'm the one that had to listen to you sing AC/DC on the way to the store yesterday."

"So?"

"So!?" Dean laughs as he ribs his boy. "I think my ears are still busted!"

"Auntie Louie say my voice good," Sammy rebuts. "And she like me singing with her guitar."

Dean's face drops. He's still mad at Lou, and Sam for that matter, but he feels bad that they left so abruptly for his son's sake. Dean's always known his anger trumps everything when he's been pissed off and he really let that take hold days ago. His son doesn't understand anything that's happening. He's not at his home, not near his aunt and uncle that he loves so much… Dean feels bad.

"I know, buddy," Dean nods at him.

"We go home?" Sammy asks, grabbing his sippy cut and guzzling down some milk.

"Not yet," Dean reminds him. "We have to wait."

"For mommy?" Sammy questions after he's had his long sip.

"Yeah. Mommy's on her way and we have to be here when she arrives." Dean gets nervous again. He doesn't know why. He's out of his mind excited to get his wife back but after so long and not knowing what condition she'll be in he feels like it might be strange. Awkward even.

"I no know mommy," Sammy reminds him, repeating something he's said several times since he was told his mother was coming home.

"I know, kiddo," Dean responds painfully. "But you were just a baby when mommy went away. You can't remember her and that's ok. But you'll get to know her again. You'll love her, Sammy. I promise."

"Okay," Sammy answers easily, of course not understanding everything. "Why she go away?"

Dean's heart tears in half at that question. He hates that question as he could never make Sammy understand the true answer to it. "Remember I told you she had to go do some very important work?"

"Yeah."

"Well, her work is done," Dean makes it as vague as possible. "And she gets to come back home to us now."

"Daddy?" Sammy's wide, green eyes look right at the man he's a spitting image of.

"Yeah, dude?"

"I play cars now?" he asks, his sandwich a mess of torn up bits that are roughly half eaten.

Good enough, Dean thinks. "Sure," he tells him and gets up. He grabs another napkin and wipes Sammy's hands off before picking him up off his seat. He plops him onto his feet and Sammy's off, rushing to the spot he's made in the living room area of the cabin that has all his toys. His cars are already out, about three dozen die cast, small Hot Wheels scattered all about with trees, roads, and street signs all set up in an intricate map to play on.

Dean watches for a quick second, the kid just already enthralled by cars. He knows it has a lot to do with the fact that he himself is a touch car obsessed (just a touch) but he's got a knack for it. Sammy knows a Mustang when he sees one and he loves getting greasy with daddy under Baby's hood. The kid is already more than he could have ever hoped for.

And he can't fucking wait for Lizzy to see him again.

* * *

"Alright, sleep tight," Dean says to Sammy once he's tucked into bed in the room that Lou and Sam normally take on the cabin's first floor. He's been letting Sammy stay in there so he has his own room just like home. He's doing whatever he can to not ruin the usual routine through this trip of theirs.

"No bed bugs bite!" Sammy shouts back incorrectly but makes Dean grin either way.

"Get some sleep, dude," Dean says and shuts the door halfway around one in the afternoon. He walks back out into the cabin to enjoy a little peace. His son is a whirlwind, just like Lizzy said he'd be when she was pregnant, and he wishes he could get some sleep himself during naptime.

But one full day of driving and five days of waiting has him on edge. Shouldn't L be here by now? Is she even out yet? Where was she popped out when she came back? For all he knows it could have been China. Without a passport or luggage or money he can't imagine she'd get back here in anything short of a handful of months and if that's the case he's going to go crazy and he knows it.

He just has to hope that Purgatory is tossing her ass out in the lower forty-eight or else this is going to be a terribly long wait.

So in the meantime, he keeps himself busy. He's cleaned the cabin, organized the weapons and supplies in the basement, made some repairs to the plumbing, and now all he has left is to figure out what the hell is making a rattling sound in Baby's engine.

Assuming that if he gets a head start in setting up and investigating, he'll still be working once Sammy gets up in an hour or less. If his boy found out that the hood was open without him he'd be honestly upset.

With a true lack of proper tools, Dean sets up as best he can. Impala hood open, rusty wrench set off to his side, and a small cooler with a cheap six-pack on ice and he's ready to go. At least Baby will benefit from his anxiety.

By the time he has the engine well checked, now assuming it's the exhaust that's really causing the unnerving-to-him noise, Dean can hear a car coming up the dirt path that leads to the cabin.

His heart jumps in his chest.

Immediately dropping what he's doing, Dean picks up a rag and wipes off his hands as he straightens up and looks down the way. A craptastic car, something compact from the mid-nineties that's clearly seen better days, rounds the tree lined corner and comes into view.

It's her. He can see through the windshield that Lizzy's driving. He knows her face the second he sees it. He shuts Baby's hood quickly and he begins running before he even knows he's moving at all.

The car comes to an abrupt stop. Lizzy brakes with a sudden jerk as she sees Dean jogging over to her. She knew that dream was real, just knew it. She had worried that when she arrived he wouldn't be waiting for her since there was no proof other than her gut feeling that the dream she had in Purgatory was real.

But, oh… it was real. And Dean's here, just as she told him to be. He listened and knew she'd return.

Dean's hand on the door handle, yanking it open with haste, Lizzy barely gets her seatbelt off before he's pulling her to her feet and crushing her in the hardest hug he's ever given anyone in his life.

Immediately she shoves him away from her and it catches Dean completely by surprise.

"L, what… ah!?" Dean gets cut off by a water bottle splashing in his face. He gets a mouthful of water and spits it off to the side as he catches a glimpse at the container, a rosary visible through the clear plastic. He then gets hit in the chest by a splash of something lemony and slightly noxious. He knows what she's doing now. Hard eyes on him, Lizzy tosses over a folded pocket knife that he already knows is silver.

He's dying to touch her, to feel her, to do this right but he understands. Dean rolls up a sleeve and flicks the knife open with ease. He drags it lightly over his forearm, enough to bleed and show red, and he folds the knife back up. He wraps his cut in one of the handkerchiefs from his back pocket, the one without grease on it.

"Here," Lizzy says to him, handing over the bottle of cleanser and the holy water so he can do the same to her.

Dean just looks at her. "I know it's you."

" _Dean_ ," she warns, forehead wrinkled as he shouldn't be so careless about this. She jiggles the bottles in hand for him to take. When he doesn't move and just stands there, shaking his head no, she sighs. "Fucking ridiculous," Lizzy mutters as she douses the back of her hand with borax and follows it up with holy water. "Come on."

Her words are impatient as she holds out her hand to him, asking for the knife back. He knows he has no choice and does as she wants. Lizzy cuts her arm just like he did and proves who she is. She then folds the knife back up and pockets it, pulling out a handkerchief just like Dean did out of her back pocket and wrapping her cut up. When done she drops her arms to the side and just looks at him, her expression finally softening from the hard, edgy one she pulled up with.

"Can I?" Dean asks, making sure she's alright now, and when she nods he doesn't take more than a second to step forward and lock her into a crushing hug, looking to feel complete once more.

As Lizzy hugs back as hard as she can, making sure he's real and that this whole thing is real, they stay silent. It was just days ago that they saw each other and no new words are needed. There's just a real, very tangible sense of comfort and safety within that embrace and it's been so damn long since they've both felt that.

Lizzy pulls back from the hug only a little, a hand at the back of his neck and the other on the side of his jaw. Still pressed against him, she looks him over. He looks incredibly good. Rested, unburdened… he looks better than he has in years, maybe even better than when they first met.

But Dean doesn't see the same from his wife. She's exhausted, he can see it in her deep set eyes with dark circles under them. Her hair is a mess, the old blonde she dyed it half grown out, and overall she's thin, worn, yet the muscle she built surviving that monster wasteland is impressive.

Lizzy smiles at him when she's seeing her man in such good shape. She's not surprised when the grin isn't returned. She's aware of the condition she's in. She ignores that reaction.

"Where is he?" Lizzy has to know, dying to see her son.

"Napping," Dean tells her, grabbing her hand in his. "Where's Cass?"

Lizzy's entire face pales with the question. He mouth opens to answer but shuts when her voice doesn't come out.

That's all Dean needs to know for right now. Whatever she can't manage to tell him isn't good. She's clearly alone as she makes it back to the cabin so Dean leaves it for now, assuming the worst and shoving off to the back burner. He just nods once, keeping the utter pain and sorrow locked up deeply for now. "Come on."

Leading the way, not saying another word, Dean brings her through the cabin to the nearly closed door of Sammy's temporary bedroom. Dean gives her a look, silently asking her to be quiet, and pushes the door open.

Lizzy presses a hand to her mouth the second she sees her little boy laying there fast asleep. She starts to cry, trying to muffle the sound with her hand, and her grip nearly crushes Dean's hand.

He's out, serenely napping with his little face, the one that looks more and more like his father, smooshed to the pillow. His dark hair is already sticking up wildly and she just can't believe how damn old he is.

Dean knew it was coming and he instantly turns her towards him, pulling her close. Another tight hug as she laments the year she lost with her family. Dean knows how much this is killing her without her ever having to tell him. He just knows.

"He's so old," she cries out in a whisper, the pain coming from deep in her chest.

"You're here now," Dean whispers back directly in her ear as he ducks his head down. "Nothing else matters anymore. You're here."

"I missed it all…."

"I have hours of videos. You won't miss anything," he tries to comfort her.

"He doesn't know me," Lizzy spills her biggest fear. A year gone and Sammy has no memories of her.

"But he will," Dean says with all certainty. "He will. And he'll love you, momma."

"What if he doesn't?" she sobs, truly scared.

Dean gives her a hurt look. "He already does. Whether he knows it or not."

Her chin quivering, her eyes still spilling over, Lizzy looks up at Dean.

He forces a smile onto his face as she cries and he kisses her forehead. "Nap time," he says, nodding to the big bed Sammy's alone on. "Let's go. You're cooked."

Dean lets her go for the moment as he walks into the room. He kicks his shoes off and walks to the bed silently. He then pulls the blankets back and scoots Sammy over, the boy whining a bit in his sleep as he does. But Dean works with confidence, knowing exactly how to handle his son in a way that won't wake him.

And Lizzy can feel her heart explode with love and break with longing to be in that place with Sammy, just like Dean is. All the time lost makes her feel like an outsider.

Once Sammy's moved way over to the side of the bed closest to the wall, Dean looks at Lizzy and nods for her to get in. She gets anxious almost as she unties her combat boots. Once she pulls them off, she takes her time moving across the room to her husband. He nods once, encouraging her, and Lizzy eases herself into bed. She remains cautious, moving very slowly because she knows that if Sammy woke now to a stranger that close to him it'd freak him out.

Laying down, Lizzy scoots in close to her son. She can't stop herself from running her fingers through his hair and down his face, the handsome little man he's become just too much for her. Testing her luck, Lizzy pulls an arm around her boy and holds him closer, tucking that sweet face under her chin. In his sleep she can feel him moving closer to her, a hand fisting into her shirt a little and she has to bite her cheek to keep from crying. She has to make this moment last. When Sammy wakes up the confusion will start and Sammy won't be so willing to let her this close, not for a while she's guessing.

This is too beautiful to waste.

And when the mattress behind her dips and she feels her husband behind her, an arm snaking around both her and Sammy, everything is just as it should be. This is everything she fought for. This is what drove her to survive and get out.

This is her world again. It's perfect.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact:
> 
> Urban Dictionary defines a Zorro Mask as the following: The act of slapping a girl across the face with your cock in the shape of a Z then proceeding to spunk on her face. Example: Bronek gave that bitch a Zorro Mask!
> 
> So, when Dean Winchester says, "Yeah, well there's times I want to get slapped during sex by a girl wearing a Zorro mask. That don't make it a good idea.", I have to wonder if the writers really researched that sexual slang term BEFORE they wrote the episode. If so... wow, Dean. You like pissing off girls in a very interesting way to get off! I might be impressed with how specific your kinkier needs are. DAMN!


	3. Domestic as Hell

* * *

"Daddy! _Daddy_!"

They both wake up to the scared voice of Sammy panicking just as Lizzy had feared. She knew falling asleep next to her boy after not seeing her for so long could be a bad idea. It was just too hard to peel herself away from him once she had him in her arms.

" _Daddy_!" Sammy shouts again, pushing away from Lizzy with fear.

"Hey, hey," Dean calls out gently to his boy, leaning up on his elbow to peek over Lizzy and let his boy have a clear view of him to ensure everything is alight. "Relax, Sammy. I'm right here."

"Daddy?" Sammy sits up and backs himself up a bit, putting a little space between him and the stranger in his bed. His big green eyes look so scared, so surprised in a very bad way, that Lizzy totally regrets napping with him like this.

"Hi, Sammy," Lizzy says in her usual sweet, calm voice she's always used with him. "It's okay, baby. You're okay."

Sammy just looks at his dad over the woman in his bed and gives him a frightened look.

"Alright, come 'ere," Dean says to him and sits tall. He reaches both arms over Lizzy and Sammy dives for him. Once he pulls his son into his lap so that they're both still facing Lizzy, his arms around Sammy's middle protectively, Dean lets out a small, comforting laugh to show he's not scared at all. "Kiddo, there's nothing to be scared of, okay?"

Dean can feel Sammy's back press harder into his front.

"Do you remember why we're here?" Dean asks him. Sammy nods. "What did I tell you?"

"We wait for mommy," Sammy says, his shy eyes on Lizzy as he curls into his dad.

The first full sentence out of his mouth and Lizzy has to do everything she possibly can not to cry. He's speaking in sentences. When she left she was 'ma'. And now… she's mommy.

"That's right. We were waiting for mommy to get here," Dean says, winking at Lizzy to let her know he has this and everything is fine. "And guess what, buddy? She's here."

Sammy gives his dad a wide eyed look at that before turning to look at Lizzy. He gets it. He knows who she is now. That's his mommy.

"Sammy, say hi to mommy," Dean tells him, knowing this has to be a slow and easy process for him. Over the year Sammy's grown so much and he and Dean have become thick as thieves. They are a pair and nothing can break them… but he also knows how hard it'll be to change it up and make this a trio, at least for the child.

"Hi," he says quietly, his index finger in his mouth as he stares at Lizzy with sheer uncertainty.

"Hi, sweetheart," Lizzy answers back, her voice choked up. "Oh, Sammy. I missed you so much. I'm sorry I scared you, baby."

He doesn't say anything in return, just looks at his mom with something timid.

Lizzy just glances nervously up at Dean when she's at a loss as to what to do next.

"You done working?" Sammy quietly asks her, finger still in his mouth.

"Hey, hand out of your mouth," Dean says lightly and pulls his hand away.

"Working?" Lizzy asks both boys at the same time.

"Daddy said you working and you done working now," Sammy explains as best he can, now pulling at his sock after no longer being allowed to have his finger in his mouth.

"Oh," Lizzy nods, taking it for what it is. That must be Dean's explanation for her absence. "Yeah. I was doing a pretty big job. I was working. But now I'm done working and I am very ready to stay with my boys forever."

She smiles sweetly at Sammy and he gives a tentative smile back.

"How about this," Dean starts when he can see they need to move around, maybe find an activity they can all do to get Sammy warmed up. "It's getting late. I'm starving. You starving?" he asks Sammy, ducking his head to look at him.

Sammy nods his head hard, smiling wide.

"Yeah, when are you not," Dean comments with a small huff of a laugh. He then looks at Lizzy. "You hungry?"

"Very," Lizzy admits, not having eaten much in her haste to do everything she had to in order to get back to her family as quickly as possible.

"Then we should go make mommy dinner, welcome her home right," Dean grins at her, his heart bursting with how utterly out of his mind he is to have her back now. He then peers back down to Sammy. "Wanna make mommy dinner?"

"Pizza!" Sammy cheers a bit with the idea.

"We did pizza, like, two nights ago," Dean reminds him.

"Pizza!" Sammy repeats, not letting it go.

"Dude…."

"Dean?" Lizzy calls out to him. He turns his attention to her. "I'd love some pizza."

Dean just smiles. "Guess I'm out numbered then. Okay, pizza it is. Let's go."

Sammy scrambles around in Dean's lap and pulls his arms around his neck as Dean stands up, the whole thing so second nature it makes it clear to Lizzy just how close her boys are. They're best friends. She couldn't be happier for that… except for how much of a third wheel it makes her feel. She's so out of their loop that she can tell it's going to be awkward for a very long time.

* * *

"No daddy! No onion!" Sammy suddenly shouts as he tries to place his hands over the half made pizza on the table to block it from Dean. "Yuck!"

Lizzy's face lights up as she grins. She's learning so much so quickly. Sammy hate onions and peppers, not unlike his Uncle Sam when he was a kid. He loves milk, drinks the stuff all day. When Dean puts on Lizzy's old iPod and plays her classic rock mix, Sammy smiles with AC/DC and anything with a hard beat. And his eyes light up every single time he's around his father, looking up to him like the hero he knows he is.

"You ate onions last time," Dean calmly rebuts, knowing he snuck onions onto his son's pizza and Sammy never noticed. He does that now and then, sneaks food Sammy claims to hate into his rotation.

"No didn't! Yuck, daddy!" Sammy yells, his hands in the shredded cheese as he keeps blocking his dad.

"Alright, alright!" Dean gives up, pulling his handful of chopped onions away from Sammy's pizza. Dean whipped up some instant pizza dough for them and separated a small bit to make into a personal Sammy pizza since he doesn't like much on is. "More for me and mommy. We like onions, right mommy?"

Lizzy looks to Dean and grins at him. He's been trying so hard, keeping her integrated into the conversation and making her a part of their night. Sammy will get to know his mom and fast if Dean has anything to do with it.

"Yeah, I like onions, daddy," she smirks and Dean winks at her for calling him that.

"You crazy people," Sammy says, his little open palm pressed to his forehead, getting red sauce into his hair.

"Hey, watch the name calling, tough guy," Dean calls him out, laughing at the dramatics of his boy. He's a lot like Lizzy in that way, over-the-top with his reactions.

" _You_ tough guy," Sammy mutters under his breath, the terrible comeback all the influence of his dad.

"Wow… Sammy, you are a lot like your daddy, you know that?" Lizzy grins at him with the lame comeback, watching him make his pizza with sheer concentration. The cheese has to be evenly on the pizza.

"Me know," Sammy says to her, peeking at her quickly before reaching over the table for the pile of pepperoni Dean set out.

" _I_ know," Dean corrects as he slides the pepperoni closer for him. Sammy grabs some.

"You know, daddy?" Sammy looks up at Dean with confusion.

"No… you're supposed to say _I_ know," he tries to explain, knowing he might be failing.

"You know?" Sammy asks again, not getting it.

"Next he's gonna ask who's on first," Lizzy laughs lightly as she grabs some pepperoni to help Sammy. Dean gets a laugh out of her.

"Never mind, kiddo. Just finish your pizza," Dean points to his personal pie before getting back to loading up on his and Lizzy's.

"Can I help you out, Sammy?" Lizzy tries, placing a single pepperoni slice onto the smaller pizza.

"No! I do it!" Sammy immediately yells, his face going angry.

Lizzy pauses right there, wide eyes on her boy. It hurts. Hearing so harshly that her own son doesn't want her help hurts. It was a quick outburst, probably not meant to be so mean, but it still freaking hurts.

"Hey!" Dean yells instantly, looking at his son with his patented angry parent face. "You don't talk like that!"

"I wanna do it, daddy," Sammy grits through his teeth, still mad.

"No kidding," Dean caustically responds. "And that's fine. But you need to be _nice_ about it. There's no need to yell and get mad when someone wants to help out."

"I big guy," Sammy says quietly, knowing he's in trouble.

"Yes, you're a big guy now and you can do things on your own, but big guys don't go around yelling at people like that. Big guys are nice guys, okay?"

Sammy doesn't answer, just looks down at his pizza.

" _Okay_?" Dean repeats, making it clear he wants an answer.

"Okay, daddy," Sammy says in a small tone.

"Now you need to apologize to mommy. I'm sure she feels very sad that you just yelled at her for no reason."

Sammy's eyes look up at Lizzy across the table with something shy and remorseful. "Sorry, mommy."

Lizzy smiles sadly. "Thank you for apologizing. That was very good of you, Sammy. It's okay."

Sammy looks away, uncomfortable. "I play cars now?"

"Don't you wanna finish your pizza?" Dean asks him. The kid has been so excited to make pizzas before now.

"No," Sammy answers, tone low and sad.

"If I finish it I'm putting onions on it," Dean joking warns, nudging his shoulder.

"I no want onions," Sammy responds in the same depressed tone.

"Then finish up quick and you can go play," Dean stipulates and proceeds to watch his son quickly drop pepperoni all over his pizza as fast as he can.

"I done," Sammy says to his dad.

"Alright, you can go," he tells him as he lifts Sammy up off the chair he's been standing on and puts him down. Sammy takes off for his cars in the living room area as Dean and Lizzy remain at the table.

Lizzy sighs quietly as she watches him sit in the middle of the mess on the floor, grabbing a black car and muttering something about 'daddy's car' to himself.

"L, I'm sorry," Dean apologizes and she looks back at him. He looks so guilty. "I probably should have warned you… he has this whole thing about doing everything by himself these days. He gets seriously stubborn about it."

"Wonder where he gets that from?" Lizzy lifts an eyebrow.

"Both of us," Dean answers quickly. "I just feel bad that he yelled at you."

"Hey, I got to see my husband be an amazing father firsthand. That was something else, Dean. You're good." She grins sadly.

"I'm barely keeping him breathing," Dean grumps right back.

"Bull. You're really good at this," Lizzy points out. "You're patient, calm, you call him on his misbehaving and handle it perfectly… I'm really impressed. And I knew you'd be like this."

Dean just huffs some disbelief, uncomfortable with the compliment, before he goes back to fixing them dinner.

She watches as he works away and she looks back at Sammy playing by himself. "He loves cars."

"Are you surprised?" Dean laughs under his breath.

"Not really," Lizzy smiles wide, turning back to Dean. "Especially considering how much he looks up to you."

"I'm tall," Dean jokes and shrugs it all off.

"Don't brush me off," Lizzy scolds lightly. "You're his best friend."

"He doesn't know anyone his age… except the weirdo next door, Gavin," Dean makes a face. "That kid sucks. I'm kinda glad Sammy doesn't really like him."

Her ears perk up. "Kid next door? You have a house?" she wonders, sitting up taller with eyes like golf balls.

Dean pauses before diving back into pizza making. "Yeah. Uh, after… everything… we all just got out."

Her heart skips a beat with the news. "You're kidding?"

"No," Dean promises, never looking at her. "Sam and Lou returned without you and I… I wasn't good." He licks his lips and composes his thought, only saying what he has to in the moment. "So Sam had an idea. We packed up our shit, got into the cars, and we headed to Kansas."

"Why Kansas?" Lizzy wonders.

"It's smack in the middle of the country," Dean easily answers as he finishes preparing dinner. He picks up the cookie sheet with the pizzas on them and heads for the oven. "Sam said our home was always the lower forty-eight so we went to the center. Sam finagled some financing somehow and we got a house in a town with a couple stoplights and one bar… and we got out. Mostly."

Pressing her hand to her mouth, Lizzy just listens as she hears that they've been living her dream.

"It was nice, you know?" he tells her, putting the food into the oven. When done he stands back up. "It was quiet. And boring. And I was going a little crazy there after a while but… it was what we always said we wanted for him." Dean nods to their son on the floor playing.

Lizzy regains control of her emotions after they start to take over. She takes a deep breath and asks, "Is it all still there?"

Dean flinches almost unperceptively but she knows him and catches it.

"What?" she asks.

"Ah, it's still there," Dean nods, keeping it simple. "The house, the life… still there."

"Can we… can we go back?" Lizzy asks with too much hope. "I mean, just because I'm back… does it have to change anything?"

"I don't know," he answers honestly, picking up the scraps from dinner making and throwing them out, cleaning off the table. "I guess… I mean, just days ago I didn't even know where you were. This whole thing…." He stops to finish what he's doing. Dean then sits down next to her at the clean table, reaching out to place a hand on her knee. With Lou and Sam confused and probably mad at him for storming off, with the lie they told him for so long… does he want to head right back? "Can't we just stay here a little longer? Let Sammy get to know you all over again and… just be the three of us before we head back into that?"

Lizzy wants to say no, they can't do that. She wants to head right for Sam and Lou. She misses them dearly. But Dean makes a good point. Her son barely knows her and more than anything else she just wants her son to know and love her like she knows and loves him more than anything else.

"I miss them," Lizzy admits.

"I know," Dean responds and grips her knee tighter.

"But you're right," she concedes easily. "I think we need time, the three of us. And I really think we need to be careful with Sammy through this. I mean, he doesn't even know me and I just kind of showed up…."

"I told you, he knows you," Dean assures her for the millionth time. "L, he does. It'll take time to adjust to having you back but that's fine. He's a good kid and so far he seems to be able to tell who the good people are. Before you know it he'll be climbing on you when he needs something and he'll be making you crazy."

She smiles with the thought. "He could never make me crazy."

"I'll remind you that you said that in a few months," Dean jokes and he stops to just look at her. Yes, she's changed, but she's there. She's still kind, loving, still her through and through. He leans forward and kisses her lips once before pulling back, not looking to push her if she's not ready. "I missed you."

Lizzy's chin quivers a bit as she places a hand to his cheek. "You have no idea how much I missed you."

Dean presses his luck and moves in, kissing her again. He takes a few seconds longer on this one, remembering her and her lips. He started to forget. Over a year of her being gone and he started to lose bits of her, the smell of her skin, the feel of her lips, and the way he always felt in her presence.

On the other side of the cabin they hear a clattering noise and it makes Lizzy flinch hard. Mid-kiss, she snaps her head around in the direction of the sound and she stands quickly, half crouching behind her chair.

" _Whoa_ ," Dean says calmly, bug eyes on her when he wasn't ready for that reaction. He puts his hands out as he stands up and moves closer to her. "Lizzy?"

It takes her a moment to realize what happened. Sammy dropped one of his larger die cast cars onto the hardwood flooring, making the loud thump. It was an innocent happening, Sammy scooping his toy back up and completely oblivious to his mom's reaction.

Lizzy sighs hard. "Jesus," she complains and closes her eyes. She presses a palm to her forehead. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright," Dean reassures. He places a hand tentatively on her shoulder. "Are you good?"

"Probably not, no," she tells him with honestly. She then plops back down into her chair while rubbing her face with both hands. "God damn."

"You're like Lou when she got back, aren't you?" Dean asks, taking a seat once more. He turns to face her directly, seeing the stress in her expression.

"I'm not like Lou… not as bad," Lizzy explains. "I just… it's hard going from constant struggle and fighting to… _this_." She gestures around the quiet, seemingly safe cabin.

"I get that," Dean nods, reaching out to take her hand. When he does and she doesn't flinch he can see that she's right, she isn't nearly as bad as Lou was. Lou couldn't even handle touch from people she knew and trusted at first. He's alleviated a little at this.

"I think it might take a minute," she admits. "To get back to… I don't know, life."

"Take your time," Dean smiles lightly. "We're not going anywhere until you're ready."

Lizzy just nods thankfully. "Yeah. You're right. We should stay here a while, away from everything. I'll get to know Sammy and get my head on right." She's shaky at the idea of all she has to do to get back to where she should be in life. It's overwhelming.

"We're in this together," Dean reminds her. "Just like with everything."

She smiles small. "I love you." She huffs a laugh at how much she does love him and how much Dean still loves her in return. Even at her worst, her mind a mess after having disappeared for 15 months, he's still holding that candle for her. He waited.

Dean smiles and stands up. He kisses her on the cheek and leans into her ear. "You and me, right?"

He then stands tall, winks at her, and heads for Sammy all the while Lizzy's heart absolutely melts with pure love. He's amazing. He's everything.

"Alright big guy," Dean says to Sammy as he picks him up from the floor. "We gotta wash those hands before dinner."

"Daddy's car!" Sammy says with a grin, holding a black toy car that he brought with himself as Dean hoisted him up onto his hip.

"No, that's not it," Dean denies, pulling the black Nova replica from his hands. "See? Check the back lights. Do those look like Baby's lights?"

"No," Sammy says with disappointment.

"How 'bout that roof?" Dean wonders, pointing to the boxy shape.

"No."

"Okay, let's find Baby then," Dean crouches to the floor and looks around. "You see her?"

Sammy silently points to a different black car on the floor. Dean beams and picks it up.

"Nice work, dude!" Dean cheers when his son easily picks out the '67 Chevrolet Impala that's painted black just like his beloved car. "You're almost a grease monkey!"

"Grease monkey!" Sammy cheers in return, liking that label. "I like daddy is!"

"You're trying too hard," Lizzy laughs at Dean from the table where she stays seated.

"What? No I'm not!" Dean grins back, knowing she's right, and they disappear into the bathroom to wash up for dinner.

The cabin gets quiet as Lizzy gives herself a second to sit within the beautiful day it's been. So much love between her boys, so much love she hopes to find her way back into, and it's completely beautiful.

And then the egg timer on the oven goes off, ringing loudly. Lizzy jumps a near foot and stands quickly, staring evil eyes at the little device.

She's suddenly reminded of just how removed she is from her old life. Walking slowly to the stove, she turns off the timer and pulls the pizza out of the oven, all while her heart drops to her feet with sadness.

She has so much work to do.

* * *

"Sammy, chew your food, sweetie," Lizzy laughs a little as she watches her son take one of the biggest bites of pizza she's ever seen a kid take.

"Yeah, he tends to have eyes bigger than his stomach," Dean tells her, reaching over to pull half the bite out of Sammy's mouth. "Easy pal, the pizza isn't going anywhere. Slow down."

"S'ry, d-dy," a muffled apology barely makes it past the food in his mouth.

"It's fine," Dean laughs a little. "Just don't choke, okay?"

Sammy nods and chews enthusiastically. It takes him quite a while to finish his bite and as he works on it his eyes keep connecting with Lizzy. He's intrigued by her and unsure of what to think.

"Hey," Dean calls over to him. "You making eyes at my girl?"

"Huh?" Sammy asks, swallowing the last of his first big bite, grease and sauce all over his hands already.

"Look, I know mommy's pretty and all, but she's mine, alright?" Dean jokes around.

"She yours?" Sammy asks, pulling a pepperoni off his slice and popping it into his mouth.

"Yup," Dean smirks with pride.

"I'm _both_ of yours," Lizzy grins and corrects, looking at Sammy. "Don't listen to daddy. He's joking."

"You joking?" he questions Dean.

"Yeah, I'm joking. Mommy loves us both, kid. You probably more," Dean smiles at him, taking his own too-big bite of pizza after just previously wondering why his son eats like an animal.

Sammy gets shy a little bit at that. He continues to poke at his pizza, pulling another pepperoni off, as he asks her, "Why you love me?"

And the rollercoaster she's been riding dips low rapidly with that question. Her son doesn't understand her loving him. And how could he?

"Oh Sammy," she says sadly, putting her pizza slice down and looking at him, waiting for Sammy to meet her eyes. When he does she tells him, "I'm your mom. I'm always going to love you more than anything in this world."

He just keeps looking at her.

Lizzy smiles sadly. "I know this is all kinda weird, huh? Is it weird?"

Sammy nods his head yes once.

"I'm sorry about that," Lizzy tells him. "I really am. I wish you could remember me."

Sammy doesn't say anything to that because he doesn't know what he could say.

Lizzy has an idea. "You know, I remember you. Really well. I remember you as a little baby."

"I big guy."

"Yeah, _now_!" she grins. "But when you were born you were just a peanut, a little guy. And you were so cute."

"I cute?" Sammy asks, looking right at her now with interest.

"Sweetie, you were the cutest baby I'd ever seen. And you were so sweet. And you could burp better than your daddy could even when you were tiny."

Sammy start to laugh.

"Burping is funny to you?"

"Yeah," he giggles.

"Well then, kiddo, you were king of burps as a baby. I've never heard anyone burp louder. You could shake the house!"

Sammy erupts in laughter even harder.

"I burp king, daddy!" Sammy giggles, cheese in his teeth as his whole face lights up with laughter.

"I know! I remember it!" Dean confirms. "Uncle Sam was scared of your burps."

"He scared!?" Sammy delights.

"Of course he was," Dean says with obviousness. "What do I always tell you Uncle Sam is?"

"Scared-y cat!" Sammy shouts.

"That's right," Dean seriously nods. "Uncle Sam is a big, fat scared-y cat."

"Dean? Seriously?" Lizzy laughs at what her husband has taught their son.

Dean just gives her a look to say 'obviously'.

"Your Uncle Sam is not a scared-y cat," Lizzy corrects for her son.

"Daddy say he is," Sammy fights back, thinking his father would never lie.

"You believe everything daddy tells you?"

Sammy nods and eats another pepperoni.

"Wow, you're in in for some rude awakenings later in life, kiddo," Lizzy laughs hard at that.

"Hey! Eat the whole pizza, not just the stuff on it, huh?" Dean scold lightly to his son that's once more tearing up his food.

Sammy shares a grimace with his dad before doing as he's told. Lizzy bites her lip to stop the giant smirk threatening to break with that expression he just made. She's seen it before so many times. On Dean.

"The point is, I know you can't remember me because you were a baby when I left… to work," Lizzy keeps trying. She has to keep trying. "But I remember you, sweetie. And I remember everything about you. I remember feeding you bottles and how fast you ate. I remember that every time you got upset your cute little nose would flare out… and I remember you were the happiest little boy I'd ever met."

"And it sounds like nothing's changed," Dean comments, eating his dinner. "Still eats fast. Still gets the nose flair when upset. Still happy as a freakin' clam."

"Good," Lizzy smiles, her voice choked as that familiar prickle of tears hits her eyes as she keeps looking at Sammy, the boy eating away as if it were any other day. "That's good, ha."

Lizzy takes a deep breath, trying to contain her emotions yet again. Dean reaches over for her hand and takes it, reminding her to keep it together. He smiles warmly. She nods and smiles back.

"Mommy like pizza?" Sammy asks Dean out of nowhere, his mouthful.

"Sammy, mommy's right here. Chew your food up and then ask her."

Taking a moment to chew, Sammy gets his mouthful down and asks directly, "You like pizza, mommy?"

"Yes, I love pizza," Lizzy smiles and picks up her slice, biting for effect.

"I love pizza," Sammy echoes her sentiment. "Daddy love pie."

Lizzy laughs again. "We all know daddy loves pie," she tells him, squeezing Dean's hand. "I bet you do too."

"Actually… he doesn't really care about pie," Dean tells her.

"Seriously?" Lizzy asks with wide eyes.

"Very seriously," Dean responds. "But guess what he does like."

Lizzy grins. "Really?"

"Really," Dean nods, knowing she already knows what the answer is. "Right Sammy?" The boy looks at him funny. "What's your favorite dessert when we go get dinner out?"

"Cake!" Sammy shouts. "I love cake, daddy! I have some!?"

"Not today, kiddo," Dean laughs as his son frowns.

"I love cake, too," Lizzy says with her eyes on Sammy. "Especially cupcakes."

"Me too!" Sammy nearly shouts, the alike detail making him happy.

"You know, maybe tomorrow we can go to the bakery in town," Lizzy suggests. "I happen to know they have some very good cupcakes there."

"Yes!" Sammy shouts with pure excitement. He looks at Dean. "We go, daddy!?"

"You don't have to ask me," Dean sets the new rules. "Lizzy is your mommy. Mommies and daddies are equal. If mommy says you can go then you can go."

"We go, mommy!?" Sammy asks her with so much hope.

"Of course! We'll go tomorrow after you eat lunch. _All_ of your lunch," Lizzy stipulates, the motherly nature in her still there.

Sammy seems more than satisfied with that plan and goes back to eating dinner with a massive smile on his face. Lizzy's is just as big.

Once more, Dean catches her eyes and he winks at her, eating his pizza with a shit-eating grin. He knew it's be fairly easy, all of Lizzy's clear worries unfounded. They have a good, sweet son that accepts people easily.

Both parents eat silently, just watching Sammy stuff his little face and enjoying the fact that they're all together now.

* * *

 


	4. Meeting in the Middle

* * *

After cleaning up dinner, playing with toys for a few hours straight, and a bath time that Lizzy opted out of participating in as she felt she needed more time to get to know her own son first, it's bedtime.

"L, come here!" she hears Dean call from Sammy's room as she sits with a laptop open at the kitchen table. She's been out of the real world for over a year and has so much to learn about what's happened while she was gone.

Getting up, Lizzy walks for the back bedroom and catches her boys picking through a pile of roughly seven books.

"What one you want?" Dean asks, holding out two books in particular. 'Fox in Sox' and 'Cool Cars'. Lizzy just smiles.

"Dat one," Sammy says, pointing to the Seuss book.

"Alright, let's do this," Dean says, stacking the rest of the books on the dresser in the room. "In bed, bud."

Dean then looks at Lizzy with a smile. He holds the book of choice out for her to take.

"Me?" she asks with sheer surprise.

"Why not?" Dean wonders with an innocent shrug.

"He doesn't… he's barely gotten used to me," Lizzy explains quietly, watching Sammy try to climb up into his bed unsuccessfully. She goes on autopilot and helps him, picking him up from behind under his arms and placing him atop the mattress. "Isn't that a little fast?"

"Mommy?" Sammy says her name and she can instantly feel her insides melt into a puddle of absolute adoration.

"Yeah, sweetie?" she answers quietly back, still floored by hearing him say just that word. Mommy.

"You read my book?" he asks, pointing to the book in his father's hands.

Wide eyes, Lizzy sharply looks over to Dean. He just cocks his eyebrow with a smug, I-told-you-so look, handing her the book once more. She takes it from him and can't really believe this is happening. Her son wants her to read the bedtime story. She just got back this afternoon and Sammy, her big hearted Sammy, already is trusting her.

It's too much. She's choked up.

"Mommy!" Sammy's voice cuts through the cloud of emotion and Lizzy looks to him. He points to the spot next to him against the headboard. "You sit here."

"I'd love to," Lizzy tells him as she walks over and climbs in. She settles against the headboard where he showed her and opens up the old classic, looking at the pages of cartoonish characters that bring her back to her own childhood. She clears her throat to speak clearly enough. "Fox. Socks. Box. Knox. Knox in box. Fox in socks."

As she turns the page she feels the tiny form next to her move closer. When she looks down she watches Sammy sitting pressed against her side in his footie pajamas, the Patriots teddy bear, the one Dean clearly replaced for him over the past year after losing his original one in the fire at Bobby's, in a tight headlock. His head slumps into her upper arm and she once more, for possibly the billionth time, has to do everything to keep from crying in the moment.

Lizzy clears her voice one more time. "Knox on fox in socks in box. Sock on Knox and Knox in box. Fox in sock on box on Knox."

"Why fox wear socks?" Sammy asks her, looking up with his bright green eyes.

"Oh, uh…" she starts, caught off guard. "I bet his feet are cold."

"No," Sammy simply answers.

"Oh no?" Lizzy wonders, surprised by how sure he is about the fictional fox's feet not being cold.

"Nope," Dean smirks as he settles at the end of the mattress. "It's because his feet smell gross. Like, worst feet ever."

"Stinky feet!" Sammy giggles loudly and leans a little harder into her side.

Lizzy's face lights up as Sammy loses it over something so silly. Clearly this is something Sammy and Dean joke about every time they read this book. And every single time it's just as hilarious as the last time.

"Ew," Lizzy scrunches up her nose. "Stinky feet!?"

"Fox stinky feet, mommy!" Sammy says, pointing to the fox's feet on the page and collapsing into more giggles.

It's contagious. Before she knows it her cheek breaking smile turns into full blown laughing right along with him.

And for the first time ever, Dean sees it. Sammy did not really get anything in the looks department from his mother, which to him is a massive shame. However, as the two of them sit side by side in bed, book open and breaking down with a serious case of the gigs, Dean sees that there is plenty of his wife in Sammy. Their smile, for one, is exactly the same. All teeth and wide open, happier than anything and enjoying the small moments in life to its fullest. Lizzy has always been a happy, goofy, ready to laugh person even through everything they've experienced. Sammy is the same. He's young, happy, carefree, and exactly like his mother where it counts.

"Mommy, why he wear socks?" Sammy asks again, looking to get the whole joke going again once he's composed himself a little.

The way he looks up at her with hopeful eyes makes Lizzy give in. "Because his feet are so stinky!" she tells him with a big, wide, goofy grin.

And it works. He collapses again over the absolutely silly detail.

Lizzy follows right along.

This time Dean can't help it. He just sits by, letting Lizzy have this moment with their son that she's waited so long and fought so hard to get back to. Dean's had months over months to read to his son and be the thing that made him laugh. He's more than willing to give her that for the rest of Sammy's childhood now that she's back.

She's clearly earned it.

* * *

"I think it's time we moved," Dean very quietly says to Lizzy as he's still sitting at the foot of the bed a half an hour later.

Lizzy doesn't peel her eyes off of her boy even when Dean speaks up. She can't. He fell asleep right where he was as they read, his head leaning hard into her side as she has an arm around his little shoulders. She keeps a hand in his dark brown hair, rubbing gently as she sits in awe of the little man.

"Lizzy?" Dean tries again. This time she looks up. "I know you wanna stay but letting him sleep like that will make him a grouchy little shit by morning. Trust me, you don't want that."

"I don't want to let him go," Lizzy says, ducking down to kiss his forehead, her sweet boy absolutely out of it.

"You're not," Dean smirks. "You're just letting him sleep for a few hours alone. Come on." He nods for the book and she hands it over. Dean places it in the book pile he has going on the dresser before walking to stand next to her. "Alright, take it slow."

After some calculated moves, Dean helps Lizzy stand up out of Sammy's bed and gets his son tucked in without issue. Sammy's a hard sleeper.

She follows him to the door of the room and leaves, pausing in the doorway to peek back at her boy. She can't stop looking at him. He's perfect.

Dean closes the door halfway and reaches around the wall to the plugged in nightlight by the floor. He switches it on and backs away.

"Can you believe we did that?" Lizzy asks him, still shocked at what their love made.

"Ah, no," Dean huffs a laugh. "Not really."

She sighs. "God, he's such a great kid." Lizzy locks eyes with him. "Dean, you did such a good job with him."

"I didn't do jack. He's just a good kid."

"No. Dean. You did _everything_ ," Lizzy corrects. "You were both mom and dad. You were his everything for over a year while I was gone. I mean, you did what your own father couldn't do. Dean… I'm so _proud_ of you, ha." She laughs a little at the end. "I hope that didn't sound patronizing or anything."

Dean's face wrinkles for just a moment. "It didn't."

"Good," she nods, looking back into the room at her sleeping child, the child she did everything to get back to. "Damnit, he's amazing."

"Right?" Dean agrees easily, standing next to her.

"He's smart. He's sweet. Oh my god, I love him so fucking much. I'm so happy to be here."

"Alright, let's go," Dean tells her the moment the tears start. He pulls an arm around her shoulders and starts to move for the couch in the cabin. They settle there, Dean pulling her close as she cries yet again. "L, everything's working out. Everything is okay."

"I know," she sobs into his shirt and pulls him even tighter. "I'm not even sure why I'm crying this time."

Dean gets a kind laugh out of that. "It's a lot to deal with. I get it."

"Know you do," she says, her chin on his shoulder as she fists her hands into his flannel shirt. "I just love you both so much."

"And we love you too," Dean assures her, hugging harder with his arms around her back. "L, I…." He pauses. "I don't think… there aren't words. I just… without you…."

That's as far as he gets before the press of perfect lips are against his, ending his struggle to explain the hole she left in his life and the incredible joy and relief he feels now that she's back. Words aren't his forte, even after a year of single-dad-dome. Lizzy knows this, she's always understood this.

"Dean, I know," she tells him through rushed words in between kisses. "I know." She grabs his face and kisses him harder. "It was awful." She can't keep her lips off of him. "It killed me a little more every damn day."

"Me too," Dean rushes out and grabs her hips and pulls her swiftly into his lap, the emotional moment spilling over into something else, something they both just couldn't hold back. They never were dying for each other throughout the day. Sammy's presence and the need to settle into a family again trumped the sexual need. But now? Sammy's asleep, Dean is trying to bare his soul as best he can, and Lizzy can't figure out how she kept her need at bay anymore.

Lizzy grabs the sides of his neck hard and practically devours his mouth with clear desperation. She forgot how good this was, how pure it felt to just simply be with the one man she loves so hard she never thought possible until Dean walked unexpectedly into her life years ago. The fighting and constant terror of Purgatory kept her preoccupied enough that she never had time to even think about this so much.

But watching Dean all day, caring for their son and being nothing short of the perfect father she always knew he was all while wearing an old, just right pair of worn jeans and a faded Chevy t-shirt that was just this side of tight around his shoulders, chest, and arms… there is no better turn on than that. There just isn't.

Fingers in her hair as her chest presses flush against his, Lizzy gives with a hardened touch, something primal underneath the softness she's shown her son all day long. Dean gets that softness from her too, the love and care he's been devoid of his whole life that she provides him with copiously and readily, but he always gets more than that. He gets all of her, the ugly along with the beautiful and the painful with the perfection… and he's not sure which part of her it is that she's sharing right now. He wasn't ready for rushed movements and harsh fingers that dig into the skin of his neck but that's what she gives. That's what she _has_ to give in the moment.

When she bites at his bottom lip, not hard enough to leave a lasting pain, he knows this is new. Of all the years they've had together this was never the way Lizzy approached physicality with him. She was warm and loving, fast and needy, sometimes extremely submissive and placating… but never really this.

"Need you," Lizzy quickly grunts out without grace as she tears her long sleeved thermal shirt over her own head. "Now."

"Upstairs," Dean says and tries to get up, Lizzy stopping him with the strong press of two hands open on his chest. He looks up at her with surprise, her strength unexpected.

"No," she tells him as she crushes another rough kiss to his mouth. "Now. Here."

Dean kisses her back for a moment as his mind tries to understand her right now. She went from crying to sex-driven in a matter of seconds and her demeanor is all new to him. Once he's composed his thoughts, he pulls her gently away from the embrace as she's still straddling his lap. He looks at her confused and impatient expression and explains himself. "I don't wanna wake Sammy. It's been… so long. We don't need any interruptions, okay?"

She flashes a slightly angry look at him for his insistence. She's no longer accustomed to not being the one to make decisions and direct how things went down. But then she remembers who it is she's looking at. Green eyes filled with hope and some serious confusion over her conduct remind her that this is Dean. Her Dean, the man that would never do anything unless it was the right move concerning his family and their wellbeing. She knows he's just doing what's best to keep their son resting peacefully and give them some time alone, some very much needed time alone.

Without verbally answering first, Lizzy presses one more fast, hard kiss to his lips before she climbs off of him. She eyes him carnally once as he sits there a moment, knowing she has to have him, and she easily consents. "Let's go."

The directive is hard, unflinching, and it makes Dean feel like he has no choice in the matter. He knows that tone. He grew up with a very similar tone, one he had no choice but to listen to and respond with a resounding 'yes, sir' at all times. He's never heard that tone from her before.

She's different. It's very uncomfortable. Even if she was her old self all day, calm and loving as ever when Sammy was around, she's showing her true colors to him right now. She's not the same and he has to wonder what Purgatory has done to her.

But more than that, he needs her right now. He knows it to be true as he watches her start to open the button and fly of her jeans as she walks away from him for the stairs. The only thing that can trump his curiosities about her wellbeing is his pure sexual need for her. Hell, it's been over a damn year since he's had any sex at all. He's in desperate need.

Like a puppy wanting to please, Dean follows her quickly, only stopping to peek in that Sammy's soundly out first. He pulls the door a little more closed and quietly makes his way to the second floor bedroom he and Lizzy have always shared while at Rufus' cabin.

The second he takes just one step into the room he's being grabbed hard by the open edges of his flannel shirt.

"Whoa," Dean says with a voice that's one part shocked and three parts calming. He looks down to Lizzy, her grip hard on his clothing as she peels the layer off of him with haste. She's only wearing her bra and panties at this point, pants, socks and boots gone. "L, we have time."

"Don't care," she tells him, lips on his again as she drops the flannel and reaches for the bottom of his t-shirt. She begins to pull it up off of him as she tells him, "Need you now."

"Okay, hey," Dean stops her, pulling the hem of his shirt back down as a concerned face looks back at her. "Stop for a second."

"Why!?" Lizzy wants to know, sure of the fact that he's also dying to get her naked.

"Because… you're kinda freakin' me out here," he admits through a fake half laugh. He grabs her hand and pulls her slowly to the bed, sitting on it and patting the spot next to him for her to take. She doesn't listen.

"I just missed you," she tells him, using her free hand to cup his jaw and press a kinder, slower kiss to his lips. "And I'm desperate. It's been over a year…."

"Yeah, I know," Dean emphasizes with wide eyes and she laughs, slowing her role as he clearly needs her to in the moment. "But… you're not acting like you."

"Who am I acting like?" she wonders, her voice never losing the sultry sound to it. She once more straddles his lap with a knee to either side of his hips. Hands on his shoulders, she waits patiently while using every ounce of control she has in her.

"I don't know," Dean tells her, hands on her hips soothingly, thumbs rubbing sweet circles on her skin just above her panties on either side. "I mean, I'm not expecting you to be exactly the same as before you… left."

"So what's the problem?" Lizzy asks him, a light kiss pressed to his mouth as she does her best to seduce the man into shutting up and giving her what she needs right now.

"I just… maybe we shouldn't do this?" Dean suggests in a very cautious manner.

"You nuts?" Lizzy scoffs, kissing his cheek, then his jaw.

"I know what I'm saying," Dean assures her, hands sliding to her back as he keeps her close, her lips landing on his neck and making this conversation harder to have. "But we don't need to rush anything here. If you need more time…."

Lizzy groans with annoyance into the crook of his neck and shoulder. Lifting her head, she gives him a solid eye roll. "Time isn't what I need, Dean."

Dean blinks once. "What do you need then? Anything."

She grins, the animalistic tinge to it making Dean worry a little more. "I need you to get naked, shut up, and enjoy." She nods, smirking with an arched eyebrow as her arms come around his neck.

Lizzy can literally feel the hesitation rolling off of him.

"Hot Shot, I'm fine," she promises, scooting the last half an inch closer. She then reaches behind herself to unhook her bra. "I swear. I wouldn't lie to you."

She opens her bra and Dean watches her pull it away, leaving her topless. He inhales and sighs shakily, resolve quickly weakening with the view of her breasts, his desire for this one woman absolutely kicking into overdrive. Lizzy sure knows how to play him.

"I want you," Lizzy keeps going, pressing her chest to his as Dean's hands slide up her smooth, bare back. "You want me. It's easy, just like always."

Slowly and lovingly, Lizzy brings her lips to his again. She leaves the swift pace and hard movements out of it this time, choosing a more stealthy approach. Dean kisses her back, the man she remembers as the overly romantic, incredibly in tune and always quite passionate lover ever present in the moment. As her hand combs through the short hair at the back of his head she can feel the tension in his form slowly receding, seeing that it's still her and it's still alright.

"Baby?" Lizzy asks, lips still pressed to his.

"Mm?" Dean asks, the best he can do as he refuses to stop kissing her.

"Love me," she requests, her voice filled with want.

Dean would never say no to that.

Pulling her tightly, Dean kisses her harder, something finally snapping and letting him go freely. He doesn't stay hesitant.

And when Lizzy knows this, she smiles against his lips.

When Dean's back hits the mattress hard after Lizzy shoves him suddenly in the chest, he once more looks up at her with wide eyes and concern.

"I've waited a whole fucking year for this," Lizzy smirks at him as she's perched on his hips before pouncing.

* * *

When it's all said and done Dean's left lying on his back, staring at the old cabin ceiling with his heart pounding.

What the hell just happened?

It's almost a blur from the moment Lizzy decided she was getting what she wanted no matter what. Her hands hard and everywhere, her mouth bruising, her entire body sharp and too strong… Jesus, who is she?

He feels Lizzy getting up off the mattress next to him and looks over. She has a calm face on, a real one, and it's the first time she's looked quite like this since she arrived. Her shoulders have dropped a bit, her stance is less agitated and ever ready, and she's starting to look like old Lizzy… minus the new scars and the incredibly defined muscle tone. She was always strong but now? She's down right intimidating.

In fact, as Dean looks down at himself and can see the already forming bruises on his biceps and chest, Lizzy might be stronger than even she knows at this point.

This wasn't what he wanted. Well, that's not exactly true. Dean always wants sex from his wife. _Always_. But this was too much. It was harsh, painfully so at points, and even if in the moment he was down and completely participating, even enjoying _very much,_ he's now extremely worried.

Lizzy's always been the one to yield to him. That's just a simple dynamic of who they are. He likes to have control of the situation, Lizzy loves to give him that control.

Not now. Lizzy steered every movement, every moment of that whole encounter and it has him nervous. It's not like they've never switched it up before. Lizzy's been the one in charge in bed every now and then… but this felt different. And she was never one to mark him up before. Hell, neither ever dared do that before now. They get beat up and hurt enough outside of their personal lives. No need to add that into their more intimate moments.

But he saw it the second she got out of that beat up junker in the driveway. She's different. And not in a good way.

"Fuck, I needed that so bad," Lizzy huffs a relaxed laugh as she grabs Dean's flannel off the floor. She slings it over her shoulders and casually puts it on to cover up a bit, obviously unaffected in any negative way by what just happened between them. "I feel… good."

"Yeah?" Dean cautiously asks, sitting up against the headboard as he pulls the bedsheet over his lap.

"Hell yeah!" Lizzy half giggles as she buttons the shirt closed. She then shakes out her terrible half blonde and half brunette hair as she checks him out. "Mm, I really missed that body of yours, Hot Shot."

"Yeah… I could tell," he says, his tone off and Lizzy catches it.

"You alright?" Lizzy wonders, stopping at the foot of the bed and sitting down by his covered feet.

Dean pauses, unsure if he should bother mentioning it right this second. Maybe it was just a moment in time that she needed. Maybe Purgatory made her different and it'll take time to adjust. She sure seems better after having sex, all be it rougher sex than they are normally used to, so maybe he should just go with it for now. He'd do anything for her and if that made her feel better than who is he to bring her down with airing possibly unfounded concerns.

"I'm good," Dean lies right to her, hoping he's better at lying than before she went to Purgatory. She always can tell.

Her eyes narrow. "You sure?"

He grins away his worries for now. "Very."

She stops, still evaluating his face for anything that might give away his true feelings in the moment.

"Even better when I get to see you wearing my shirt and nothing else," Dean mentions, moving on past the odd moment. "Forgot how good you looked in my clothes."

"No you didn't," she smirks, knowing he hadn't at all.

"Nah, I didn't," he smiles almost bashfully. "But it's good to see again… you know, instead of in my crappy memories."

Lizzy's heart grows with that, Dean being the ever sweet husband under the grime and grit of the hunter he was raised to be. She loves that about him.

Moved by his words, Lizzy crawls up the bed and onto Dean. She returns to the loving person Lizzy has always been with him, kissing him sweetly as she melts against him. And Dean sighs, happy to have her back.

"You're still sweet," Lizzy tells him, kissing him again.

"Shh," Dean hushes her, hating when he's called that.

"Don't shush me," Lizzy jokingly complains. She then gives him one last kiss on the lips and one more peck to the cheek. "I need a shower."

"Yeah, you smell," he ribs a bit and she does her usual punch to his arm. "Damn!" Dean says and grabs his arm.

"Ooh, sorry!" Lizzy apologizes. "I forget that… you know… I'm kinda stronger these days."

"You don't say," Dean bitches lightly, gesturing to his arm.

"You'll survive," Lizzy smiles, kissing him before getting out of bed. "Is the water pressure still shit here?"

"Um, nah," Den answers, watching her pick up her backpack she showed up with. "I fixed it the other day. Good pressure. Warm water. The whole nine."

She grins with excitement. "Thank you."

Dean shrugs. "Just bored while waiting for you to get here."

Lizzy winks and disappears out the door, excited for a real shower. The first one she took after getting back was in a motel room she broke into in the middle of the night. After returning and figuring out she was in Maine and nowhere near Montana she had to get her shit together. She took a shower, stole some clean clothes from the full washer and dryer in the motel complex, and took a couple hour nap before stealing a car and heading for Louisiana.

Once done with her big chore down south, she booked to Montana with a one night stop to grab a second shower and a very quick nap. But two showers in a week isn't going to be enough to sleep through the night comfortably.

Stopping to stare at her sleeping son once more, never quite able to get enough of that precious little face, Lizzy finally makes it to the bathroom. Pulling the chain on the ceiling light, the room brightens and she drops her bag on the closed toilet seat. She then turns on the shower and waits for the water to warm up while pulling off Dean's shirt.

And then the reflection in the mirror catches her. She has to stare a moment as she hasn't really looked at herself in so long. A year of only water reflections to view herself followed by the last week in which she was too busy to bother with mirrors and Lizzy now has to wonder why Dean never really freaked out at her appearance.

That's not Lizzy. It's not. That's a stranger looking back at her.

Her face is thinned and overly tan with the year out in the exposure of nature. Her hair that was fried fake blonde when she went to Purgatory (she was still hiding from the Leviathan back then) is only blonde on the long ends now. From her shoulders to her mid back it's that terrible yellow and frizzed with damage. From just above her shoulders and up it's the dark brown color she was born with, the same color Sammy has.

And her skin. She has scars, the one on her side the worst of them all.

She's all lean muscle. Hell, she looks like those housewives that got bored at home and threw themselves into fitness… and then went a little too far and are almost bordering on too muscular.

She's not exactly enjoying all that she sees. She needs to eat more, work out less, and maybe get some scar-reducing products. All these things will take time, but there's one thing she can do right now to start the process out right.

Checking the medicine cabinet, Lizzy's overjoyed to find a pair of scissors that are still quite sharp.

* * *

Dried off, hair shorter and damp, and dressed in an oversized t-shirt and cotton shorts, Lizzy finally makes her way back up to the bedroom.

It was a long shower and she knows she killed all the hot water there was. Luckily no one was waiting to head in after her. But it takes a long time to get a person back into normal-human-race appearance wise after a year and some months of being out of it. She hopes Dean doesn't mind that she used his razor to rid herself of overgrowth everywhere. She laughed when she looked down at her, what could only be labeled at this point as, huge bush. Dean never mentioned a thing during their moment together but she knows how bad it is. She never let that happen before Purgatory and she'll never let it happen again.

Smooth skin all over, a new haircut, and the smell of fresh soap gives Lizzy a new confidence. Even if internally she knows she has a lot of work to do, at least externally she can pretend to belong again.

Another peek at Sammy who hasn't moved at all since he first was tucked in and she's up the stairs.

She stops in the doorway and sees a very similar scene in front of her that she just peeked in at on the first floor. Dean. Her husband is fast asleep, the blankets over him as his bare arm rests over the edge of the covers. He's not sleeping in his jeans and jacket, boots on. He in the sheets, shirtless and comfortable. And there's just something about him right now. He's so self-assured, more than he has been ever in their lives together, and he's in a very good place. He's a father first, he's a reliable and loving man, and she's truly felt that whole puppy love, head over heels thing all day being around him.

She's fallen in love with him all over again and she couldn't be happier to see him like this. This is exactly the man Dean was always supposed to be but never had the chance to be until recently.

Lizzy wipes her eyes quickly before heading into the room. She drops her backpack she stole from an unsuspecting couple camping in the deep Maine woods and picks up her old, dirty clothes she arrived in.

Ill-fitting and ganked, she knows she's lucky Dean brought her old duffle with him and gave it back. She has something to wear tomorrow. She heads for the trash can in the room to toss the old clothes but pauses. She reaches into the back pocket of the jeans and pulls out the old, torn, and truly worn out picture in it. The Christmas picture, the one taken with Santa the day before she disappeared from her boys' lives, was her life line for fifteen months, always reminding her why she got back up after very knock down in Purgatory. This very object saved her life.

She places the picture on the dresser gently before throwing out the clothing.

Lizzy then makes her way to the bed. Dean, being the thoughtful man that he is, made sure to fall asleep on one side of the mattress and leave room for her. Slowly, Lizzy eases into bed and lays down. Dean instinctually reaches out and hooks an arm around her waist, pulling her close as if it hasn't been fifteen months since they've shared a bed together.

And Lizzy lets him. No, it isn't actually the most comfortable thing anymore to be held like this as her instincts tell her to be free and ready at a moment's notice, but she lets it happen anyways.

Nothing's coming for them. They're in a secure and warded house. The Leviathan aren't out to get them anymore. They aren't in the middle of endless forest with no good hiding places. She's safe and she keeps reminding herself of that.

So Lizzy does what she can. She places her arm over his, locks their fingers together, and exhales to relax.

"I missed this," Dean mutters into her hair, still half asleep.

"Me too," Lizzy honestly responds as she tries to remember how to calm down and enjoy this lovely, quiet, and close moment despite her overly alert mind and recent lack of human interaction and contact.

This might be harder than she anticipated it to be.

* * *

It's the middle of the night. In the middle of nowhere. Nothing moving. Rural. It's silent.

Somehow Lizzy managed to drift off after far too much time laying there, listening for sounds and unwelcomed intrusions as is habit at this point. She's used to the too quiet times meaning something isn't right, something is on them. But the near week of going without stop while back in the real world has taken its toll on her. She's resting.

Until she hears it.

A car coming up to the cabin. The engine is quiet, clearly the car is moving slowly, but Lizzy doesn't miss a single sound these days. Ever.

Silently, almost without detectable movement, Lizzy tries to slide out from under Dean's arm to check out the sound. Dean stirs easily.

"L?" Dean grumbles in his sleepy tone, barely awake.

"Bathroom," she lies and sits up, getting out from under the covers. "Be right back."

"Mm… 'kay," Dean says and is back out in a split second. Clearly the year off helped him a lot. He's an actual sleeper these days.

Lizzy swiftly and silently makes her way to the first floor. She creeps to the window and looks out just in time to see the tail lights of a car head down their driveway. The car make and model couldn't be made out in the dark, the license plate a mystery too, but the idea that someone would be driving up to the cabin in the middle of the night is unnerving to say the least.

The car pauses and the door opens. Lizzy squints to get a better look but is quickly blinded when a flashlight beam is flashed into her face. She shields her eyes as the light stays there.

"What the… fuck?" she whispers, walking away from the window to reach the door. She yanks it open, intent on asking who the hell it is that's visiting her family in the middle of the night but the car drives away, gravel kicking up under tires as it peels out.

This is very unsettling.

Without thought, Lizzy rushes back into the house and to the basement. She grabs the big sack of rock salt and the couple cans of spray paint stored there and hauls it all back up. She lines every door and window with salt, thicker lines across the two windows in Sammy's room, and marks some sigils she could remember on the walls and floor, refreshing the old ones that Dean never redid when coming back here with Sammy.

Once satisfied, Lizzy heads back into the basement. She noticed throughout the day that minimal weapons and defense mechanisms were around the cabin. It was worrisome. So Lizzy grabs knives of all kinds and starts hiding them around the cabin. A drawer here, in a vase there, only places out of reach for Sammy… at least they're ready.

Taking one more blade with her, this one in a leather sheath, and some holy water, Lizzy heads back to bed. As she settles in, Dean once more with an arm around her middle, she slips the blade into her pillowcase underneath.

"Better?" Dean asks.

"Yeah… uh, baby?" Lizzy starts keeping her tone quiet.

"Mm?" Dean hums his question.

"You weren't… followed up here or anything, were you?"

Dean's entire form goes ridged with the question. When she looks over to her side he's already looking at her, eye lids fully lifted. "Why do you ask that?"

"I think… someone just drove up to check out the place," Lizzy says with concern. "I saw someone park out front. They got out and checked the place with a flashlight, like they were looking for something. By the time I got outside they were peeling out."

"All they did was check out the place?" Dean wonders, trying to get the story straight.

"Yeah… but it felt weird," Lizzy admits.

"Did it feel weird like hunting, Spidey-sense weird… or weird like you've been in Purgatory for a long time weird?" Dean has to wonder, making sure she isn't overreacting.

Her face drops into anger.

"Don't get mad at me for asking. Whatever answer you give I'll go with you," Dean swears to her with a calm, loving tone. He even pulls her closer as she lays on her back, arm tighter around her waist.

"I don't know," Lizzy admits as she thinks it through logically. It could have been anyone coming up here. The cabins all are remote, maybe someone couldn't find the right one. Hell, even she's had a hard time finding the place after being there a handful of times. She probably overreacted. Sitting up, back slouched, Lizzy sighs. "I… maybe I don't know anything anymore."

"Don't say that," Dean tells her, sitting up also to kiss her cheek. "It'll be an adjustment."

"A big one."

"Yeah, a big one, but you'll be fine. I promise." Dean kisses her again and pulls her gently back until they're laying down, settling in closely to each other.

"Yeah," Lizzy says, hoping he's right despite her concerns. She leans her head against his, Dean's face curled into her neck, and she looks at the ceiling. "I warded the place like a psycho."

Dean just lets out a small, rough chuckle against her skin with the embarrassed confession. "Is it a mess down there?"

"Maybe."

"It's fine," Dean tells her, his lips briefly landing on her neck before settling in again. "It can't hurt, right?"

"Nope," Lizzy tells him. "Especially since you didn't do any warding whatsoever."

"Didn't need it," Dean sleepily answer.

And that was the difference. Lizzy assumes it's all out to get them still. Dean's felt the luxury of assuming he's safe.

Lizzy lies awake for a while after this, trying to figure out how they are going to meet in the middle.

* * *

 


	5. Mickey Pancakes and Elmo Cupcakes

* * *

"Daddy!" came the loud, small voice along with tiny feet pounding up the stairs as fast as tiny feet can manage.

Lizzy gets rocked out of her dead sleep by the sounds and it puts her on immediate edge.

Dean wakes very differently at her side. In the middle of the night they had separated, Dean no longer curled up against his wife. He's on his side of the bed and he smiles when he hears the sound of his boy calling to him.

However, when Dean looks to Lizzy he's instantly concerned. She's there but her back is pressed to the corner of the wall that the bed is against and her eyes are wider than he's ever seen them, searching shiftily and jerkily. She looks like a cornered, frightened animal… one ready to attack if provoked.

"L," Dean says in a quiet, even voice. "You're alright."

Her focus darts over to him and narrows on her husband instead of the hurricane coming up the stairs. She can read the calm he has in the situation and it all starts to come back to her.

She's home. Purgatory is done. Dean's here and he'd never put her in danger.

"Daddy!" the voice repeats and the hurricane hits the room. Sammy bursts in, sprinting for Dean and climbing up the bed as quickly as he can… without actually being able to. Dean gives him a boost. He reaches down and hoists the child up onto the mattress, both dad and son smiling wide as if this is their absolute norm.

"Hey, kid!" Dean says happily, pulling him in tight in his lap and kissing the side of Sammy's head. "Morning."

"Mornin'," Sammy replies as he looks to Lizzy in the corner of the bed. She starts relaxing, it being easier when she gets her eyes on her boy. Her little reason to live and live well. Her reason to get past all this left over crap. She just needs to get back into the good graces of her Sammy so they can be a family again.

"Morning, sweetie," Lizzy tentatively smiles as she sits back down on the mattress, seeing the hesitation back in Sammy' form. Hell, even she's back to being more cautious around him after a night of sleep.

"Mornin'," Sammy answers back, looking shyly at her.

"I'm gonna ask a pretty stupid question here but… you hungry, dude?" Dean asks Sammy, messing with the boy's bed head as he tries to reshape it a little. It did not get past Lizzy that he's kept Sammy's hair short and very much styled like his own. She always knew no son of Dean's would have long hair.

"Yeah," Sammy smiles up at him.

"I figured. But you know what?" Dean gets inspired. "I need to take a shower."

"You stinky!" Sammy laughs at his dad, pointing at his face and giggling.

"Do I stink?" Dean asks and smells his under arm. He makes a face. "Okay, you might have something there. So Sammy, can you do me a favor?"

Sammy just looks at him and waits for the directions.

"Can you bring mommy with you to the kitchen and show her where everything is?" Dean suggests. "That way you guys can start breakfast and we can eat when I'm done cleaning up."

Looking at Lizzy with questioning eyes, Sammy doesn't answer at first.

Lizzy glances at Dean, knowing this might not have been a good idea. He just nods and assures her it is.

"Sammy?" Lizzy says his name to grab his attention. "Can you help me out in the kitchen, please? Sounds like you know where all the good stuff is." She grins warmly and hopes he'll respond.

"Okay, mommy," Sammy says and climbs off of Dean's lap, looking to get down and get to work.

Dean helps him. "What're you gonna make?"

"Pancakes!" Sammy nearly shouts with way too much enthusiasm. He turns around and looks at Lizzy, waiting.

"You know where everything is still, right?" Dean asks Lizzy quietly, making sure.

"Organized it myself," Lizzy reminds. When they first came to Rufus' cabin for the first time it was Lizzy that set everything up. She knows where everything is.

"If he's good… chocolate chips are hidden behind the cereal boxes," Dean winks at her and gets up from the bed.

"Alright," Lizzy smiles and then looks at Sammy, bouncing on his heels with excitement. "Let's make some unhealthy breakfast!"

"Come on, mommy!" Sammy says as he walks for the stairs, taking them slowly one at a time. She watches as she pulls on a sweatshirt in the drafty cabin. So, maybe it was a rough start coming out of sleep in a scary, startling way. At least once she's awake everything is alright… right?

**SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS**

The second Dean shuts the bathroom door his smile fades completely. He kept it on for his son and for his newly returned wife but his concerns are too high to ever try and fool himself.

She's a mess.

Lizzy hides things about as well as Sammy hides himself during a game of hide and seek. Often he finds the kid standing behind some furniture, half his body completely visible as he presses his palms over his eyes. If he can't see Dean then Dean can't see him, right?

Well, Lizzy's the same. She somehow seems to believe that Dean can't see the truth. She's plastering on a grin that occasionally goes bright and real when her son makes her so happy it's unavoidable, but past that she's a disaster. Her whole life she's worn her heart firmly on her sleeve and given away every single emotion she's felt the moment she feels it.

Right now, she's feeling all kinds of scared, uncomfortable, and a whole bunch of other things he hasn't been able to figure out yet. And that's not at all comfortable for Dean. He can read her like a book. To him, she's wide open and so easy to see through, but after a full year and then some he's rusty. They're rusty. He can't exactly see it all so easily now.

Turning on the shower water so that Lizzy doesn't think he's puttering around the bathroom over-thinking things exactly like he is, Dean starts to strip down. Maybe a hot shower will relax him enough about all this. Honestly, did he expect her to come back and be normal? How could she be?

Then he catches a reflection of himself in the mirror. His upper arms have fingertip sized bruises where she gripped too tightly, the color now deep brown. And as he turns to check his back he can see the red streaks scratched into his skin. She went wild last night, a side she's never really shown him before. And he has the injuries to prove just how not-Lizzy she is right now.

Sighing with concern, Dean steps under the water and lets at least a little bit of the worry wash away. She'll be alright. They're all alright in the end every time, somehow overcoming massive odds and figuring out how to live even when they should have cracked and crumbled under it all.

Lizzy's tough. His wife is tougher than anyone else he knows, even himself. He'll help and they'll get her back through time.

**SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS**

"Smells awesome in here," Dean comments as he makes his way to the kitchen. He could smell the pancakes the second he left the bathroom freshly dressed in clean clothes.

"Daddy, like Mickey!" Sammy bounces on the chair he's standing on next to Lizzy by the stove, Lizzy with spatula in hand.

"Whoa! Hold up!" Lizzy warns and grabs his shoulder lightly. "No jumping on the chair. I don't want you falling."

"Okay," Sammy says and stops jumping up and down, his body still alit with energy. "Look, daddy! Mommy made Mickey!"

"Oh yeah?" Dean smiles wide, watching Lizzy smile and work on their breakfast. He gives her a quick once over. Her fresh clothing, her clean look, her smile, her all-one-color hair… that's his girl. Maybe he was too worried.

Dean walks over and gives the frying pan a look. Just like Sammy said, there's a massive pancake in the shape of Mickey Mouse's head in the pan, his mouth and eyes made of chocolate chips.

"Creative… why are they pink?" Dean wonders as he studies the food.

"You had strawberry jam in the fridge," Lizzy shrugs. "So… strawberry pancakes."

The way she grins, all teeth and domestic happiness, Dean's chest constricts. No, his girl is still in there. She's still Lizzy.

"Good thinking." Dean leans into her and kisses her cheek before grabbing Sammy under his arm, the boy's limbs hanging down as he giggles. "Alright, we men set the table."

"We men?" Sammy laughs out as Dean walks with him suspended to the cupboard.

"Well, I am. You're working on it," Dean jokes as he grabs plates with one hand. When they get to the table he puts Sammy down. "You're on syrup duty."

"Okay," Sammy happily answers, heading for the refrigerator.

Dean silently sets the table, grabbing utensils, glasses, and napkins, when his phone rings in his back pocket.

Lizzy watches him check the screen, read the caller I.D., and then ignore the call, placing the phone back into his pocket. She knows something's up. "Who was it?" she casually asks as she looks back into the pan.

"Uh, random number."

He's lying and she knows it. "You don't answer random numbers anymore?"

"Not a hunter anymore," he simply answers, concentrating on the display on the table.

Lizzy nods, letting it go for now. "Fair enough." She's still dying to find out the details of what exactly is their lives these days.

They hear some struggling grunts coming from the refrigerator and Dean takes the opportunity to distract her.

"You got it, big guy?" he asks Sammy that's trying so hard to get the door open.

"I do it, daddy," he says with a taxed voice.

"You don't need any help, huh?" Dean questions knowingly, leaning against the side of the refrigerator and watching on.

"No. I big," he tells his dad and keeps trying. Luckily he doesn't see his dad grab the top of the door and help a little, the door popping open suddenly.

"Nice work," Dean jokes and looks into the fridge. "You get the syrup and I'll get the butter."

"Okay," Sammy answers, grabs the bottle, and heads for the table. He places the syrup onto his appointed chair before climbing up onto with much difficulty. It takes a moment but he gets there. He then places the bottle on the table just in time for Lizzy to be walking over to him with the frying pan.

"Hope you're a hungry guy," Lizzy jokes lightly as she plates the big pancake onto his plate.

"That's not a worry," Dean jokes and grabs the syrup, coating Sammy's pancake. "You want me to cut it up."

"Yeah," Sammy answers.

"Try that again?" Dean says and looks at him in warning.

"Yes, please?" Sammy corrects and Dean smiles as he gets to work, cutting up the pancake into child-sized bites, as Lizzy makes more pancakes for the adults in the room.

* * *

"Alright, sweetie," Lizzy starts as she stands in front of the bakery case. She picks up Sammy and settles him on her hip, looking over the massive variety of cupcakes in front of them. "Which one do you want?"

"Don't know," Sammy claims, eyes wide as he scans the colors of frosting, all the cupcake flavors decorated differently.

"Yeah you do," Dean laughs a little, spotting the red frosted Elmo cupcake.

"No don't," Sammy fights back, leaning into his mom a little as he keeps looking.

"You're gonna tell me that you don't want the Elmo looking cupcake?" Dean challenges his son.

Sammy stays quiet, not answering either way.

"Baby, do you know which one you want? Doesn't have to be Elmo," Lizzy smiles warmly, adjusting Sammy's jacket as she does.

"What one you get, mommy?" Sammy asks her, looking up with his bright green eyes. She grins back, so beyond excited that her little man could warm up to her so quickly in just a day.

"Well," she starts, looking through the case and crouching down a little. "The Elmo one does look pretty good… but I think I'm getting the mocha chocolate one."

"I too!" Sammy brightens up, wanting to get whatever it is that his mother does. He wants to be the same.

"Oh, Sammy… I don't think you'll like that one, kiddo. It tastes like coffee," Lizzy tries to explain.

"Daddy drink coffee."

"I know. He drinks a lot," Lizzy smirks, winking at Dean. "But you're a kid. Kids don't like coffee."

"I want what mommy get!" Sammy gets a little loud when he thinks he's not going to get what he wants.

"Hey!" Dean starts to intervene as is his default these days but Lizzy holds her hand out, stopping him.

She knows she can handle this one. "How about this? How about I get the mocha one and you get the Elmo one. Then I can take a bite of yours and you can take a bite of mine. We can share!" She smiles brightly at the idea.

"We share!?" Sammy asks with excitement.

"Absolutely, cupcake!" she calls him, kissing his cheek. She then turns to the woman behind the case.

"Already heard you," the woman grins, white pastry box already open as she plucks the cupcakes from the case for them.

"And could you add a slice of strawberry rhubarb in there too?" Dean interjects with his usual flattering grin that gets him what he wants.

"Will do," the woman answers and gets to work.

As they head for the register, Dean nudges Lizzy's shoulder. "Not bad, momma."

"Thanks, daddy," she smiles knowingly.

"No, I mean it," Dean tells her. "You haven't lost a step."

Lizzy's face softens. "He's my son. It's easy."

"Guess so," Dean laughs as the woman behind the counter comes back. Dean pays for their treats, adding in a milk for Sammy and a couple coffees for the adults.

Dean then leads them to a table by the big picture window that looks out over the main street in town. They settle, getting Sammy set up first before digging into their desserts.

"Mommy, I try," Sammy says and points to Lizzy's cupcake that she's sure he won't like.

Lizzy breaks him off a piece. "Here, try this little bite first. If you like it I can share more."

He tries to hand it over but instead Sammy leans over to her hand and takes it mouth first. She smiles at the move as she watches Sammy's face. He starts alright but quickly it scrunches up with dislike.

"What? You don't like it?" Lizzy asks with faux surprise.

"I no like it, mommy," Sammy tells her.

"Take a sip of milk and get rid of it then," she laughs as she slides his drink closer to him. He listens to her, gulping milk through a straw from the small carton. "Maybe I'll just eat my cupcake on my own then."

"Okay, mommy," Sammy says to her as he watches her pull the wrapper off of his Elmo cupcake. "You wanna bite Elmo?"

"No thank you, sweetie," Lizzy tells him, her fingers brushing through his hair. "You're a very nice boy, Sammy. You know that?"

Sammy just shrugs and picks up his cupcake, taking a massive bite and getting red frosting everywhere.

Lizzy and Dean both laugh at him for that.

"Just like you," Lizzy grins a little at Dean and takes a second to appreciate her husband. The midday sun comes through the big picture window and hits him just right. The way his eyes light up, his face in a slight smile like she isn't used to... he just looks stunning in the moment.

"Yeah, he might have picked up on the less, uh, polite things I do," Dean jokes as he forks a piece of pie that's far too big and shoves the whole bite into his mouth. Lizzy huffs a laugh at him and reaches over, swiping a glob of filling from the corner of his mouth. She licks her thumb and grins.

"Not bad," she thinks before taking a bite of her own food. She hums with sheer delight. "Holy… crap," she last minute amends her language. "Oh my god. Food. So good."

She hums some more with enjoyment as Dean's brain starts turning a bit. "Hey, uh… what did you eat for a year while you were… _at work_."

"Nothing," Lizzy tells him, not looking at him as she takes another bite.

"Nothing!?" Dean asks. "You didn't eat for a year?" He glances at Sammy and thankfully sees that he's not listening.

"Nope."…

"How did you survive?"

"I don't know," Lizzy shakes her head, sipping her coffee. "Rules are different there. No one… or no _thing_ , really… had to eat. It was just… every man for themselves for the most part."

"So… it was you and Cass versus the whole of Purgatory?" Dean asks in a hushed voice, not to alarm either Sammy or the other patrons around.

"No," Lizzy answers quickly. "Not the whole time, at least."

"What does that mean?" Dean asks.

She sighs, the memories coming back way too easily….

" _You want out then you do it my way," Lizzy tells him for the hundredth time as they stomp through the endless woods, eyes darting about as always for threats. "We aren't having this discussion again!"_

" _I just don't get it," the man following her tells her, wiping his brow as he grows more and more frustrated with her as the days wear on. "We gotta git, darlin'. The longer we stay the bigger the chances are we don't even make it to the portal alive."_

" _You seem to be convinced that I don't get that," she turns around and stops, ready to have this fight yet again with her Purgatory companion. "But trust me. I fucking get it."_

" _Do you?" he challenges once more, stepping up to her and using his height to intimidate her._

" _Back the fuck off, Benny," Lizzy rolls her eyes and looks away from him. He seems to hate how not in control he is with everything._

" _When you tell me why finding your friend, the one that ditched your fine ass the moment you arrived here, is so damn important… I'll happily back off," he tries yet again._

" _Benny, seriously, get off me," Lizzy says defiantly, not at all afraid of him even as his teeth descend with his anger. "Put those away!" Lizzy's had it. She shoves him away from her just to put distance between them. "You think that scares me? I used to eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast!"_

_Benny pauses at that, his nose wrinkling up with disgust before wondering, "Ya'll ate pieces of shit for breakfast?"_

_Lizzy relaxes at that, her face in a tiny smile. "The fact that you're never seen Happy Gilmore just made that really funny."_

" _Seen what?" Benny asks, confused._

" _Never mind," Lizzy shakes her head. "Look, I just need you to trust me here, Benny. Please. I know I'm asking a lot."_

" _You are… and the fact that Lou's your sister doesn't cover everything," Benny tells her. "I trust you. You're family in my eyes. But… what the hell is so important about this friend even after he ran away from you and left you high and dry?"_

_She's avoided telling him the truth all along. She doesn't know how he'll respond of if he'll be pissed/motivated to do something irrational or terrible… but after months Benny's earned her trust._

" _Alright, look," Lizzy starts, her shoulders dropping. "Cass is like family to me too."_

" _Family don't leave ya shanghai'd in Purgatory, dear," Benny points out, trying to prove to her why he's so concerned about this rescue mission that's severely delaying their return to the real world._

" _I have to believe he has his reasons for that."_

" _Like?"_

_Lizzy folds. "Cass isn't like everything else here. And he isn't human either."_

_Benny eyes her oddly. "Then what is he?"_

" _An angel," Lizzy blurts it out, watching Benny's face morph into something very serious. "My angel, actually."_

" _The hell you goin' on about?" Benny wonders, narrowed eyes as he takes a step closer to her._

" _He's an angel of the Lord," Lizzy spells it out. "Wings and all. Before we got sent here he was… broken. I'm fairly sure he's all but fallen, actually. And I think he needs help."_

" _Angels… ain't real, darlin'," Benny huffs a disbelieving laugh._

" _They are," she tells him with certainty. "And you know I'm not about to lie to you after all this time. He's real and he's been there for me my entire life. He's saved me and my family so many times… and I finally get to pay him back. I need to find him. He's leaving with us… even if he ditched me."_

_With that Lizzy turns back around and starts walking once more, determined as ever to reunite with her guardian angel._

_And Benny watches as she walks, quickly falling into step with her. He shakes his head and she just catches him muttering, "Well, ain't that a son of a bitch…."_

"Do we need to do this right now?" Lizzy wonders, hating Dean's timing with bringing up Purgatory. Instead of talking about the shittiest parts of her last year she should be paying attention to her son and getting to know her family again. And talking about everything that happened, and knowing how much he's going to hate some of what she did there, she's not ready to deal with it. "Focusing on that stuff, I don't wanna do that right now."

"Sorry," Dean shakes his head at his lack of decorum. "I didn't mean to…."

"I know," Lizzy assures him. "Just, not now."

Dean nods at her, agreeing.

"What _I_ would like to know is what you two have been up to for a year," Lizzy asks with a lighter tone. "I know you have a home but that's about it."

Dean huffs a small laugh. There's so much to say. So much to go over. Pieces at a time.

"Well, when you left, things weren't good…."

" _Dean?"_

_It's a quiet question, not just asking for his attention but asking if he's going to be able to handle talking right now. Dean doesn't move. He stays sitting on the edge of the bed the used to share with Lizzy every time they came to Rufus' cabin as he watches Sammy sleeping in his crib._

" _Dean, we need to talk," Sam tries again, taking a step forward into the room that Dean has barely left for the past three weeks. Anytime Sammy's asleep he's here, mourning alone._

_Dean still won't answer. He instead takes a large pull from his bottle of beer he had clamped between his hands, his elbows leaning onto his knees._

_Sam cautiously takes a seat next to Dean, leaving enough distance between them. "Lou and I have been talking about it."_

"' _Bout what?" Dean quietly asks, never looking at Sam. His hollow eyes remain on his son, the feelings of hopelessness and fear and pure loneliness pummeling him constantly._

" _About getting out of here because we can't just stay here forever," Sam explains, keeping his tone low and cautious, as if Dean could blow up any minute. "We had an idea."_

_Dean waits for Sam to continue, not looking at him still._

" _We were thinking we should move to Kansas," Sam tells him. "Get a place, settle in, and figure it all out from there."_

" _Figure what out?" Dean asks, finally looking to Sam._

_It breaks his heart to see Dean like this. Dark circles under his eyes, his face pale and torn with grief, Sam's seen a lot of bad from his brother but this wins out as the worst. "Figure out what we do now."_

_Dean hangs his head. The very thought of a future without his wife in it seems like an impossible thing. Life can't exist without her, can it? He always thought he'd die first and he welcomed the idea. He always knew he couldn't live without her. Now he has to figure out how to move on?_

_What do they do now? Dean knows what they do now. Nothing. No single next step makes sense._

" _I know this… I know it doesn't even makes sense right now," Sam says in his still quiet tone, looking at Sammy also. His heart breaks for these two as much as he holds out hope that this isn't permanent. "But we need to do something. You know Lizzy would want us to do the right thing here."_

" _And what's the right thing here, Sam?" Dean challenges in his same, shattered voice he's had ever since he finished breaking everything he could in the cabin with the news of Lizzy's death._

" _Get out," Sam says easily, hands clasped in front of him._

" _Out?" Dean disbelieves._

" _Yeah. Lizzy always said when the Leviathan were gone then you guys were getting out of the life. You were going to get a home for Sammy and stop all the dangerous shit. Now's the time. Honor that. Make her proud."_

" _She's not proud, Sam… she's dead," Dean bitterly reminds._

" _You know what I mean," Sam amends. "Lou and I found a small town in Kansas. We'll keep ourselves in the middle of the country. If anything goes wrong we can go in any direction. And I had an idea for Lou once we arrive to give her purpose… and we can keep Sammy away from all this."_

" _This what?" Dean wonders._

"This _," Sam says, pulling a shotgun out from under the bed they're sitting on and showing to Dean. "The spells and weapons and monsters… he doesn't need to know about any of it. Sammy can get the redo we never got now that the Leviathan are gone."_

_Dean hangs his head, the beautiful idea too much for him to take. This was supposed to be Lizzy's doing, getting out and giving Sammy that warm, loving home his own mother once tried to create for him._

" _Dean… I know this feels wrong but… this is about Sammy," Sam very cautiously says. "Everything is about Sammy."_

" _You don't think I know that?" Dean asks sharply, a fire behind his empty eyes when he peers at his brother off to the side._

" _I know you know that," Sam corrects him. "And I know, deep down, you feel the same as we do. We gotta ditch here and try to make a real life. Let's make this work. Let's give him every damn thing we never got."_

_Dean nods slowly as the idea slips into his mind. That hole is his chest grows and by the time Dean looks over at Sam there's already a tear trail down his cheek. "We didn't have a mom."_

_And what the hell can Sam even say to that?_

" _But unlike us… he's gonna have a dad that doesn't shove a shotgun in his hands at the age of eight and that doesn't drink himself stupid through his toddler years," Sam reminds. "He'll have a home not on four wheels. He'll go to one school, have one teacher a year… we can do this, Dean. We can make this work out."_

_All the things Sam says, all those pipedreams that Lizzy once held for her son, Sam's telling him it can happen. As another tear rolls silently, Dean comes to terms with it. This is life. They'll live it well, make sure Sammy has every advantage he deserves… and even if Lizzy isn't there for it he'll make sure her dreams won't go unrealized._

" _Yeah, okay," Dean relents, washing a hand down his face to clear the tears and try to sack up about this. "We should go."_

_Sam smiles very small and claps a hand down onto Dean's shoulder, gripping tightly to show his support before he leaves the room and gives his brother time with his thoughts._

"A week later we were holed up in some motel in Kansas as Sam finagled some things with Charlie," Dean explains.

"The, uh, techie you met at Roman's headquarters?" Lizzy tries to keep straight.

"Good memory," Dean awes a little. "Yeah, she's incredibly good at what she does. She figured out how to mess with our socials and get us new, clean numbers that are registered on the federal level. She even wired money from god knows where into accounts she set up at local banks for us. Next thing we know we're moving into a small home with three bedrooms and Lou's opening a bar in town."

"Louie owns a bar?" Lizzy's eyes widen, not ever having been ready to hear that Lou is living normal with a normal job. After Purgatory she was a gung-ho mess of hunting need. Lizzy, having just been there, now gets that need. But a job? A business-owning job?

"Yeah. Called it the Roadhouse," Dean says with a little pride. He does see the merit of what Lou's been up to and he appreciates that she's been really helpful to the community, like a new mom for the wayward people that hunt. "Even has a picture of Ellen and Jo by the door along with Bobby and Annie Hathaway… Rufus… the whole gang. You're up there but I guess we can take that down now." He smiles warmly.

Lizzy grins sadly back to know they're honored even in such a small way. So many hunters die in the name of saving others and not one single civilian with ever praise their work or honor their memory. It's so sad.

"That mean she's made herself a hunter's gathering spot?"

"Oh yeah," Dean nods. "She serves beer and monster info to hunters. And some locals drink there… they don't get the whole monster part. Just the beer."

"So… Lou is the new Ellen?" Lizzy assumes.

"And just as hard assed," Dean adds in. "She rules that place with an iron fist."

"Damn," Lizzy says with surprise. "That's awesome." Dean nods, clearly still impressed by Lou's work, as he takes another bite of his now nearly gone pie. "What about Sam?"

"Sam's, uh… he's kinda floating, actually," Dean admits, his face screwed up in slight confusion with the very idea to this day.

"Floating?" Lizzy doesn't understand, continuing to eat her cupcake.

"Yup. He never really landed on anything, you know? Mostly he balances the Roadhouse books and repairs the bar and house… and helps Lou with lore. He stays busy but he never got a real job."

"That's really surprising," Lizzy comments.

"I know," Dean nods once. "But hey, when all he has is an unused pre-law degree that's almost a decade old, what job could Sam get that would be worth his time?"

"Makes sense," Lizzy admits, sipping her coffee and suppressing the groan she wants to let out over the warm, rich flavor. She missed coffee.

"But… I might have heard Lou and him talking the other day," Dean brings up the eavesdropping. "Lou's pushing him to apply for grad school."

Lizzy's eyes are wider than wide. "Would he do that?"

"Sounded like he wasn't sure, even if Lou was," Dean says and follows that up with a laugh to himself. "Never thought I'd ever say this, but I'm glad he married her. As much of a pain in the ass as she is… she's pretty good for him. She pushes him in a way only she could. I mean, not even _I_ can get through to him like that half the time."

When Dean looks at her, Lizzy's face is frozen in shock.

"What'd I say?" he wonders, thinking he went too far with something. He just doesn't know what.

"They're… _married_?"

Shit. He didn't want to tell her that yet. "Uh, yeah. They got hitched out of nowhere, actually."

Lizzy's face falls. "Oh god, I missed it." She hangs her head. "I missed so much…."

"And Lou missed ours," Dean shrugs.

"So what?" Lizzy challenges. "I should have been there."

"You were busy," Dean reminds. "And plus… I wasn't even there. Don't feel so left out."

"What!?" Lizzy asks with more shock at this.

"They disappeared one afternoon and came back hitched. Did a quickie at town hall. They said they didn't want me upset since it was only a couple months after you, uh, left and inviting me felt like rubbing it in my face."

"So they left you out!? That's screwed up!" Lizzy gets upset.

"Nah. I think it was best they did it that way," he confesses. "Those first months weren't pretty. No one would want me at their wedding back then, trust me."

And there it is. That heavy weight in her chest that makes her mourn for the lost year of their lives and the burden and pain this inflicted on Dean. Quietly she places a hand on top of his that's resting by his discarded fork. He looks at their hands and grips hers tight, appreciating that she gets it, even if her own dealt hand was much worse.

"What about you?" Lizzy lightens up, leaving the newly discovered bombshell for another time.

"What do you think I did?" Dean questions, assuming she'd know.

"My guess? You worked at a garage."

"Bingo," Dean responds. "Worked three days a week to pay some bills and Sam watched Sammy for me. Other than that… it was all about me and my shadow."

They both look to Sammy as he pokes his fingers through the pile of frosting and crumbs left behind, his face a mess of red.

"Wow!" Lizzy lets out a big laugh at him. "You're a mess!"

"It good, mommy," Sammy tells her, crumbs in his tiny white teeth as he shows her a frosting smeared hand.

"I can tell it was good," she continues to laugh and grabs a wad of napkins from the dispenser on the table. She then tries to wipe his face down but she squirms away from her.

"Sammy," Dean says in a warning tone. "Hold still. You gotta clean up."

"I no like it," Sammy whines as Lizzy continues.

"Too bad," Dean tells him. "You look like a crazy person. Let mommy help."

Sammy still moves about to avoid Lizzy's attempts, but eventually she gets him mostly cleaned up. It's good enough for now. "You gonna finish your milk before we go?"

"Yes," Sammy says and reaches out when Lizzy hands it to him.

"Both hands," she reminds him and he clutched tight to the carton as he drinks the rest down. "You wanna take a walk to the playground around the corner when you're done?"

Sammy nods his head enthusiastically as he drinks a little faster.

"You sure you wanna stay out that long?" Dean checks in on her. When they first arrived in town, walking down the main drag, all the noise and movement made her seem unsettled. He just needs to check on her.

"Yeah, I think it's good for me," Lizzy tells him.

"You sure?" Dean eyes her.

She grins. "I know I was a little weird when we first got into town but I'm… just adjusting. And being around people is good. I think I need this."

Dean nods his agreement. "Then let's get to that playground. Just, you know, tell if you need to leave."

"Promise," she smiles back, loving this new Dean she's seeing. Patient, understanding, less temperamental, kind… he's damn near perfect these days.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flashbacks, Benny... it's all here. Hope you liked it!
> 
> Recently I decided to do something over on Fanfic. After speaking to a couple members of the Supernatural Fan Fiction Monthly Awards, I made the decision to enter one of the stories in my series into the monthly competition. It's been almost five years for me writing this series and it's about time I try and spread the word. I've chosen The Definition of Family as my entry story. It's in the beginning so the story line isn't too complicated to just jump into. Also, I'm revamping the entire thing so that it makes sense on its own and so that it's just plain better. I hope it gets me some more readers as that's the basic reason I've chosen to do this. When the story is reposted, and of course I will be reposting it here too, and it's all shiny and new I'll let you all know, in case you'd like to read the newer version. Wish me luck! ;)


	6. Finding Them Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long one today, folks!

 

* * *

In the grungy basement of the Roadhouse, Sam's using a power drill to place brackets on a set of piping that needed replacing across the ceiling boards. He knew when he bought the bar that a lot of work needed to be done to it and when he promised Lou he'd do it all himself so they could afford the place he meant it. Now? Now, well, he misses law books and lectures. Maintenance was never a goal of his.

But here he is, getting dirty and working with his hands. This is not all that unlike the whole hunting occupation he had for years, and still has very part time, but at least he can't recall any instances of people dying from pipe work.

"Dinner!"

He grins. "Be right up!"

Sam finishes up what he's doing, getting the pipes secure enough, and heads upstairs.

When he walks into the main area of the bar, wiping the sweat from his brow, he hears a whistling of appreciation clearly aimed at him.

"Mm-mm, love a dirty man that can fix things," Lou smirks from behind the bar, popping the caps off of three bottles of beer as she enjoys the view. Dirt smudged Sam in a t-shirt was one of her favorite incarnations of her man.

"Yeah, Sammy-boy! Looking hot!"

Sam turns to look behind himself at the three regulars in their usual back corner table, already with their cards out and cribbage board pegged.

"Thanks, Ern," Sam huffs a laugh and heads for the bar. He plops into a stool in front of the take-out Chinese food boxes sitting there.

"Hey, he's mine, Ernie," Lou reminds him, placing the beers on their table as always. "Go find yourself your own dirty man."

"Aw, but I like _him_ ," Ern creepily comments before bursting out laughing, Ray and Pete laughing with him. "Just 'cause it makes you pissed."

"You guys suck," Lou rolls her eyes with a grin and heads back for Sam. She sits on a stool next to him and passes the right take-out box to him. "Veggies. Chicken. Steamed. Light sauce."

Sam nods and smiles as he picks up some chopsticks and preps them. "You hear from Mari yet?"

"No," Lou says with concern, opening her own Kung Pao chicken and grabbing a fork. "I have no idea what's taking her so long. She should've called early this morning."

"Maybe she got tied up with something," Sam shrugs.

"Better be important… and not some random dude she picked up like the last three times," Lou gripes, taking a bite.

Sam just laughs, recalling the good old days with Dean. He knows that story. "So, pipes look pretty good now. I replaced a whole section. The sinks should be working better but you might wanna get someone professional to look at it all, make sure I did it right."

"I'm sure you did just fine, Giant," Lou brushes off the idea of spending more money.

"Just saying, I'm not much of a plumber."

"Hey, I'm just saying I'm trying to stay afloat around here," Lou reminds. "We only have a handful regulars and hunters barely stop by since they're all over the country. Keeping the lights on can be hard enough."

"But you're doing a really good thing around here," Sam reminds her, knowing the hassle just trying to keep the place open can be tough at times. He wishes Ellen was still alive to give them some pointers. "Ever since the original burned down there hasn't been a home base for hunters like this. You know how much you've changed the job for the whole community."

"Or at least the section of the community that doesn't hate the name Winchester," Lou reminds, eating more of their take-out dinner. "I had no idea how despised you guys had become."

"Well, according a good chunk of the community we opened a hell gate, we started the Apocalypse, and I have demon powers that are awfully suspicious. Oh, and some have a theory that those un-kill-able creatures with the black goo for blood were out there because of us." Sam huffs a disgusted laugh. "Wouldn't you hate us?"

"No," Lou strongly denies. "I like to think I'd be smarter than those assholes and do some actual recon on the subject before I blackball two of the greatest hunters the fucking Earth has ever seen."

"Kinda like you did with Dean when Lizzy started liking him?" Sam arches an eyebrow, challenging her.

Lou stares at him with a blank, angry face. "That's totally different and you know it."

"How is it different!?" Sam wants to know, mouth filled with veggies.

"He was banging my best friend!" Lou reminds. "This was personal. It's totally different when you're talking about someone's heart, you know?"

Sam considers this for a second. "Okay, I can see that."

"Damn straight," Lou says, still remembering that hatred she harbored for Dean for so damn long. Thank god she was wrong. "Dean's just lucky I'm a forgiving person."

Sam nearly spits his food with his burst of laughter.

"What!?" Lou asks, already offended.

"Forgiving!? _You_!?" He laughs some more.

"Hey! I can be very forgi…."

Lou stops midsentence when she hears the front door of the bar burst open. When she looks she's shocked to see her friend Mari running into the building.

"Lou!" she shouts and heads her way.

"Mari? What the hell? You were supposed to call me," Lou tells her standing up off her stool to talk to the woman.

"Couldn't," she tells her, skidding to a stop in her rush. "Fucking vamp fight. Phone got crushed."

"So use a fucking payphone!" Lou says with outrage that she's been waiting on Mari's findings, and to know Mari was just plain alive and well, for so long.

"Watch you're tone! And when was the last time you saw a working payphone, mother fucker!?" Mari fights back, already pissed for the greeting she's getting.

"The motels you frequent don't have working phones in the room?" Lou keeps pushing.

"And without my phone I don't have your number," Mari reminds. "I don't have that shit memorized."

"You need to start memorizing my number, or at least the number here," Lou scold her like a kid. "You can't just disappear and not contact me. Jesus, I didn't know what happened to you."

" _Sorry_ ," Mari says with attitude. "I figured by the age of 31 you'd let me do my thing and just assume I'm fine…."

"The best of us get got sometimes," Lou reminds. "I assume no one's fine."

Mari stays quiet for a second, knowing she's wrong but not wanting to admit it. "You done yelling at me, mom? Or do you wanna know what I found?"

"Spill it," Lou shrugs.

"Dean's at the cabin in Whitefish, just like you thought," Mari lets her know. "I checked in the middle of the night. The Impala's there, car seat and all, so I know he's there with Sammy…." She pauses when her head is filled with confusion. "And… I also saw someone that looks an awful lot like Lizzy."

Lou's face drops immediately, her skin pale. Sam puts his food down and sits taller, turning to face Mari head on.

"Guys, I know," Mari puts her hands out in surrender. "She's gone. And I know you might punch me just for bringing her up…."

"He was with Lizard?" Lou asks, not upset. Just simply shocked.

"Well, no," Mari laughs it off. "I mean, Lizzy's dead. You told me yourself. But the chick he's holed up with looks a hell of a lot like her. Maybe he's just, you know, doing some weird healing thing with a lookalike. People have done stranger, freakier things while mourning loss."

Lou just nods while swallowing the lump in her throat down. Lizzy's out. It has to be her. Her sister found that escape hatch and got out. Holy shit.

"Thanks for checking in on everything, Mari," Lou says. She smiles. "We were really worried about Dean and Sammy. I feel better knowing where they are."

"Yes, thank you," Sam adds in, relief washing over him in so many ways. Dean and Sammy are safe somewhere and Lizzy's out. Lou was right. She found her way.

"No problem," Mari huffs a laugh and sits at Lou's old stool. "Now get me a fucking beer, huh? You owe me for that damn big favor." She drums her hands on the bar top and stares at Lou.

Shit. Lou's dying to jump into the car and head to that cabin now. She's been waiting so long for this information, that Lizzy got out and is safe. She knew her girl would make it. She knew she'd survive.

But Mari's here after helping her in a big way, the bar is open with patrons, two more just now walking in, and she has a couple hunters coming in tonight for the info she dug up for them last week.

Damn it.

"Sure," Lou says and quickly heads behind the bar. She grabs a beer, pops it, and places it in front of Mari. He then nods at Sam to follow her out back. "Be right back, Mari."

"Whatever," Mari shrugs, taking a big swig of beer as she watches some local men, young and cute and blue collar just like she likes them, walk into the bar around eight at night. "I'll be just fine."

"Sure you will," Lou rolls her eyes and heads to the back room, Sam following her. The second they're out of ear shot Lou spins on her heels and stares up at Sam with huge, shocked eyes. "She's fucking out!"

"She has to be," Sam agrees, both their hearts pumping quickly with surprise and excitement. "I mean, we know there's a back exit to Purgatory…."

"And I knew Lizard would find it," Lou tacks on.

Sam exhales hard in a huff while running his hands through his hair, Lou simply looking right back at him. They can't formulate words for a moment as they settle in with the idea that this could be it. Lizzy could be back and the waiting is over. The broken home thing is over.

Lou covers her face with her hands and pushes out a breath, composing herself as she still needs to work. Through her palms she says, "I wanna jump in the car."

"Me too," Sam admits. "But let's finish the night. We can close up after making some much needed money and we can drive through the night."

"Be there by tomorrow night," Lou nods, trying to slow her heart.

"Plus, don't you have the Thompson's coming in for that info you collected for them?"

"Said they'd get in around ten," Lou nods, sighing heavily. "Jesus, she's fucking out."

"And Dean must have known," Sam points out the big, problematic thought he's had since Mari mentioned a Lizzy-a-like.

"That's why he went to Whitefish. Shit, he was waiting for her," Lou figures as she starts to get it. "How the fuck did he know!?"

"I have no idea," Sam admits.

"And how did he know to meet her there!?"

Sam shrugs, having no idea.

"But he definitely knew."

"Clearly."

Lou shakes he head as their brains formulate everything at the same pace. "I'm so confused…."

_Lou-Lou! We got some thirsty dudes out here! Come on!_

Nodding unhappily, Lou makes a face of anger as she realizes she does in fact have to work tonight, Mari making sure she gets that. "Shit."

"I'll stay and help," Sam tells her. "We close up ASAP, pack up, and drive all night."

"Okay. Yeah," she agrees and smiles small. "I need to see her."

Sam doesn't miss the slight crack in her tone. "We both do. We'll get there as soon as we can."

Lou nods again, composing her anxiety, and heads back out the door, her heart never slowing. Her sister's back and that alone is a miracle, the kind they rarely get.

* * *

 "Night, dude," Dean says as he tucks Sammy in after story time. He kisses his forehead and hands over the Patriots jersey-wearing teddy bear.

Sammy grabs it tightly and settles in. "Night, daddy."

Lizzy then gets off the bed, putting the book of the night onto the pile on the dresser. She then smiles at Sammy. "Goodnight, sweetie."

"Night, mommy," Sammy says to her as she walks for the doorway. As she closes it halfway she hears him yell to her, "No bed bugs bite!"

She quietly laughs, her heart bursting yet again with his cute words.

When she walks away from the room she finds Dean already in the kitchen with two glasses out. He turns and shakes a bottle of Jameson at her, smirking with a cocked eyebrow as he knows she'll want some.

"You waited until now to let me know that bottle was in the house?" she says with disappointment. Shaking her head at him, she plops down onto the couch and waits.

When Dean reaches her, two fingers of whiskey per glass, he sits right next to her. Leg pressed to hers, he hands over a glass and they clink theirs together silently. He watches her take a sip, eyes closing in pure bliss as she lowers her glass.

"Oh my god, I missed you," she sighs, looking down at the liquid gold in her grasp. "My Jameson."

Dean just quietly laughs at her and lets her settle in. She leans against him, her head on his shoulder, and he can feel her form relaxing muscle by muscle. He lets it happen. She deserves to try and find a way to unwind after being on edge for so long.

"How you doing?" Dean asks, propping his boots up onto the coffee table.

"Good."

"Liar."

"I'm a liar?" Lizzy challenges, picking her head up off his shoulder.

"Oh yeah. _Big one_ ," he emphasizes his last words, making sure she gets it. She's been pegged.

Lizzy's eyes dart around the room. "So? Did you expect me to good?"

"Hell no," Dean tells her, angling towards her more. "I just don't want you to lie about it."

"But Sammy…."

"I ain't Sammy. I can handle it. And how the hell can I help you if you're just gonna stow it away and make it eat at you?"

When she gives him a look to say that he does the very thing he's mad at he for, he rolls his eyes.

"Yeah, I know," Dean tells her. "But you're not me. You're L. You don't suppress. You let it out."

"This is… different," Lizzy explains vaguely.

"How so?" Dean wonders. He knows this is bigger than anything she's been through before but he wants her to explain it.

"It's just… there's no way I can explain it. Lou tried and even if what she said was terrible… being there, it's worse."

"I can understand that kinda thing," Dean reminds her. "Hell and all."

"I'm not saying you can't. And I'm definitely not dismissing Hell," Lizzy explains to him. "But just like you can't do Hell justice in words… I can't do Purgatory justice. So why bother?"

Dean nods at this, her way of seeing it making complete sense to him. So he leaves the whole Purgatory experience be. Instead, there's one thing he has to know and she's yet to really tell her about. After a pause, Dean clears his throat. He grabs her free hand in his and gives it a try. "L, what happened to Cass?"

And all her relaxation disappears. He can feel her entire form go ridged with stress immediately.

"I know this isn't an easy thing for you, but I gotta know," Dean says, pain already in his eyes as he's scared of what he might be told. But she knows the importance Castiel had in his life too. He has to know.

Lizzy nods, her chin already trembling a touch. She opens her mouth and closes it again before words are formed, her hand gripping tighter to his.

"Is he alive?" Dean asks her, a spark of hope in his tone.

"I… I don't know," is all she can get out before she blinks and forces the tears to fall.

"What do you mean you don't know?" Dean quietly asks, his tone filled with nothing but concern.

"I mean… I don't fucking know what happened to him," Lizzy admits, voice getting angry easily, her face falling.

"Don't get mad," Dean calmly shakes his head as he looks at her, telling her to relax.

She looks away, sighing with how fast she got pissed off when Dean asked her a question he deserves an answer to. She knows she has to tell him. "We were right there, we were so close…."

_Climbing the cliff, the wind picking up as the portal opens further with her proximity, they struggle. It's steep, the dirt and rocks are loose, and the wind becomes stronger and more unbearable as they go. But Lizzy makes it to the top._

_Turning around, she looks down at Castiel barely holding on. "Grab my hand!" she leans down and reaches for him._

" _Get in first!" Castiel shouts back to her, still clawing his way upwards._

_She listens. Lizzy steps into the portal and reaches over the edge again on her hands and knees. One hand still gripping her weapon, she managed to grasp his hand as hard as she can. She starts to pull. "Hurry! Cass, it's closing!"_

" _Elizabeth!" he yells her name, trying harder but still failing._

" _Cassie, please!" she starts to fear as their grip loosen. She's losing him._

" _No! Elizabeth!" he yells her name again and their hands slide out of each other's hold. "Elizabeth!"_

_Castiel falls some feet down the cliff as the portal closes and takes her with it, the terror in his eyes the last Lizzy sees of her guardian angel._

By the time she gets through the story her head is in her hands as she cries, back hunched. Dean's placing their glasses on the coffee table and bringing his arms around her shaking form. He pulls her tightly to himself as she finally shows some actual emotion over everything that happened to her, the last bit of the entire experience clearly the worst part for her.

"I couldn't save him," Lizzy sobs, her face turned into his neck as she cries hard. "We were right there… _right there_ …."

"Hey. Hey, it's okay," Dean tries to calm her with arms around her sobbing form.

"No it's not!" Lizzy yells right in his face as she looks up at him with red eyes, pushing him away from her. "Dean! I should have held on, I should have gotten him out!"

"And you tried…."

Lizzy won't listen as she stands up out of her seat. "Not hard enough!"

"Easy…" Dean puts his hands out to her.

"I promised him! I swore I'd get him out or die trying… and neither of those things happened! What… I mean, what the hell? He was always there for me…." She falls into sobs again at the very idea. "The second I was born Cass was there. And I… I failed… and he's, I don't know what he is." Lizzy walks back a few steps to get away from his confused look. She trips on a Hot Wheels and she huffs in pure frustration. "Fuck!"

Dean's wide eyes watch as she scoops up the car and heaves it across the cabin, it hitting the wall by the refrigerator with force that probably broke the toy.

"I don't even know if he's alive! He could be dead! I killed him!"

She covers her face again and cries even harder this time. Her body shakes with utter sadness, the loss of Castiel still raw and the memories terrible. She can't get past it. All she can see are a pair of pained, scared blue eyes pleading her for help as she lets the angel down so terribly.

Without warning there are strong arms around her form that holds her tightly. The confinement freaks her out at first and she shoves him in the chest, putting a couple feet between them.

Dean's hurt face looks at her with confusion and pain, not knowing at all what to do for her. And it's then that her brain catches up with her actions. She didn't mean to do that. She just went on pure instinct.

"I'm sorry," Lizzy apologizes immediately. "Shit, I'm sorry." She shakes her head, hoping he understands that she didn't mean to do any of that.

Dean just nods once and walks back up to her, hugging her close once more in a way she trusts and knows well. Dean didn't have any words for her in the moment because what does one say to that story? It's horrible and there's no changing that. And seeing her struggle like this, when she tries to do what's right… his heart is shattering for her.

"I miss him," Lizzy admits, her face now pressed to the front of his t-shirt as she pulls her arms around his back. "He tried to do right by me. He did… and I… god, I can't believe I let him down."

"You know Cass even better than me," Dean reminds her. "Do you really think he sees it as you let him down?"

"Doesn't matter. I do," Lizzy admits as she steps away from him to wipe her face down. She takes a deep breath and settles herself, shaking her body out. This is something she learned how to do in Purgatory. It took a lot for her to not break down once a day with the fear and longing she felt. When she finally did have her breaks she needed to gather herself quickly before she became the next target of whatever might be passing by. As a human, she was a favored target… especially with how many monsters she put there personally. She had to be able to control herself when needed. "Okay, I'm okay."

Dean's concerned eyes stare at her with confused shock. "How are you just _okay_? Just like that?"

"I, uh… I didn't have time to cry in Purgatory. I know how to get past it quickly now. I didn't have time to dwell," Lizzy explains, wiping down her face.

"Well, you do now," Dean reminds her, hands on her shoulders. "If you gotta let it out you know I'm never against that."

"But I am," she shrugs, wiping the stray tears. "And maybe that's a bad thing but for now… this is how I deal."

Add it to the list of things concerning Dean right now. He assumed she'd be a never ending string of outbursts and sobbing… but she's rarely cried for more than a few minutes. This is very much unlike her.

"Stop looking at me like that," Lizzy asks of him, crossing her arms over her chest when she gets self-conscious.

"I'm just worried about you. Like always," Dean admits to her, staying back to give her a second.

"I don't like when you dissect me like that," Lizzy tells him. "I know I'm different and just… please don't make me feel bad about that." She looks at her shoes and wipes her eyes one last time.

"I would never," Dean says to her, hurt that she feels this way. "I'm adjusting to it all just like you." He steps closer to her out of necessity. "L, I would never judge you. Or try to make you feel uncomfortable."

"But you keep looking at me like some charity case…"

"Which one of us ain't a fucking charity case?" Dean rebuts her. "You know how I feel about you. All I did this past year is wait for you and constantly worry about you. I knew you weren't dead. Deep down I always knew you were out there clawing to get back to us… and now that you have…." He sighs and his arms drops to his sides heavily. "I just want to do everything I can to help you when you need it. You've always been there for me. You've always been understanding beyond what I've deserved. I came back from Hell and you were everything I needed. Just, you know, let me do that for you."

Lizzy lets his words seep into her soul before she nods, accepting his explanation. Still hurts but she understands why he's been giving her those looks now. It isn't sympathy or anything patronizing. It's purely honest and it's from a place of extremely strong, very true love. Maybe she does need to give in and let him help.

She just doesn't know how to handle that. She's never been one to ask for help.

"I'm used to being the one helping," Lizzy says with her eyes closed, shamed that she's such a mess.

"I know that," Dean breezily says. "You're married to me, aren't you?"

This makes Lizzy crack a small smile. "I see what's wrong with me, honestly. I know I twitch at every noise. I know I'm… faking so much of my day just to keep Sammy and you, I guess, fooled… although clearly I'm not fooling you."

"You could never," Dean cockily states.

"And I know that… I shouldn't have even tried. You know who I am." She pauses, clearing her throat before mentioning something somewhat embarrassing. "And last night was… not me."

Dean's shoulders drop a full inch as his whole form relaxes a touch. "Thank god. I didn't want to have to say it."

"I was… too much," Lizzy cautiously says. "And if I freaked you out, I'm sorry."

"You did. Well… not when it was happening. I was fine when it was happening, but after… I was a little freaked."

"I took it all too far," Lizzy spits it all out. "I just missed you so much but I'm not used to being gentle anymore. That's a whole speed I haven't moved in for… so damn long." She covers her eyes with a hand, embarrassed.

"I mean, we've never exactly been gentle with each other…" Dean quips quickly, anything to lighten this up.

"You know what I mean," Lizzy cuts off his comments. "I'm sorry."

"Accepted," Dean tells her with a grin, happy to know she's still in there and still his girl. They just need to dig her back out over time. "And, you know… we could always try again, see if we can soften your edges a little." He makes a face to show his very eager willingness to try again.

Lizzy rolls her eyes and smiles, a genuine smile, and Dean's heart rate finally slows. "I'm sure you'd love that."

"Just please, be honest with me," Dean requests as heartfelt as he can while stepping back up to her. He grabs both her hands and looks right at her. "I can't help if you won't let me in."

She nods, easily wanting to open up like that and let him give her the aid she needs despite the difficulty of it. She then presses up on her toes like old times. Dean grins when he sees the move before leaning down to kiss her lips. She used to do that all the time, the move her way of asking for a kiss. He never knew how much he actually enjoyed the corny move until he hadn't seen her do it in so long.

"You wanna hang out for a little bit?" Dean tries to get them back on track. "Drink some whiskey, watch a movie?" He walks over to the stack of movies on the old TV set. "It's not all Sesame Street, Thomas, and SpongeBob. I brought some actual movies too."

"Like?" Lizzy wonders, sitting down on the couch again to retry.

"Uh… Unforgiven. Dirty Harry…."

"So, basically, you have the box set of Clint Eastwood movies I got you," Lizzy understands.

"Pretty much," Dean admits with a smile. "You pick?"

"Never got through Unforgiven the last time you put it on," she shrugs, remembering falling asleep.

"Unforgiven it is," Dean gets giddy and pops it into the cheap, small DVD player he rigged up to the TV that shouldn't be able to handle the technology.

They settle in, Dean once more sitting right up against Lizzy. He grabs their glasses, take a sip, and try again to make the night easier and relaxing instead of filled with fear, memories, and apologies.

By the time the opening credits roll, Dean's arm is already slung around her shoulders and Lizzy's already leaning her weight into him with her head on his shoulder. Not much about all this has been easy but this part of it… well, this part is the easiest of them all.

* * *

 It's been silent for the first couple hours of the trip. They're only halfway there, hitting slight traffic for a while, and Lou hasn't wanted to do anything but stare ahead at the asphalt and drive.

Sam's uncomfortable with it, especially now that he's finished research on the three cases Lou had open. He sent all the information off that he'd found on his phone during the ride but now, with nothing to distract him, he's concerned about her.

"So."

Sam's usual opening tactic. One word. Short and simple.

"You gonna keep talking or just do the usual Sam thing and just say ' _so'_?" Lou bites immediately, hating when he does that. Have something to say? Just fucking say it.

"I'm just wondering where your head's at right now," Sam explains himself.

"My head's… everywhere," Lou explains and sighs. "I don't know."

"I'm personally just preparing for the fist to the face I'm assuming I'll get when we arrive." Sam glances at her with that and catches Lou cracking an actual small smile at that.

"Yeah, Dean was super pissed when he left. He's probably been waiting to sock you."

Sam huffs a laugh. "The good old fashion Winchester heart-to-heart."

Lou actually laughs at that joke. Sam feels a little better to hear the sound.

"What are you gonna say to her?" Sam asks once his nerves settle back in. He looks over at her as she watches the road, her face serious with the question.

Shaking her head a little, Lou says, "I have no idea."

"You think she knows that we knew where she was?" Sam wonders aloud.

"Probably. I mean, I went to Purgatory. I knew about the place firsthand and what it takes to get there. I should have known that's where she was."

"And you did. You knew right away," Sam reminds.

"Exactly. And I won't lie to her about that," Lou says, tone sad. "I won't. I just… I have to hope she understands why I didn't do anything."

"How could she not?"

"I don't know," Lou worries. "Dean was incredibly pissed when he figured out that we knew. I just hope she isn't the same."

"I think you know who the levelheaded one of the two of them is," Sam smirks a little and Lou lightens up.

"Someone does need to keep Dean in line," she jokes right back. "And I'm tired of doing it myself. Thank god she's back."

Sam looks down at his lap, thinking. "Should we have told him?"

"Are you kidding me!?" Lou asks loudly, whipping her head to him.

"No, I'm not…."

"He would have popped Purgatory for her!"

"Maybe… maybe not…." Sam tries to defend his brother even though he thinks Lou's probably right.

"Definitely!" Lou shouts. "We made an agreement to not tell him for a reason."

"I get that. But we never gave him the benefit of the doubt…."

"Dean is not a rational person when it comes to Lizzy," Lou keeps going. "He's short-sighted at best and he'll do anything to get to her. You know all the crap he tried when he thought she was dead."

"Oh yeah, I remember," Sam assures her, recalling the talking boards and prayers to Heaven to speak with her, the plan they stopped in which he tried to contact a crossroads demon… and that was what they knew about.

"Now compound that with Dean knowing she's in Purgatory," Lou says strongly. "We all would have been screwed." She sighs. "I _know_ he would've opened a door to that place and the whole world… just monsterville all around." He voice is quieted by the time she finishes her thought.

Sam says nothing, knowing she's more likely than not right about this. Dean's irrational when it comes to his family. Hell, the guy sold his own soul to Hell for him. He makes stupid decisions based on whatever it takes to save his family and he's so selfless it's dangerous. Lou's right.

"I know you feel like shit, Sam… but stop it," Lou tries some more. "We did the right thing and even if they don't see it at first… well, I have faith that they will eventually. That have to. They aren't stupid."

"Well, Lizzy isn't," Sam jests slightly.

"I just hope they let us in when we get there." Lou sighs.

"Are you kidding me?" Sam huffs. "Lizzy'll be so happy to see you. Even if she's pissed."

"That's true," Lou nods. "Fuck, I'm so ready to see her. I hope she's alright. That place… I just hope it didn't do to her what it did to me."

"You're okay now though," Sam reminds. "You recovered. She will too."

"Yeah…" Lou trails off. She recovered… mostly. She hasn't totally. It's just that a place like Purgatory will never let its grip on you go fully. Never. It sticks with you, the feeling of being there and the alertness and constant fear. It's hard to ditch that.

And she doesn't want that for Lizzy.

"Let's just get there and see how she is before we worry too much about it," Sam suggests. "And… it's kinda lame but I'm ready see Sammy."

"Ugh, me too!" Lou relaxes, happy to not be alone on this. "I missed that little shit way more than I thought I would."

"We haven't been away from him for this long since we moved to Kansas," Sam reminds her. "That's a long time. I'm used to being around him."

"It'll be good to get back to him," Lou nods, ready for her little nephew to be in her life again. "Didn't realize how attached I got to him until now."

"Honestly, me neither," Sam admits to her. "It just kind of happened."

"I know," Lou nods. "I got used to being like a parent to the stinker."

"I know. You're really good with him."

"Surprisingly," Lou scoffs.

"No, really. You're pretty good with kids," Sam reminds her yet again.

"Nah. Just my own… or, like, my own family," Lou says, tripping over her words.

Sam smirks, ready to point out what she just said. He opens his mouth to mention it but she stops him.

"I know what I said and you can just shove it, okay?" she stops him before he can start.

"Just saying, Sammy's like your own but…."

"I know what you're saying, so drop it," Lou demands from him.

And Sam just sits in silence, letting them drop it for her sake but his point is made without having to say it. Sam has brought up kids a few times already but Lou always says no, claiming the life will just suck them back in at any second. Sam's comfortable in their current situation. He's confident in it even and once he figured out what his next step career-wise would be he wanted to hopefully start a family since Lou's come around ever so slightly in the past year to the idea. They've talked, Lou's admitted it wouldn't be the worst thing ever, and Sam's pushed her here and there as he knows he has to. They certainly aren't getting any younger at this point and Sammy deserves another kid to hang around, like Dean had Sam.

But for now, baby steps. Literally.

* * *

 "L?" Dean whispers to the sleeping woman on his shoulder. She doesn't move, her breathing still even and deep. He tries again, reaching a hand to palm her cheek. "L? Wake up."

"Hm?" she asks, eyes opening wide and fast. The second she sees Dean's kind eyes looking down at her she relaxes back into him, avoiding any form of shocking wake up with fear and uncertainty. "What's up?"

"You passed out mid-Unforgiven again." Dean smiles, knowing she's done this repeatedly in the past. Some things haven't changed.

"Can't do it, man," she yawns out and sits up, stretching. Her shoulder pops and Dean winces.

"You're joints make more noise than mine these days," he tells her.

"Probably," Lizzy nods. "Purgatory wasn't exactly cushy and easy."

And there it is. His heart hurts every time she makes comments like that. It makes him feel so… sorry? Horrible? Confused? Angry? Probably all of the above. He can't keep his mouth shut every time these feelings attack him. "L, I'm… I'm sorry all that crap happened to you."

She shakes her head with annoyance. "Did you hurl my ass into Purgatory?"

"No…."

"Then shut up, Hot Shot," she says to him, slight smile. "You have nothing to apologize for. Plus, I only did about a year there. You did forty in Hell. Makes me look like a pussy."

"Not a competition," he assures her.

"I know but still… I'm a lightweight at best," she smiles at him, meaning it.

Dean just smiles right back, getting these genuine glimpses of her in there. Fresh from sleep, she hasn't had time to put her mask on or let the past year's effects seep into her brain. "You called me Hot Shot."

Lizzy narrows her eyes in question.

"Just… been a while," Dean points out.

"You grew a vagina while I was gone." Lizzy laughs a little.

"Watch it," Dean points at her. "I won't take that from you just because you're my wife and went through some recent trauma."

Lizzy just leans a shoulder into him playfully.

"Hey, are you tired?" Dean asks calmly, keeping things even and easy when possible. "You need to head to bed?"

"Um…." Lizzy peeks at the wall clock in the kitchen. "Still kinda early."

"If you need to catch up on sleep it's fine with me."

"I'm okay," Lizzy assures him, still a touch overwhelmed with his attentiveness and need to check on her constantly.

Dean nods slowly once before grabbing her hand in his. "Can we try something?"

Her brow furrows in question. "Like?"

"Like… we go upstairs and this time you follow _my_ lead?" Dean tries, having had time to think while the movie was on and she was asleep. He's seen Unforgiven so many times. It's easy for his mind to wander. And when it wandered it went straight to the last time they were alone. Their night was not what he'd hoped to see from her and he wants to fix that.

"You trying to get in my pants, Winchester?" Lizzy asks with suspiciousness, eyeing him over. He grins.

"Only if you can handle not mauling me again," he responds with a smirk.

"I don't know… looking so good these days, not having being near you for so long… it's hard to keep myself in check." She winks.

"Stop stealing my lines," Dean huffs a laugh at her and stands up, pulling her along. "Let's go."

"Can I just check on Sammy first?" Lizzy asks.

He knows it's unnecessary. Sammy sleeps like a log. But she needs this so he lets her go for it. "I'll meet you up there."

She kisses his cheek and she watches him take the stairs two at a time as usual. Damn it, she loves that man. He's trying so hard and being more patient than she's ever before seen him be. He's something these days.

Creeping quietly to the bedroom door, Lizzy peeks in. Just as expected, Sammy's passed out and his messy dark hair is sticking up over the covers. He looks peaceful and content… everything she's ever wanted for him. She smiles, swallowing the lump in her throat. He's turning out to be a very sweet, very smart little man. Her pride is on overdrive almost every waking moment.

Closing the door a little more, Lizzy then heads up to their bedroom to meet her husband as requested.

When she walks through the door Dean's sitting there at the end of the bed, hands clasps between open knees and his face light and smiling. "He okay?"

"Just as you assumed he was," Lizzy answers, walking over to him. She places her hands on his shoulders and skims over the flannel of his shirt, hands weaving into his hair when she reaches the back of his head. She presses her front to his, leaning in close. She grins at him. "Hi."

Dean doesn't respond to her greeting. Instead, he brings a hand up to her face, cupping her jaw as he looks over her entire face. His eyes land everywhere, from the deep dark brown of her beautiful eyes to the very fine lines that are just starting to form during her last year or so of her twenties. Everything about her…. "My god, you're gorgeous."

Lizzy's face lightens in surprise for the comment.

"You are," Dean repeats, making sure she gets it. He's gotten the distinct feeling that the toll Purgatory took on her has made her confidence in some areas wane. He's concerned that she doesn't see herself in the mirror anymore… and he would know how that feels. He would never want her to have to deal with that. "You're just… you're beautiful."

"Sucking up to me?" she asks, trying to break the tension he created.

"No," he tells her, pure honesty radiating from him as his free hand comes gently to her hip. He slides it down to her thigh and pulls until she gets the hint. Lizzy gets onto his lap, knee to either side of him, and he gets her at eye level. "You just should know how I see you."

Lizzy looks away.

"And you should believe me," he tells her, taking her face in both palms this time and making her look at him again. "Since, you know… I'm always right."

"Oh, you're always right?" Lizzy sarcastically asks, a warm smile on her lips.

"Always, baby," Dean smirks, giving her the lightness she needed just then before slowly pulling her into an unrushed kiss. He doesn't let her move fast, he doesn't let her take over, he just directs their pace and keeps it loving and real. She clearly needs the reminder of how good, how pure their connection can be. Sure, they loved to get down and have fun like the next couple… but, and he'd never admit it out loud, Dean sometimes finds that the whole 'making love' thing is far better than the hair pulling or the role playing. She used to also. Dean knows, deep down, that she needs to remember that.

When he hears her moan softly, something deep and needy, he knows he needs to keep her on this same path. Last night was aggressive and it was her release. He let her have that. But this time it's all about _them_. It's about recalling what their connection is.

"I missed _this_ ," Dean tells her truthfully, kissing her some more. "I missed this side of you."

Lizzy doesn't answer to that. She just keeps kissing him, getting completely lost in the feel of her man. This warm, sweet, somehow perfectly honest feeling is creeping back into her chest, this whole experience having been lost on her after the past year. The ease, the comfort, the _knowing_. All of it. The night before she had so much tension and anger and fear built up in her and she let it out all wrong, using the one man she loves so strongly in a terrible way. She knows she ruined their first night back together. But now, with Dean moving the languid way he is, his heart clearly wide open to her, she's remembering.

Without warning, Dean's standing up. He holds onto her, a hand on her thigh and the other arm wrapped around her back, and he turns around. He lays her down on her back onto the mattress with total care, treating her like she's fragile.

"I'm not gonna break," she smiles warmly up at him as he hovers above her, crawling over her form until he finds that perfect spot. He kneels between her legs, hips pressed to hers as he looks down at her. This is right where he belongs.

Elbows to either side of her head, he gets closer to her. His fingertips brushing the hair from her face as he grins back. "Oh, I know that. I've tested you before."

"Yes you have," Lizzy nearly growls as she leans up and kisses his jaw a couples times.

"But that's not what we're doing this time," Dean explains to her.

"We could," Lizzy reminds, laying back to cock an eyebrow at him. To drive the point home she roams her hands down his back and gives his ass a playful squeeze.

"No, no, no," Dean smirks as he sits back on his heels and pulls her hands away. He holds them tight, kissing her right hand before telling her, "Not this time."

She doesn't press him and ask what that means. She knows what that means.

When he continues to look at her with those ever expressive eyes, his fierce love for her clearer than ever, she grips his fingers tighter within hers. "Dean… I meant it," she starts slowly, hesitantly. "I-I'm sorry. About last night. I don't know why I…."

"Hey, no," Dean shakes his head slightly. He pulls her hands until he's got her sitting up. He then grabs her face and presses a quick kiss to her lips. "No more apologies." He kisses her again. "We're just gonna make up for that."

Lizzy takes a deep breath and nods a few times, eyes still on his.

"You tell me if you need to stop or whatever?" Dean asks, still a touch nervous about starting anything with her after her wild animal attack the night before. He gives her a serious look as he lets her hands go and runs his palms up and down her denim-covered thighs, making sure she takes that question seriously.

She smiles at him, only a small amount of nervousness still in her tone. "I think I'll be more than fine… but yes, I'll let you know."

Dean's face transitions from a small smile to something else very quickly with that answer. He wants her to know so much about what's happening right now. How he doesn't see a broken woman like she does… because he sees a strong, insanely resilient woman instead. How he can look past the new scars and remember exactly who she was. How he still loves her, even if the last version of her he knew a year ago is not the same as the version she is today. How no matter what she does, what she becomes, what she goes through or what happens to her….

"I still love you," Dean blurts out, the words rushed. He watches her expression soften and he leans down over her, once more on his elbows as she gets onto her back. He presses a loving, sweet kiss to her lips. "I mean it. I will always love you, L."

She full blown smiles with his face just inches from hers, her eyes suddenly looking a little glossier. "It's so good to hear you say that." Lizzy lets out a somewhat shaky laugh as she cups his face with both hands. "I just… for a long time I didn't really know what I'd come back to."

Dean's face screws up in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I didn't know if time was different there, like Hell or something… and…." She struggles to get the true words out. "What if you… what if it had been _years_ that I was gone? What if Sammy was ten and you were… in your forties… but I was still like this? What if you couldn't wait for me anymore and Sammy needed a mom in his life? What if you had found someone else…?"

Dean cuts her rambling fears off by kissing her. He then scoops an arm under her head and one around her back and holds her tightly like that for a moment. With his cheek pressed to hers, he can feel her chest shaking as he hugs her in. She's telling the truth and it isn't easy. She lived in the nightmare of Purgatory… while living in a personal nightmare of these totally terrifying thoughts for that entire time.

"How could you think there would ever be anyone else?" Dean asks her, kissing her cheek before once more looking down into her eyes. "Whether you're here or not… you're it for me."

"But I want you to be happy…."

"And I'll never be happy without you," Dean gruffly tells her, almost offended at the idea of finding a new woman. "There's no replacing you, L. There's no other woman out there worth bothering with."

Lizzy gives him a slightly skeptical look. "You… _didn't_? Bother with another girl?"

"No," he easily answers.

"For a whole year?"

"Never even thought of it as an option," Dean admits truthfully, kissing her cheek. Yes, fifteen months of celibacy. "Longest I've ever gone since I lost my V-card."

"Why?" Lizzy has to wonder. "Weren't you lonely?"

"Of course," he explains, kissing the corner of her mouth before staring into her eyes again. "But some other girl wasn't gonna fix that. It would have made it worse, actually. Plus, it didn't take long for me to realize you weren't dead. I knew you were out there. I just had to find you and get you back."

She exhales roughly. "You really would do anything for me… wouldn't you?"

Dean's face remains serious at that. "Yes."

Lizzy reaches a point in which she has to make one of two choices; either cry with love for her husband and his kindness, or kiss him and get their night going, showing him exactly how she feels in return.

Wisely, she grabs Dean's face and chooses option two.

Lips moving in a way that she's slowly recalling, the familiarity and perfection of it coming back without effort now that she gives them both a moment to find it, Lizzy sighs with pure relaxation. Oh, right. Dean. Her Dean. This is him, this is them, and they just plain work.

It comes back to them quickly, their kissing becoming more heated by the second. It never gets rough, never too fast or hard, but just needy.

"God, I missed you," Dean blurts out quietly, probably meaning to keep the thought to himself, as his lips land on her jaw and her neck a few times, his hands moving on. He lets one drift aimlessly over her body, giving him a reminder that she's wearing all her clothes still. So is he.

Sitting back on his heels, Dean watches her, eyes never leaving hers as he blindly opens her jeans with still dexterous fingers. He may not pull triggers and dig graves anymore, but fixing engines and rebuilding an old house have kept his hands very useful.

No words needed, his eyes telling her just how much he adores her, he lowers her jeans down her long, smooth this time legs. He can feel the warm, inviting skin against the backs of his hands as he unclothes her. His heart skips. It's like the old days. He always appreciated that she kept up her self-maintenance, even when times were busy. She's cleaned herself up since last night.

When her pants and socks are gone, Dean's hands smooth over her long legs, first up her right and then down her left. Just the contact with her bare limbs is enough to make him crazy. She's stunning.

Moving slowly back up her left leg, this time his lips kissing a trail up her toned skin, Dean makes sure to move languidly and make every second of this last as long as he can. When the goosebumps show up when he presses a kiss to her inner thigh he grins to himself slightly, knowing he's got her fully focused and completely with him.

"Do you have any idea how much I missed this?" Dean asks her, leaning over her hip and looking up at her through long lashes, his tongue tracing the curve of her hipbone. He snakes a hand up her opposite side and under her long sleeved shirt, feeling warm skin and tight muscle followed by the ridges of her ribs and the bottom of her bra. "How much I needed this?"

"I have an idea," Lizzy sighs out with a breathless moan, his tongue running across her lower stomach, hip to hip, above her black underwear.

He pauses when he looks to her stomach. On her opposite hip is the scar from when she was clearly attacked in Purgatory. He's willing to bet this was the injury he felt from her, the pain nearly crippling him for a day straight. It was one of the things that made him sure, completely certain that she was alive and out there somewhere.

He kisses her scar, making her feel comfortable with how she looks now. The scars she has now aren't great but Dean's never truly cared about that. Luckily.

And then his lips move on and find the very faint line just below her panties. He pulls the waist down a little to see it, the scar fading with time and angel mojo, and kisses a line across it.

Lizzy exhales with pure love for this man. As he nearly worships her cesarean scar she begins to really see how badly she screwed up. Last night she took advantage of her situation and of her loving man. She took what she needed and even if it was selfish on her part, Dean knew it and gave it to her. Like always, he's done whatever it takes to make her happy or at the very least good enough to live on. And now, given license to take the lead, Dean's making sure she understand how much he loves her and how much he appreciates all she's done for him.

"Okay, this is way better than last night," she admits to him as Dean takes his time in making his way back up to her. When she speaks he pauses, looking up from her half lifted shirt to meet her eyes.

He smiles warmly at her.

"I'm really sorry about that still," Lizzy tells him yet again, unable to keep it in.

"I told you," Dean says to her, crawling back up to lay down over her, bodies pressed together as he kisses her lips. "It's over. And it's alright."

"Still feel bad that I did that to you," she tells him, her hands drifting up his back with apology, fingertips running over the lines she scratched into his skin there. "That wasn't right. I should have listened to you."

"You've never listened to me," Dean lightly jokes, hands pushing her shirt up. Lizzy grins a little as he lifts her shirt overhead. "Why start now?"

"I'm starting to think I should start then," Lizzy tells him, arms around his neck as she kisses him some more, addicted to the slow slide of his lips against hers. She lets her tongue drift across his and her entire body relaxes back into the mattress.

And Dean feels it. She's letting go. Last night her form remained ridged and tense throughout the encounter, never fully calming down. Yes, she got what she needed out of it but this is different. It's exactly what he wanted for her.

Kissing him still, Lizzy starts opening his jeans. She's pushing them down his waist without any real rush and he goes with it. Kicking free from the legs of his pants, Dean then sits back a little to pull his shirt off.

Lizzy smiles, the look young and much more carefree than he's yet to see her, and she reaches for him. Dean settles to her side, Lizzy rolling to meet him face to face, and they take a second. Hands lightly roaming, eyes locked, neither say much. They don't really have to. Everything has been said.

Scooting in closer, closing any tiny amount of space they had left between them, Lizzy kisses him once quickly before saying to him, "Love me, Dean. For real this time." She then grins wide and there she is. His wife. His girl he was obsessing over when they were still so young. His world.

"No problem," Dean tells her, smirking that same smirk he always has when things go his way. He slips a hand around her back and quickly pops her bra open.

"Haven't lost a step, have you?" Lizzy coos as she's impressed. An arm around his neck she kisses his freckled cheek.

"Nope," Dean answers, ducking his head to find her lips.

"You sure you haven't been busy with some other chicks while I was gone?" Lizzy asks, clearly understanding that he hasn't.

"None… well, except Gina," Dean jokes, kissing her again. "And then Michelle." He kisses her again as his hand drifts down her back and grabs her ass. "And then there was that girl Lexi… or Alexis…?"

"Okay, I get it," Lizzy giggles a little, kissing him back as his hand slips under her underwear to feel the curve of her ass without a barrier. He hums deep in his throat, grabbing her flesh a little and enjoying her body for what it is. Damn fucking good.

Dean gently pushes her shoulder until she's once more laying on her back. He sits up to pull her bra off and slide her panties down her legs. When he's done, he takes an unabashed minute to look her over, her form tight and lean and _everything_. His hand skims her form everywhere as she watches the sincerity in his expression. He wants her so badly and she couldn't be more thankful that he still does.

When his light touch drifts between her legs he watches her hips rise a bit. Her smooth skin, a welcomes change from the night before, was calling him and the second he touched her there he realizes how wet she is, how ready she is.

Her entire body comes alive when he keeps his hand there, massaging and remembering exactly what it was she liked best. Her eyes close as her head tilts back when he uses just the right pressure and pattern, her hands reaching for him.

"Dean," she says his name with need. "Please."

He doesn't wait or drag this out any longer.

Losing his boxer briefs as quickly as he can, Dean moves closer. Lizzy pulls him in to her with arms around his neck as he gets between her open legs. He crushes his lips against hers, so happy this is happening in the way that it is. As he kisses her Dean winds her legs around his waist, getting them as close as possible. He then reaches between them, speaking to her with lips still connected. "I love you, L," he tells her as he presses slowly into her, eyes watching her expression closely.

Forehead wrinkling as she moans when she feels him, Lizzy's lids shut as she revels in the feeling. Dean pauses once inside her fully, kissing her neck and finding that spot she loves so much below her ear. They stay that way for a second, just feeling that connection. Lizzy's fingers rake through his hair as she pulls him in with her legs, trying to get his hips moving.

"Baby, move," Lizzy breathlessly asks of him, ready.

Never letting her down, Dean does just that. He takes his time, doesn't push too hard too quickly, and sets something easy and slow. And perfect.

And then she sees it. Lizzy looks up into Dean's eyes and sees that same expression, one of wonder, awe, and pure affection that she sees every time they're close like this. He's such an open book to her and he is never more honest, more fully himself, than when he's with her alone and sharing something with her he's never really given any other woman before.

It's how she knows for sure, without a doubt, that he will never love another woman like he loves her. They're real and they're still so strong.

"I love you… so much," Lizzy tells him, voice hitching a little as he rocks into her and makes her entire world so much better. He stripped away everything that's been burdening her since getting back to him and she's completely bare… and completely herself. "Dean, I love you."

And Dean kisses her again, his heart racing with her words. He can feel her impatience with him, his hips moving faster to spur him on, and he makes a decision. Scooping her into his arms, Dean leans back. He sits Indian-style and seats her in his lap, eyes level and arms holding each other in.

Immediately her lips are attached to his. Her hands are in his short hair and her hips rock back and forth at a faster speed than he'd been using. She needs more, she needs _all_ of him.

"Oh god," Lizzy huffs out, moaning as she presses her cheek to his, unable to kiss him and breathe anymore. Her voice speaks directly into his ear as she tells him, "Oh, so good."

Dean holds her hips as she loses herself, her moves more frenzied by the second. He can see it happening, see her slip under the pure feeling of it all and he's proud. Proud that he could help her get here and proud that she's able to let go at all, even with him.

"Mm, I missed you," Lizzy says with craze, her voice quick as she returns to kissing him. "So fucking much. Baby, I need you."

Her voice elevates and Dean just lets her go, looking up at her with that same awe filled look as she falls apart in his lap.

"Oh… oh god, yes… baby, I'm gonna…." She's aware she's not completing a single sentence but she doesn't care. Everything is too good, too right to make sense.

Arms pulling tightly around his neck, Lizzy tenses and gives in. Her voice moans loudly as she gets hit with pure pleasure.

Again, Dean watches. The sight of her curling into him, looking to him for bliss and comfort and love, he can't stop himself. He presses forward and once more gets her on her back. In a rush, he starts thrusting into her fast and hard, needing to join her.

"Lizzy," he says her name once as she places her hands on either side of his jaw. One look down into her eyes and he's gone, giving in and feeling so damn good it shouldn't be allowed in his life.

Pulling him down against her, Lizzy has Dean ride it all out while she's wrapped around him, held as close to her as possible.

And when they're both just a mess of harsh breaths and tangled, lax limbs, the afterglow washing over them quietly, everything is okay. Everything is better. They're still them, even during this, and that's all the comfort either could ask for in life at this point.

Dean rolls to his side when he's sure he must be crushing her under him, his whole form tired and blissed out. Instantly he has a body pressed into his side, a hand on his chest, and a set of lips kissing his neck. He quickly pulls an arm around her shoulders and yanks her in sharply, Lizzy giggling in his ear a bit.

"Okay, you were right… that was way better," Lizzy admits, her hand on his torso roaming randomly as her leg hooks over one of his.

"Damn straight I was," Dean cockily comments back, blowing out another large breath. "Son of a bitch, that was…." He huffs a laugh, never finishing that sentence.

"I know," Lizzy smiles, eyes heavy with tiredness. She's worn out physically and emotionally from the day and the night. "Mm, fucking missed having that."

"Well, you know where I am if you ever want it again," Dean lightly comments, looking to his side and seeing her already looking up at him.

"We're never leaving each other again." She says it without question. They won't leave each other, no matter what now.

"Fuck no," Dean answers back, kissing her forehead and leaning his head back into the pillow under him with closed eyes. He looks ready to crash.

"We better put clothes on before we pass out," Lizzy suggests. "We don't want Sammy getting an anatomy lesson first thing tomorrow morning."

"Shit, good point," Dean says, immediately sitting up and getting out of bed. He pulls on some boxers and a t-shirt, Lizzy grabbing some shorts and a tank, before they meet back in bed. They cuddle up like they always used to, Dean on his back with Lizzy curled into his side.

He hears her sigh with such contentment by his side that Dean's pretty sure he's never felt this level of contentment before now. And thankfulness.

"Everything's gonna be good, L," Dean tells her as he feels an arm wrap around his waist. He pulls the covers over them and they settle for the night, Dean again kissing her forehead. "You're gonna be fine."

And for the first time since she got into that portal Lizzy actually believes that might be true.

* * *

 


	7. We All Have Nightmares

* * *

In the middle of the night Lizzy wakes without a harsh start for the first time in far too long. Her eyes flutter open easily when something wakes her. There's no sound in the cabin or outside it but she can feel something is just a little off. Not threatening, just off.

Tilting her head up as she lays on her side, she looks at her sleeping husband. She's still curled into him, an arm around his middle as he's on his back and a leg tangled with his. Dean's arm around her shoulders, pulling her close even in his unconscious sleep, is warm and perfect. He has his head leaned down to hers and he looks so serene and content… so happy when relaxed and resting. She always thought he looked most like himself while asleep.

Lizzy smiles softly. This is what all that fighting and scrambling was for. She loves him. With every fiber of her being she loves him. Never more than now. To know he waited, he searched, he never gave up, and he did as she asked, raised their boy better than well and got him out of hunting, makes her feelings stronger.

With the pads of her fingers she very lightly traces the lines of his face, sighing. He's beautiful. She always knew, as well as anyone that ever laid eyes on him, he was exceptionally handsome, the kind of level only the Brad Pitts and David Beckhams of the world got to be placed into. But it's more than that. His heart is beautiful, despite its tarnish. His soul is good, despite its holes and permanent damage. Everything about him is beautiful, not just the shell. She wishes other people could look past the gruff and handsome exterior to see all of him, but at the same time she feels special for being one of the few that has that view.

The shuffling of small feet makes her freeze. Fingers stalling on Dean's chin as she lays there with him, she knows someone or something's in the room.

Deep inhale and Lizzy turns around sharply to look towards the edge of the bed, ready for whatever it might be.

"Sammy?" she whispers out, wanting Dean to stay asleep if he can.

The little boy just stands there, his small form clenched around the teddy bear he brought up with him from his room. His hair is messy again and he's clearly been asleep for a while, lines on his cheek from his pillow case. The moonlight coming through the window blinds lets her see the reflection of two tear trails on his small cheeks.

"Baby, what's wrong?" Lizzy asks him gently, shifting away from Dean when Sammy doesn't answer her.

"Bad dream," Sammy says quietly, his voice a dry sob and it breaks her heart.

"Oh, sweetie," Lizzy starts and reaches for him. She pulls him up under his arms and places him into her lap. He turns towards her as he sits there, her arms around him, and he presses his face into her shoulder. "What happened?"

"I was lost," Sammy says to her in a quiet, still scared voice.

"Sammy?" they both hear Dean say his name as he wakes up with the conversation.

" _Daddy_ ," Sammy sobs out and immediately ditches Lizzy. Dean sits up tall next to his wife as Sammy scrambles for his father. He needs his father.

Yes, Lizzy understands why Sammy would prefer his dad right now. He knows him better, can trust him fully, and she's been gone for so long. But it hurts to watch him practically leap off her lap to get to someone he trusts more. The little boy would never mean to hurt her but… he really just did.

"Big guy, what happened?" Dean asks as Sammy's arms come around his neck and he clings tight as he can. The light on the nightstand turns on when Lizzy decides that maybe the dark wasn't great for Sammy right now.

"Can't find you, daddy," Sammy tells him, collapsing in sobs all over again as if it all just happened.

"Couldn't find me where, Sammy?" Dean very calmly questions as he holds his boy tight, feeling his shaking. As he asks he notices the look on Lizzy's face. She's just short of devastated and he gets it. Sammy preferred him when upset. That's not an easy pill to swallow.

"Store," Sammy answers, his face pressed to Dean's neck now as he clings to his dad like a spider monkey.

"Oh, dude," Dean lightly complains and pulls Sammy back a bit to look him in the eye. "We talked about this. That was a while ago."

"It scary," Sammy sobs out, his breath hitching with his crying.

"I found you, didn't I?" Dean reminds him.

Sammy doesn't answer, just hugs his dad again and cries.

Dean sighs and rolls his eyes, making Lizzy understand everything right then. "This isn't a new thing, is it?"

"No," Dean shakes his head, leaning his cheek onto the top of Sammy's head, the dark hair against his face such a contrast. "About two months ago Sam and I took him to the grocery store to grab stuff for dinner. We split up when we got there, I was on meat duty, Sam on veggie duty. We were in such a rush that I thought he was with Sam… Sam though he was with me."

Lizzy's sympathetic face looks back at him and he feels relief.

"You're not pissed?"

"Parents aren't perfect," Lizzy reminds him. "Honest mistake."

"Yeah, well, I felt like crap when I met back up with Sam and didn't see Sammy anywhere," Dean tells her, the memory obviously affecting him as his arms tighten around the small form that continues to cry. "I… I panicked. Completely lost my mind. I started yelling for him and sprinting around the store like a psycho. I swear, L… I've been scared a lot in my life, but that?" Dean just shakes his head and doesn't finish the thought.

Lizzy just reaches out and places her palm on Dean's jaw, his eyes closing as he's grateful for her understanding.

"You're a great dad, but no dad is perfect. Mistakes happen. And you found him, didn't you?" Lizzy reminds.

"He was with some woman in the cereal aisle," he explains. "I could hear him crying from half a store away. When he saw me he nearly sprung out of her arms and onto me. He cried the entire way home and I couldn't put him down for the rest of the day. Even slept in my bed that night."

"Was that for him or for you?" Lizzy asks without accusation or judgment. He shoots her a look. "Come on. Be honest."

"Both," Dean begrudgingly admits before letting out a deep breath. "I mean, all the crap I've gone up against… and _that_ was what put me over the edge."

Turning to face them better, she once more smiles sympathetically as Dean continues to let his upset son cling to him. "It was a mistake," Lizzy repeats, her voice loving.

"But look what it did to him," Dean says to her, his eyes showing the pain he holds over this. "He has nightmares about it all the time. Like, once every couple of weeks. And sometimes, like now… it's really bad."

Nodding, Lizzy can see why this has effected them both so much. Sammy keeps dreaming of that frightening moment, the fear of being lost coming back and terrifying him. And every time he's reminded of the fear he had back then, Dean's smacked with guilt for the damage he feels he inflicted on his own boy.

And now there's Lizzy… unable to figure out how she fits into this whole thing. She feels like she's on the outside of a very intimate, very bonded moment between them. And that's what's been hurting the most. Dean and Sammy are best buddies. Lizzy is the new intruder.

While Dean starts to talk Sammy down, quietly reminding him that he'll never lose him again and that it's over, Lizzy moves a bit closer to them, now on top of the covers.

Immediately, Dean reaches for her hand. He takes it and places it on Sammy's back, getting her to rub soothing circles there and making sure she's involved in this. Their child has a fear that won't leave him alone. They need to be there for him, both of them.

"Sammy, sweetie?" Lizzy tries to get his attention. Sammy peeks at her a little, barely lifting his head off of Dean's shoulder. "Daddy would never leave you. He made a mistake but the second he didn't know where you were he came right for you, didn't he?"

Sammy's head nods slightly.

"I know it was scary for a little bit but, Sammy… you have the best daddy there is. He would never leave you. _Never_. He loves you more than anything."

He makes a little whining sound and buries his head into Dean yet again, curling closer to Dean and further from Lizzy. Dean's face crumbles along with his heart.

Lizzy has to try again. "You want some water, kiddo? Maybe some milk?"

The sound he makes isn't a decipherable sound yet Dean understands him.

"Milk," Dean tells her in translation.

Lizzy nods a little, seeing just how deep their bond is. Dean even speaks Sammy-ese. "Alright, come on, baby."

She reaches for Sammy but he just whines yet again and grips onto Dean even tighter than before, making it clear he needs to be with his father right now.

And now it's Dean's turn to watch Lizzy crumble with heartache. The way Sammy flinched away from her makes it look like someone just shot her in the chest.

"L, it's not that he likes me better or anything," he tries to curb her upset when he sees it. "He's just, you know…."

"It's fine," she lies completely. "I understand. I'll get his milk."

Lizzy leaves the room quickly in order to hide for a moment after the painful realization. _This_ is what she should have expected. _This_ is exactly what she should have assumed would happen. It's been Dean and Sammy for over a year and for all of Sammy's memories. How could she expect her boy to just accept the stranger that suddenly popped into his life claiming to be mom? It's not a light switch. He's just a child. This whole mess will take time to sort out.

But it hurts so much. Nothing has changed for her. She still wants to be there for Sammy just like before she left and she needs to have him depend on her like any mother would. But he doesn't know her. She lost 15 months with him and now, after missing his first steps, first big words, first sentence, haircut, and all the uncountable rest… she needs to find a way to accept that this will be a long process.

The last two days just went so well. She couldn't believe how Sammy opened right up to her, called her mommy, let her read him books and fell asleep on her shoulder. But that wasn't all that counts. When he's scared, in need… it's daddy he needs. There's a clear line there. Lizzy is fine for breakfast making and playing on a playground… but when Sammy needs comfort she isn't that for him.

She's not Dean. She's not daddy. She's absentee mommy. And it's so painful.

Gripping the side of the small counter on the first floor, looking at the already poured sippy cup of milk, she hunches her back and lets out a long sigh. She wants to cry. She doesn't.

Instead she sucks it up and turns back for the stairs. She isn't needed much right now but this is the small offering she can manage so she'll do it.

When she sits back down on the edge of the bed, keeping a distance at first as she's a bit nervous to upset Sammy anymore, she realizes his sobbing has stopped. Now he's just making noises of slight upset as his back hitches now and then. Dean's leaning against the headboard, eyes closed as he rubs Sammy's back, his head still leaning down onto his boy's.

Dean's eyes open when he feels the mattress move. The sad smile he gives her makes the whole situation feel so depressing. Unable to help it, Lizzy leans in and kisses his cheek.

"You didn't do anything wrong," she whispers to him, reminding him to stop beating himself up over one mistake. She already knows with the look in his eyes that he won't stop. Not when Sammy's still affected by it all.

"Come 'ere, kiddo," Dean says lovingly to Sammy as he pulls him away from his shoulder for a second. Sammy whines when he thinks he's being pushed away but he quiets once Dean turns him and pulls him back into his lap, letting him curl up into his chest like he did as a baby. "You okay, big guy?"

Sammy doesn't answer that, just curls into his father and tries to leave as little space between them as possible. Lizzy hands Dean the cup and he takes it.

"Here," Dean offers and Sammy reaches out for the cup. He grabs it and starts to drink it quickly, something soothing about it helping to calm him down.

Lizzy just smiles sweetly at the two of them. Even if she's on the outside she's still included, still right there for all of it. To see them like this, it warms her heart.

"I'm sorry," Dean mutters and Lizzy only assumes it's to Sammy… until she meets his eyes. He's looking right at her.

She shakes her head, not knowing why he's sorry.

"I know it sucks," Dean tells her, having observed her as much as Sammy during all this. "We'll get back there, momma. I promise."

Her face saddens. "I know."

"You don't," Dean speaks the truth he sees. "But I swear, L. He'll figure it out. It'll take time but he will."

She swallows hard and slowly makes her way closer to them, sitting right next to Dean against the headboard. Cautiously, she reaches over and places a hand on Sammy's knee. He doesn't flinch or move, just continues drinking from the sippy cup and letting Dean hold him.

"I hope so," Lizzy whispers, head on Dean's shoulder as she rubs Sammy's knee comfortingly. "I just want to help."

"You are," Dean promises, kissing her head and settling in. The three of them don't speak for the rest of the night, just sitting there until Sammy falls asleep in Dean's lap and they all stay in bed together for the night.

* * *

 

"Ugh," Lou complains, finishing off the terrible breakfast sandwich.

Sam laughs at her as he eats his in the passenger seat. "We could have stopped."

"No," Lou refuses, crumpling her wrapper up and dropping it in her lap. Hands on the steering wheel, she tells him, "Would have taken too long."

"It would have taken an hour tops," Sam laughs, mouth full.

"And then it'd be an hour later that we get there," Lou reminds him. He wanted to pop into the truck stop diner they came across when Lou filled the tank to give the road a rest but she just wouldn't do it. She was too anxious. All meals had to be in the car while it was moving its way to Montana. No time to stop.

Sam sighs, lowering his breakfast for a moment to look at her. "I know you're excited to see her."

"Damn straight I am."

"But… she might be pissed," Sam tries to prepare her yet again.

"Maybe… but she'll be happy to see me at the same time so it doesn't matter," Lou tells him with a stone face, sure of it.

Sam shuts up about the topic right then. Not worth upsetting her any more. "So what do you want me to get to first when we get back? Books or the big cooler?"

"Cooler," Lou easily answers. "I need cold beer to sell or else there won't be any money to account for in any of the books."

"Fair enough," Sam laughs at her and keeps eating now that she's distracted. "What did Mari say when you left out of nowhere?"

"Nothing," she shrugs. "She knew we'd go after Dean. She told me I sounded super freaked on the phone when I called asking for help so she knew we were anxious to find him and Sammy."

Sam smiles and looks out the windshield, taking a big bite of sandwich to finish his off. Lou catches it out of the corner of her eye.

"What was that?"

Sam looks at her with big eyes. Busted. "Nothing."

"Bullshit nothing," Lou calls him out. "Your voice goes up every time you lie."

"No it… doesn't," Sam tries to say, his voice elevating and he knows it.

"Oh it doesn't?" she sarcastically challenges, looking at him with a grin.

"Alright, fine," Sam sighs, killing his bite off and putting the wrapper in the paper bag at his feet. "I was just thinking about how nice it is that you and my brother actually get along these days."

"We've gotten along for a while," Lou rebuts.

"Not like you have the past year," Sam tells her. "It's been different and you know it."

Lou thinks quickly on the past year, nodding a little. "Yeah, maybe it's gotten better."

"It has."

"Well, I saw a new side to Dean this past year."

"I think we all did," Sam admits, still surprised by it all. "But it's good to have peace between my wife and brother is all."

"Peace, huh?" Lou laughs, thinking it funny that they've made a peace between them.

"Well…." Sam thinks about it….

_He closed up the bar for her. On a Saturday night. What was he thinking?_

_Every now and then the old timer/hunter watering hole would get slammed by the random younger crowd in town. They get bored drinking in backyards and wooded areas and need to get into a bar. Being that there's only three bars in the entire town they currently live in, sometimes they get hit by a crowd._

_Sam's not his best with a crowd. He was doing just fine with Ern, Pete, and Ray in the back corner playing cribbage, Jack and Don drinking at the bar and sharing hunting war stories with him, and a couple other small groups of three or four filtering in and out. But the group of nearly fifteen people in their early twenties that can drink like fish and need constant attention for shots, more beers, and change for the pool table put him on his ass._

_But Lou was looking run down. She insists on keeping the bar open seven nights a week, never wanting a hunter coming in from god knows where to be shut out of their refuge. Hell, she even has a couple rooms in the back converted into motel-like rooms she lets hunters use for free when they're in town. She'd rather they buy beer and stay for free then use their cash on a local motel._

_She's smart. And she's tired. So Sam made her stay home after a quick bickering moment in which he told her he knew what was best for her and she should learn to listen to him. He then handed over a fifth of Jack and said relax for the night. She easily acquiesced once the Jack Daniels was cracked._

_But now Sam is wiped. And he knows he has to go in with her tomorrow morning to check on Jack and Don (they took the rooms for the night thankfully after getting wasted) and clean up the place. And get his pickup truck. He was bought a few too many shots by the young crowd. He walked home._

_Walking through the front door, Sam closes and locks it up. He then shrugs out of his jacket with groan and kicks his boots off, placing them in line with the rest by the door._

" _Shut up!" he hears Lou giggle out of nowhere and it surprises him. They've been here for over a year and rarely has he heard her sound like that. He then pays more attention to the situation, hearing the Tom Petty playing as a guitar is strummed sloppily from the living room._

_When he walks in he finds Dean with Lou's guitar in his hold on the couch, Lou next to him with a massive smile on her face._

" _Hey," Sam greets them both with a surprised face._

" _Hey, honey!" Lou brightly returns with, her tone too bright._

" _You're drunk," Sam says with a smile as he looks at her very happy demeanor. He then peers at Dean and sees the dopey face. "So are you."_

" _What are you, the drunk police?" Dean asks, reaching for his empty glass and grabbing the half-full Jameson bottle on the coffee table._

" _No, Dean. The police are generally the drunk police," he jokes back, sitting into the recliner in the room next to Dean._

_His brother pours a hefty glass of Irish whiskey and reaches out to Sam. "Here."_

" _I thought you guys would be drinking the Jack I bought," Sam mentions and grabs the glass, unsure he wants to drink anyways._

" _Did," Lou tells him. "And now it's gone."_

" _So, on to… this," Dean tells him, pointing at the bottle. Dean always had a bottle of Jameson around. It's been one of the little things he's done to keep Lizzy around._

" _Jesus," Sam shakes his head, placing the glass on the coffee table. "I was hoping you'd be sober."_

_Dean wrinkles his face. "Why?"_

" _I knew she'd be drunk," Sam smiles at Lou, she grins back. "And a young crowd came by tonight and bought me about a million shots."_

" _Oh no," Lou says to him, feeling bad instantly. "The same group I told you about?"_

" _They missed you," Sam tells them. "I guess you pour a heftier shot."_

" _They drink so much! Are you tanked?" she worries._

" _Not tanked… but I walked home," Sam tells her. "I'll go in with you tomorrow and clean the place up. I didn't even bother."_

_Lou shrugs, never mad at delaying responsibility for drinking purposes._

" _So… all three of us are drunk?" Dean worries aloud, concerned that if anything happens with Sammy that no one would be sober enough to deal with it._

" _I'm tipsy," Sam assures. "I'm good if anything happens."_

" _Good," Dean accepts that and looks back down at the guitar in his hands. He strums a few cords, having actually had time to practice in the last year._

" _So, what have you two been doing?" Sam sits back, gets comfortable and looks at the two of them. "Besides drinking."_

" _We planned something for Sammy's birthday," Lou lights up. "Since it's in a couple weeks."_

" _Oh yeah?" Sam asks with hope, glad to hear positive things coming from Sammy's birthday, even if he knows Dean with have an exceptionally rough day._

" _Yep," Lou tells him, propping her bare feet onto the coffee table. "We were thinking of meeting up at the park, doing a whole picnic thing."_

_Sam nods, liking the idea._

"' _Cept that we got no one to invite," Dean comments, still just farting around on the guitar and not looking up._

" _I can call Mari, see if she's near," Lou offers._

" _And that officer that's got a thing for you," Dean offers, laughing. He looks at Lou. "We got a police guy on our side."_

" _So fucking weird," she laughs right along._

" _What about the neighbor kids?" Sam suggests. "There's, like, six kids on this street alone."_

" _We barely know them," Dean points out._

" _Only one way to get to though," Sam offers up. "Why not?"_

_There's a pause as the three contemplate actually ingraining themselves into the neighborhood… into the world, really. The idea is frightening but exciting… and uncomfortable._

" _Fuck it!" Lou suddenly burst out with. "Let's fucking be a part of society! Let's have a real birthday party for Sammy!"_

_Dean just places the guitar on the side of the couch and shrugs. "Whatever. The kid deserves a big day so what the hell?"_

_Sam just smiles, liking that they're all agreeing to this idea. "And it should be fun. I mean, when was the last time we had fun?"_

" _Dean had fun last weekend," Lou mentions, looking at the man and trying to catch his reaction. He's already ditched them twice, leaving Sammy with them for the night to disappear. She and Sam assume he's finally blowing off steam and possibly going out drinking and finding some girl to get some frustrations out with. She wants to know if they're right._

_In his seat, Dean grows quiet. His sights lower as his face falls. He knows they just figure he's hooking up with randoms but he hasn't been. Not at all. "Yeah," he sighs, not really giving them a confirmation or denial. He stands up and shakes his head. "I'm drunk. I better hit it before Sammy wakes me at seven."_

" _Or earlier," Sam huffs a laugh._

" _Yep. Night," Dean says, the sullen mood he's now in taking over as he shuffles his feet to the stairs, looking forward to his room and quiet… and no assumptions._

" _Night, Dean," Lou says back pleasantly as she sits back in her seat and closes her eyes. She sighs when she hears the door upstairs close and the house grow quiet. "I made him sad."_

" _That's not exactly hard to do these days," Sam gives her an excuse as he stands up from his chair._

" _I know… I just wanted to know what he's been up to," Lou tells him. Her hand gets grabbed and she opens her eyes to see Sam pulling her to her feet._

" _Me too. But don't push it, huh?" Sam tells her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and pulling her in. "It's his thing. He's been doing alright. Let's just let it go."_

" _Okay," Lou nods, listening to his suggestions. "I'm just worried about him."_

" _Me too," Sam nods, smiling slightly at that. He loves how they've finally come together and seen eye to eye._

_Lou sighs and moves on once she gives Sam a good look. She's concerned with how tipsy he got at work. "How did it really go tonight?"_

" _Busy. Made some money. No one got arrested."_

_Lou's eyes widen. "Perfect."_

" _The bills will get paid," he smiles, leaning down to kiss her. She kisses him back easily, her hand reaching up into his hair and pulling his head down closer to her._

" _Mm," Lou enjoys, kissing him more. "Come on. Let's go."_

" _Yeah?" Sam delights, knowing she's in the mood that quickly. How lucky did he get?_

" _Oh yeah," she nods. "When was the last time we had stupid, sloppy, drunk sex?" She grins and starts for the stairs._

_Sam just smirks a moment, ideas already churning in his head, and he rushes for her. He scoops her up easily and runs up the stairs, Lou giggling the entire way._

"Yeah," Sam confirms his thought. "You guys are practically friends. You teach him to play guitar, you work on cars together… you planned Sammy's birthday together. That's pretty huge considering where you two once stood."

Lou stares at the pavement for a minute. "I just don't think we ever had the opportunity to really get to know each other until… Dick friggin' Roman got ganked."

"That's probably true," Sam agrees easily. "I mean, you get to know people when you work a hunt with them but it's not like you get a lot of bonding time while chopping heads."

"And we hardly hunted together," she reminds him. "Dean was just the guy my sister married. I didn't mind him after a while… I just never really knew him. Or gave him much of a chance." The last part she says with guilt.

"Which was a shame because you two are the same fucking person," Sam partially gripes.

Lou makes a disgusted face.

"What!? You are!" Sam says to her when she wants to deny it.

"We're only kind of alike," Lou says.

"The denial is strong in this one," Sam comments seriously from the passenger seat, a moment later Lou's crumpled wrapper hitting him in the cheek. He laughs. "You're in denial, Lou. Admit it."

"Fuck that," she grumps, gripping the wheel tighter.

"The next thing you're gonna do is tell me to shut my cakehole and turn up the music so we can't talk about it anymore," Sam makes fun, unable to stop. Her white knuckle grip and sour face is a perfect mirror of what Dean's reaction would be to this very conversation.

Lou's deadpan face turns to look at him for a short beat. "You think you're downright hilarious, don't you?"

Sam considers it, making a face. "A little funny, yeah."

Lou shakes her head and watches the road as she very begrudgingly admits, "Alright, fine. So… maybe Dean and I have… similar personalities. Sometimes."

"And likes."

"Fine. And Likes…."

"And dislikes," Sam keeps going, earning one pissed of expression. "Sorry." He holds his hands out in surrender. "Why is it so bad that you're like my brother?"

Lou sits there, driving and ignoring.

"Lou, he's not a bad guy. You know that now," Sam reminds. "And you both give a shit about each other nowadays, which is quite the miracle if you ask me, but you still get weird about being like him. Why?"

Lou thinks hard before answering, knowing she doesn't want to badmouth Dean and upset Sam. "I just… Dean's able to do things that scare me. I don't want to think that I'm so much like him that… given the situation… I would act like he has."

Wrinkled brow, Sam's confused. "What're you talking about?"

"He ditched Lizzy, for one," Lou explains herself. "He just left her hurt and heartbroken. No explanation. No nothing. I don't want to think that I could ever do that to someone I love."

"You couldn't," Sam simply tells her.

"But Dean could," Lou keeps going. "He could also hunt down Leviathan and let his family crumble despite Lizzy begging him to come home. He also…." She stops for a moment, unsure if she should even bring it up. Screw it. She's been working on her honesty, hasn't she? "He went to Hell and became the very thing we hate. He tortured people. He… fuck, I just don't want to be lumped in with _that_."

When the car grows very quiet aside from the Mumford and Sons playing in the background, Lou knows she may have been a touch too honest. An entire year to try and smooth her sharp edges and here she is, returning to the quick-to-bite personality she always had ever since entering the whole hunting world.

"I'm sorry if that was really harsh," Lou apologizes to Sam. She understands the bond he and his brother have and if someone just spewed that crap about Lizzy she's be super pissed off herself.

"You're just being honest," Sam tells her, his tone suddenly smaller as he looks down in his lap, fingers fiddling with the wrapper she threw at him. "And I know my brother's not perfect. I know he's fucked up in the past. Royally."

Lou doesn't respond, knowing she already said enough. No need to add to it.

"But he's also a really good person, despite it all," Sam tells her. "I know that when you look at Dean you see what you see. I know that. But you don't see it all. You didn't see him giving up everything growing up, _everything_ , to make sure I had just the bare minimum to get by. You didn't see him kick the crap out of some kid that bullied me at school when I was a four foot nerd that loved Star Wars too much and then got himself expelled for it and had to tell dad… or when he got arrested for stealing peanut butter and bread because we didn't have money to buy more food."

Glancing at Sam, seeing the slight smile on his face at the memory, she just listens as he speaks.

"You never saw him check my homework over before going to bed or the way he stood up to dad and stuck up for me days before dad died… especially when that was probably the scariest thing he'd ever done up to that point. And you didn't see the depressed, guilty mess he became when he left your sister without a word." Sam looks at her for this one. "He was a disaster. And he did it for her. He just wanted her to find a way to move on from him without having to know he was stuck in Hell. Even back then, when they were new, he knew she'd never recover from that so he couldn't tell her… for her own sake."

That guilt creeps back into Lou's heart with that.

"Same thing when the Leviathan were around. He just couldn't bare being the one to stick around and hurt his family more. He'll always do what's right for someone else over his own self. He hurts himself constantly just to be sure others are good. He's been doing that since dad shoved me in his arms and told him to run out of our burning house. That's who he is. I don't think it's fair you fault him for that. You should be flattered that I think that highly of you, to say you're like him."

Lou can't speak. How could she? He's always tried his hardest to get Lou to understand that Dean's a good guy, one that she shouldn't look to with any kind of disdain despite his mistakes in life. But he never was this articulate about it. She knew their childhood was rough, she knew Dean always thought he was doing what was right… but she still thought he was selfish to a degree.

Maybe she's been wrong about him completely. She did see a completely new side to him once he crawled out of the bottle this past year. He's been loving, real, and he's smiled a lot recently. Dean's been through so much… and he still does everything for others.

"And don't ever judge a person by what they do under extreme circumstances," Sam tacks on, his voice going dangerous a touch. When Lou looks at him he has a stern look on his face, eyes hard on her. "You've never seen Hell. Trust me… _everyone_ breaks. _Everyone_ becomes something else there. No one can fight it."

And there it is. Lou feels about two foot tall at best. This reality check is a long time coming. Lou's stubborn, she knows that and has had to reluctantly accept that about herself through the years, but right now she'd give anything to ditch that side of her.

"I'm sorry, Sam," she tells him, voice tiny.

"I get why you feel the way you do," Sam reminds her. "Dean's tough and if you aren't looking at him from the inside… he's a pain in the ass. And a jerk. But I like to think you're better than that. That you care enough to see the real Dean. He's a good guy." Sam looks out the side window before adding, "A great guy."

Waiting a few second, Lou smiles slightly. "I'll never tell him you said any of that."

"Thanks," Sam huffs a laugh and smiles a little. He peeks back over at her and throws the wrapper ball back at her, getting her in the head.

"Hey! Driving here!" Lou complains, grabbing and throwing it right back. Sam bats it away, the wrapper landing in the back seat.

"You sound like Dean," Sam quickly smirks out.

"Shut up," Lou laughs hard at that after the tense conversation. "And I am sorry, Sam. You know I'm still working on… everything."

"I know," Sam says fondly to her. She's been trying so hard this past year to take the harshness out of her personality. He's been proud of her, seeing her grow so much as a person. He's always loved her but now… hell, he now really _likes_ her too. She's not only fun to be around but she's easy to be around. He likes to think marriage did that to her but he knows it's more like she's had time away from the hunting world, the world in which a difficult personality comes in handy. She's had time to relax and be the Lou that she once was. "Don't worry. I still like you."

"Fucking better," Lou smiles, reaching out blindly for his hand. He takes it and Lou weaver her fingers into his tightly. "You're stuck with me now, hubby."

"Great," Sam jokingly says with sarcasm and they smile at one another. Yeah, this year was very good for them.

* * *

 

All morning it felt like Lizzy was watching a movie. It's staring Dean and Sammy Winchester and she was the spectator. She got to observe them cuddling in the morning when Sammy first woke them up. They then made breakfast together, Sammy held sitting on Dean's hip the whole time. Then it was followed by SpongeBob on the couch, Dean's arm around Sammy's shoulders as they watched, and playing with the many toy cars lying about the cabin flood, Dean quizzing him on make and model from time to time.

Again, it was heartwarming to see for Lizzy. They get along beautifully and when Sammy's had a moment of uncertainty he can be sure to get comfort from his father. The two look-alikes are best friends through and through and they very clearly need each other.

But Lizzy is once more left out. She's forced to watch the whole lovely morning play out from her place at the breakfast table across from the pair… or from the couch… just anywhere not too close to Sammy. Every time she comes near she sees him visibly lean closer to Dean, making it clear there is only one person he needs right now.

When naptime comes around she stays away, having given up on trying. It's too painful to get rejected by your own son to keep letting it happen.

After Dean puts him down, waiting in bed with Sammy until he falls asleep, he walks out into the living room and starts to clean up a little. He grabs an empty sippy cup from the coffee table and looks at Lizzy whose eyes are glued to the barely coming in television. "You didn't want to put him down with me?"

"Why bother?" she says without looking at him, concentrating on the local midday news.

"Well, you put him down with me yesterday," Dean points out. "Figured we could make that the norm since you're back now." He walks to the sink and drops the cup in.

"He doesn't want me today," Lizzy tells him, never looking at him. "He needs you. Only you."

Leaning back into the sink edge, he looks at her. Stiff posture, wrinkled brow… she's ignoring him. Lizzy's upset.

"I told you this wasn't about not wanting _you_."

"Bullshit, Dean," Lizzy says, glancing at him. "I come near him and he flinches. Apparently I'm fine for cupcake runs and reading books. But when shit gets real…?" She just shrugs and looks back at the TV.

Dean sighs at that. He's deflated and exhausted. All morning Sammy was a stage five clinger. He wouldn't leave his dad's side after a reminder for that scary day. But in the process of trying to keep Sammy happy and remind him that he's perfectly safe and his father isn't going to leave him ever, he's left Lizzy out of everything.

Head hung for just a moment, he pushes off the sink edge and makes his way over to her. He sits down silently, looking at the local forecast of sunshine and moderate temperatures, and places a hand on her knee. "It doesn't have anything to do with you, L."

"And that's exactly the problem," she tells him, voice slightly choked. "I have nothing to do with his life. I lost a damn a year with him and now? I'm like a fun family friend at best." She drops the remote on the coffee table a little too loudly. "He doesn't need me." Her hand presses over her mouth for a second before her eyes spill over. She then drops her hand onto his as she tells him, "And I still need him so much."

Dean pulls her into him with a hand on the side of her head, resting it on his shoulder. He then wraps his arm around her, seeing how much help she is going to need from him through this transition from monster hell to real world. It's not going to be overnight.

"He needs you," Dean corrects her kindly enough. "L, he needs his mother. Every kid does, _trust me_."

And he would know.

"He doesn't know it," Lizzy cries a bit, the tears seemingly always just a second away, leaning her weight into him for the comfort he gives.

"But I do," Dean assures. "Every kid needs their mom. Just because he doesn't see it after a couple days doesn't make it untrue. He's two. And he absolute will be looking to you for help in no time. You just have to be patient."

"It's so hard to be patient when I've been dying to see him again for so fucking long," Lizzy tells him, her own heart heavy.

"And I get that. But please, try and be patient. Don't beat yourself up over crap you can't help," Dean tries to get her to understand. "I mean, the kid already let you cook breakfast with him and read his bedtime story twice. That's pretty huge with him."

She takes a deep inhale and nods. "That's true."

"That's very true. He barely lets anyone outside of me, Sam, and Lou do anything for him. Hell, half the time he won't let _us_ do anything either." Dean then mockingly, in Sammy's tone, says, "He big guy now. He do it."

"You sound like Tarzan," Lizzy laughs.

" _Sammy_ sounds like Tarzan," he corrects.

Lizzy laughs a little more. "God, he's really independent, isn't he?"

"Just like his uncle was," Dean says with fear. "Sam was a pain in the ass."

"He was a rebel against your father's plan," Lizzy rebuts.

"If our Sammy tries to run away… I'll kill him."

"He won't," Lizzy denies. "He'll like his life. He won't want to ditch it."

She catches the small smile Dean has over that very thought. He's broken the trend. He's nothing like John was in the big picture and he's starting to see it.

"Plus, Sammy loves his idol too much to not be around him," Lizzy says while sitting up and wiping her face. "Trust me, he'll never leave us until he's old and ready for college."

Dean huffs a little, disbelieving laugh. "College. Who woulda guessed, huh? That _I'd_ someday have a college kid maybe?"

Lizzy face falls. "Why wouldn't you?"

Dean full laughs at that. "Are you kidding me?"

"Dean, you're really smart. You know that… right?"

"Smart in a tight spot ain't the same as college smarts," Dean denies far too easily.

She shakes her head and rolls her eyes. She then grabs his face and kisses his lips. "Someday you'll see the truth."

"L, I was never a student."

"No… but you were never dumb. If you tried you'd have gotten great grades. You just didn't have the motivation to. Or the parent to push you. That's all."

Dean doesn't answer but he doesn't believe her either.

"You're impossible," Lizzy says, standing up and wiping her face one more time with her long sleeves. "Clean this place up before the tornado wakes up again?"

"Let's do it," Dean responds, getting off the couch to help.

* * *

 

"No! Daddy do it!" Sammy screams for the third time as he sits in the tub filled with water and bubbles, his little hands clutching at his wet hair as Lizzy plops down onto the closed toilet seat with a sad sigh.

Bath time had gone well up until now once the kid was in the tub. He was playing with his toys, laughing with her, even letting her soap up a wash cloth for him so he can wash himself. Dean left once Sammy was in the water. All went well.

Until it came to washing Sammy's hair.

Now he's a mess of panic and yelling. Apparently washing his hair is a Dean-only job.

"Sammy…." Lizzy's worn voice gets cut off right there before she can even say anything else.

" _Daddy_!" Sammy screams at the top of his lungs, legs splashing the water as he prepares for an all-out fit.

"Hey!" an angry voice booms out as the bathroom door opens and Dean marches in, already mad about the way his son seems to be speaking to his mother. "What are you yelling about?"

"Daddy!" Sammy says his name with full alarm as he moves to stand up in the full tub. "You do it, daddy!"

"Whoa, Sammy! Don't," Lizzy tries to warm him and reaches out for his hand to help steady him in the slippery tub. When Sammy yanks his arms into himself to avoid her she can feel the dark, already deep pit in her heart grow deeper.

The moment Sammy pulls his arms in his foot slips and he starts to fall, just like Lizzy had wanted to prevent.

"Jesus!" Dean panics a bit as he lunges for him, catching Sammy on his way down and preventing him from getting hurt. He has Sammy's upper arms in his grip and he uses the hold to plop him back onto his little butt in the tub water. "What is going on with you!?"

"I want you do it, daddy!" Sammy cries out, tears forming through the dramatic moment while Sammy grasps onto Dean's forearms with his much smaller hands.

"Do what!?" Dean gets loud right back.

"Dean?" Lizzy calls out meekly behind him. He turns and sees her once more sitting by on the closed toilet, her back hunched and eyes sad. "I tried to wash his hair. He didn't like the idea."

Dean's face falls, head bowing with exhaustion after the difficult day they've had with Sammy. One thing after another. "I'm sorry."

"You didn't do anything wrong," Lizzy reminds him once more.

Turning back to his son, tears dripping down Sammy's face, Dean sighs heavily. "Sammy, mommy is completely capable of washing your hair."

"I want you!" Sammy yells back, voice still too high as he death-grips Dean's arms.

"I can't do everything," Dean tells him. "Mommy can do some things. She can help."

"No!" Sammy panics, leaning into Dean but his father won't let him. He keeps him at arm's distance so that he makes sure they speak face to face.

"Why not?"

Sammy doesn't answer, just cries.

"You need to tell me why mommy can't wash your hair," Dean demands from his crying son.

"You do it," Sammy simply cries, unable to further articulate his scared, disorganized thoughts.

"Dean, it's fine," Lizzy says and stands up, heading for the door. "I get it."

"No. This is anything but fine," Dean tells her. He eyes Sammy hard in the way that tells his boy he'd better listen up. "Sammy, you need to relax. And you need to listen."

Sammy's breathing shudders a bit but he tries his best to control his crying. Dean knows that a lot of times he'll speak to his son in a way that many dads might not. He doesn't always dumb his words down or have child-level expectations. But hell, this is what Dean knows. And so far his son has responded well enough.

Once Sammy's in a better state Dean keeps going. "I know it's been tough for a few days. And I know you don't know mommy all that well yet, okay?"

Sammy nods, knowing when it's best to not verbally answer even at his young age.

"But she's your mom, kid. She's your mom and she would never hurt you or do anything bad to you."

"But you…."

"No, no," Dean stops him before he can speak. "Buddy, you gotta relax. We spent all day together. You've been glued to my side, right?"

Sammy nods again.

"Well, daddy needs a break." He sighs quietly, tired as hell. "And mommy want to help you. It's what mommies do. They help."

"I get soap in eyes?" Sammy asks, his shoulder slumping as he calms down little by little.

"No way," Dean assures him. "She's good, that mom of yours. She knows all the tricks. Even ones I don't by now."

When Sammy is still unsure, the day having been ruled by his nightmare of being abandoned and lost still running through him, he curls up a little in the water, arms hugging his knees in.

"How about this?" Lizzy jumps in there, walking to crouch to the floor next to where Dean's kneeling. She doesn't want to push him but she wants him to understand she loves him and wants to be a bigger part of Sammy's life. "Tonight only, daddy will wash your hair. But for the next week it's all me, dude. And trust me, I have a very good record. I've never gotten soap in anyone's eyes."

"Never?" Sammy asks in a quiet, meek tone.

"Never, baby," she swears as she places a hand on Dean's shoulder. "Do we have a deal?"

Sammy just looks to Dean for answers.

"Don't look at me," his dad tells him. "She asked _you_ the question."

Sammy then peeks back at his mom. "Okay."

Lizzy smiles and nods. "Okay then. You two finish up. I'll get some milk and cookies read and then we brush our teeth."

Catching Dean's eyes before she stands up, she smiles. She's hoping she's making headway as much as she can.

"Told you he isn't as easy as he seemed at first," he gloats a little, having told her he isn't always smiles and sweetness. Sammy can be difficult.

"You did. But I'm handling it," she winks, feeling better about how this went down.

"Nice work, momma." Dean then leans in and quickly kisses her lips, adoring her in the moment. She's damn good at this parenting thing still. Damn good.

Lizzy cups a hand to his cheek and grins before getting up and leaving the room.

"Alright you little pain," Dean jokes a bit, grabbing the shampoo. "Let's get this over with."

"You kiss mommy?" Sammy asks him, big wet eyes looking up at him with pure curiosity.

Stopping mid-reach for a second, Dean answers. "Uh, yeah. I do that sometimes."

"Why?"

Why… he hates that word these days. "Because… mommy's pretty. Why wouldn't I want to kiss her?"

"Uncle Sam kiss Auntie Lou?" Sammy asks, trying to make sense of it all in his young mind.

"Yeah, he does that."

"Why?"

Dean lathers up Sammy's dark hair and thinks. "Well… because he loves her. When you love someone, you kiss them."

"You love mommy?"

"A whole lot."

Sammy thinks as Dean washes his hair. "You kiss me?"

"Sometimes," Dean nods, picking up the plastic cup on the tub edge and dunking it in the water to fill it.

"You love me?" Sammy asks, letting Dean tip his head back and pour water over his sudsy hair to rinse it out.

"Of course I do."

The conversation stops there. When they finish up, hair washed and tub drained, Dean dries his boy off with a big thick towel and wraps him up in it.

"You got it?" Dean asks, letting Sammy grab the towel edges and bundle himself up.

"Yeah," Sammy happily says.

"Let's go," Dean tells him and opens the bathroom door. Sammy flies out and runs through the first floor of the cabin, towel flapping. "Hey! It's cold! You need clothes, you hedonist!"

His calling out doesn't matter because Sammy's on a mission. He needs to find his mommy. His daddy was making some sense to him once it was just the two of them in the bathroom and now he needs to find her.

"What are you doing, naked man!?" Lizzy laughs heartily as he comes into sight. He's adorable with his damp, wily hair and huge towel cocooning him.

Sammy doesn't answer, just runs for her and plows right into her legs as she sits on the couch. She smiles with the change in his attitude before she picks him up and pulls him into her lap just in time for Dean to catch up and watch on.

Lizzy grabs his little face and kisses his cheek in a silly manor, all kissy sounds and over-the-top movements. Sammy laughs a lot at that and she couldn't be happier to see this side of him again. All day it's been daddy-is-everything. She just wants in and he's letting her in right now.

"You kiss me?" Sammy asks, sitting facing her on her legs and grinning wide.

"Of course I kiss you!" she tells him happily. "How can I not!?" Lizzy grabs his face again and this time kisses him right on the lips.

"You love me, mommy?" Sammy asks, just trying to straighten it all out in his head.

Lizzy just looks down at the little miracle in her lap with filling eyes, her chest exploding with love for this one little man. "More than you know, sweetie."

"Daddy kiss you 'cause he love you," Sammy tells her, pointing to her lips.

Grinning wide, she tells him, "That's right. We're family and we love each other. So we kiss each other."

Thinking for a moment, something Lizzy has found Sammy does a lot which makes her realize just how intelligent he is, Sammy leans forward and presses one quick, very sweet kiss to his mommy's lips.

When he sits back in her lap Lizzy grins as she chin quivers a bit, so touched by his actions. She runs her hands through his wet hair as she assures him, "I love you too, kiddo. So, so much."

Sammy just smiles wide up at her, proud that he put it all together. Sometimes adults are weird and they do weird things Sammy doesn't understand. But this whole love thing? Piece of cake. He gets that one.

"Alright, birthday suit. Let's get clothes on you before you catch cold or something," Dean jumps in when he can see Lizzy struggling.

"Okay," Sammy answers easily and gets down from Lizzy's lap. He runs around the corner to his room and disappears.

Dean looks at his wife with a smile. "Figured you'd need a minute."

When he walks away, Lizzy wipes her eyes and tries to gather herself together. After the very rough day she really needed that. Leave it to her sweet, smart boy to figure out even at such a young age what the people around him need.

He's an amazing kid.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! I was killing myself to get my revamping of The Definition of Family done. I have submitted it to be read and judged. Wish me luck! And if you're interested, The Definition of Family is now completely redone!


	8. Family Reunion

 

* * *

Dean grins to himself when he hears the downstairs bedroom door creak shut a bit. Lizzy's done and Sammy's down for the night. And he let her only put him down. That's one hell of a success considering where they were at dawn.

"He's good?" Dean asks as Lizzy walks into the kitchen area.

"Already passed out," she explains with a slight smile, so happy she got to put him to bed alone and Sammy was good with it. "He didn't even get to the moral the Lorax was trying to impart."

"He usually doesn't get that far," Dean laughs a little, watching her pour two pretty hefty glasses of Jameson at the counter. He then watches her walk towards him on the couch, her form always mesmerizing whenever she's moving… even if she's exhausted. "Good idea."

She hands him a glass. "After today? We earned this." She sits right up against him, arm to arm, and clinks glasses. They both take a long sip from their cups.

"Oh yeah," Dean sighs in too much enjoyment. "So good."

"Yeah," Lizzy nods, agreeing completely as she leans her head into his shoulder. They both exhale a breath they felt they'd been holding all day now that Sammy's done for the night. He made life difficult today. And they walked on eggshells from the minute Sammy woke them up. But now it's calm. No worrisome questions, no clingy child, no freak outs. Instead it's quiet. Beautifully quiet.

That is, until the sound of an engine rumbling can be heard outside. Lizzy picks her head up sharply, ears intent on the sound out of habit. Any sound out of the ordinary puts her on edge these days.

Dean, on the other hand, closes his eyes immediately when he understands. "Son of a bitch," he mutters, knowing who it is. He knows a solid, well kept '64 Mustang when he hears one.

**SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS**

"They're definitely still here," Sam points to the Impala parked in front of the cabin as Lou pulls up.

"Thank god," Lou huffs out a good breath, the stress of possibly rolling up to an empty cabin having plagued her. She would be devastated if Lizzy and crew left before they arrived. The twenty-four hour ride was too long to be disappointed at the end.

She pulls the Mustang up beside the Impala, not unlike she does back at their Kansas house every day, and hastily gets out. She stands up and surveys the surroundings. The shitbox sitting behind Dean's car is a rusted hunk of crap. Lizzy must have stolen that car when she got out of Purgatory to get here to her family.

"So… do we just walk in?" Sam asks her over the roof of the car once he's out also. Lou makes a face and shrugs.

"Shit," Lou worries aloud, looking at him. "Uh… maybe I should call Dean first, give him a heads up…."

"Don't bother."

They both turn towards the new voice and see the open front door of the cabin, Dean's silhouette standing in it.

"You couldn't have given us a couple more days?" he challenges in a pissed off voice with his arms crossed, standing defiant and angry.

"Couple more days!?" Lou gets fired up right away with his words. "You've been gone a fucking week!"

"And what's it to you?" Dean spits right back. "If I want to take my son and ditch then that's my right. _I'm_ his parent. _You're_ not… even if you think you are."

Low blow. Lou's even angrier now. "I've been a mother to him for a fucking year!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay," Sam tries to intervene, holding a hand out in surrender to each of them as he stands by Lou's side. "We know you think we did the wrong thing here, Dean…."

"Because you did!" Dean shouts at his brother, having hoped Sam would have come around and seen how wrong he was to lie about where Lizzy was. So much for that.

"But we only did what we thought was best at the time," Sam keeps trying. "You have to see how messed up this whole situation was on all sides of it."

Dean doesn't speak, keeping his jaw clenched.

Sam just sighs, his brother more pigheaded than he's ever been able to handle. "Look. We just came to see that you and Sammy were alright and… we know she's back."

Dean straightens up. "What do you mean?"

"Lizzy is in there, isn't she?" Lou asks, her voice back down to a more appropriate place. "She got out, just like I knew she would?"

Once more Dean's jaw flexes. "She's here."

Lou takes a deep breath of relief and smiles momentarily. "Dean, I need to see her."

"No fucking way."

"Dude, she's my sister!" Lou reminds him, walking to the bottom of the front steps to look him in the eye.

"And she's my wife. And I'm the only one that actually bothered to look for her!" Dean fires back.

"I knew about the escape hatch, idiot," Lou explains quickly. "I knew she'd get out sooner or later and instead of risking opening that door and exposing all of Purgatory to the whole friggin' world, I waited."

"And lied."

"So fucking what!?" Lou asks, losing her temper now. "Just because I chose a path you wouldn't doesn't make me love her less or care about my family less! Let me in!"

"Over my dead body," Dean barks back at her. "We'll be here a few more days and then we'll head home. She needs to readjust. And get to know her son… without distraction."

**SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS**

Sitting in the back bedroom with her sleeping boy, Lizzy can hear Dean speaking in an angered voice to someone. She didn't bother asking who he thought it was coming up the driveway, she just listened when he told her to cover Sammy and keep quiet. Sammy hasn't moved but Lizzy's wide awake, ears listening intently.

The length of the conversation makes her think Dean knows whoever it is he's talking to and curiosity gets to her. She walks for the closed bedroom door and opens it enough to peek her head out.

"And she's my wife…" she hears Dean say. "And I'm the only one that actually bothered to look for her!"

"I knew about the escape hatch."

She knows that voice the second she hears it. Lou. Her sister is here.

"I knew she'd get out sooner or later and without risking opening that door and exposing all of Purgatory to the whole friggin' world, so I waited."

"And lied." Dean sounds pissed off.

"So fucking what!?" Lou asks, clearly losing her temper over how the conversation has been going. "Just because I chose a path you wouldn't doesn't make me love her less or care about my family less! Let me in!"

She needs to see her sister. She has to. Lizzy walks for the front door despite the clear objections Dean has to all this.

"Over my dead body," Dean barks back at her as Lizzy creeps up on him. "We'll be here a few more days and then we'll head home. She needs to readjust. And get to know her son… without distraction."

Lizzy reaches the door and lightly pulls Dean aside, not looking to further anger him. When she looks out to the front of the cabin, there they are. Lou's just a few feet away at the bottom of the steps and Sam's back by the Mustang, both looking at her with wide, happy eyes.

"Louie," Lizzy quietly says her name as a small smile spreads across her face. She watches Lou's eyes snap onto her with wide shock, needing a moment to register what's happening.

"Holy shit," Lou sighs in a thankful voice. As she climbs the few steps she says the name she's choked on for over a year. "Lizard."

"Hi," Lizzy laugh-cries out as she wraps her smaller yet older sister up in a tight, strong hug. Lou clings to her hard, Dean's venom now ignored completely and forgotten.

"I'm so fucking glad you're okay," Lou says quietly, her face over Lizzy's shoulder as she won't let go.

"Define okay for me," Lizzy half-laughs as she sniffles a little, her world a little more stable now with Lou in it once more.

"Shit, I know," Lou tells her, backing up to look at Lizzy in the eye and observe her. "Purgatory's a real vaca spot, huh?"

Lizzy shakes her head, her expression sympathetic and sad for her. "I can't believe you did that for four years."

"Well, that shit's over now, for both of us. You're back, you clearly found the portal… and you look pretty good considering."

Lizzy just pulls Lou in again. "I missed you," she admits quietly.

"Like you wouldn't believe," Lou confesses right back, her voice hushed so only Lizzy hears it. No need for the men to hear her be that weak, right?

And the movement behind Lou's form makes Lizzy pay attention to something other than her sister.

Her somewhat adopted brother is there too.

Sam stands back a few steps from the stairs as he watches on silently, a face of sheer hurt mixed with happiness to see her playing out on his face, and Lizzy can't hold back. She ends the hug with Lou. "Sam-I-Am," her choked up voice says as she rushes down the steps. She slams into him, hugging him around the middle before he can even react to her.

Sam smiles and leans down, hugging her back as he can feel her shaking. No, he's not her best friend. Lou will always be that for her. And no, he's not her partner. Dean is her soulmate in every sense. But the bond they have is unique in and of itself. It's something no one can touch and it's something they both know is nothing like any other link to any other human they each have. He's put on a brave face for his brother and for his wife over the past year but now that she's back he can give it up.

When Lizzy can feel the quick hitch in Sam's chest she knows he feels it too. The easiest person she has to talk to and the kindest soul she knows is back in her life.

With tears in her eyes, Lizzy reaches up to hold his face. She kisses his cheek and sighs. "It's _so_ good to see you." The usually blasé statement isn't so mundane when she fills it with such heartfelt love.

"Missed you too," Sam smiles a little and rubs his eyes before he can cry. No need for that. Lizzy cries enough for everyone, right? He then backs up a bit. "Hey, uh… is Cass here?" He's hoping the angel is. He's actually missed him too. A lot.

And her eyes sadden instantly. She just looks at him, the devastation clear in her expression, and Sam nods once, already understanding. He doesn't push it in the moment.

Lizzy looks up at him and smiles before clearing her throat and shaking the emotional moment off once more. "Ah, I'm really glad you guys are here. I was dying to see you both."

"I wasn't," Dean comments, arms still crossed as he leans into the doorframe unmoving.

"Couldn't tell," Lou bites at him.

"Dean… shit, can't you just look at it from our perspective for five minutes?" Sam asks of his brother, wanting so badly for this reunion to be pleasant instead of tinged with anger.

"Nope. All I see is two lying sons of bitches that are supposed to be family and be honest!" Dean fires out, voice raised again.

"Okay, enough," Lizzy shakes her head at all the anger bubbling between her surrounding family. "Everyone inside."

"But I don't want…." Dean tries to stop her.

" _Too bad_ ," she stops him immediately. "I haven't seen them in over a year. And I wanna get to the bottom of all this hate." She looks to everyone outside. "Let's go." She waves to the front door and makes sure everyone listens. "I'll get the whiskey. Let's do this and get it over with."

* * *

Whiskey all around, the group is settled as much as they can be. Sam and Lou share the couch, Dean sits in the upholstered chair that's a decent distance away from them, and Lizzy has a chair pulled up from the kitchen table between the two opposing groups.

With the heavy, fueled mood in the room Lizzy's beginning to feel more like a peacekeeper than just another member of the clearly broken family.

"Alright, what the fuck happen?" Lizzy asks them when the silence lasts too long. She obviously needed to start this up himself.

"They lied to me," Dean spits out fast, wanting the first crack.

"Yeah, only because you're a fucking psycho when it comes to Lizard," Lou returns with a bratty tone.

"No! We aren't fighting about this!" Lizzy tells them all in a tone that says not to fuck with her. "We're _talking_. That'sit." When no one protests she continues. "Dean, what the hell did they lie about?"

"I told you. They said you were dead," Dean explains himself in an upset voice. "They came back from Roman Inc. alone. No you, no Cass, no Kevin… they said you all died. They lied to me."

Lizzy nods, noticing the mention of Kevin. When she looks at Sam and Lou they are very obviously looking away and avoiding her. She backburners that little nugget of information for now. One thing at a time. "Why was that bad?"

"You weren't dead!" Dean shouts, his anger still strong as ever.

"We had to lie, Dean…."

" _Sam_ ," Lizzy lifts an eyebrow at him, asking him to hold off. He shuts his mouth for now, understanding that he'll get his chance. Lizzy focuses on Dean again. "So, they told you Cass and I were dead?"

"Yeah."

"Why do you think they did that?"

Dean pauses, eyeing her. "Whose side are you on?"

"Both," she quickly tells him. "Answer the question."

Clenching his jaw, Dean takes a long sip of whiskey. He doesn't want to answer. Lizzy keeps looking at him and he knows he has to respond or else nothing's going to happen here. She can be a very patient person. "Okay, fine. They thought I'd open Purgatory to get you."

"Damn straight you would," Lou mutters just loud enough to be heard.

"Oh, can it. Would you?" Dean snaps at her.

"Stop!" Lizzy gets pissed off, their bickering just a breath away at all times, apparently. When they all quiet again she keeps going. "Dean… if you knew I was in Purgatory, even if you knew what happens when you open that place up, would you have tried to get me?"

"Yes," Dean answers.

"See!" Lou points at him childishly and gets a dirty look from Dean in return.

"Lou, don't make it easier to knock you out cold than it is to ask you to stop," Lizzy challenges with a patronizing smile.

Lou wants to blow up at the threat and Sam sees it instantly. He grabs her knee quickly and she gets it. She keeps her cool considering she just got her sister back and Sam's silently asking her to.

"But I wouldn't just go popping Purgatory like some asshat," Dean says pointedly, staring at Lou. "I'm smarted than that and I wouldn't just go undoing everything we just did to keep Purgatory in Purgatory." He sighs and looks back to his wife. "And I knew they were lying pretty quickly anyways."

"What do you mean?" Lizzy wants to know.

"I told you I could feel you. I told you I knew, I just _knew_ , you were alive. I didn't know where but I didn't jump to any conclusions and I certainly didn't immediately go marching into Heaven or Hell to look on a whim." Dean once more looks at Sam and Lou. "I was smart, unlike what you thought I would be. I got some dreamroot, I found L, I talked to her, and she told me everything. Purgatory, the backdoor out, and she told me to meet her here because she was getting out. So I left."

"That's why you stormed out that night?" Sam asks, everything coming together. "And that's where you kept disappearing to at night?"

"Yeah."

"Fuck, we thought you were…." Sam starts to say but he stops, eyes darting to Lizzy. She just lifts one eye brow at him questioningly once again. "We just kinda… we assumed…."

"You thought I was banging random chicks," Dean spits it out for him. "Yeah, I figured you'd both assume the worst of me."

"Why didn't you just tell us what you were doing?" Lou wonders.

"I told you _both_ on more than one occasion that I thought L was alive… and you guys _both_ told me to let it go," Dean reminds. "I said I could feel her. I told you I had a weird feeling about L being alive still and you tried to convince me it was in my head. You wouldn't listen."

"We didn't want you doing something stupid," Sam admits, looking at the floor as he realizes how wrong they were to make such assumptions. Dean clearly wasn't the hasty, reckless guy they thought he was on this. They should have trusted him.

"Well," Lizzy lightens up. "It's not like Dean hadn't set you up to assume he'd do something stupid with many of the past decisions he's made."

"L," Dean gets upset at her.

"Well, you have made some pretty impulsively bad decisions before, have you not?" Lizzy calmly challenges him, trying to make him see their side.

Dean keeps quiet. Good point.

"Look. This is only a mess because no one has looked at the other side. Dean, you dealt with this the right way, even if it probably killed you to do so. And Lou and Sam did what they had to just to make sure you didn't make a big mistake. Can't you all see it now?'

When no one answers, and with the level of stubbornness in the room she wasn't expecting anyone to, she knows they get it.

"Good. Glad that's settled," Lizzy rolls her eyes at them all. She then looks to the couple on the couch. "I just have one question left."

"What?" Sam asks.

"Cass and I were in Purgatory, fine… but Kevin wasn't," Lizzy lets them know. "But if he wasn't in Purgatory and you said he was dead like Cass and me… where the fuck is he?"

Sam and Lou freeze at the question. And guilt paints their faces, skin paling and nervousness settles in. After glancing at one another, hoping the other would say something first, they both clam up and look to the floor.

Dean picks up on the shift immediately. Seeing red, he simply asks, "He ain't dead, is he?"

Another very heavy pause before Lou fesses up with closed eyes. "No."

"What!?" Lizzy and Dean both shout at them at the same time. Lizzy stands up with rage. "Where the fuck is he!?"

"We're… not sure," Sam admits.

"What the fuck happened!?" Lizzy keeps yelling.

Sam sighs. "Right after… you killed Dick… shit really hit the fan. You and Cass basically disappeared into thin air and seconds later Crowley showed up."

"Crowley!?" Dean outrages. "Crowley was there and you never said anything!?"

"He planned it all out," Lou says to them all, stopping only for a second when Dean gets out of his chair and marches for the basement door. He stomps down the wooden stairs and Lou looks back to Lizzy to explain. "Crowley knew what we were up to, knew that we would kill Dick, or at least banked on it. The very second Dick was dead he was there… and he took Kevin."

Lizzy heart drops. She can't process what she's being told. Kevin, the poor honor student turned prophet of the Lord, was all on his own with no one but their group to look after him and save him… and he'd been with Crowley for over a year?

"What did you do to get him back?" Lizzy asks in a panic. Again, Sam and Lou grow quiet. "Did you do _anything_ to get the fucking teenager that depended on us out of the clutches of the fucking King of Hell!?"

"We were preoccupied by you being gone and Dean and Sammy's wellbeing," Sam tries to explain.

"You mean you wanted to get the fuck out and you ditched everything else, even a kid that needed us," Lizzy fires out at them, the burning fire in her gut getting worse by the second.

Dean makes it back to the first floor, slamming the basement door hard. He glares at Sam with pure malice as he makes his way to the coffee table, dumping a box of roughly seven cell phones onto it, all old phones of theirs that they decided to ditch when they left the life. Not a word spoken, he pulls out chargers and starts plugging them all in one by one. He listened to every word they spoke while he was just a few feet away in the basement. He's pissed.

"Look, we had to get out," Lou says. "If you think it was an easy decision to make to just drop everything, even Kevin, in order to start a good life for Sammy…."

"Don't bring Sammy into this," Lizzy nearly growls, jumping in on helping Dean with charging up and turning on the old phones. "You decided to let that kid just suffer. Who the fuck knows what Crowley could have done to him by now… if he's even alive at all."

"If we went after Kevin we'd all still be in the life…" Sam keeps trying to justify their actions. "A-and Dean, if we told you about him, you'd have thrown yourself into getting him back and been reckless as hell over the loss of Lizzy."

Still keeping quiet, Dean just stares at Sam for a long couple seconds before turning on a phone and checking the voicemail.

"We didn't need any more loss," Sam keeps trying to plead his case. "We just lost a family member, _two_ family members… we couldn't risk losing another."

While Sam speaks, Dean holds a phone up to his ear. The absolute ire that transforms his expression as he listens makes both Sam and Lou's fears double.

Slowly, after skipping through a few messages in the silence of the cabin, Dean pulls the phone away from his ear and places it on the coffee table. He puts it on speakerphone and starts at the oldest message he has on it, staring daggers at Sam and Lou the entire time.

_Sam Winchester, it's Kevin Tran. Crowley had me in this warehouse and I just escaped. I don't know where I am. And I don't know if he or… or any other demons are still after me. I need your help. Call me back. It's Kevin Tran._

Lou swallows hard as the utter guilt smacks her in the face. She looks to Sam for help, for something, but he just stares back at his brother with that little boy look he always had when he was ever in real trouble.

"When was that?" Sam wonders, already understanding the weight of his massive mistake.

Dean doesn't bother answering, just plays the next message.

_Sam Winchester. It's Kevin Tran. I called you a week ago. Call me, please. I don't know what the hell I'm doing out here, man._

"Oh god," Lizzy worries aloud, sitting in her chair next to Dean as she shares a very frightened face with him. "He's been alone this whole fucking time?"

Dean shakes his head at it all while looking at her.

"We get it," Lou says, every bit of this hurting far more than she ever could have thought it would a year ago when they decided to let him fend for himself.

Dean skips to yet another message.

_Sam, it's Kevin. I'm... Whoo! I'm so good…_

"Is he… is he drunk?" Sam asks, honest worry now all over his face.

_Three months since you ditched my ass. Haven't slept for more than four hours a night. It's all good in the hood._

Kevin clears his throat in the message as Lizzy looks ready to cry.

 _I tried Lou's phone. And Dean's. Guess you motherfuckers don't give a shit about me… unless you died. Maybe you died. But, uh, if you're still alive…_ eat me _._

"Fuck," Lizzy says under her breath as she covers her face with her hands. "How the fuck did this happen?"

"I know how," Dean comments, snapping the cheap phone shut and eyeing his brother and sister-in-law. "He was given up on."

"It wasn't like that," Sam tries to defend himself despite knowing how bad this looks.

"He's just a fucking kid!" Lizzy suddenly shouts as she stands up and points accusatorily at them. "He's someone's son! He has a mother! What the fuck is wrong with you two!?"

"Daddy?" they all hear a small voice call out as Sammy rounds the corner, pajamas on and teddy bear in his arm.

"Hey, dude," Dean's tone changes completely, something kinder and lighter in his voice as he rushes over to Sammy. He doesn't want him in on anything like this. "Were we too loud, buddy?"

"Uncle Sam?" Sammy says when he sees his family on the couch.

"Hey, kiddo," Sam smiles a bit through his burden.

"Hi, Sammy," Lou greets with love.

"You come here?" Sammy asks them with a spark of excitement as Dean picks him up.

"Yeah, they wanted to see us," Dean explains vaguely. "And they wanted to see mommy."

"Mommy mad?" Sammy wonders, having just heard her yelling. Sammy keeps his eyes on daddy while he thinks mommy's upset. He's a smart boy.

"A little bit, bud," Dean partially lies. "But she's not mad at you. You didn't do anything wrong."

When her son starts asking about her state, Lizzy takes a deep breath to calm herself. She can do anything for her boy. She lightens up and walks over to him. "I'm okay, sweetie. I'm sorry we woke you up." She combs her hands through his hair to get it tamed.

"I stay up now?" Sammy asks them both, now excited to see his aunt and uncle he isn't used to being away from.

"No way, dude," Dean half laughs at the attempt. "You know you need some sleep."

"I big guy now," Sammy reminds him.

Lizzy can't stop herself from smiling at that. Even in the worst of the worst kind of argument with her family, one cute moment from Sammy and she's mush again. She kisses his cheek and tells him, "And big guys need their sleep too. How about I read a book with you?"

"Okay," Sammy answers through a yawn.

"That okay?" Lizzy quietly asks her husband, making sure she isn't taking his duties away.

Dean leans in and kisses her once. "Of course, momma. This is a damn good thing. Be my guest."

"Say goodnight to daddy," Lizzy tells her boy. Sammy kisses Dean's cheek.

"Night, dude," Dean grins with love and pride as he hands Sammy over. Lizzy and Sammy disappear into Sammy's room for bedtime part two.

The second they're gone, Dean's smile fades back into his angry grimace. He turns back to the task at hand and sits down in his seat, ready to play the last message he knows is on Sam's old cell phone.

"Sammy looks like he's settling in with Lizzy really well," Lou tries to interject and speak of something really great in the moment.

Dean ignores her. Phone open, back on speaker, he plays the last message.

_Sam, it's been six months. I haven't heard from any of you. I can only assume you're dead. If not, don't try and reach me. You won't be able to. I won't be calling this number anymore._

The anger buried in Kevin's tired tone makes Sam and Lou feel about two inches tall as they watch Dean once more snap the phone shut. He stands back up, disappointment and pure anger in his eyes.

"He was our responsibility," he tells them, whipping the phone at Sam. It hits him in the chest. "And apparently we were too busy playing house to pick up the damn phone."

With that he leaves the room, heading back to Sammy's room to once more see his son off to sleep. He can't be in the same room as his brother and Lou right now. It's best he brings his level back down to manageable before working with the very people he's pissed at to fix their past mistakes.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up: Last chapter I published has some pretty low traffic. I posted on a Saturday and usually don't do that so if you missed it head back one chapter and read that first to avoid confusion. Thank you so much, everyone!


	9. You Leavin'

* * *

Maybe she's still making up for lost time. Maybe she's still exhausted after so long and so little rest. But the next thing Lizzy knows is she feels small hands on her cheeks as she wakes up. This time she takes it slow, not freaking out over the jarring change. Instead she thinks about it. Small, tiny, gentle hands pressing her cheeks together and squishing her lips until they're pursed don't really set off alarms for her.

Instead she tries to smile as her eyes open to find Sammy hovering over her, his face in a wide, toothy grin.

"You fishy, mommy!" he says with pure, wide-awake delight. He then giggles and the sound hits her right in the heart.

"I'm a fishy?" she gets out while her face is still smushed.

Sammy just collapses in laughter when she speaks like that, falling onto his side and letting her face go.

"Oh, that's funny?" Lizzy asks, hands aiming right at his little tummy. She starts to tickle him just to make sure the beautiful sound of his laughter continues.

It works. Sammy's giggles makes her terrible current situation disappear.

She spent the night in Sammy's room. After he woke up to his family yelling at each other, she brought him back to his room and read to him. He fell asleep halfway through Cool Cars and once he was out she didn't have it in her to leave him. Dean sat with her on Sammy's bed as they quietly discussed what to do with their current mess. Can they do this? What happens with Sammy now? They can't just let Kevin suffer. They know they have to find him but can they trust Lou and Sam to get the job done?

Everything felt so heavy after last night's revelations. She's shocked she even got any sleep at all.

But this wake up call, the one with a smiling little boy that has no idea about the world around him being a horror show, makes everything disappear.

"I can't believe I fell asleep, dude," Lizzy says with a smile when she lets up on the tickling. "Hope you don't mind I stole your bed."

"It okay , mommy," Sammy says sitting up tall. Lizzy pats down his bed head as he looks at her. "I hungry."

"You're hungry?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I'm thinking it's a cereal and fruit day," Lizzy tries, hoping she's right.

"Pancakes!" Sammy shouts instead.

"Oh no. We did pancakes yesterday," Lizzy tries to turn the request around. "We should do something healthier today. We can do Lucky Charms and bananas."

Sammy sits there, contemplating, before shrugging. "Okay."

"Oh my god, you're so easy sometimes," Lizzy tells him happily, pulling him into her lap and kissing his cheek. "Something you _don't_ get from your daddy."

"I like daddy is?" Sammy asks, always so interested in the idea of being like his own father.

"Too much, sweetie." Lizzy picks him up despite his obvious ability to walk and be able to move on his own. Sometimes holding him just feels too good still. She just can't get enough of this little guy just yet.

They head out of the bedroom to find a full first floor. Sam sits at the table with his laptop out and some earbuds in, Lou is taking notes while listening to some messages from her own old phone, and Dean's shaking out his wet hair after a shower, just now rejoining the room.

"Hey, dude," Dean greets with wide eyes, undoubtedly trying to look awake despite clearly having been up all night. He kisses Sammy's forehead as Lizzy holds him. "You sleep tight?"

"No bed bugs, daddy," Sammy tells him factually before he spies Lou on the couch. He freaks out. "Auntie Louie!"

"Hey, babe," Lou jokes as she watches him scramble out of Lizzy's arms. Lizzy lets him down and Sammy bolts for her after having missed her for so long. He gives her a massive hug as Lou hauls him into her lap. "How you doing, smelly?"

"Good," Sammy says to her, settling into her hold like it's the most normal thing. "Mommy here."

"I know," Lou smiles, still happy to see her sister alive and well… even if she's pissed.

"Mommy nice. I like her. She make me Mickey pancakes and she reads with funny voices like daddy do it."

"Well, it sounds like mommy's awesome," Lou tells him, avoiding eye contact with Lizzy at all costs to keep the peace.

"Sweetie, you wanna eat?" Lizzy asks, pulling a bowl from the cupboard and grabbing the Lucky Charms.

"Yeah," Sammy answers, getting off Lou and running to the table. He sees Sam sitting there. "Hi Uncle Sam!"

"Hey!" Sam grins wider than he can remember grinning in a long time when he catches his nephew running for him. He immediately pulls the earbuds out of his ear to focus on the kid. "How's it going?"

"Good," Sammy answers as he scrambles up onto Sam now, the man helping after a moment.

"You behaving?" Sam checks on him, making sure he's been on point.

"Yes."

"That's good," Sam says to him, patting down his bed head. "Looks like you slept well."

"Yeah. I eatin' Charms for breakfast," Sammy tells him.

"Sounds yummy," Sam says to him, not even registering the lame words he chooses to use these days. It's second nature now.

Lizzy places a bowl of cereal and milk in front of Sammy, handing him a spoon. She doesn't speak to Sam at this point but it's clear she wants her son to have her family with him and not make it tension-filled for the boy. Sam's very grateful for that.

Without asking, Sammy picks out the perfect marshmallow and looks up. He presses the marshmallow to Sam's lips until he eats it. "Thanks."

"Welcome," Sammy says before digging into his bowl with a spoon fisted in his small hand.

Sam can't help but smile a little.

"Here," Lizzy makes sure to remind Sammy that the cut up half banana on a plate is there. He needs to get his fruit in.

"Thank you, mommy," Sammy says with a mouthful, a little dribble of milk spilling down his chin.

"Cute," Lizzy winks and wipes the milk with her thumb before pouring herself a bowl. She looks to Dean as he finishes setting up a new pot of coffee to brew. "You in?"

"Definitely," she grins lightly at her. Even if shit is about to go very poorly at least their unit of three is strong and happy.

She pours two bowls all while Sammy eats and shares a marshmallow with Sam every now and then.

"Hey, listen to this," Sam suddenly says, unplugging the earbuds from the laptop to let everyone listen. "Kevin's last message. Listen to the background."

He plays it.

"What is it?" Dean asks from his spot leaning on the counter, mouth full of cereal.

"I think he was on a bus," Sam tells them, pulling up an isolated clip on his laptop. "Listen again." He nods at Lou as she walks over, wanting her in on this.

In the vague background they can just make out an announcement on a loud speaker over the sounds of busses shifting gears.

_Last stop: Centreville._

"Centreville where?" Dean asks, another massive bit of Charms in his way. "There's gotta be a million."

"Michigan," Sam answers with certainty.

"How can you be sure?" Lou wonders, knowing he has an answer.

Sam turns his laptop towards her, a social media page of a girl up on it. "Because… his high school girlfriend goes to school there."

Channing Ngo looks back at Lou and she smiles slightly. A cold trail from a year ago and her man can still figure it out so easily.

"That's thin," Dean comments, glancing at Lizzy and noticing that she's incredibly quiet at the moment. She hasn't added or commented on a single thing from Sam's research.

"No way. It's his girl," Lou says easily. "Kevin's a good kid. He's probably at least checking out that she's alright."

"And it's the best lead we got," Sam makes sure Dean understands. They've been up all night. This is all they have.

" _We_?" Dean asks, surprised by the wording.

Sam nods, looking back to his laptop as Lou slides it back to him across the table. "He was our responsibility. Maybe a year ago we had hyper focused on keeping this family together but… we should have thought more about him. So… we'll find him, okay?"

Dean's eyebrows fly to his hairline with that. "Awfully sudden change of heart."

"We talked," Lou speaks up, knowing Sam shouldn't take his brother's fire on his own. "When you and Lizzy were reading to Sammy we… realized you guys were right. We focused too much on ourselves and this poor kid has been on his own, hiding from the friggin' King of Hell on his own. That's not fair. We royally screwed up."

Dean catches the slight reaction on Lizzy face as she stares into her cereal bowl. He's clearly not the only surprised one in the room.

"We should pack up," Sam says to Lou and she nods in agreement. They both stand up. "You have any kind of arsenal still here?"

Dean nods. "Basement is still stocked."

"Alright," Sam solemnly accepts and he and Lou both head to the basement.

"Wait!" Lizzy calls out to them and they both pause, turn to look at her. "What's the plan here?"

Sam and Lou glance at each other, something they do a lot these days. "We head out and find Kevin. Bring him back here."

"What about us?" Dean jumps in, knowing what Lizzy's asking.

"Stay here," Lou says. "Neither of you screwed the honor student on this one. We owe him. And you guys need more time as a family. You deserve that much." She shrug and disappears into the basement, Sam following.

Lizzy then looks up at Dean as he rinses his empty bowl in the sink. "So… we just stay here?"

"Do you feel ready to go hunting down a prophet with Crowley out there probably also looking for him?"

One look at her son and his milk-dribbled chin and she knows the answer. "Not at all."

"Then we let them handle it," Dean tells her easily, pouring himself and her each a mug of coffee now that it's brewed.

"Just like that?" Lizzy wonders.

"Yeah," Dean shrugs, pouring milk into her mug.

Lizzy shakes her head. "Since when are you all cool with them hunting alone without your expert ass backing them up?"

"Mommy, you no say that," Sammy doles out a warning for her.

"Crap," she whispers to herself. "Sorry, kiddo. I know I shouldn't say that. I meant bum." She forgets that he's old enough to hear all that she says these days. He's smart and she needs to catch up to that.

"Daddy say bad words too. I tell him no," Sammy proudly says, knowing that certain words that adults sometimes say aren't appropriate.

"That's because you're a good kid," Lizzy smiles, ruffling his head. She turns back to Dean as he places both mugs on the table and sits next to her. She raises her eyebrows for an answer.

"Look, this past year was… different," he tries to explain. "And when it came down to it, I was all Sammy had left. He was already down one parent and I couldn't leave him. So, I was _done_. Whenever Sam and Lou found something that needed taking care of they went and I didn't. I took bar duty for Lou and Sammy hung out with me. That was it. I got used to them just taking care of things."

Lizzy stares at him with shock. When she left he was impossible. The very idea of Sam ever heading out without his big brother, even with Lou as back up, made him itchy and uncomfortable to a very high level. But now he's very okay with it.

"I don't even know you anymore," Lizzy jokes within their situation as she takes a sip of her coffee.

"Is that you asking to get to know me all over again?" Dean smirks at her, looking for another meaning to his words. "Because if that's what you want, I wouldn't mind letting you get reacquainted with this." He nods to his form.

"Not in front of the child, dear," she jokes back and playfully swats his shoulder. It feels good to have the chance to joke with him again, be relaxed with one another, and feel the love and ease of their relationship again. She just gives him a sweet, loving look, one he mirrors right back. They're doing well, better than she's hoped by this point. "You're so different."

"Am I?" Dean asks. She nods the affirmative. "Don't feel different."

"You are," she smiles and nods. "I like it. A lot."

Dean makes a face of pleasant acceptance. "Well… alright then."

They look at each other over their mugs, grinning like teenagers, when they hear footsteps coming back up the stairs to ruin the moment.

"Alright, you guys sit tight," Sam says to them, a large duffle over his shoulder and Lou following close behind. "We'll call with updates."

"And when we get back we'll have a prophet in tow," Lou promises.

"You better," Dean says without the threatening edge in his tone. He's just simply worried about Kevin. He was never made for this world and the fact that he's been on his own for so long? It's frightening. "Call if you need anything."

"Will do," Sam nods.

And that's when it clicks for Sammy. "You leavin'?" his saddened tone asks from behind his now empty bowl at the table.

"Yeah, bud," Sam nods. "I know we just got here but we have to go help a friend out."

At the word friend Lizzy snorts a disgusted laugh. Sam chooses to ignore it.

"You leavin'," Sammy repeats without the question, his chin quivering right away as his eyes water over.

"Oh… dude," Sam starts to melt, the look on his nephew's face over his leaving just killing him. Sam drops his duffle bag and moves quickly to the little guy. "It's alright, Sammy." He picks up the now crying little boy, hugging him in tightly. "I know, we missed you too. A whole lot."

Sammy just sniffles over his shoulder, his head pressed to Sam with his little heart aching.

As Sam tries to assure Sammy, Lizzy sits there in her realizations. Her family was there for her son completely and without question while she was gone. Sammy loves his family deeply and he needs them, not just mom and dad but uncle and aunt too. And now, with the tension in the group along with the dangerous task at hand, Sam and Lou are leaving him. Again.

"Miss you, Uncle Sam," Sammy tells him with one fist in Sam's shirt and the other in his way too long hair. "You stay here."

Sam rolls his eyes to the ceiling and blinks rapidly, his chest painful with the little request. "I know, Sammy. I know. It's confusing. But I'll be back. Lou and I, we'll be right back. We have to go help someone. They need us."

"Need you?" Sammy asks, voice watery and nose sniffling again.

"Yeah. We have a friend that needs Auntie Lou and me to help him. When we're done we'll come right back here, okay? I promise."

"You promise," Sammy says in as strong a voice as he can manage.

"Of course," Sam says and moves Sammy away from his shoulder to look him in the eyes. "You gonna be tough until we get back?"

"Yeah," Sammy says, calming down as he wipes his eyes clumsily with his hands. "I big guy."

"You are a big guy, aren't you?" Sam asks with a smile. "We gotta go. Say bye to Lou."

Sam leans Sammy over to Lou at his side and Sammy gives her a peck on the lips, his little arm around her neck.

"Well see you soon, crazy," Lou says to her nephew as she tries her hardest to remain tough within his so sad state. She rubs his back as they hug for a second. "Will you sing with me when I get back?"

"We do mommy's song?" Sammy asks, Lizzy's eyes darting over to them sharply with the mention.

"Absolutely," Lou nods, seeing Lizzy's piqued interest in her periphery. "We'll even let mommy listen."

"Okay," Sammy's down tone agrees.

"We'll see you in a few days, huh?" Sam says to Sammy as he straightens up with him.

The little boy reaches up and squeezes Sam's cheeks together just like he did to his mother that very morning. In a still sad voice, Sammy says, "You fishy."

Sam can't help but laugh a little at how hard Sammy' trying to be brave. He opens and closes his pursed lips a few times. "You gonna say bye to me?"

Sammy kisses his uncle's fish lips before he hugs him as hard are his little two-year-old arms can handle.

"Love you, buddy," Sam tells his nephew, eyes closed as he takes in the moment. He truly missed this little guy while he was gone for a week.

"Love you, Uncle Sam," Sammy says before Sam puts him back down in his seat.

Sam reaches for a banana slice and eats it.

"Hey!" Sammy says, never cool when people take his food.

"Hey yourself," Sam ruffles his hair before picking up his duffle. "You behave," he points at his nephew.

"Okay," Sammy answers, his voice still low.

"Bye, crazy," Lou says to him and when they reach the door, Sam leaving first, Lou turns around and blows him a kiss. Sammy does the same and the door closes.

Lizzy watches her son slump his back and lean his face into his fist. Propped up by an elbow, his cheek squished, Sammy sighs almost comically.

"Dude, it's okay," Dean reminds him. "They'll be back real soon, you heard Sam."

"Yeah," Sammy answers without any real excitement.

"You wanna play with cars?" Dean asks, knowing when things don't go well that Sammy can just play with his cars and get past it after a little bit.

"Okay," Sammy says and climbs down from his chair. "I play cars now."

His dragging, miserable form makes its way over to the corner of the cabin he's claimed. He plops down on the floor and starts to pull apart the attachable pieces of road to rearrange them in a new pattern.

"Shit, he really loves his aunt and uncle, huh?" Lizzy asks, watching her sad little guy move around without the excitement he's had the entire time Lizzy's been around him.

"You wouldn't believe it," Dean answers with pure certainty. "They've been a constant. And they're really good with him. Maybe too good."

"What's that mean?" she wonders.

"It means… I worried about Sammy getting too close to them and… forgetting you sometimes…."

_Two months in and Dean's not any better than when it just happened. His eyes are hollow with bags under them and he's thinner than ever. Despite his claims of being 'fine', Sam and Lou don't buy it for a second. They knew how hard this would be._

" _Come on, Sammy," Lou says, picking him up from the playpen in the house they've recently moved into. Dean watches her move, pulling the now fourteen month old onto her hip and walking for the open kitchen. He's watched every move Lou and Sam have made since Lizzy died, especially concerning Sammy, and maybe that's why he's wallowing in his grief so damn much. Sammy is well cared for. He can mope and be depressed._

_Rummaging through the cupboard, Lou grabs a couple jars._

" _Alright, so… peas and carrots or beef and veggies?" she asks the boy, the noises he's making sounding more and more like words these days. He has a few down, of course, but he's still learning._

_Dean closes his eyes and leans the back of his head onto the back of the couch. He's always exhausted these days. Being a depressed disaster isn't easy. And the ache in his heart… it just won't dull down._

" _Beef and veggies!" Lou says in a louder voice, making it a happy moment even if it's so mundane. She sets everything up, getting Sammy in his highchair and popping open the baby food jar, and as she grabs a spoon she looks over to Dean on the couch. "Dean, you wanna do the honors?"_

_He sighs. "Nah. Go ahead," he answers without any desire in his tone._

" _Of course," Lou mutters to herself, angry. Dean can't pop out of his misery but in the meantime she's sacrificed her own mourning in order to raise Dean's child. She's getting tired of it._

_But when she looks at Sammy' face, happy and unaware of the pain all around him, she grins. He's a good boy. Maybe this is the least she can do for Lizzy while she's gone._

" _Open up, crazy man," Lou says to him as she scoops a spoonful of the brown mush. Sammy, used to this routine by now, opens wide and lets Lou feed him the scoop. He eats the food with minimal dribble-age. "Getting way better at this, Sammy boy."_

_They proceed to get about halfway through before Sammy manages to grab one spoonful and get it all over his little hand._

" _Oh no! What did you do!?" Lou asks in an overly silly voice. Sammy's minimal teeth show with a brilliant smile at her silliness. "Ok, let's clean that hand up."_

_Grabbing a wipe from the package on the table she starts to clean his hand._

" _Ma!" he calls out to her. "Ma-ma! Ma! Ma!"_

_Lou's breath gets caught in her throat. Ma? Really?_

_When she glances over at Dean she can see his face staring at her with pure upset. It quickly morphs to fury as he stands up, the realization hitting him too hard._

" _Dean… I didn't… I…." Lou can't speak. She has no idea what to even say to the man after his son called the wrong woman mom. It's nothing she intended but it just happened._

" _I got it," Dean says, snatching the baby food jar out of her hands and standing there, waiting for her to move out of the seat so he can take over._

" _He doesn't understand…."_

"I got it _," he repeats, much harsher this time._

_Lou understands that this is not a time to argue or make a point. She stands up and moves, Dean taking her seat. She leaves the room when she feels too awkward to do anything else but she makes it to the stairs that lead to the second floor and stops. Dean's been a mess and she just wants to make sure he's alright in there alone. She takes a seat on the bottom step and listens closely._

" _Here," Dean says to Sammy, scooping more beef and veggie for him. Sammy dutifully eats and looks up at his daddy with wide eyes. "She's not your mom."_

_Lou closes her eyes. She never meant to try and take Lizzy's place. She's just doing what she can to help._

" _Your Auntie Lou is good people but she's not your mom. She'll never be your mom," Dean keeps talking, using every ounce of energy he has in his body to do the menial task at hand. "Your mom…."_

_She could hear his voice crack from the stairs._

" _Your mom was everything," Dean tells Sammy. "Don't you forget that. No one compares to her."_

_After that Lou makes her way up the stairs to lay down in bed alone. She needed a moment._

"She didn't think I could hear her but she's not exactly quiet sometimes," Dean comments, both still watching Sammy. "The second he called her mom… that changed everything. I realized I couldn't let Lou and Sam take the burden of raising him. And I didn't ever want him thinking Lou was his mother. The thought that he'd forget you… or never know about you… I couldn't live with that."

Lizzy sits there, thinking. She knows how mad she is right now, how utterly let down she is that her own sister and brother-in-law would not only lie to Dean about where she was but, even worse, let a poor, defenseless kid get swept up in Crowley's evil bullshit. But… they're also Sammy's family. And it's clear to her now that over the last year they've been so much to her boy. They raised him and they love him so strongly. She can't take that away from Sammy.

But how does she handle the betrayal while allowing them around Sammy at the same time?

Leaning back in her seat, Lizzy sighs. "This whole thing sucks ass."

Dean just looks at her, sipping his morning coffee and letting the sentiment hang in the air a moment. "It does."

She huffs a disgusted laugh with it all.

"But, bright side, we have more time together," Dean points out. "They're cleaning up the Kevin mess they made and we… have time."

Lizzy actually laughs a little at that. "Have we ever had time before?"

"Can't remember," Dean scrunches his face. "What do you wanna do with it?"

Lizzy's eyes slide over to her sad son, his feelings so hurt that his aunt and uncle left without spending real time with him. He clearly misses them and needs to be cheered up.

"What does he like to do?" Lizzy wonders, looking for a family day.

Dean shrugs. "Anything. We've gone to the movies, parks, diners… hell, even a petting zoo once…."

"Petting zoo?" Lizzy asks, looking at him with hope.

"Uh, yeah. He really dug it. Why?" Dean questions face wrinkled.

"He likes animals then?" Lizzy checks with him.

"Yeah…."

"Hm," she hums out, getting up to grab Dean's laptop from where it was abandoned on the coffee table. She then comes back to the kitchen table and fires it up.

"What are you thinking?" Dean has to wonder.

"How good is he in the car?" Lizzy wonders, typing in the obvious password she just assumes he never changed. It's been the same since before they'd met. _BustyAsianBeauties._

"By now? Great."

"And he doesn't mind sleeping away from home, or part time home?"

"He's fine… what are you getting at here?" Dean wonders as he drops his mug and stands behind her chair, watching her type in a name in the search bar of Google.

"I passed a sign for this place on the way here," she explains, opening the webpage. When she looks up at him for a reaction to her idea as he checks out the screen she sees him smiling. "Oh good. I'm on the right track."

"We travel today… go tomorrow?" Dean wonders, already thinking ahead like the true road warrior he is.

"That was the plan," Lizzy nods.

"I'll go pack us up," Dean tells her, leans down to press a kiss to her cheek before disappearing into Sammy's room.

* * *

 


	10. Old Friends

* * *

"So, that Channing's a real peach," Lou says grumpily as she sits down across from Sam at a campus café table. She places a boxed to-go salad in front of him and a sandwich and chips in front of herself before pulling two cans of soda from her oversized black purse.

Sam huffs a laugh at her as he loosens his tie and opens the top button on his fed suit.

"What?" Lou asks him, eyeing him while opening up her lunch.

"You just… you sounded like Bobby," Sam tells her, smiling fondly. They've had time to miss him and mourn and now Sam does his best to focus on those little things about the man that always made him laugh. His language and irritability are at the top of the list. Endearing despite rude.

"Yeah, well, I take that as a compliment," she tells him, popping a potato chip into her mouth, crunching away.

"You should," Sam agrees with her. "And yeah, Channing was a pretty nasty dead end."

"Just with Kevin for his prestige," Lou awes with disdain and a head shake. "That'd be like me only liking you for your… uh…." She pauses there, a look of surprise for coming up with nothing to end the statement.

"Yeah, good luck finishing that," Sam laughs and clicks away at his computer. "I don't have a damn thing to my name."

"Shit. You're right," Lou concedes. "What the hell am I doing with you again?"

"I have no idea," Sam tells her with his eyes glued to the computer screen, sounding too honest with her joking.

Lou pauses and stares at him with narrowed eyes, waiting for him to look up at her. He reads on, eyes still stuck, and he blindly opens his salad up and pours on some dressing. When he looks away to stab a bite he realizes she's fixated on him. "What?"

"You do actually know why I'm with you, right?" Lou checks, eyes hard on him.

Sam stutters a little. "I… uh, I always just assumed you just… loved me?" He's kind of surprised that he's just now realizing he's never considered this before.

"Yeah, but there's a reason for that, dumbass," Lou says to him. "A lot of them. I mean, sure, you never got that cushy lawyer job but lawyers suck, man."

"Hey…" Sam gets offended.

"And you don't have a car, or a house… or any money..."

"Wait, weren't you trying to make me feel _better_?" Sam jokes.

"But lucky for you… I don't like bullshit stuff. Channing's a gold-digger. Me? I settle for a pretty face." She smirks at him.

"That all I am to you?" Sam wonders, batting his eyes jokingly and leaning into his fist in jest. Lou throws a piece of chip at his face and he catches it last second in his mouth.

"No. Not even close. But you know that," Lou says with certainty.

Sam just looks at her for a moment, knowing she's not about to get all serious on him and speak from the heart. The last time she did that it was out of the blue the night after they got married. And she was hammered. She told him what it was that she admired about him; his judgment, his kindness, his endurance, his ability to overcome the worst, his purity in the face of his evil destiny, the way he respects her despite her lack of earning it half the time… she really let it all out. He knows she may never do that again, and that's fine. He's aware of who she is. He loves her anyways.

"I know that," Sam nods seriously, taking a bite of salad and letting it go.

Grinning at him, Lou settles with just that. "So, what now?" she asks him. "Keep our eyes peeled for a short, Asian kid on a college campus? Because, I gotta tell you, that sounds like finding an Asian needle in a stack of Asian needles…."

"Well, I decided to go another direction while you were snooping around on foot," Sam tells her, clicking away on his laptop.

"I'm all ears, you nerd," Lou smiles at him before picking up her sandwich and taking a bite.

"I went to the computer lab and found the computer he was on."

"How did you know which one he was on?" Lou wonders aloud.

"Hacked into the security footage."

"Or course."

"I found the website he was visiting," Sam explains his afternoon. "I then found his account username, hacked into the website, found when else this username logged in, and then I reverse-tracked the IP address back to the original user, Kevin, who has apparently been using the same wireless router for the past two months."

Lou stops chewing her bite to stare at him with unimpressed eyes. "You gonna translate that into normal, non-nerd people speak, or…?"

Sam sighs. "I think he's in Iowa. At a coffee shop."

Lou groans. "Great. Can we finish lunch first?"

"Yes," Sam nods and smiles. "But then we change and head out."

"Fine," Lou responds, taking a bite of her sandwich. "I forgot how freakin' long road trips can be."

"We haven't really been driving much this past year," Sam agrees, closing his laptop and packing it away.

"Nope… and now that I'm not used to it I don't want be driving all over the friggin' country like this."

Sam watches her take a bite of lunch with wide eyes and a wrinkled forehead. When she realizes he's staring she rolls her eyes. "What's with the face?"

"You used to love driving… and we're driving _your_ car."

"And?" she wonders with irritation.

"And… I never thought I'd ever hear you bitch about that."

"Not bitching," Lou denies. "I just wish we were… elsewhere."

"With Sammy, you mean," Sam clarifies on her behalf.

"Maybe," Lou gives in. "Yes. I really miss him."

"Me too," Sam quickly agrees with her feelings.

"And, holy shit… the way he got all upset when we left," Lou reminds him.

"Almost broke my hardened heart," Sam half-jokes as he remembers that sad little face pleading him to stay.

"Mine's shattered," Lou shakes her head, wiping her face with a paper napkin. "It made me really want to ditch this and stay."

With a nod, Sam agrees completely. "But we dropped the ball. Hard. And we let Kevin down…."

"I know we're doing the right thing," Lou explains. "But I'm nervous now. That this whole life of ours could come and kick our asses right back into hunting."

Looking down at the table, Sam confesses, "Me too."

They look to each other when they agree too much on this one. Neither is able to give hope otherwise at this point.

"Eat up," Sam says, stabbing some lettuce with his fork. "We gotta go."

* * *

They get out of the Mustang after a several hour drive, the day coming towards an end as the sun gets lower. Lou takes one look at the old, worn, abandoned church and sighs with uncertainty. "A church? Seriously?"

"Maybe the kid enjoys irony," Sam says jestingly, walking for the big front doors.

"You sure this is right?" she has to check.

"Barista at the coffee shop swears he's seen Kevin ducking in here for the past few months," explains once more as he was the one that went into the café that Kevin's IP address had been tracked to. "Plus, when you're suddenly shoved into the world we live in and you have demons on your ass?"

"Yeah, a church doesn't seem like a bad idea all of a sudden. I get it," she nods as they make it to the door.

Sam tries to pull it open but it's locked tight. He then knocks. "Kevin. It's Sam Winchester. I'm here with Lou. Open up."

They wait and hear nothing on the other side. When Sam looks to Lou she already has a lock pick set out and in her hand, offering it to him with a grin. He's always been faster at picking locks than she is. Sam takes the set and gets to work.

Once he has it unlocked, Sam stands up and pushes the door open. They walk slowly and with caution, eyes peeled for any movement.

The moment they're both through the doorway they're getting drenched by chemicals coming from a Super Soaker.

"Shit! Stop!" Lou holds her hands out to feebly block the spray, her face and head completely soaked. "Not Leviathans!"

Kevin stops spraying them when nothing happens, the smell of lemon and borax in the air. He looks over the two hunters, his face getting angered by their presence. "What the hell happened to you guys?"

There's a pause as Sam and Lou look at each other. Lou fields this one. "Cliff Notes? Lizzy and the angel went to Purgatory. Sam bought me a bar."

Kevin blinks once with the odd barrage of succinct information. "For real?"

"Yeah," Lou grumps, wiping her face with her jacket sleeve. He makeup is already running down her cheeks and Sam's hair makes him look a little like a wet dog.

"You guys want some towels?" Kevin asks, dropping the water gun and walking into the church.

"We're good," Sam refuses the hospitality. They don't deserve it anyways. As they follow him further into the building he gets a load of all the symbols painted everywhere. "Who taught you all this?"

"I guess... God." Kevin shrugs as if it's no big deal.

" _God_ taught you how to trap demons?" Sam asks with curiosity.

"Technically, yeah."

"Wait, wait, hold on," Lou stops everything to iron out how they hell they all got to this very place in life. "Crowley kidnapped you. We both saw that happen. But then you left a message saying you escaped. How the hell did you pull that off?"

"Well..." Kevin sighs heavily. "First, he took me to a warehouse. His bitches brought me to him, Crowley told me I was safe, that he wouldn't hurt me… and told me to get to work."

"On?" Sam wonders, needing more.

"Translating."

They both wait for an explanation but Kevin just keeps looking at them.

"Do we need to keep asking or could you just give us the run down already?" Lou loses her patience.

"He had a tablet."

"Wait, there's another tablet?" Sam questions, eyes wide on the prophet.

"Yeah."

"So… another Word of God?"

Kevin nods. "Yes."

"How many Words of God are there?" Lou asks, her eyes equally as wide with the idea of several tablets existing. They only knew of the Leviathan one.

"I just became a Prophet, like, a year ago." Kevin shrugs, unsure of anything.

"Well, did this tablet have a name?" Sam asks.

Kevin nods again. "Demons."

"What about 'em?" she wonders.

"As far as I could tell... everything." Sitting in a stool by a basic wooden table, what might have once been the small church's alter when the place was in use, Kevin explains. "First thing I read was about hell gates. There was one in Wisconsin and Crowley wanted me to open it."

"You showed the King of Hell how to open a Hell Gate!? So that all the demons in Hell could come out all at the same time!?" Sam panics at the idea. They were there when a hell gate was once opened. Bad move.

"What? No," Kevin denies the very idea. "I read ahead and didn't tell that dick. I only _told_ Crowley I was opening a hell gate… but really I was reading from another chapter… how to destroy demons."

Lou and Sam just stare at him for a moment, impressed by his sneaky ways. "Smart little bastard, you," Lou tells him with a smirk.

"Wait," Sam interrupts. "Kevin, where's the tablet now?"

Kevin's face falls. "Safe."

"Safe where?" Sam's narrowed eyes look at him with suspicion.

"Doesn't matter," Lou interjects lightly, patting Sam's shoulder to make sure he goes with her. "As long as it's safe we're good." She nods at Sam and he just blankly looks at her, not wanting to stop poking. Lou returns her attention back to Kevin. "Anything else you got off the tablet before you stashed it?"

This is where the tired, worn teen smiles back at them. "Only the stuff about closing the gates of Hell. Forever."

Both hunters freeze.

"What?" Lou has to ask for a repeat of that.

"Banish all demons off the face of the Earth, lock them away forever." Kevin gets smug and gives them a look of pride. "That could be important, right?"

Lou lets go of a small, shocked laugh as Sam is frozen in place at the very idea. Both have a complete experience of awe at the kid in front of them.

"You brilliant little bastard!" Lou nearly shouts and marches right for Kevin. She grabs his face and plants one right on his lips, far too excited by the prospect he presents them with to not kiss him.

When Lou pulls back with a comical smacking sound, she's grinning wide. Kevin just looks at her with shock before turning to stare at the six and a half foot man he knows she's romantically involved with. He looks scared.

"Relax, Kevin," Sam half smiles, knowing Lou couldn't hold back. This is a massive game changer if he's right. And the prophet is probably right. "So… you're sure about this? That there's a way for sure to close the gates of Hell?"

"Trust me. If there's one thing I'm good at… it's homework," Kevin tells him with a slight hint of cockiness.

"Damn straight you do, advanced placement," Lou grins like a kid on Christmas. When she turns to check on Sam's happiness she's disappointed to find so little written on his face. Instead he looks overly concerned. "What's up with you?"

Sam shakes his head, trying to pretend he's fine.

Lou's not having any of that. "Hey, Kev. Can you excuse us for a second?"

Not waiting for a response she takes Sam's hand and pulls him back out the front door of the church, standing at the top of the steps with him.

"What's wrong?" she asks with annoyance.

"I just think you're not looking big picture here," Sam admits to her. "I'm not trying to rain on your parade but… this is a big deal."

"Yeah. I'm aware of that," Lou says with obviousness. "Sam, if this kid is right, he's sitting on a bombshell… a bombshell that will change our lives and the whole fucking world forever." When Sam's only response is to look away in the emo, frustrated way that he does, Lou rolls her eyes. " _What_?"

"There's no way that Kevin's getting out of this intact, is there?" Sam sadly asks her, knowing the answer already.

Lou gets it then. With this kind of information, Kevin is no college student with a bright future. He's a fugitive of Heaven and Hell both. "Well, he's doing pretty well for himself so far," she tries to bright-side.

Sam nods. "Yeah, he got out. That was pretty good."

"Very good," she corrects. "He's really smart. Maybe even smarter than you. And now he's in it... whether he likes it or not."

"So...freedom to choose how to live your own life, that's only for us?" Sam challenges, seeing all Kevin's hopes and dreams going down the toilet.

Lou's eyes darken. "Does it look like we're about to head home and be normal? Run the Roadhouse and tuck Sammy in at night? Sam, Hell's gates can be closed. That life is over for now… at least for the two of us."

The reality makes Sam wash a hand down his face with sheer frustration.

"I know, it sucks… but we have to do this and you know it. Why fight it?" Lou then grabs his hand and makes him look her in the eye. "Giant, we have an opportunity to wipe the slate clean. We take Kevin to the tablet, he tells us the spell, we send every demon back to hell. Forever. Every single fucker that destroyed our lives locked away. They killed your mother, killed Jess. My parents, Lizzy's parents… Bobby's wife…."

"I get it," Sam stops her there, knowing how long the list is. "What about Dean and Lizzy and Sammy?"

She thinks quickly. "We do this on our own. They don't need to know."

"No more lies, Lou," Sam lets her hand go and gets mad at her for even thinking it. "Come on. We're done with that."

"Fine, we tell them… but they stay out of it. We tell them what we're up to but we don't tell them how we plan to do it. They can't come along if they don't know where or how, right?"

Sam nods slightly to that, looking up at the church steeple. "Fine. Let me talk to Kevin a minute?"

"I'll grab him some food. He's probably starving. Only saw a couple boxes of mac and cheese and some cereal. He needs a real meal." Lou pulls her keys out of her pocket and jingles them.

"Try for healthy," Sam asks of her. "He probably could use it."

"I'll get a mix. Some healthy… some that doesn't taste like cardboard." She winks and sprints for the car.

Sam shakes his head at her and heads back into the church, accepting slowly that this is their sudden new path of his life. That year of working, raising Sammy, living safe and well was really nice. He was even contemplating grad school and finding a way to make sure it was permanent. Now?

He can't see past Kevin's discovery anymore. It's blocking out all the good possibilities that were present as of just yesterday. Why he's surprised, he has no idea. The life always pulls them back in. But he'd convinced himself that this time was different.

Clearly it isn't.

When he gets back into the church he finds Kevin sitting in the few remaining pews in the large open room, his focus on the crucifix.

Sam sits down behind him in a different pew, Kevin not bothering to turn around to ask, "You really think he walked on water and turned water into wine?"

"I don't know," Sam admits. "But I've seen a hell of a lot weirded than that before so… probably."

"Huh," Kevin thinks. "Crazy. That it's all real. I believed, went to church with mom… but to know for fact that it's real is…."

"Overwhelming?"

"Definitely," Kevin agrees with that sentiment.

Sam prepares himself for a quick second before he finally speaks his peace, something he knew he needed to do from the second Dean made him listen to those voicemail messages. He looks at his hands as he powers through this. "Kevin, I, uh... I owe you an apology." Kevin turns around to look at Sam when he can hear the sincerity. "Um... look, when you were taken and Lizzy and Cass disappeared, we... we were all in shock I think. And we were a huge mess, Dean especially. We needed to get a handle on things and make a life that was safe for Sammy... I had a lot of pieces to pick up between Lou and Dean and Sammy all losing someone they depended on… and I can't help but think you too were one of the pieces that I should have been there to pick up."

Kevin looks him over for a second, seeing the remorse there. "You've been a hunter since you were a kid, right?"

"Yeah, mostly." Sam looks at Kevin now when he doesn't hear anger in the kid's tone.

"Ever since I realized I was a prophet... it's just hard to believe this is actually my life."

Sam smiles slightly at this, knowing how to sympathize with that feeling. "Yeah. It sucks right now. I know that. Um, it might suck for a lot longer, but... trust me on this, it gets better."

"You know I'm not gay, right?"

Sam can see he's joking. They both relax a touch and smile at that. "Look, if we can do this, get the tablet, get you everything you need to close the gates of Hell… there's a world out there where nobody, not Crowley, not even a single demon, is chasing you anymore."

"I guess I just don't see how I get from here to there," Kevin admits sadly. It's been shit for over a year, scary for longer, and he doesn't see how this could turn around.

"I used to not be able to see it, either. But there _is_ a way."

"Or you're just crazy after all these years in this life," Kevin shrugs.

Sam has to laugh. "Might be that."

"Where's Lou?" Kevin asks, noticing there's one person missing.

"Getting food. You look like you could use some good food."

"Yes," Kevin nods. "Cereal was getting old."

"Well, Lou will take care of that. Promise."

* * *

"Alright!" Lizzy cheers as she unlocks the motel room door and opens it. She takes a look around the Super 8 room and smiles. Clean. Even clean enough for a young boy that loves to play on the floor and get into everything. "Here we are!"

Dean walks into the room, a duffle bag in his clutch with Sammy ridding piggy back on him. "Not bad."

"Totally livable," she agrees and drops her own bag by the door before shutting and locking up.

"We stay here?" Sammy asks his dad over Dean's shoulder.

"That we are, kiddo," Dean answers easily, tilting his shoulder once he reaches the bed farthest from the door. He dumps Sammy off his back and the little guy flops onto the big double bed, bouncing and laughing loudly at the fun. "Bed comfy?"

"Yeah," Sammy giggles some more.

Dean drops his bag at the foot of the bed and gives Sammy a look. It's serious yet Sammy knows it isn't all that serious.

"No, daddy!" Sammy laughs before anything even happens, knowing already how this goes.

"Oh, I think so," Dean answers, still pretending to be serious.

"You gonna do it! No!" Sammy shouts, still laughing as he scrambles back and hides behind a pillow.

"Nope!" Dean denies the move, reaching out to grab and yank away the pillow. He then pounces. He jumps onto the bed and traps Sammy under him, ticking his sides mercilessly.

"Stop!" Sammy tries to call out through maniacal laughing. "Daddy! You stop!"

"Never!" Dean shouts at him and pulls his black little t-shirt up to reveal Sammy's still baby-pudgy tummy. "Ah-ha!" He immediately leans down and blows a massive raspberry on Sammy's stomach.

Sammy squeals with laughter, hands grabbing Dean's hair as he squirms. Dean keeps going, another long, loud raspberry to the belly.

Lizzy sits on the opposite bed and grins, unable to prevent himself from also laughing as the scene.

"Get in on this, momma," Dean calls over his shoulder, looking at Lizzy from where he is hovering over Sammy's giggling form.

"You sure?" Lizzy wonders skeptically. The day today was far better than yesterday but she still has moments where she feels like an intruder or like it's the Dean and Sammy show and she's just watching.

"L, come here," Dean tells her, his voice dropping and making it clear that he means it.

Something quickly flashes through her eyes at the demanding tone, something Lizzy thought was gone with her newly found, very strong ways. But no, she's still Lizzy somehow. She still like her man telling her what to do… to a degree.

And Dean doesn't miss it. The little thrill that runs through him to know she still looks at him that way, still sees him as the man that can take a woman as difficult and headstrong as her and make her putty in his hands… well, that's just damn fucking perfect.

Lizzy gets up and jumps goofily onto the bed with her boys. She quickly makes her way to Sammy and takes the open shot, blowing an impressive raspberry on Sammy's tummy. Her heart races, unsure if he'll accept her for it or get weird.

The explosion of giggles that follows gives her the answer she needs.

"Mommy crazy!" Sammy shouts in his laughter as he looks up at her.

"I'm crazy!?" Lizzy jokes back. " _You're_ crazy!" She then gives him another raspberry. As he falls into another fit Lizzy looks to Dean. "We totally just riled him up when he should be going to bed for tomorrow."

"Eh, he sat still for a seven hour drive," Dean reminds her. "I think we can afford a later night tonight."

"Even if we have to be up and out early tomorrow morning?"

Dean just shrugs it off, not at all concerned. Lizzy looks at him with surprise. "Huh."

"What?" Dean question.

"Never thought you'd be the softie parent of the two of us," she grins wide.

Dean gives her an annoyed face. She ignores it.

"So, how about a little snack, we brush some teeth, get in some PJs… watch TV?" she asks her son.

"Okay, mommy," Sammy easily agrees. "We go to zoo?"

"Bright and early tomorrow morning," she assures him, the boy having been so, so excited about the zoo since he was told early in the morning that they were taking him. "So let's get ready for bed so we can rest up, okay?"

"Okay," he says again.

"Alright, come with me," Lizzy offers, praying he'll go for it when she gets up from the bed and holds out her arms to him. She's relieved and shocked when he dives for her, jumping into her hold.

"Oomph!" Lizzy exaggerates as she just barely catches him. "We gotta stop feeding you so much food! You're heavy!"

"I not heavy," Sammy argues back.

"Oh, yes you are."

"No I not," he returns.

"Trust me, you are," Lizzy laughs a little as she keeps him perched on her hip while grabbing his packed bag. "And aren't you the one always saying you're a big guy?"

"I big guy," Sammy assures her, pointing to himself.

"Well, big guys are heavy. And big guys need to get changed for bed," she explains and heads for the bathroom, all the while chatting aimlessly with her boy. One glance at Dean before they disappear into the bathroom and he gives her a thumbs up. They're both excited to see him trusting her again.

Lizzy gets him dressed with a massive smile on her face.

* * *

"Mm," Kevin hums in ecstasy, biting into the perfectly cooked rib. He takes another bite before finishing his first, humming again through his mouthful.

"Here," Sam smirks, sitting with his own takeout container of ribs from the joint Lou found in town. He hands the kid a paper napkin.

"Mm, thanks," Kevin says while chewing, grabbing the napkin and barely taking a second to properly wipe down his messy face. He keeps eating, sauce still everywhere.

"So, you like bar-b-que," Lou observes, putting down her pork sandwich to speak. "Good to know."

"So hungry," Kevin answers with the brevity of a caveman, inhaling food. "Haven't eaten like this… ever."

"Well, slow down before you choke," Sam huffs at him.

Kevin nods, chewing furiously and sitting back in his chair at the old, busted table in the church. "Sorry." He picks up the napkin again and does a real job this time, getting most of his face clean. "It's been a busy year. I don't stop for luxuries all that often."

"This is a luxury to you?" Sam asks with massive concern and pity.

Kevin shrugs. "I've been on the run from the King of Hell. Food seemed… unimportant compared to that."

"Well, we got your back now," Lou reminds him. "So no more living like shit, okay?"

"No offence… but you two haven't been all that helpful as of late," Kevin says with a small, cautious tone. They fucked up, sure, but they could kill him a million different ways without even thinking with the hunting lives they've lead so pushing it feels reckless.

"We're gonna change that," Sam promises with pure regret.

"I know you mean that… but don't be shocked if I take time to warm up," Kevin keeps it real for them. "I just think…."

His words are cut off by the sudden rumbling and shaking of the entire church. They all look around and at each other, alert as all hell now.

"We got company," Lou puts it simply as she gets up swiftly. She grabs the demon killing knife off the old alter and hands it to Sam while Kevin snatches up his Super Soaker. She then grabs a sawed off for herself and all three stand at the ready. For just a quick second Lou glances at Sam. They share a very nervous look with each other. It's been so, so long since they've been in a real fight, with demons nonetheless, that this could get ugly.

The doors of the church fly open and two demons, black eyes shining, walk into the open space.

"A couple Winchesters," one of them says with surprise. "Aw, but look." He taps his fellow demon on the shoulder and motions to Sam. "They're the wrong ones. I was hoping to see the bitch back from Purgatory, see how she fared." With an expression of delight, the demon eyes Lou. "I bet she's in a padded room by now."

"Actually, my guess is she could kick both your asses with a hand tied behind her back after an experience like that, but hey, that's just one hunter's opinion."

Sam doesn't miss the fact that she referred to herself as a hunter without thinking. No time right now to be sad about it but he knows that'll sting later when he recalls it.

Quickly the demons rush them, one lunging for Sam and the other for Lou. Without second thought Lou pulls the trigger as Sam's tackled to the floor, the demon's hand gripped hard around his knife-grasping wrist.

The buckshot hits the demon square in the chest, causing it to fall onto its back with a thud on the old floorboards. Lou cocks her shotgun once more and keeps it aimed, walking over to the demon cautiously. She grins down at it as she's standing over him, rock salt littering his chest. "Stings a little, I know." She grins.

From behind her she can hear a demon scream out in pain along with the distinct sound of sizzling. Kevin is hosing down the demon that had tackled Sam with holy water. As he stays there, suffering, Sam stands to the demon's side and starts talking before he can recuperate.

"Exorcismus te," he starts, speaking loudly in order for this one to count for both demons in the room. "Omnis immundus spiritus. Omnis satanica potestas. Omnis incursio infernalis adversarii. Omnis congregatio et secta diabolica. Ergo, draco maledicte. Ecclesiam tuam securi tibi facias libertate servire. Te rogamus, audi nos."

Smoke billows from both bodies on the floor, the black thick fog filling the air before rushing off to banishment in Hell.

"Holy shit," Lou huffs out with surprise that it's already over. "That was pretty easy."

"I sent in my least impressive demons," Crowley announces as he walks in and eyes what's happening in the church. "I would hope that was an easy one. Never liked those two anyways."

All three humans turn to face the king as he stands there, hands in pockets without a fear. Lou points her sawed off at him.

"Oh please," Crowley scoffs. "Put the gun down."

"Make me," Lou mouths off, cocking it.

Crowley rolls his eyes before swiping his hand through the air, the shotgun predictably flying from her hands and skittering across the floor.

"Hello, Louise," Crowley hyper focuses once her weapon is gone. "How are you? It's been, what… a year now since I've gotten to see that pretty, surly face of yours?"

Lou doesn't answer, knowing Crowley craves banter. Dean always give into it. She does what she can to deny what he wants from her.

"Talkative," Crowley comments with annoyance as he walks into the building a little more. "So, cherubs… where's your angel at these days?"

"Like we'd ever tell you," Sam fires back, shocked that Crowley would even bother asking. He has to know they wouldn't give Castiel up even if he was around.

"There's that grade-school, younger brother zip. Missed it. I really did, Moose." Crowley gives his longer hair and current style a solid look over. "Still with the pork chops. I admire dedication." He turns to Kevin then. "Much like I admire yours, my little prophet with a big heart." He snaps his fingers and Kevin's ex-girlfriend is standing next to him. "You've been checking on her. So much dedication."

Kevin panics when he sees her. "Let Channing go."

"That's not Channing, Kevin," Lou sadly tells him already sure of it. Right then the demon inside Channing flashes some black eyes to prove it. "Not anymore."

"What an awful thing to say to the boy. Of course it's Channing. Kev," Crowley coos in a patronizing way. "Last time we danced, you stole my tablet and killed my men. Tell you what. Come with me now, bygones. And I'll let the girl go back to... What's-the-Point U."

"Kevin, he's lying," Lou says to her side where Kevin is standing between her and Sam, her eyes never leaving Crowley. "You won't get Channing back. Kid, she's probably… gone already."

"Sweetheart, if our relationship is going to be pleasant in the future I need you to stop lying to the boy," Crowley gets slightly upset at her.

"Pleasant relationship?" Lou questions with hatred. "You serious?"

"What, you think Moose here is giving you all that you deserve?" he scoffs. "Please. Anything you could ever want would be yours if you were mine. I'd treat you like the queen that you are."

"What the hell, Crowley!?" Sam gets pissed off.

"You really think this fine example of a woman is happy with five dollar burgers and never ending patterns of plaid in her life? I could do better."

"Dude!" Lou gets utterly offended. "Shut the fuck up! I will never be with you, you short little, conceited piece of shit."

Crowley cocks an eyebrow confidently. "You say that now…."

Lou loses the little patience she has for the demon and grabs her pistol from the back of the jeans. She aims in a split second and pulls the trigger. He's hit in the chest with a single bullet to the heart yet he doesn't move, just as Lou knew would happen. She knew he wouldn't be effected but she couldn't stand his face anymore.

Crowley looks up at her with a little more anger. "I just got this suit!"

Lou just eyes him hard as she cocks her gun. "I got more of those with your name on 'em, prick. Those shoes look awfully expensive."

"Alright, alright," Crowley puts his hands out in surrender. "I can see we're still stalling out on the love-hate level of our relationship. I get it. But would you two stop telling Kevin his girlfriend is dead? Let the girl speak for herself." He snaps his fingers.

The black eyes Channing had been sporting are suddenly gone, her normal dark brown eye color blinking around the room. She spots the prophet standing across from her and she smiles slightly, relief flooding her senses. "Kevin?"

With much trepidation, Kevin asks, "Channing?"

"What's going on?" she has to ask him, looking around her and having no clue where she is or why.

"There's a demon in you," Kevin rips off the band aid, not know how long he might have to speak to her. "And you're going to your safety school."

"What?!" she fires out with disgust.

"But it's gonna be okay," Kevin starts to reassure her, now determined to get her back since he knows she's alive.

"I, I just… I can't," Crowley's eyes roll as his stomach churns with the sappiness being shared between the young adults.

"No, no, wait!" Kevin tries to stop it but Crowley snaps his fingers again and Channing's eyes go black.

Quick decision. "Okay. I'll do it," Kevin tells the demon that's holding his girlfriend hostage.

"Kevin…" Sam tries to warn him it's a bad idea but the sentiment doesn't land.

"Myself for the girl," Kevin promises, knowing Channing is innocent in all this. "But this ends. Alright? No fighting, no nothing. It ends."

Lou closes her eyes in frustration. "Can't let you do that, Kevin."

"Or what? You'll kill me?" Kevin defiantly asks her like the teenage he is before turning back to Crowley. "I'll grab my stuff." He walks out of the big open room to do so, disappearing behind some double doors.

"Chin up, dear," Crowley says to Lou's let down expression. "I'm a professional. I tend to work it out in my favor."

"This isn't over, Crowley," Lou promises him, eyes hard on the demon that thinks he won.

"It's a shame that you believe that so fully, my beauty," Crowley says to her with zero sympathy. He then yells out, "Come on, Kevin. Chop, chop." They wait a moment. And another. "Kevin?"

When Crowley steps forward to walk past them and check on the prophet. Sam moves to block his way, holding out the knife. Snapping his fingers once more the handle of the demon killing knife glows red with heat until Sam can't take it anymore and drops it.

"Really, Sam?" Crowley asks as he walks past them both. "It's like going up against a child… except that the child never learns his lesson, no matter how many times we do this dance. Kevin!"

Crowley heads for the double doors Kevin just walked through to grab his things. Channing follows and when he opens the door they both find Kevin standing on the opposite end of the room, a rope in hand.

Kevin gives Crowley one determined expression before pulling the rope, holy water that had been contained in some bucket over the door way splash down onto Crowley and Channing. They both yell in pain as the holy water sizzles and steams.

"Sam, Lou! Run!" he shouts to them, following his own instructions.

In a rush, all three humans meet out by the Mustang and scramble inside, Kevin barely jamming himself into the small back seat in time. Lou fires up the engine as Sam and Kevin see Crowley and Channing make it to the front door of the church. The King of Hell says something to her and black smoke exits Channing's body in a rush. The moment it's gone Crowley lifts a hand and holds eye contact with Kevin as they begin to drive away. With a flick of the wrist, Channing's neck twists and snaps, killing her instantly in front of the small audience.

* * *

"Daddy! El-phants!" Sammy nearly screams with delight when he can see the elephant in a cage just up ahead from his perch sitting on Dean's shoulders.

"No! Where!?" Dean jokes, knowing the exhibit is coming due to the various signs set up on the paved path winding through the zoo.

"Over 'dere!" Sammy points and bounces with excitement

"Whoa, easy big guy," Dean warns as he grabs onto Sammy's legs tightly with his squirming. "We're going. Clam down."

"They have trunks!" Sammy starts spilling the facts he knows about the massive animal as they approach.

"Do they?" Lizzy wonders, holding onto the bag of cotton candy they half demolished already. Sammy's face is stained a shade of pink but who cares? It's a fun day. Screw sugar-limiting rules.

"They have trunks. And Uncle Sam say they have big ears. They flap big like this!" Sammy starts to wave his arms around floppily and it makes her grin at him.

"Sam and him read this animal book together a lot," Dean explains. "Sam bought him a ton of books for Christmas. That was his favorite one."

"Such an animal lover," Lizzy mentions with surprise.

"It's really bad," Dean admits, Sammy still bouncing with excitement on his shoulders. "The neighbors have a golden retriever that gets loose, like, once a day. Every time the damn thing ends up on our front doorstep looking for Sammy. They love each other."

Lizzy's face breaks out in a grin. "I loved animals growing up. I used to try and bring home a new one every week. I snuck a cat into my room once for two days. My dad's allergy attack tipped them off. I was in so much trouble for that one."

"A cat?" Dean asks with disdain.

"Yes, a cat," Lizzy bumps his shoulder with her own. "Back then I wasn't an animal snob."

"Dog or nothing," Dean comments. "Cats suck. They're like sneaky little bitches that eat your food and stare at you with hate all day. They don't need us, we don't need them."

"Hey, the fact that you're a dog lover at all is still kind of spectacular."

"Not a dog lover. I just like… _liked_ Cass." Dean's face falls a little as he's reminded of the dog they lost two years ago. The damn thing had no idea he was doing anything but protecting his family when he went after the demons breaking into his home. He had no idea he'd die for his loyalty and to this day it bothers Dean to no end. That dog was a friend when he had none. He helped pull him out of the depression he fell into when Sam was in the Cage. He deserved better. "Just Cass."

Lizzy forces a smile on her face so that she won't cry, feeling the very same way about that dog. She grabs his hand as the walk up to the elephant cage, letting Sammy's exuberance take their loss away.

"He big!" Sammy nearly screeches out when they get closer to the big beast. "Daddy! Look!"

"I see," Dean assures him, looking nearly straight up at the large animal as it stands right up near the cage. "Friendly guy, huh?"

"Ah, no. Just hungry," Lizzy corrects as she points to the sign on the cage.

_Feeding Time: 12:45_

"Well, would you look at that," Dean says, checking his watch. "Right on time."

As he says it the door to a faux stone wall off to the side of the cage opens and a woman dressed in zoo-official attire walks out with a massive hay bale.

"Hello, everyone!" she shouts to the people surrounding the cage. "Would anyone want to help me feed Fanny today?"

Lizzy's face bursts out in a grin when she hears this. She immediately pulls out her phone that she made sure to take from the shoe box Dean found in the basement. It was her old phone, same number and all her old pictures. Time to add to that. "We would love to!" she tells the woman.

After being shown how to hold the handful of hay, the woman gives Sammy a bundle as he stays seated atop his father. "Okay, Sammy. Just reach up high like this," she tells him, holding her hand up high.

Sammy listens as he looks over at Fanny the elephant. Soon enough the animal sees him and reaches her trunk through the cage. She grabs the handful right from Sammy's small hand and she brings it to her mouth as the little boy nearly howls with excited laughter.

"Mommy! She eated it!" he screams with near insanity. He claps his hands together and looks at her with wide eyes as she records the whole thing. "She touch me!"

"I know, sweetie! I saw!" Lizzy laughs out as Sammy gets handed another bunch. He reaches up again and Fanny takes it, munching happily as Sammy laughs some more.

In the middle of her video a call pops up on her phone, interrupting it. It's an unknown number.

"Hello?" Lizzy asks as she answers it. The second she hears the very familiar voice on the other end her face drops. When she realizes Dean's paying attention to her too closely she gets annoyed purposefully. "Sorry, dude. Not interested."

She hangs up and Dean asks, "Telemarketer?"

"Yeah, those vultures," she complains, pocketing her phone.

"You haven't turned on that phone in over a year until two days ago," Dean points out.

"You think they haven't been trying this phone while I was gone anyways? They're vultures." Lizzy laughs. "I just wasn't there to answer it."

Dean nods, accepting that for what it is.

"Hey, I'm gonna run to the bathroom," Lizzy smiles wide, leaning into him to kiss him quickly. "You two get that elephant nice and fat while I'm gone."

"Really? You don't want to stick around for this then go?" Dean questions, already sensing something is up.

"When ya gotta go," she shrugs and starts to walk off quickly, heading straight for the restroom a few yards down.

When she peeks back at Dean and Sammy once she reaches the bathrooms, they're preoccupied and wouldn't see her slipping off for a second. So she does.

Behind the small bathroom structure Lizzy pulls her phone out and redials the number that had previously called her.

"There she is," a southern drawl happily answers on the other line.

"And how is it you got a phone?" Lizzy asks, lightness to her tone when she smiles a little to hear from him. She can't help it.

"Would you believe they sell these things in convenience stores now?" he asks her, still in awe of the world around him. "A lot's changed in 50 years, darlin'."

And her sympathy hits hard. "Must be a hell of a lot to take in, Benny boy."

"Mostly it's the choices, you know?" he says very truthfully to her. He knows he can be honest with her, and really only her. His voice sounds further when he clearly pulls away from his phone a bit. "So many choices."

"Where are you, Benny?" she gets serious when she gets a feeling that something is very off about him. First, he's calling her. Second, his voice is strained. He's struggling. She knows him too well not to be sure of that.

"Cemetery of all places," he tries to sound light and unburdened. It doesn't work.

"Why?"

"Why not? I got nowhere to be, darlin'," he reminds her.

Lizzy bows her head with sadness. She worried about this. When they parted he didn't have a plan. Unlike her, he had no family left waiting for him or a purpose to return to. Everyone he knew was dead or elderly. Or vampire. And he couldn't return to his nest.

"Yeah, I know." She sighs and thinks, knowing how hard this is about to be. "Listen, Benny, you know how much I respect you and how much I owe you. What we did back there… is what we had to do. Now, I don't regret it for a second because it got me out and back to my family.

"They okay?" Benny has to wonder. She talked so much about them during their time in Purgatory that he feels like he knows them.

She grins. "They're great, actually. They were out of hunting, if you can believe it."

"No more huntin', huh?" Benny says with surprise. "Well, guess I should be happy to hear that if your man is half as good a hunter as you claim."

"He's better and you should," Lizzy promises him.

"That boy a' yours… he's doing good too?"

Pressing a hand over her mouth to contain her thanks as the lump in her throat plagues her again, she swallows hard and tells him, "He's perfect. He really is. We're getting to know each other again and it's… ha, it's everything."

"Aw, well I'm glad this is all working out for you, Liz," Benny says in a completely heartfelt way. "I mean that."

Her guilt is killing her. "I know you do. But... Benny, you know, maybe until we both adjust back into this world, it's best we don't talk for a while."

"There it is," he laments on the phone to her when he sees how it will be.

"I know that sounds harsh," Lizzy tries to get him to understand. "But, dude… if Dean or Sam find out about you…."

"I know, I know. Back to Purgatory I go, head lopped clean off."

"At the very least," she promises him. "My husband is a good man but…"

"He's a hunter. Can't change that kinda man at the heart of it," Benny says.

Her stomach drops. Even the monsters know hunters can't change their colors. She still has to hope they can though. She has to.

"It sounds like you're having a rough go," Lizzy makes it clear that she gets what's happening with him just from this conversation.

"Yeah… yeah, but I'll figure it," Benny tries his best to sound positive. "I'mma head on down to Carencro, see if I can get myself set up there."

Lizzy smiles sadly. "Sounds like a plan." Benny doesn't respond. "One day at a time, just like we talked about, alright?"

"I think I had it right, Liz."

"What's that?" she asks, wrinkled brow trying to recall what he'd said in the past.

"Purgatory _was_ pure," he explains himself. "I'm kind of wishin' I had appreciated it more. You know? I know you hated it and you might not get what I'm sayin'…."

"I get it," she assures him. Maybe she didn't respect what he saw in the place, the purity as he calls it, the kill or be killed simplicity of it all, but she had a family to get to. She had a focus. She hated the place. "I may not feel the same but I get it."

"Yeah…."

"Listen, you get caught up in an emergency, you call me, you understand?" Lizzy tells him strongly. "I may not have the luxury of talking to you every day without risking your life but… I can at least be there if something catches you up, okay?"

"I hear you," Benny says gratefully to her. He clears his throat. "You keep your nose clean, girl."

"You don't worry about me," Lizzy says with confidence.

"I don't know," he jokes a little. "I remember saving your ass more than just a handful a' times."

"And how was it you got out of Purgatory again?" she jests right back. "Be safe, Benny."

She hangs up and stares at her phone for a moment, smiling wistfully. After almost a year with him she has to admit to herself that she missed him. A lot. Sure, he was a mutually beneficial acquaintance that she barely trusted at first but he proved himself. Quickly. And he became more than just a partner with a deal to escape prison. He became a friend.

A friend she now knew she had to hide from her hunter family.

When Lizzy jogs back to Dean and Sammy she finds them done feeding Fanny the elephant and they are just standing around waiting for her.

"You feeling alright?" Dean asks, narrowed eyes on her as she stands next to him.

"Fine," Lizzy smiles at him.

"You know, you were gone a whole year and you're still not a good liar." Dean gives her that stare, the one that says don't fucking lie again.

Lizzy huffs a laugh. "Alright, so… maybe diner breakfast doesn't sit so well with me these days," she lies some more with a pat to her stomach and does her damnedest to cover it. "It's been a long time since I've challenged my digestive system like that."

Dean makes a grossed out face. "Sorry I asked," he scoops Sammy up off the ground and onto his hip. He then takes her hand on the other side. "You feel okay to keep going?"

"Definitely," Lizzy assures him before looking at Sammy. "Where to next, buddy?"

"Giraffes!" Sammy says way too happily. Dean leans away from him with the loud volume, face surprised.

"Sammy, I know you're excited but, dude… take it down a little." Dean eyes his son.

"Sorry, daddy," Sammy says with a wide smile, not really meaning it.

They head on down the path through the zoo, the day sunny and getting warmer by the minute… son happy as a clam, mom pretending not to have a massive burden on her shoulders in the form of a vampire friend in need, and dad acting like he isn't super suspicious of his wife after she just he saw her sneak around the back of the bathroom instead of going _into_ the bathroom and then lie to his face about it.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much going on at once!
> 
> Side note, I entered the Supernatural Fan Fiction Monthly Awards for the month of May. I entered The Definition of Family. Bummer, I totally lost to another story. Ah well. It was still very much worth it. I got a couple more people to read my work and I received some very helpful and constructive criticism. I was hoping for more traffic but hey, what can you do? It was definitely something worth doing! So there's my update on that whole thing. Thanks for the encouragement from everyone that urged me to go for it. Much appreciated!


	11. Home Again... Or Whatever This Place Is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I was told by a few people that an email alert about my last chapter being posted may not have been received by everyone. Just in case you didn't get one please go back and read chapter 10 first. If you already read it... ignore me! Thank you, readers!

 

* * *

**_A Week Later_ **

Lou gets out of the car first, stretching her joints and yawning. Sam follows suit from the driver's side, having taken the last leg of the trip back, and he stretches too, hearing pops in his back from being crammed into the small car too long.

"Next time, we take the Impala," Sam says to her over to the top of the blue Mustang roof.

"Fuck that boat," Lou denies in her crabby, been-on-the-road-too-long voice.

"I feel like a sardine," Sam fights back. "I know it works for you because you're, like, five feet nothing… but I can't do this car all the time."

"Not my fault you're a massive fucking giant, Giant," she smirks as she walk around the car bumper to look up at him.

"But you're stuck with me," he reminds, arms around her shoulders as he looks down at her. "So you could have a little sympathy."

"World's smallest violin, bud," Lou jokes and he leans way down to kiss her once. She then hums in disgust. "Ugh, I'm sure my breath is terrible."

"Yeah, you need a shower too," Sam pushes her away from him lightly as he walks for the trunk and unlocks it.

"Yeah…" Lou agrees. It was a busy, nonstop week. They saw a motel for about ten hours tops the entire time. They're gross.

But that's not her main concern. As Lou looks up at the cabin she knows the hurricane that lives in there. When they walk inside with no Kevin and one hell of a story involving a demon tablet, Missus Tran, and a werewolf they let go… it isn't going to be pretty.

"At least they all seem asleep," Lou bright-sides with the dark windows as Sam comes up next to her and hands over her bag.

"We might be able to get some showers in and a full night sleep before they start in on us," Sam tries to joke. Neither laugh.

"We're never gonna live this down now," Lou leans her head into his upper arm, her heart heavy with guilt.

"We need to worry about Kevin, not them," Sam spells it out. "They can be as mad as they want to be. Who gives a shit? They're not the ones out in the world hiding from demons."

"And us," Lou reminds him that Kevin put them on the shit list too. "They're hiding from us now too."

"You shouldn't have tried to kill his mother."

"I was trying to kill Crowley!" Lou gets upset again. "I wasn't thinking past that limey bitch."

"Kevin clearly doesn't see it that way," Sam reminds her, needing her to see that.

Lou just sighs and shakes her head, walking for the cabin with a knot in her gut. She turns the knob and walks in.

When she gets into the dark cabin it's quiet aside from some interesting sounds coming from the couch. She looks over to see Lizzy and Dean separating themselves, putting a couple inches between them when their company arrives.

"Hey, at least you got clothes on," Lou says flatly as she walks in and drops her bag on the floor. She heads right for the refrigerator and grabs a couple beers. They might need it.

Sam follows her in and finds his brother and Lizzy in a state of somewhat dishevel. "Hey. We interrupting anything important?"

"Usually," Dean bitches while he pats his mussed up hair down a bit and Lizzy pulls her t-shirt down her waist.

"Well, at least it looks like the time alone was good for you," Sam comments, taking a beer from Lou when she offers it and walking for the chair in the living room area, ready to just get it over with instead of prolong the shit storm.

"It was good," Lizzy says cautiously as she fixes the collar of Dean's shirt. "Where's Kevin? Did you find him?"

"We did… and then we didn't," Sam tells her, twisting off the cap of his beer and taking down a sip as Lou takes a seat on the arm of his chair.

"Meaning?" Dean asks, settling in once he's well enough put together so he can listen.

"Meaning, we found him hiding in a church in Iowa," Lou jumps in, half her beer already chugged. "Apparently he escaped Crowley's clutches by making a demon bomb and smoking his little suck-ass minions."

"Come again?" Lizzy asks with surprise.

"Demon bomb," Sam repeats. "Something he picked up while reading the… get this… demon tablet."

"There's a demon tablet?" Dean wonders, even more shocked.

"Oh yeah. We have no clue how many are out there but it's at least two," Sam tells them. "Crowley got ahold of it, got his mitts on Kevin, and forced him to translate. When Kevin read about a demon bomb he used it and got away. But not before reading ahead a little." Sam smirks slightly, excited to share this one piece of information next.

"Okay, what'd he read?" Dean questions.

"How to close the gates of Hell permanently," Lou says and Sam swats her knee. "What?"

"I wanted… to say it," he tells her, realizing how childish he sounds halfway through. He turns back to Dean and Lizzy. "He's been running from Crowley while working on translating the tablet when he wasn't hiding it."

"So... there's a way to close down Hell? Permanently?" Dean has to ask, making sure he's fully understanding.

"Yup," Lou smirks, popping the P a little too much.

Dean nods. "That's… holy crap."

"We know," Sam nods. "Game changer."

"So where's Kevin now?" Lizzy worries. "He's not with you guys, so…?"

And they get quiet.

"It's a long story," Sam tells them.

"We have time," Lizzy strongly reminds them.

Sam sighs. "Alright. When we found Kevin so did Crowley. He followed us to him and it got hairy for a bit. We got out of there alive and afterwards Kevin insisted on checking in on his mom. We let him…."

"Even though it was a _stupid_ idea to," Lou comments quietly and sips her beer.

He rolls his eyes at her before continuing. "And we weren't ready for all that is Tiger Mommy. She insisted on coming with us for everything."

"You let Kevin's _mother_ in on this?" Dean asks, disappointed.

"No one lets that woman do anything," Lou corrects him. "She does what she wants. But we gave both of them hex bags to ward them and they got anti-possession tattoos."

Dean seems satisfied enough, even if he still disagrees.

"We had to find the tablet. We went to the airport locker Kevin put it in but it wasn't there. Then we followed the trail to the pawn shop that had it, then the motel of the guy that bought it, then to some underground monster auction that got ahold of it…."

"Wait… what?" Dean questions with confusion, the story making no sense.

"Long story short, shit got crazy but we somehow all got away alive. Crowley has the tablet. Kevin and Missus Tran are in the wind." Lou sighs, ready for the onslaught.

"So… you went out to help Kevin and in the end you lost a tablet that would seal off Hell forever and you once again have no idea where the only prophet that can read it is?" Dean tries to make sure he's hearing this all right.

Sam and Lou glance at each other for a second. "Yeah," Sam nods easily. "Pretty much."

"Sucky week," Dean comments.

"Yeah… and we made a couple pit stops on the way home. We caught an indie film made by some werewolves. One of those got away too. We're rusty," Lou smirks with a youthful stubbornness. "But we caught a W after that when we shut down a Mayan god-powered superstar athlete that was eating human hearts… all while ruining Sam's view of his childhood idol."

Narrowed eyes on Sam, Dean asks, "Rio?"

"Wha… n-no. No," Sam gets awkward with just the mention of the name.

"It wasn't another serial kill you get weirdo murder boners over, was it?"

Sam gives Dean a bitch face before he spills it. "Brick Holmes."

"The hall-of-famer!?" Dean widen his stare with the name. "Damn, you worshiped that guy. I'm still shocked you never wanted to play football yourself with how much you idolized him."

"I couldn't," Sam bashfully says, his volume low with embarrassment.

"No shit. You were barely over a buck soaking wet back then. You'd get killed on the field," Dean laughs a little under his breath.

"Yeah, well, Brick was a one of a kind. And for good reason." Sam's voice loses all spark. "He was indebted to a Mayan god for his athletic powers. He wasn't even fully human."

"Bummer," Dean says quietly, knowing the blow that must be to Sam's poor little heart.

"But anyways, we've been trying to track Kevin this whole time," Lou makes sure they understand. "We checked out two different places he left a trace behind at and he screwed us each time. We only took the cases we stumbled upon in those towns he led us to because we were there and we couldn't let it slide."

Past that, Lizzy and Dean don't say a words at first, letting everything process. So much they went through in a week, all the while their family of three spent the days at the park, eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and watching Sesame Street reruns.

Lizzy speaks up first. "Well, do you have any leads on where Kevin might have gone?"

Sam's face drops with surprise. "Uh, we have credit cards we know are linked to him. And we have Missus Tran's Costco card… if that might mean anything."

Lizzy hums with prospect. "Well, it's a start, even if Kevin's wisely jerking you guys around with fake trails."

"Could try and trace the cards from here, see if there's a pattern of use," Dean suggests. "Maybe he's actually using one legitimately now and then. We should check all the non-motel charges."

"That's probably a good idea," Lou tacks on. "According to one card he checked into a motel in Tucson and one in Syracuse in the same day just hours apart."

"Smart little bastard," Dean comments and stands up. "Well, alright. You two clean up and catch some sleep. We'll jump on this when Sammy wakes us all up first thing in the morning."

"You're gonna help us?" Sam asks them, forehead wrinkled.

Lizzy stands up to follow Dean up to their room and tells them, "We've had time to talk. While we don't agree with what you guys did… we just want Kevin safe. That's what matters. Being pissed at you guys isn't helpful and we need to find him."

"Night," Dean cuts off the conversation there and grabs Lizzy's hand, leading them away.

Lou's wide blue eyes land on Sam the second they're gone, upstairs door shutting. "Holy shit."

"That was almost… mature of them," Sam responds with confused surprise.

"Right!?" Lou laughs. "Maybe things will get better."

"Maybe," Sam hopes also and gets up. "Alright, shower and sleep is calling."

"Yes," Lou smiles and downs the rest of her beer with ease. She places the empty on the table and heads for the bathroom. "Let's go."

"I'm coming?" Sam asks, knowing they have a full house around them.

"Duh," Lou says and shrugs out of her dirty coat, staring at him while pulling her shirt overhead also.

"Well, as long as you don't mind…" Sam jokes a bit as she walks for the bathroom in just her bra and jeans.

"Come on, Giant. I never mind soaping you up," she winks, toeing out of her boots and disappearing from the room.

He hears the shower start up and his shoulders lower already. It may not be home but this cabin is close. It feels good to be here and not on the road.

And when the opportunity to get his wife naked arrives and they have a few moments to enjoy that fact? Well, it's suddenly _damn_ good to be off the road.

The old Sam was reserved, caring too much and going slow to start off any sexual encounter. These days, being married to Lou, he's dropped the act. He's embraced the fact that, yes, he likes sex. A lot. And why feel reserved about that, especially when his own wife is the least reserved person he's ever met?

When he makes it to the bathroom, Lou is stepping out of her jeans. Sam's made a trail of clothing, his jacket, flannel, boots, and t-shirt already added to her clothing across the cabin. One look at her as she straightens up to standing, only her black panties trimmed with thin lace still on.

"I love those," Sam tells her, eyeing her underwear as he opens his belt and pulls it from the loops.

Her eyes bulge out. "You gonna tie me up with that belt, big man?"

Sam's cock twitches with just the thought. "We haven't slept in days." He drops his belt on the floor and opens his jeans.

"Quickie then?" Lou suggests as she slips out of the last of her clothing.

His mouth waters as he gets a full look at her naked body. That petite, tight form always makes him crazy. "You've got to be one of the only women that actually really, _really_ likes quickies."

She grins at him as she opens the shower curtain. "Sam, you still get me off even in a quickie. Why wouldn't I like them?"

Lou shrugs and steps into the shower, standing under the spray as she pretends not to hear the moan Sam makes in the back of his throat, undoubtedly having just appreciated the back view of her. Without even seeing him she knows he's scrambling out of the rest of this clothing just to make sure he gets to her sooner. She's changing him for sure, making him more confident with all things sex. Hell, half the crap they've done in their bedroom in Kansas in the past year alone would have shocked a twenty-something-year-old Sam.

She's rinsing the shampoo from her hair when she feels two big, warm hands skim over her hips. She grins as Sam's far larger form joins her, his front fully pressed to hers. As she stands under the spray with closed eyes she sighs when his mouth lands on her neck, kissing a few times as he waits.

"The water was nearly brown when I first rinsed off," Lou lightly tells him, finishing her hair and looking up at him.

"We've been busy," Sam brushes it off and kisses her lips while Lou blindly grabs the bar of soap.

"Get going," she smiles at him and presses the bar into one of his hands.

Sam just stares at her a moment like he tends to, something truly adoring behind his eyes as he lathers up his hands. Slowly, ignoring the whole idea of a quickie for the moment, Sam lets his fingers slide over the skin of the arms down and back up. He leaves bubble trails behind him and Lou holds his eye contact, watching every ounce of want and reverence he has for her that shows in his expression.

Something Lou never really had before Sam was this. Connection. Care. Honesty. Before him, Lou was a one night stand fan. She had a very similar view of sexuality as Dean. Get what you can while you can and get out. Hunting didn't leave time for more than that.

Finding Sam changed everything. She'd heard of the concept of making love, seen the scenes in shitty chick flicks that she secretly would watch when Lizzy wasn't around, but she used to laugh at it. It wasn't real. Her parents didn't have that. Her father was a cheater. Dean was a dick to Lizzy. Everything she saw of relationships firsthand was bullshit, proving that something like slow, meaningful sexual relations were absolute crap.

But then she met Sam. That awkward, lanky, weirdo twenty-three year old kid she met at Bobby's house. She meant to make him another quick one-time thing because why the hell not!? He was adorable, all lean muscle and so tall she needed to conquer the mountain that was Sam more than she needed to listen to Petty on the road… but then it happened. They hooked up. And she found herself laid out on Bobby's couch with Sam downright worshipping her. He was caring, making her feel important and like maybe she was more than just a quick one night stand, even if back then that's exactly what she was. She wasn't sure what was going on, why he wasn't just tearing into her… but she really liked it.

But damn it all to hell if it wasn't nice to get a glimpse into what it was to be adored and treated as if she was _more_.

She knew he was different back then… and she still knows it to this day. He can do both. He tear into her and fuck her harder than any man has ever dared to fuck her. Or he can be completely respectful, using the term making love as a true guideline.

He taught her that the latter was actually a truly good, very satisfying experience, just as much as the rough or adventurous fuck she used to favor.

"God damn, I'm tired," Lou laughs when she realizes he's suddenly all the way down to her feet, kneeling on the shower floor to reach. "I think I just spaced out since I handed you the soap."

"Yeah, thought I lost you for a minute," Sam admits, standing up again to turn her around to face the shower spray and rinse off the soap.

"Sorry," Lou apologizes as she works to rid herself of suds.

"Eh, we're both tired," Sam brushes it off. He stands behind her, arms around her middle. She can feel how hard he is as his cock presses to her lower back.

"Tired and _horny_ ," she smirks, turning to look back up at him.

"Maybe," Sam smiles softly before pressing his lips to hers. His hands skim over her hips and around to her front, pulling her harder into him. When he can feel Lou's breath hitch with the sharp movement he grins to himself. "Don't think I'm the only one though."

When his hand reaches lower, landing between her legs and just barely touching her, her body leans back into him as her head falls backwards onto his chest.

"Yeah, I'm not the only one," Sam cockily says.

"You aren't," Lou answers, her voice now different. Relaxed and needy. "Mm, just keep doing that, Giant. So good."

Sam grins a little and keeps his hand moving, building her up bit by bit. No, he doesn't want to rush her but he sure doesn't want them both to fall asleep on their feet in the shower. They need to get going.

But Lou just lets it happen for a little bit. Sam, her man. The year has been damn good for them. They were given time to stop rushing through sex when they found the time and really got to explore what their relationship is in the bedroom. She's opened Sam up a bit, got him to see he's into far kinkier things than he would ever have admitted to previously, and damn it does he know her in and out. Literally.

"Fuck me," Lou rushes out when she's all too ready all too quickly. It doesn't take long when they've been deprived of each other for too long. "Sam, honey…."

"I gotcha," Sam smile a little to himself when he looks behind him. Seeing the small edge of the tub behind him he gets an idea. He's nearly asleep on his feet so he decides that sitting is probably a better idea. He barely gets his ass on the small lip of the tub but it's good enough. With his back pressed to the tile wall he pulls her backwards by the hips to him. He then holds his achingly hard dick upright and Lou gets it.

Sitting down while letting him slide into her quickly enough, Lou bites her bottom lip and moans quietly, trying to stay at least a little quite in the small, full cabin.

Sighing deeply with the release she's already feeling, Lou leans back against Sam's chest with closed eyes. Sam quickly brings his arms around her, returning one hand between her legs and the other across her chest to grabs lightly at her breast. Lou's arms close over his as she melts in his lap.

Without a word, she starts to move her hips, grinding down on him as she's able to get him to hit her spot internally so very easily from this position. "Oh, fucking perfect," she whispers to herself as she picks up her pace.

Brushing his thumb over her right nipple repeatedly, Sam keeps his hand on her clit moving in line with her hips. When she speeds up, he speeds up. He knows her and proudly. He knows what he has to do to get her there every time and not getting her there isn't an option. He's learned long ago that if she doesn't get off before he does she'll torture him with that. The first time it happened, when she punished him by making him sit by and watch her get herself off with just her own hands and he wasn't allowed to participate or get a second round out of her once she effectively turned him back on, was lesson enough.

But then again, making Lou that happy, that relaxed… he'd do anything to give her that, whether he would benefit or not.

"Oh, Sam, shit," Lou moans quietly, her head bowing in pleasure as one arm comes up. She blindly grabs the side of his neck as her hips move quickly now, ready for her release. "Ooh, fuck yeah."

Sam, the ever stoic man, just watches silently, her small form riding him with pure intent and desperation. There's not much sexier than that.

She moans loudly, forgetting her manners, and her nails bite a little into the skin of his neck. Sam moves his hand faster on her clit and that's all she needed.

"Sam! Fuck!" she harshly whispers as she clenches around him, finding exactly what she needed so badly. Her body shudders on him and Sam pulls her tightly in for just a second, not willing to give her real recuperation time. He's too turned on for that.

Sam grabs her hips hard and moves her up and down on his lap with hell-bent need. She's such a fucking turn on, everything she does too hot for him to not get thrown into a frenzy.

Lou moans as she comes down and at the same time enjoys the new fucking she's getting, all while her body bounces on top of him. Sam grunts behind her, his breathing harsh while he loses it, and in no time he's coming so hard he actually bites down on her shoulder to stop from being loud.

His strong arms yank her in as his hips stutter under her, Lou clamping her hands down on his forearms. God damn animal. She couldn't love him more.

After a few seconds of catching their breath, Lou goes limp in his arms, leaning back into him. " _That_ was a good one."

"Yeah," Sam simply mutters in agreement into her sopping wet hair. She can feel his chest rising and falling as his heart rate slowly comes back down, both now thoroughly exhausted. "Can't move."

"Ugh," Lou complains at the idea of standing up again. She looks down at his arms around her and sees a smudge of dirt on his skin still. "Shit. You still need to soap up."

He groans with disappointment in return.

"Sit tight," she tells him and begrudgingly gets up in the steamed up, warm shower spray. She grabs the soap and lathers it up, kneeling before Sam as he remains somehow seated in the very small edge of the tub. She gets to work silently, running her soapy hands over every inch of his skin that she can.

And Sam watches with hooded, tired eyes. A whole year with her. It wasn't long enough, of course, but he just can't believe they had a whole year. They were happy, they _are_ happy. They're in a really beautiful place and the harsh, biting woman that he first fell for is no longer Lou. She's softened up, stowed her hard lines and harder attitude for the most part and he's now seeing the really great person she always was under it all.

His sights never leave her as she concentrates on what she's doing, making sure to get all the gross they built up over time. She's kind. Lou's kind. Her heart is so good and he can't believe they're together and so incredibly happy. It's still surreal sometimes.

When Lou's eyes slide up to him and sees them locked onto hers she smiles a little. "What?"

Sam just keeps looking at her. "I just… I love you."

She full blown smiles at that. "Get up, you girl. Rinse off."

Okay, so maybe she's not totally changed.

Lou pulls his arm to get his now lazy ass up and gently pushes him towards the water. She helps rinse him off with her hands, just selfishly using it as an excuse to keep touching him, and she exhales hard. "I love you, too."

Sam turns the water off and reaches for towels on the vanity in the small bathroom. He pulls one around her form and kisses her lips sweetly before drying himself off. "Let's get some sleep."

"Fuck, I love sleep," Lou rolls her eyes, quickly drying herself off so she can finally get some sleep.

* * *

 

"Uncle Sam!"

That's the only warning he gets before a weight is landing harshly on his gut, all elbows and knees. It's a rude wake up, one that comes with a little bit of pain, but Sam wouldn't trade it for the world. Ever.

"Nephew Sammy!" Sam shouts right back as he grabs the little boy that's on top of him now that he's very suddenly fully awake. Since Sammy's been staying in the back bedroom of the cabin, he and Lou have been relegated to the bunkbeds in the main, open room. Sam took the bottom bunk out of precaution. The lighter person should always take the top. You never know.

"You here!" Sammy grins wide as he sits on top of Sam while the bigger guy stays lying down.

"Got here last night," he says and can't help but share a wide smile with his nephew. Sammy looks just so happy to see him that it makes his heart skip. "Told you we'd be back."

"You help you friend?"

Sam pauses, knowing they failed pretty miserably. "We sure tried, kiddo. It's good to see you. What've you been up to?"

"We go to the zoo!" Sammy announces with the excitement he had when he first went. "We see the el-phant! It have a big trunk and big ears! And I give it food!"

"You got to feed an elephant!?" Sam asks with a level of excitement to rival Sammy's.

"Yes!" he responds, hands clasped together with energy.

"That's amazing, dude. What did you feed it?"

"Hay."

"I thought hay was for horses?" Sam questions with a serious tone.

"No… daddy wrong," Sammy explains. Daddy always tells him hey isn't what we say to people… even if daddy always says it himself. He tells him hay is for horses.

"Daddy's wrong a lot… but we won't let him know that, okay?" Sam jokes a bit with his nephew.

"That a secret?" Sammy wants to know, feeling special for having a secret with his uncle.

"It is. Just you and me know it… probably mommy too," Sam jests to mostly himself yet again.

"I no say it," Sammy promises and when Sam holds his far larger hand up Sammy high-fives him.

"Deal," Sam grins, loving this kid far too much. "Did you wake up daddy yet?"

"No. I see you first," Sammy admits. He did see Sam laying there sleeping and it distracted him from heading upstairs.

"Aw, I feel honored," Sam melts a little. "Have you seen Auntie Louie anywhere?"

"She here too!?" Sammy reaches the crazy level of excitement once more with the idea that even Lou's back too.

"Hi Sammy!" they both suddenly hear Lou nearly shout as an upside-down head appears from the top bunk over the edge.

Sammy jumps at the sudden move but then starts to hysterically laugh. He folds over and falls onto his side on Sam's chest, Sam holding him in tightly now that he has an excuse to.

"Auntie Louie! You silly," he laughs out and points at his aunt, her hair falling above her head while still upside-down.

"How you doing, crazy?" she asks with a grin.

"I go to zoo!" Sammy says and calms his laughing. Time to talk about the zoo again. Time to get serious. "We see Fanny the el-phant!"

"I heard!" Lou tells him and she disappears for a second before jumping down from her bed. She sits on Sam's level and looks at Sammy. "What else did you see? Did you see monkeys?"

"Yes!" Sammy answers. "An' giraffes."

"What about lions?"

"He name King!" Sammy explains. "An' I hear him roar like this… _roar_!" Sammy tries to make it ferocious, hands in claws and all.

"Dude!" Lou fakes shock. "You're too scary when you do that."

Sammy roars again.

"No! Stop!" Lou jokes, hiding her face in Sam's shoulder. "Sam, he's so scary when he does that!"

One more roar followed by the childlike giggle that only comes from purely happy kids.

"Okay, King," Sam jokes as he grabs Sammy and hugs him in one more time before getting up. "You wanna watch some Spongebob?"

"We make pancakes?" Sammy wonders with hope.

"Sammy, we had pancakes yesterday," a warning voice comes out at that question, all three peering over to Lizzy standing at the bottom of the staircase with cotton shorts, a t-shirt, and a ponytail. "Not again today."

"Mommy… nooooo," Sammy whines when she denies his request.

Lizzy just eyes him and crosses her arms over her chest. "I'm sorry… did you just say _no_ to your mother?"

"Sorry," Sammy immediately apologizes when he knows he's very wrong. He hangs his little head while sitting in Sam's lap.

"We have to eat healthy today."

"I no want cereal," Sammy says.

She knew he'd get sick of it soon enough. "Okay, how about peanut butter toast and a banana? You love that stuff."

"Okay," Sammy answers, his mood a little brighter as he does love that stuff.

"Okay. Then how about you come here and give me my morning kisses," Lizzy says with a wide grin, so happy that she avoided a meltdown and that he seems pretty open to her this morning. That interaction was very mom-and-son… and without Purgatory getting in the way.

Sammy scrambles off the bed with help from Lou and runs to his mom. She crouches down and he slams into her full speed, knocking her backwards.

"Whoa, big guy!" she shouts as he giggles. She then pulls his face in and kisses him roughly a dozen times everywhere. "You sleep tight?"

"No bed bugs," Sammy dutifully responds and she grins at him.

"Good, because I would have to beat up those bed bugs if they did!" she tells him, another kiss to the cheek as she hugs him. "Come on."

They stand up and head for the kitchen area as Lou and Sam gather themselves and get out of bed, both cautious to see how Lizzy feels towards them now.

"You have good dreams?" Lizzy asks as usual as she puts bread into the toaster and grabs a banana to cut up.

"Yes. I talk to a man," Sammy says to her as he eases up into his usual chair.

"You did?" she asks, not really listening as she gets his stuff ready. "Was he a nice man?"

"Yes."

"That's good."

"He big like daddy… not like Uncle Sam," he explains, sitting and watching her from his seat.

"Well, that's still pretty tall," Lizzy says, slicing banana.

"He nice. And he call me Samuel," Sammy giggles at the idea. "But I Sammy!"

Lizzy stops short at that, turning to look at him with concentrated eyes. Samuel. Sammy doesn't even know that's his full name. No one calls him that but one other person. "He called you Samuel?"

"Yeah. That not my name!" Sammy says, still laughing.

"Well, actually… it is," Lizzy lets him know, sitting down at a chair next to him. "That's your full name. Samuel Robert Winchester."

"No, I Sammy," Sammy explains, pointing to himself.

"Sammy is your _nickname_ ," Lizzy tries to explain. "You and Uncle Sam have the same full first name. You're both named Samuel."

Sammy turns around to see his uncle looking at him, standing behind his chair. He points at him. "You Samuel?"

"Yup, just like you," Sam tells him, sitting on the other side of Sammy and glancing with question at Lizzy. They both have a weird feeling about this one. "We're both Samuel… but people call me Sam and you Sammy so we don't get confused."

"We same!?" Sammy gets once more excited about that idea. He's so excitable.

"You know it," Sam answers and once more they high-five.

"Sweetie," Lizzy starts in again and gets Sammy's attention. "What did the man look like?"

"He tall like daddy."

"What else? Do you know what he was wearing?"

Sammy shakes his head no.

"What color was his hair?" Sammy doesn't answer, confused. It's a lot for his age to handle. "Was his hair like Auntie Louie's?"

He shakes his head no again.

"Was it shorter like daddy's?"

He nods.

"Was it colored like my hair?" she wonders, pointing to the dark color of her own head.

Sammy nods his head yes.

"Did he smile at you?"

"No. He not mad though," Sammy makes sure she understands. "He don't smile."

She knows. This is her childhood all over again. When she was just a little thing, Castiel started to appear to her in dreams. She always felt good around him, he was nice, but Cass is gone now. He's gone, she knows it. Why would he suddenly be in her boy's dreams?

And how? She knows firsthand that Cass never left Purgatory.

Hell, she's still not even sure he ever wanted to leave….

_It took what felt like months, though in Purgatory who can really keep track of time accurately, to find him. She searched high and low. She knew of a way out. She had backup even…_

_But Lizzy wasn't leaving Purgatory. Not without her angel._

_So when she finally saw him, his frame hunched over the edge of the stream, hands patting cool water onto his face and his back covered in his old, now filthy, trench coat, Lizzy could have cried with relief._

_"Oh my God," Lizzy whispered to herself at the tree line when her feet halted in their steps._

_"That him?" Benny asks from right behind her but she doesn't bother answering him._

_"Cass!" she shouts to him, her feet running already._

_As she sprints she watches his head hang lower with the sound of her voice. "Elizabeth," he plainly responds, slow to stand up_

_"Cassie," Lizzy gets a little choked up as she reaches him, slamming into him and hugging him tight. This is the first sign of comfort, first glimpse of familiarity, since they arrived in Purgatory and he disappeared from her._

_She doesn't mention that his arms never come around her. Her hug isn't reciprocated._

_"Fuck, it's so good to see you," she tells him over his shoulder. They both eye each other over briefly. He's disheveled and he has a beard. He looks nothing like the powerful angel she once knew but she couldn't care less. That's her Cass. She backs away with a grin on her face. "Nice beard. You got that rugged look going."_

_"Thank you," he plainly states, eyes endlessly darting around their clearing._

_"Cassie, this is Benny," Lizzy wastes no time. She points to him with her homemade weapon as the vampire stands next to her but with cautious distance from the angel. "Benny, this is the Cass we've been looking for."_

_"Hola," Benny coldly responds._

_"How did you find me?" Castiel asks Lizzy quickly, ignoring the vampire._

_Lizzy sighs. "We… got it out of some monsters here and there."_

_"You tortured beings?" Castiel questions immediately, judging eyes on her._

_"I did what I had to do to find you," she corrects him. "Are you okay?"_

_"You mean am I still…." Castiel makes a gesture with his hand to indicate crazy._

_"To put it one way, yeah," Lizzy smiles a little. He's so awkward. She can see shades of the old Castiel in there. It's nice to see._

_"No, I'm perfectly sane," he promises. "But then, ninety-four percent of psychotics think they're perfectly sane so I guess we have to ask ourselves what is sane."_

_Lizzy can't stop the grin. "Fair enough. Good question."_

_"Why'd you bail on Liz here?" Benny jumps in quickly, angry at the angel and very mistrusting of him. In the time they've known each other they've become loyal, trusting, even friends… and he has to be sure that this angel is worthy of Lizzy's trust that she has in him._

_"Benny!" Lizzy warns but he doesn't give up._

_"The way I hear it, you two hit monsterland and hot wings here took off. I figure he owes you some backstory, darlin'," Benny keeps up his protective nature._

_"Look, we were surrounded, okay?" Lizzy makes more excuses for Castiel. She's been doing they her whole time in Purgatory. "Something jumped Cass, and he probably killed it. Right, Cassie?"_

_They both look at Castiel and wait for any form of response. And wait._

_"No." It's nearly a whisper, the sound hardly audible over the water of the stream._

_"Wait, what?" Lizzy asks, confused already._

_"I ran away," the angel fesses up._

_"You ran away? From_ me _?" Lizzy presses him, completely hurt by what he's telling her. She steps closer to him. "Why?"_

_"I had to," Castiel shamefully answers, his eyes still moving around the forest and never really looking to her._

_"You just left me there? Alone?" Lizzy asks, her chin quivering already. "All I had was a crappy knife and no idea what was happening… and you just left me there?"_

_"Elizabeth…."_

_"I prayed to you," she tells him, too angry to listen. She has to get this out. With tears in her eyes, she keeps going. "Every fucking night. I never gave up and I prayed for your help."_

_"I know," he answers to his shoes._

_"You knew!? And you didn't come to me!?" Lizzy shouts now, tears cresting and leaving clean trails down her dirty face. She reaches up to grab his face and make him look her in the eyes. "What happened?"_

_"I am an angel in the land of abominations," he explains quickly. "There have been things hunting me from the moment we arrived."_

_"Join the club!" she gets really mad and lets his face go._

_"These are Leviathan, Elizabeth!" he shouts back. "I have a price on my head and I have been trying to stay one step ahead of them to…" He looks away again. "To keep them away from you. That's why I ran. I would never put you in harm's way, not even now."_

_Lizzy's heart drops. She just shouted at him, got pissed at him… for protecting her._

_"Just leave me. Please." Castiel turns away from her and looks out over the stream._

_"Sounds like a plan," Benny interjects immediately, hating the way this sounds. A monster magnet? In Purgatory? They better leave. "Let's roll, Liz."_

_"Hold on," she strongly stops him. She's not giving up, not after all this time trying to find her angel. She has to try. "We're leaving here. There's a way out and… we're going home. We're going back to our family."_

_"Elizabeth, I can't…."_

_"Yes you can!" Lizzy doesn't stand for his denial on this one. "Benny, explain it!"_

_He sighs. "Purgatory has an escape hatch… but I have no idea if it's angel friendly."_

_"We'll figure it out though," Lizzy promises. "Cass, I need you. Our family needs you and you're part of that family."_

_Shaking his head, not wanting to put her in that kind of harm, Castiel simply says her name once pleadingly. "Elizabeth."_

_"Hey, if those Levis wanna come at us then let them. Okay? We already ganked king of the big mouths once… we can handle a couple small fries, huh?" She smiles kindly, hoping beyond hope that he can trust her and come with._

_"It's too dangerous," he still denies going with her._

_Lizzy hang her head in frustration. "Fine. Then here's what I'm gonna do." She plops down on the sandy ground, sitting Indian-style with her weapon in her lap. "I'm gonna sit my ass right here and not move. Because I'm not leaving here without you. So either I sit here until something comes to get me… or we leave here together and get the fuck out of this hell hole and back to our family."_

_Castiel's expression softens when he sees her sincerity. And her mention of_ their _family._

_"You understand what I'm saying?" Lizzy asks him, defiantly sitting like the child she knows she has to be right now._

_With a heavy sigh, Castiel reaches a hand down to her on the ground. She grabs it and he hauls her to her feet. "I understand."_

_"Good," Lizzy grins. "Because I did not waste that much of my time away from Sammy looking for your sorry ass to not have you come with me." She fixes the collar of his trench coat. "Now let's move. We got a backdoor to go find…."_

"Shit, I got it," Lou's voice pulls Lizzy from the memory and she suddenly smells burning bread. How long was she just sitting there in her thoughts?

"You okay?" Sam asks her, reaching across to pat her hand on the table.

"Yeah, uh… I'm okay," Lizzy lies completely and by the look on his face he knows it. "Sam, I'm still… adjusting. But overall I'm fine."

"Alright," Sam nods. "Uh…" He pauses to take the plate of sliced banana from Lou and place it in front of Sammy. He's occupied by food now so Sam can ask, "You think Sammy saw… _him_?"

She knows which him Sam means. "No… I don't think so."

"Are you sure?" Sam doesn't quite believe it.

"Trust me," Lizzy assures. "Cass isn't… around." She then gets up and starts making coffee, ending the conversation there. She doesn't need to have this one right now, no fucking way. She barely got through telling Dean the very bare bones of it all.

But Sam's not sitting right with it. There's too much evidence that Castiel is reaching out to Sammy. The little boy and the angel have quite a connection too, Castiel always having been meant to follow and protect the boy from birth as he is the supposed Second Coming. Maybe he's not gone like Lizzy claims.

"Is he still back there?" Sam presses the issue, needing to know. "Or is he… uh, gone. For good?"

"Sam…" Lizzy starts to complain, not wanting to talk about any of it, especially with Sammy in her presence.

"I just… I need to know," he explains. "He was a friend."

"Not a friend," Lizzy gets defensive. "The crap we saw together? He's family. He's always _been_ family."

"I know that," Sam tries to recover, watching Lou give Sammy some toast with peanut butter on it. "But you're not the only one that cared about him."

"He's gone, Sam!" she finally loses it and shouts at him. "That's all you need to know!"

"But if he's…." Sam tries to keep going, the Lizzy he knows always open to talking to him even about the hardest of subjects. Not today.

"Fucking drop it!"

Three sets of wide eyes land on her hard, making her even angrier. She shoulders raise as she grips a coffee mug too tightly.

"What the hell is happening down here?" Dean asks in his sweat pants, rushing down when he hears his wife yelling.

"Nothing," Lizzy bites at him quickly.

"Doesn't sound like nothing, L," Dean tries to gently say but it doesn't matter. It pushes her over the edge.

Lizzy hurls the coffee mug across the cabin, it smashing into the opposite wall. Ceramic pieces scatter over the floor and Sammy's cars as she yells, "I'm not fucking talking about it!"

Dean places his hands out, as he has any time she's lost her temper in the past few weeks, and takes one slow step forward. Glancing at Sammy he looks ready to cry as he can't possibly understand what's happening. "Lizzy, no one's making you talk."

"Tell that to your brother…." She stops short when her phone rings. Thank fucking god. She swipes it off the kitchen table and bolts for the doorway, slamming it behind her.

Dean pushes out a breath and places his hands on his hips. "Anyone care to share what the hell just happened there?"

"Mommy mad?" Sammy asks, sitting curled up on the kitchen table, his index finger in his mouth as his little eyes spill over. He's only seen her blow up once before now, Lizzy having the self-control to wait until he's asleep or occupied usually, but the one time he saw it, it terrified him.

Dean walks right for his son, picking him up and taking his seat. Once he settles Sammy in his lap, holding him in, Dean explains to him, "Yeah, kiddo. Sometimes mommy gets really mad at things. But that's not her fault."

"It not?" Sammy wonders, still so confused. Sam stays where he is, quiet, and Lou sits down and tries to help surround Sammy with familiar, trusting faces.

"No way. You know how sometimes you get mad because you want to do everything by yourself?"

"I big guy."

Dean smiles a little. "I know you are. But you still need help sometimes, right?"

"Yeah."

"And you get really mad, right?"

"Yeah."

"Well, it's not your fault that you get mad either. You just… sometimes, people get mad," Dean tries, failing a little. Lizzy's damn good at explaining things to him the right way. Over a year alone with the kid and he still struggles. "I get mad too sometimes. Auntie Louie too. And Uncle Sammy too. That's just life, kiddo."

"I no like mommy mad," Sammy sniffles.

Dean wipes his cheeks. "Me neither. But she's ok. She's taking a time out and she'll be just fine."

Sammy turns his head and looks up at Dean. "Mommy mad at me?"

"You think she's mad at _you_?"

Sammy doesn't answer. Clearly he does.

"Oh, dude, no way. You didn't do anything wrong," Dean tries to calm him, his fingers running through Sammy's hair to tame it and style it back to its usual look, just like dad's. "Mommy's just mad at some other stuff right now. She's not mad at you at all."

"I want pancakes."

Dean pauses there, knowing Lizzy's rule about unhealthy treats every now and then, healthy stuff most of the time. "Did you ask her for pancakes again this morning?"

Sammy nods.

"And you think she's mad at that?"

Sammy nods again.

"Nah, that's not it," Dean denies, stealing a piece of banana from Sammy's plate and eating it. He hates bananas but he'll eat them if it'll help focus Sammy elsewhere.

"Hey!" Sammy says, pointing his stolen foo being chewed.

"Hey is for horses," Dean reminds him. "Eat up. Make mommy proud, huh?"

"Okay," Sammy agrees, his mood much lighter now, and he picks up the toast in front of him.

Dean sighs and rubs his eyes for a moment, trying to will away the stress he's feeling over Lizzy right now. "That coffee anywhere near ready?"

"Yeah, almost," Sam tells him and gets up. He goes to pour his brother a cup as he's looking like he could really use it.

"She been like that a lot?" Lou asks, very concerned for her sister now.

"Off and on. She has her moments," Dean admits to her. "I know that asking her about what happened… there… isn't a good idea at this point. And trust me, she's barely even telling me anything."

"She tell you about Cass?" Sam has to wonder, sitting back down and sliding the mug of black coffee to his brother.

"Not much," Dean admits, taking a sip. "She told me enough."

"What do you know?" Sam pushes it.

"He's still there," Dean tells Sam, watching his brother's expression turn sad. "She tried so hard to get him out and she feels like she failed him. It's killing her, man. And I know she can't talk about it."

Sam nods. "Alright. Won't ask again."

"That's probably a good idea," Dean sighs sadly. "Damn it, we had, like four days without that happening. She seemed good."

"I don't know if you remember my return, but it'll take time," Lou reminds him. "Just be really patient, Dean. I know it's hard but… we have to be patient. We owe her that much."

"Yeah, I know," Dean admits. "Just hard to watch it, you know?"

"Oh, I know," Lou relates. She then thinks for a second. "Hey, who's calling Lizard?"

Dean perks up a little. "I have no idea," he thinks aloud. "She just turned that phone on. And she got a call last week, at the zoo. She said it was a telemarketer but then disappeared. I'm pretty sure she was calling someone back…."

"Louie!" they all hear as Lizzy shoves the front door open in a rush. Her frantic eyes land on her sister. "I need to talk to you. _Now_."

"About?" Lou asks, shocked by the sudden demeanor change.

"Just… get out here," Lizzy tells her impatiently and walks away from the door.

Lou looks at Sam and Dean and grins falsely. "Guess I'm about to find out about the mystery caller." She gets up and heads outside.

* * *

 


	12. A Friend in Need

* * *

"I need to leave for maybe a couple days," Lizzy blurts out the second Lou and she are away from the cabin and close to the Mustang out front.

Lou just smiles at first and huffs out a little laugh… then her face straightens back out to serious when Lizzy doesn't react jokingly. "Wait, what?"

"I gotta go take care of something. And you're coming with me," Lizzy tries again, this time making it very clear she means it. No jokes at all.

"Okay… double what?" Lou starts to get very confused. "The hell you talking about?"

"A friend of mine called. I need to go help them. Now," she makes it sound as urgent as it is.

"Who? Mari?"

"No. Someone else."

"Garth?"

"No."

"Lizard, Mari and Garth are our only friends!" Lou points out loudly. "What the fuck is going on here?"

"I have another friend. He just called…."

"He?" she asks, now very confused.

"Yes, he," Lizzy sighs. "He got into something he shouldn't have. Now he's… well, the dude is sitting on the floor of an abandoned building, hurt and waiting for my help. He's in a really bad situation and I owe him. So do you."

"Me!? I don't even know the guy," Lou rebuts, now really confused.

"It's Benny," Lizzy spills it out, having preferred telling her everything in the car on the way to helping him.

"What!?" Lou shouts, wide eyes bulging as she grabs Lizzy's arm hard. "Benny!?"

"I know him too. Well. And he needs us to help him," Lizzy says vaguely.

"But he's… he's in Purgatory," Lou reminds her sister. "He's a _vampire_."

"Not anymore… well, the Purgatory part at least," Lizzy tells her while prying Lou's grip off of her arm. She starts walking for the house while telling her, "I need to pack a bag quick. I'll just grab yours since it's already packed. We need to leave ASAP."

"What do we tell Sam and Dean?" Lou has to wonder.

Lizzy stops in her tracks and thinks for a second. "We need to help a friend. Past that… I'll deal with them when we get back."

She disappears into the cabin and Lou's left standing there, head whirling around like crazy. Benny? Out? He needs help? Lizzy knows Benny?

It's too much.

* * *

"The hell do you mean you have to leave!?" Dean gets angry very quickly when Lizzy been far too mysterious and vague on her sudden change of demeanor and plans.

"I mean I have to leave for a few days," she tells him, packing up the duffle he gave back to her a couple weeks ago. "I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Who called you?" Dean finally asks, hands on his hips as he looks at her hard, anger in his eyes.

"A friend," Lizzy simply answers, zipping up her bag when done and looking up at him from the edge of their bed. "That needs some really big help."

"Who?"

"Just… a friend," she tries again.

"Yeah, I get that. But what friend?" Dean gets more heated every second. "Garth? Mari?"

"Neither of them. You've never met this friend but that doesn't make him any less of a friend," Lizzy assures.

" _Him_!?" Dean gets more pissed and it's irrationally so.

Lizzy rolls her eyes and grabs her pack, pushing past him to fly down the stairs. "Yes. Him. And I'm not just gonna let a friend hang when he needs me." When she hits the bottom floor, heavier footsteps following her closely behind, she knows this is a whole battle ready to be fought.

"What are you heading into?" Dean keeps pressing on, needing to know.

"Not sure. But I can handle it. Trust me, I'm in better fighting shape than you are right now so I'll be fine. I promise."

"You can't promise that!" Dean gets way too angry with that.

"Actually… I totally can. I'm safe, dude. I wouldn't do this otherwise," Lizzy sighs. She looks to the side and locks eyes with Sam.

"Where's Lou?" he wonders, getting a bad feeling about whatever is going on.

"Uh… still outside," Lizzy says to him, him and Sammy playing with the cars on the floor. "Okay. Uh… well, we'll be back soon. I'd say three days tops. I'll call you when we get there and when we leave," she quickly blurts out and strides for the front door.

" _We_!?" Sam panics from the floor and scrambles up to his feet as Dean runs and blocks the front door. "Get where!?"

"No friggin' way," Dean tells her with sheer determination, standing his ground as roadblock. "Explain first."

Pressing a hand to her forehead while utterly frustrated, she asks him, "Is it so hard to believe that I have a friend that needs me and it just so happens that you never met him?"

"Yes!" Dean fires out. "Especially when you just crawled your ass out of monsterland two weeks ago and are supposed to be spending time getting to know your family again!" He nods his head to Sammy on the floor.

She looks over at her son, his green eyes fixed on her with all the confusion in the world. She breaks a little at that. "I know what you're saying. I do. But this is life or death. You have to trust my judgment here, Dean. Please."

"You've been gone for so long… I trust you but I just… worry." Dean face shows his pain and fear at her ditching right now.

"Look, time is ticking and I need to get to him. It's that serious," Lizzy keeps trying, grabbing his hand tightly. She pleads with her voice and her eyes. "Hot Shot, let me go, please. I'll explain everything when I get back. Three days. That's all I need. And it's not even a hunt. I swear."

Dean shakes his head at a loss. "I… don't know what to say."

"Then move your perky little ass and let me out," Lizzy grins. "You know you can't stop me."

He closes his eyes and drops his head. She's totally right. He can't.

"You'll call me every half a day," Dean makes his set of demands that he can't possibly make sure she adheres to. "And if things get hairy, no matter where you are… _you call us_."

"I'll have Lou but yeah, I'll call. Promise," she crosses her heart in vow.

"I don't like this."

"You don't say," she kisses his cheek and drops her bag by her foot. She then turns around and heads for Sammy, telling Sam, "Go out there. Say goodbye."

Sam huffs angrily, mad at Lizzy for this position she's putting everyone in and mad at Lou for going with it. He marches for the door and heads outside.

Lizzy drops to the floor next to Sammy. "Hey, sweetie. I gotta go do some work."

"You work again?" Sammy asks sadly, knowing how long it was that she was working last time.

"Not like last time," she makes her promise to him. "I'll only be gone a couple days. Then I'll come back and we can hang out like before."

"I no want you to go," Sammy tells her, having started to really get used to her. And love her. He looks at her like he should, like the mom she is, and her leaving makes no sense to him.

Lizzy's sad smile spreads across her face as he looks up at her with the same, big, expressive green eyes that her husband has. He's innocent in all this, so pure and sweet, and he can't understand. "I don't want to go either, baby. I really don't," she tells him honestly as she pulls her son into her lap and hugs him tight, his short arms hugging right back. "But my friend needs me. I need to make sure he's okay."

"He not okay?" Sammy asks, his voice muffled by her jacket.

"No."

"He hurt?"

"Yes," Lizzy says, watching Dean's ears perk up at that information. "And I can fix it. So, I have to go."

"Okay," Sammy says sadly. "You help you friend."

"And you stay here and have fun with daddy and Uncle Sam. I know Uncle Sam has missed you tons and tons. You two should hang out and play a lot."

"Okay," Sammy lightens up a touch. He then looks up at his mom. "Love you, mommy."

And there's the kicker. Her heart is a puddle at her feet. He hasn't said that yet since she's been home. Not once. And he said it all on his own, no prompting.

"Oh, sweetie, I love you, too," Lizzy gets choked and kisses his cheek. She hugs him so hard one more time, his arms around her neck, and tries not to cry. "More than you will ever, ever know."

Dean watches this with very mixed emotions. He knows how much Lizzy loves her son. There is no one, not even Dean, that she could love more. There just isn't a way that's possible. So to see her willingly saying goodbye to him to go off and do some mysterious task for a friend he's never met… well, this makes no sense. And if this mystery person is such a good friend, worth leaving her family for after being gone for so long, why hasn't Dean met him yet?

"You be a good boy, okay?" Lizzy asks of him, knowing he will be.

"Okay, mommy," Sammy answers back and she stands up with him in her arms, unable to let go.

She walks for the door, relishing every second of warm, loving contact she has with her little man before she hands him over to his dad. Dean takes him and pulls him in without thought, Sammy leaning his head onto Dean's shoulder for comfort just like every time something not great happens to him.

"I better hear from you by five tonight," Dean coldly reminds her.

"Of course," she nods at him. "And when we get back I can explain _everything_ to you. I don't have time now. Long story."

Dean eyes her hard.

"I promise you. I'll explain all. I don't want secrets. They've never been good for us"

He accepts it for what it is. "Please don't be stupid."

She smiles sadly and presses up on her toes, kisses his cheek and then Sammy's one more time. "I love you both. So much."

"We love you too," Dean tells her. Even if his voice is still a touch cold she knows it's heartfelt. "You come right back to us, momma."

"I always do," she grins a little and walks out the door with her bag and Lou's.

**SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS**

"What the hell is going on!?"

Lou rolls her eyes as is standard for her when Sam uses _that_ tone with her. She hears Sam moving quickly from behind her, long strides in the gravel driveway heading her way. She pushes off the side of the Mustang and turns to look at him.

"You and Lizzy are just leaving!?" he outrages, not having seen this coming at all. "That's it, no explanation!?"

"We need to head out and help a friend we both know," she explains calmly.

"Who!?" Sam asks. "All your friends are dead!"

"Don't be so dramatic," Lou calls him out. "I have friends that have managed to stay alive, thank you very much. And you just haven't met this friend yet. Don't worry so much about it."

"You didn't actually think that'd lessen my worry, did you?" Sam asks with disbelief in her ease.

Lou has to smile at that. "No. But you're insane." She laughs slightly and this makes Sam also calm it down a bit. The tension was too much and her breaking it with a little lightheartedness was what they both needed. "Come on, Giant," Lou says in a pleading and overly loving tone as she brings her arms around his waist and looks straight up at him. "You _know_ we'll be fine, honey."

"Don't use the girlfriend voice on me," Sam warns playfully, easily getting into that type of lighter headspace when with her. Marriage as done them well and she makes it easy to see when he's overreacting.

"It's my _wife_ voice," she corrects with a cocked eyebrow.

"How could I forget?" Sam jests right back.

"Look, Lizzy's going to do this whether I go with or not," she spells out how it really is. "I remember what it's like to be back from Purgatory. The world is… weird, man. But I can relate and I think we need time to talk just the two of us anyways. Plus, I'm way more comfortable going with her than not... aren't you?"

"I can understand that," Sam honestly tells her, his past experiences with his own stubborn ass sibling making it easy to commiserate.

"Plus… this is my chance to get back on her good side after a really rough week being on her shit list. I really miss her. I miss my sister."

Her vulnerable voice makes him give in. "Just don't scare me next time. I mean, you could have come inside and told me yourself instead of letting Lizzy barely explain and freak me out."

"Sorry, honey. I was being a chicken," Lou shrugs and pulls him down by an arm at the back of his neck. She kisses him good, solid. And with heat.

"Stop trying to butter me up," Sam smiles against her lips and kisses her again, keeping it going.

"Mm," Lou kisses back before telling him, "Can I butter you up when I get back instead then?"

Sam lets go of a laugh. "What does that even mean?"

Lou laughs back. "I don't know. But I'm creative. I'll figure it out a way to butter you up."

"Oh god, don't get creative," Sam backs away from her a step. "That last time you got creative I couldn't sit comfortably for three days."

She gives him a proud smirk. "Admit it… you loved it."

He doesn't answer that verbally. He knows his reddened cheeks give him away.

"Knew it," she comments with too much pride.

Sam sighs and looks at her sappily, sitting onto the edge of the Mustang's hood to put them closer to an even level. "Do you realize we haven't been apart for more than a full day since we moved to Kansas?"

Lou's face drops in shock. "Seriously!?"

"Very," he nods.

"Well… shit," she accepts the truth.

"You gonna miss me?" Sam asks with his hands in his pockets, nudging her in the leg gently with the tip of his boot. He grins with his dimples out at her.

She smiles wide right back when her chest flutters at that. Sometimes, despite how much he's changed and grown up, Sam's still that shaggy-haired young kid that she first fell for.

"You shouldn't be allowed to be that fucking cute," Lou scolds him slightly.

"Was that a compliment?" he keeps right on pushing her, poking her with his boot again.

"Fuck you," Lou smirks and steps into him, arms around his neck and kissing him again. They stay that way for a bit, enjoying the goodbye and the quiet outdoors for the little bit of time they have left. It's nice to be on the same page these days. It's so easy now, especially compared to the year before now.

"Sam, you seemed far angrier inside than you do now," Lizzy jokes as she heads for the Mustang.

This breaks them apart. Lou doesn't let him go at first, her hands gripping the sides of his neck. Noses practically touching, Lou vows to him, "When I get back... you and me. I'll show you some buttering up for real." She winks and kisses him one last time.

"You're stupid," Sam lets her know as she backs away and he stands tall.

"You are," she offhandedly responds, looking over to Lizzy as she tosses her bag in the backseat. "Ready?"

"Yep," Lizzy nods. "Let's go." She opens the passenger door and gets in without hesitation.

"That's my cue," Lou says to Sam. He opens the driver's side door for her.

"Call me," he says to her, making it clear she better.

"Will do," she promises, getting one last quick kiss from him. She then gets in, Sam shuts the door for her, and Lou starts up the engine.

Sam waits until they're out of sight before heading back into the cabin. Dean's going to be pissed. No need to rush back into hanging out with him.

* * *

"Alright, I gave you a half hour," Lou finally says, turning down the Tom Petty Lizzy put on to suck up to Lou for coming with her on this run. "What the hell is going on? Why is Benny out?"

Lizzy looks to her sister from the side window and has a flash of yesteryear. This feels like old times, driving from state to state and hunting with her partner in crime. She hated it… but she loved it too. She misses the old times with Lou and her, conquering the world and having her best friend to back her up.

"I got him out," she tells her. "There was this spell he'd heard about…."

"That bullshit actually worked?" Lou asks with shock, peeking at her sister with wide eyes after interrupting her. "He was always rambling about a way out, that humans could get out and we could ride them out. All we had to do is wait for a human to get there… and I always said that was never fucking happening. God, he was so sure the rumor was true."

"It was," Lizzy assures her. "The portal was real too. We found it, we did the spell, and we got out. I had to stop in Clayton to dig Benny up and undo the spell. All we needed was his bones. He was good as new."

Lou rubs her face with confusion and stress. "Okay… let's just… ignore the fact that what happened to you and Benny is fucking ridiculous in the first place… why the fuck were you helping a vampire in the first place? How did that happen?"

Giving her a funny look, Lizzy just says, "You _know_ Benny's good people."

"I know he's good vampire," Lou corrects. "For a monster, sure, he was alright. Solid. Trustworthy. But he was still a blood sucker."

"And so were you for a while," Lizzy reminds her.

"And so I'm a great judge of character on this one," Lou fires back. "How the fuck did Benny get you to trust him so much."

She remembers it all. It was over a year ago but she remembers it clearly….

_She's running. Her lungs are burning. They're painful with every deep, ragged breath. But she can't stop. She can't. There's three of them and one of her. And all she has is a knife that surely isn't big enough to get the job done this time._

_She's screwed._

_Okay, time for a new plan. Outrunning isn't happening. So what now?_

_When Lizzy spots the thickly wooded area just ahead she decides it's time for something new. The trees are packed together pretty tightly and she might be able to dart between them and lose them or find somewhere to hide long enough to catch her breath._

_Weaving in and out of trunks, bobbing as fast as she can, Lizzy can still hear the sound of heavy footsteps behind her. One set now. Okay, one versus one is a little better than three versus one._

_Still, the lack of solid weapon isn't working in her favor. Better keep moving._

_"Shit!" Lizzy calls out with fear and frustration when she skids to a stop on the leafy ground. She never lost the other two vamps. They took a different path and cut her off. They're standing ahead of her, blocking her way out. When she turns sharply around the one that was following her keeps her completely surrounded._

_"Human blood," the vampire smiles so wide, his excitement level very high. He sniffs the air. "It's been a few centuries since I've tasted that. Girl, you smell good."_

_"Well, enjoy the smell," she huffs out, breath lost after so much running at full speed. She flips the knife expertly in her hand as she looks at them, turning around and trying desperately to formulate a plan. She's got nothing. "Because you aren't tasting one drop of this shit right here."_

_They all laugh at her._

_"You're surrounded," the vampire in eighteenth century garb that's tattered almost beyond recognition scoffs. "And you can't do shit to us with that little child's knife. Accept fate. You weren't meant to be here for good reason."_

_"Humans can't handle a place like this," one of the other vamps comments._

_"I'm no mere human," Lizzy confidently tells them without actually feeling all that confident. She moves lightning quick, stabbing the one talkative vampire in the eye and quickly withdrawing the blade, backing up behind his now crumpled on the ground body to get a handle on the situation._

_One on the ground in pain, disabled temporarily at that, and two full power. And pissed._

_They both charge at her._

_"Fuck," Lizzy complains and takes off again._

_This time, winded and very tired from her previous long run, it's easy to catch up to her. One of the vampires easily dives and tackles her to the ground, knocking the knife from her grip. His teeth descend as he pins her there, Lizzy's hands coming around his neck to keep him away. She scrambles and fights her best but this isn't looking good. He gnashing his razor teeth and she's tired as hell from the past week and a half of nonstop running since she's arrived._

_The quick swipe of a weapon through the air and Lizzy's shocked when the vampire's grip loosens and his face goes slack. Her confusion hits harder when the head of the vamp tumbles off to the side and his body falls forward, crushing her… and behind the vamp is another new vampire, standing there with a homemade weapon in hand and fangs descended._

_Lizzy closes her eyes for a second to try and figure out all that's happening. There were three vampire after her. She stabbed one and ran. Two should be after her now, the one that had her pinned and another… yet the one that just chopped a head is new to her._

_He's here to devour her. That's it. She's real, human blood and this new vampire just wanted that for himself._

_"Get on up, darlin'," she hears a southern drawl tell her as the body on top of her is hauled off. The new vampire reaches a hand down to her to help her up._

_She doesn't take it. Instead, she scrambles to her feet on her own and swipes her knife off the forest floor. She takes her ready stance for a fight and twirls her knife once, ready for whatever. When she scans the area she sees that all three vampires after her are beheaded on the ground._

_"That how you great you're knight in shinin' armor?" he laughs a little at her, completely unfazed by her readiness to attack._

_"You're a vampire. Just be thankful that I'm not about to shove this up your ass," she quips, never prepared to give up or back down, even now._

_"Mm. Awful strange way to punch your meal ticket, friend," he tells her._

_"Friend?" Lizzy challenges._

_"Well, I did save your life. And, I got something you need." He gives her a cocky smirk as he starts walking, circling her slowly as his eyes roam the tree line._

_"Yeah, what's that?" Lizzy asks._

_"A way out."_

_Lizzy laughs at him. "Come on. You know there's no such thing."_

_"There is if you're human. God has made it so," he lifts his hands to the sky in fake praise. "At least, that's the rumor."_

_"Bullshit."_

_"Suit yourself," he shrugs, walking a couple steps away from her. "Maybe you've gone native. Maybe you like being man meat for every Tom, Dick, and Harry."_

_"Prove it, then," Lizzy challenges him. "Prove to me that there's a way out and that I should trust a fang."_

_"Nah." It's a simple response._

_"Nah?" she nearly disbelieves his response._

_"You're either in or you're out."_

_"So you just want to guide me out of Purgatory out of the goodness of your unbeating heart?" Lizzy once more questions his motives. She adjusts her stance, still on edge and ready just in case._

_"More or less."_

_"Don't fuck with me," Lizzy nearly growls out. "What's in it for you?"_

_"I'm hopping a ride," he explains to her._

_"What do you mean?"_

_"It's a human portal, sweetness. Only humans can pass through. I show you the door, you hump my soul to the other side."_

_"So… you're looking for a soul train." Lizzy knows now she'll never lose the Dean Winchester in her now. She sounds like him even in a time like this._

_"Sure. If that's what you're into."_

_"And how do I know this isn't a trap?" she has to wonder aloud. "How do I know I'm not just a snack for later or that I'm not gonna end up like your friend over there?"_

_"He_ was _my friend," he shrugs. "Now you are. First rule of Purgatory, darlin'. You can't trust nobody."_

_"You just asked me to trust you!" Lizzy reminds him._

_"You see? You're getting it now."_

_Lizzy stops there and thinks a moment. This is the first she's heard of this whole portal thing. It sounds iffy at best and the vampire could easily be making this up to dupe her. But then again, why bother? If he wanted her blood wouldn't he just drink her right then and there? Why bother risking running into others and having to share?_

_She can practically feel the family picture burning in her pocket. Her family. She needs to get home and this is the first glimmer of hope she's had since arriving days ago. Maybe this is worth the risk._

_"Alright, I'm in," Lizzy tells him. "You get me outta her and I'll let you hitch a ride."_

_The vampire holds out his hand for her to shake. Lizzy looks at his warily._

_"I ain't gonna bite," he laughs to himself, hand still out. "I do that and I ain't getting out either."_

_Hesitantly Lizzy reaches forward and grabs his cold, undead hand. They shake. "I'm Lizzy."_

_"Benny," he tells her his name._

_That rings a very distinct bell to her. "Benny? Not… like…_ Benny _, Benny?"_

_"Uh, not sure I'm understanding that one, girl," Benny smiles a little, forehead wrinkled with confusion._

_She takes her hand back. "Benny. You're Benny. You know my sister."_

_His face falls. "I haven't been Earth-side for some decades now so I guess that all depends on who your sister might be."_

_"Lou," Lizzy says the name that Benny's missed hearing for a very long time now. "Lou Becker. She was turned and then someone killed her. She was sent here about… five years ago."_

_Benny takes a step back as his face shows his shock. "Nah. You ain't talking 'bout my girl Lou… I lost her a couple years ago…."_

_"She got out," Lizzy explains. "Lou got out. When that angel, when he sucked all you guys in and was using the power of your souls…."_

_"We don't speak much about that 'round these parts," he warns her darkly. "That wasn't exactly a pleasant time."_

_"I know that, but I'm friendly with some angels," Lizzy starts to fib a little. It seems like Castiel sucking all those souls into him is a touchy subject in Purgatory. Since she's not leaving here without him it's probably best to not let on to Benny that he's the same angel that used the souls of Purgatory to fuel his God-run. "The one that took you all in for some time… he gave me Lou back. She's been out for a year now."_

_Benny's speechless. His friend, his ally… she's been out._

_"We turned her back once we got topside," Lizzy keeps talking, trying to make sure he gets that they're on the same team here. "The angel did something, made it as if she never fed and we knew a cure. She's… she's doing good these days. I think. And she told me about you."_

_"She talked about me?" Benny asks, nostalgia and sentiment in his tone._

_"Of course," she smiles. "She looks at you like a good friend still. She told me the scariest part of being in Purgatory was the day she got separated from you and your nest. She'd been horrified ever since."_

_Benny looks around with a sad smile. "I worried about her every day after we lost her. Good to know she's safe."_

_"She is. She's with her family again," Lizzy assures him before her own face gets long. She tries for an emotional pull, praying this vampire still has a heart much like she's starting to think he does. She pulls her Christmas family picture out of her back jeans pocket and hands it over._

_Benny looks down to see a family of three, all bright smiles and beautiful._

_"That's my family," she tells them. "That's my boy, Sammy. And my husband, Dean. They are my world and if you can promise me I'll get back to them then… I'll trust you fully. One hundred percent."_

_Benny nods and hands back the picture. "That sounds like a deal."_

_Lizzy grins and pockets the picture. "Good. Um, but I need to add one more stipulation."_

_"What's that?"_

_"First… we need to find my angel."_

"It was easy," Lizzy tells her sister. "After Benny saved my life from a pack of vamps… it was fairly easy to trust him. Plus, you knew and trusted him."

"You named dropped?" Lou eyes her for a second.

"The second he told me his name was Benny… I knew who I was looking at," Lizzy says simply. "He trusted me after I told him you were my sister and you were safe. I trusted him because you vouched for him without knowing it and I needed a way out."

"God damn it, what are our lives?" Lou shakes her head and looks out the windshield.

"Not at all normal, that's for sure," Lizzy tells her.

"You know, Benny was always babbling on about some exit to Purgatory… I thought he was just buying into the false hope. Plus, what were the chances a human was ever gonna make their way to Purgatory?"

"Well, pretty good in hindsight," Lizzy smirks.

"He's gonna give me the biggest fucking I told you so ever," Lou groans. "I hate when he's right."

"Yeah, well, he better be more tactful than that after we save his hide."

"How'd he end up in Washington?" Lou has to ask, only having been given a destination by her sister.

"No idea. I just know he got himself in trouble and he's down for the count," she shares. "He sounded really bad. He needs blood fast."

Lou sighs heavily. "Shit."

"What?"

"We're raiding a blood bank, aren't we?" Lou looks to her side to see Lizzy grinning in an over the top way. "People need that blood, Lizard!"

"Yeah, and Benny's one of them," Lizzy argues right back. "Look, I know it feels wrong but Benny's earned that much. I owe him. He got me back so I can do this for him."

"Jesus, what an asshole," Lou huffs. "Always told him he was getting too cocky. I bet that's what put him on his ass."

"Probably," Lizzy agrees. "But he's been gone for decades. This world isn't like his old one. I need to cut him some slack, you too."

Lou thinks about it. "I can't believe he's here."

"Well, the sooner we get our shit together the sooner you can have your reunion," Lizzy tells her, opening the search engine on her smart phone. "I'll look for a blood bank near Benny. You drive."

* * *

"They really didn't tell you anything?" Dean asks, cutting through the silence of the cabin after Sammy's been down for a nap for some time. Dean looks over from the couch, feet up on the coffee table and laptop in his lap.

"Just that they were helping out a friend," Sam shrugs, reiterating the same thing yet again. His brother's been a dog with a bone on this one. He's dying to know what it is his wife is up to and he can't get past it.

"And what… you just took that for what it was?" Dean asks, attitude in place.

Sam sighs and peers over his own laptop, the credit card statements for all of Kevin's accounts that they know of open. "Yeah, Dean. I took it for what it was."

Dean shakes his head in disgust at that. "You're so fucking whipped these days."

"Oh, and you're not!?" Sam quickly snaps back, earning a face from Dean telling him to quiet down. They definitely don't want to wake Sammy right now. "When those two have something in their heads you know there's not a damn thing either of us can do to stop them."

"Coulda tied 'em to chairs," Dean mutters under his breath.

"Even then," Sam reminds him how good they are. That wouldn't even stop them. "Look, I know Lizzy's fresh out and not totally herself, okay? I get that you're worried. So am I… but Lou's with her. You know she's never going to let anything happen to Lizzy."

Dean clenches his jaw and keeps staring at his laptop, not willing to respond since Sam's right.

"And… Lizzy said she'd explain when she gets back. She's not trying to lie to you."

"Nope, she's just buying herself time to come up with a better lie."

"Cynical much?" Sam smirks a little. "They'll explain when they get back in a few days tops. You think Lizzy wants to be away from you and Sammy right now? I mean, this has to be important if she's willing to leave you guys. Just trust her. You know how things tend to go when you and Lizzy don't trust each other."

Suppressing the eye roll over all the sense Sam's making, Dean quietly says, "I trust her."

"Nice work showing it," Sam sarcastically responds.

"I'm worried," Dean loudly responds. "I'm allowed to be worried about my wife that just got back from God's fucking toilet, okay!?"

"Okay," Sam puts his hands out and asks for a calmer Dean. "And that's fair. I'm worried about her too. But she seems pretty… uh, _sharp_ these days." He stands up and heads for the refrigerator.

"Yeah, sharp…. She's a mess," Dean explains. "The first morning Sammy came to wake me up and she was pressed into the corner of the room like a scared animal. It wasn't good."

"Has she gotten any better over time?" Sam asks, pulling two beers from the refrigerator and shutting it.

"A little," Dean admits, watching Sam make his way over while twisting off caps. "I mean, she's not like Lou was."

"That's a good start," Sam tries to look at the good side.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean she's good." Dean takes the offered beer and Sam sits on the chair off to the side, looking at his brother with his full attention. "She's angry."

"Rightfully so."

"But that's not her," Dean points out. "I mean, sure she was a hot head when we met and she needed to reel it back. But over time… she fixed it. L wasn't that fly off the handle person anymore most of the time. Especially not once Sammy was around. But since she's been back… she's blown up a handful of times. The last one you saw this morning." Dean stops and takes a long pull from his beer bottle.

"Well, I think she has a right to be pissed," Sam reminds. "She was taken from her family for over a year. She missed a chunk of Sammy's childhood. That's not right."

"No it isn't," Dean agrees with fire in his tone. "It's completely wrong."

"So give her time," Sam tries to suggest lightly. "With Lou… I had to give her a ton of time. And it wasn't easy. You remember how she was… the nightmares that turned into confusion, she attacked people, she was on edge every second of every day…."

"I remember," Dean cuts him off, not needed the whole list.

"But we're really good now," Sam points out the positive. "She's been, I guess, normal for a long time now."

"Yeah, she seems better," Dean nods.

"Be patient. I know that's not your thing and all…."

"Bitch," Dean calls his brother before slugging down more beer.

"But just be understanding," Sam ignore his anger. "She'll come around."

"And when she blows up in front of Sammy?" Dean challenges, this being his largest concern. Anything he sees and deals with is one thing. But his son shouldn't have to. "He's still just trying to figure out who she is. He gets confused sometimes."

Sam doesn't know how to answer that.

"You know, I thought I was gonna feel better when she got back," Dean confesses, sitting back on the couch and rubbing his eyes. "And I do, I really do… but all I do is worry now. It's still…."

"Stressful."

Dean nods, agreeing.

"Well, when has life ever been easy, man," Sam half-laughs at that. "Just more of the same. And family is stressful. Just keep in mind how fucking crazy it is that you have one at all."

"Yeah…." Trailing off, Dean thinks about it. He is thankful, and he does think it's fucking crazy that he has his own family. But he does stress. And he has a lot of concerns about Lizzy. "Hey, uh… this is gonna sound weird…"

"That's always a good way to start," Sam tries to joke.

"Shut up a second," Dean tells him grumpily, unsure of even how to put this. "Uh… when Lou came back… was she… was she… different?"

Sam looks confused. "I think we both know that."

"No, no… like, when it was just the two of you… alone. Was she, just, different?"

Still confused for a second, it dawns on Sam. "Uh… oh. Oh!" He looks around bashfully for a second. "Um… at first. Yeah. She was… she had a hard time. With _that_."

"Like how?" Dean presses his brother, looking for answers.

Surprised, Sam gets a little flustered. "Well… at first she couldn't let me… touch her. At all. In any way. Like, a hug was bad news."

" _Lou_?" Dean makes sure they're speaking of the same person.

"I know," Sam huffs. "She said touch was a very bad thing. Every time anything had come close to her it was to attack her the whole time she was in Purgatory so she basically forgot that touch could be a good thing."

Dean makes a face to show how bad he thinks that had to be.

"But, she got past it. We went slow, she… steered the ship for a long while. She overcame it."

"Clearly," Dean comments. "I've lived with you two for a year."

Sam huffs a laugh and looks away. He knows the year has been good for Lou and him. It's been enlightening to say the least. "Is that Lizzy's deal?"

"God no," Dean shakes his head. And then clams up.

"Should I not bother asking, or…?"

Dean picks at the label on his beer for a moment. "She… she's gone feral."

"Meaning?" Sam asks with uncertainty that he does in fact want to know.

"She's like a wild freakin' animal, Sam," Dean looks to his brother. "That first night… she _attacked_ me. And that's not an exaggeration."

"That's… not like Lizzy," Sam knowingly comments.

"No shit," Dean tells him. "I mean, I was bruised up. Scratched. You'd think I hired Mistress Magda or something. It was… not her."

Sam doesn't know how to respond for a moment. Lizzy? On the attack? "Is she… still? Like that?"

"She has her moments," Dean answers. "We talked about it a little. She's calmed down. We had a good night after the first one but sometimes she… reverts a little."

"Dean, is your wife beating you up?" Sam attempts to bring in a little humor.

The look Dean shoots him was meant to kill.

Sam smiles. "Give her time on that too. And, you know, talking wouldn't be a bad thing either. I know you hate doing that but it's kind of what makes for a good marriage."

"Thanks, Doctor Phil," Dean rolls his eyes and chugs some beer. "Been married longer than you have."

"Hey, you asked. And my wife isn't kicking my ass in bed every night."

"So glad I asked about all this. Fuck you."

Sam smiles again, happy to see his brother back. He was scared about being alone with him, especially when Sammy was asleep. Dean's been pissed about Kevin, and rightfully so. But right now they're actually talking. That's got to be a good thing. "You don't seem mad."

"At Lizzy?" Dean asks. "Not her fault."

"No, at me. Lou," Sam changes the subject completely.

"What is this, a therapy session?" Dean gets grumpy.

"No. You were just talking so I thought I'd take advantage."

Dean shakes his head with annoyance, sipping some beer and looking away from Sam. Sam assumes the conversation is over.

"I was disappointed," Dean explains to the window across the room. "You lied to me about Lizzy and you left Kevin to fend for himself against Crowley. That one set me back on my ass."

"I know it did," Sam concedes. "And I know how it seems. We fucked up."

"Damn straight," Dean doesn't let him off the hook for that one. "But… you say you knew Lizzy had a way out. And it was the only way out."

"Yeah." Sam nods sharply.

"How'd you know?"

"Well… research, for one…."

_"Hey, check this out," Lou says to Sam as she slide the old book over to him on the coffee table. "The hell is this eerie shit?"_

_"Holy crap," Sam stops everything and picks up the old, creepy tome. He runs his hand over the cover and binding, knowing he's got his hands on the answer they've been looking for._

_"Uh, okay, I'm assuming you know what that book is," Lou comments when he seems too in awe to really fill her in. She pulled the weird book out of one of the many boxes of books, research, and everything informative they collected from Bobby's old stash spots. It looks… sinister._

_"It's the book we got off the dragons," Sam explains barely as he opens the pages up._

_"Come again?" Lou asks of him._

_"Uh… we got this off some monsters the year they all started going haywire," he tells her. "It's basically a guide to Purgatory."_

_"You're shitting me," Lou gleefully responds and gets up, sitting on the arm of the upholstered chair Sam's in and looking over his shoulder._

_"Not at all," Sam tells her. "It's missing just one page about how to open Purgatory and I'm hoping that page is lost forever."_

_"Here, here," Lou agrees._

_"Oh my god," Sam says in a hushed voice, pulling out a folded stack of lined paper from the middle of two pages. Opened up, he gets on look and knows that handwriting well._

_"Bobby wrote that," Lou comments, also recognizing it._

_"It's his notes," Sam says with shock. "He translated it. Ha, he actually translated it."_

_"God damn, Bobby," Lou remarks, looking at his good work with total esteem. "He was the smartest mother fucker, I swear."_

_"Here, take half," Sam gives her some pages of translation and they set to work, skimming the notes._

_"Here!" Lou says excitedly after a few minutes. "Purgatory's Human Escape Hatch."_

_"That's it," Sam leans into her and looks it over with her._

_"Says here… Purgatory was meant for the beasts of the Earth that harbor no soul," she reads. "If a human were to find itself there then Purgatory would correct the mistake. A human, only one with a soul and a body, can pass through the portal and return to the Earth where it belongs." She hands it to him. "Mother of fuck, it's real."_

_Sam says nothing as he rereads the passage._

_"Is that book trustworthy?" she wonders._

_"It was used to get the Mother of All out, wasn't it?" Sam comments once done reading and places the papers on the coffee table. He runs a hand through his hair that just keeps getting longer. "She can get out."_

_"If she knows about it, yeah," Lou figures. "And… if she survives long enough to find it."_

_Sam places a hand on her knee, his new wedding band still shining as she looks down at it._

_"She's Lizzy," Sam reminds her. "She's getting out."_

_Right then they hear some fussing upstairs._

_"And there's the exact reason why I know that's true," Sam points to the second floor. "She'll never leave Sammy for good and you know it."_

_"It's just… it's bad there, Sam," Lou says yet again._

_"I have faith in her," Sam says and stands up, kissing her forehead. "So should you." He starts for the stairs. "Dean will be done with his shift soon. You mind putting that away?"_

_"No problem," Lou say quietly, placing everything back into the box and leaving the creepy Purgatory book on top. She wants to read it later._

"We knew," Sam tells his brother. "We knew the way out was there and that Lizzy would find it. It was the safest way. Anything else we came up with was far too risky. Lizzy herself would kill us if we tried any of it."

Dean sits with all that. "At least you did you homework if you were gonna lie to me."

Sam huffs with annoyance. "We didn't want to lie…"

"I get it, Sam. I do. And even if I wasn't gonna go guano and rip Purgatory a new hole to get her out… I get why you thought I would. I might not have always been the most rational person concerning her… maybe."

"Maybe," Sam leaves it at that.

"And when you knew Kevin was out there, needing help, you left and you tried."

"And failed."

"But tried. It ain't always about win or lose. You just gotta fight," Dean reminds him. "And now, we're on the case of the missing honor student. We'll find him. He can't hide from us forever."

Sam nods and takes it for what it is. A shockingly mature reaction to his fuck up. A year before Dean would have absolutely blown up, probably punched him in the face at least once. But now he's just being an adult and moving forward. It's mind-blowing, really. "Man, you're like a full blown adult these days."

"And you're still a bitch. Shut up," Dean fires out to him and looks down at the screen on the laptop. "How long you think it'll take him to slip up?"

" _If_ he does? I don't know. Kevin's damn smart."

"Not smarter than us."

" _Way_ smarter than us," Sam laughs and gets up, ready to dive back into it with his own computer. "Lemme know if you see anything."

"You mean before Sammy wakes up and steals me away?" Dean comments. "Kid's a friggin' Energizer bunny."

Sam just huffs a laugh, knowing it's very true, as he goes back to work.

* * *

 


	13. B-B-B-Benny and the Vamps (Part 1)

* * *

The Mustang pulls up next to an old, junky pickup truck in front of a Washington coastline dock.

"That's his, I think," Lizzy tells her sister as Lou parks the car. "Okay, you stay here."

"Uh, are you fucking joking?" Lou asks, pissed already at the direction given.

"Benny wants you to hang back a minute," Lizzy explains, reaching behind her to grab the little red cooler in the backseat. Once she has it she looks at Lou's angry face. "His request. Not mine."

"Why the _hell_ would he want me to hang back?" Lou asks with annoyance. "I just drove nine fucking hours for his ass… and knocked over a blood bank. For him."

"And he's all busted up," Lizzy spells it out quickly. "He wants a minute to recover. I'll text you when he's good."

"This is stupid," Lou crosses her arms and sits back in the driver's seat while shaking her head. She stays put, honoring the requested wishes, but is really unhappy about it.

"Thanks, Louie," Lizzy sarcastically says and opens the door. She gets out of the car and sprints for the docks. She unsnaps the holder of her machete at her hip just in case and starts searching. "Benny!?"

Nothing. She runs for the dock house a bit down the way, hoping he's holed up there.

"Benny!?" she shouts as she jogs into the broken, abandoned building. No sign of him anywhere.

"Liz?" a weak voice tries calling out.

"Benny!" she calls back, heading for the stairs to the bottom floor that she hopes can support her weight. She reaches the first floor and finds him on the ground, propped up against a wall and looking drained and destroyed. Cuts, bruises, and a total lack of any energy makes him look worse than she's ever seen him. "Well shit, kid. You look like stomped crap."

"Up yours, darlin'," Benny spits right back with a slight grin to see her standing there. "Just in time. What took ya so long?"

"I was in Montana, dick," she fires right back and drops the little red cooler on the nearest table. She pops it open and pulls out a bag of blood. "And I dropped everything to help your sorry ass so a little gratitude would be nice." She tosses him the blood bag and it lands in his lap with a plop.

Benny looks so relieved that his own smart mouth stays shut as he opens the bag and starts to drink in a frenzy. He's messy, getting a dribble down his chin from the corner of his mouth as he slurps it down as quickly as he can manage. His desperation makes her a little uncomfortable.

"Still no manners I see," Lizzy smirks with a joke while leaning back into the edge of the table in the room casually, not all that bothered by his drinking in front of her. She knows what he is. He's proven himself so who is she to judge? She just hates how weak he is right this second.

Benny still doesn't answer as he hungrily gulps down the rest of the bag, tossing the empty to his side and huffing a few breaths when done. "That sure hit the spot."

"You need another?" Lizzy suggests, holding one up with a cocked eyebrow. He nods and she tosses it over. "You wanna explain yourself while you drink this one?"

"After," he mutters and rips open another bag. They stay quiet this time, Lizzy letting him refuel like an animal and mend. She swears she can see color coming back to his skin as he consumes more and more blood. He's healing quickly and it's amazing to watch.

By the time he's done with the second bag she's shocked. "Wow. You, uh... you actually look okay now."

"Getting there," he tells her, tossing the empty bag on the floor with the other before standing up. He walks next to her and leans his hands into the table to help support himself.

"Dude, you looked practically dead," Lizzy reminds him of his rapid recovery.

"Yeah, well, a little rest, a half a cooler full of AB-negative… most wounds short of an amputation will mend up with that... vampirically speaking."

"Vampires, man," Lizzy laughs a little in disbelief.

"I'll be one-hundred percent before you know it," he promises. "Thank you, darlin'."

She stares at him a second before stepping into him, hugging him tightly. "I'm just glad you're okay now."

"I'll live, thanks to you," Benny tells her, ending the hug quickly and backing up a step. He's still hungry and he could hear the blood rushing through her when that close.

"And Lou," Lizzy reminds him that she's not alone. "She's here."

Benny looks away with a half-smile at her name. "I figured."

"She wanted to help. And she wants to see you," Lizzy tells him, pulling out her phone and shooting Lou a text to head in.

"Yeah…" he trails off, clearly nervous. "She's, uh… she back with her man still?"

"Sam? Oh yeah. They're pretty fucking solid these days."

"Right… right," Benny nods, voice far off.

"Why do you ask?" Lizzy wonders, pocketing her phone when done. She's getting a weird vibe about the two of them. She felt it in the car speaking about him on the ride here and she feels it now.

"Just… wanna know she's doin' alright. Is all," Benny excuses as they both hear punching footsteps running their way along the wooden dock.

In just seconds Lou's pounding her way down the stairs, getting to the bottom and freezing in place. She gets one good look at Benny standing there, his easy smile in place, and she actually feels ready to cry. She never cries but this… this would be something that would put her over the edge.

Her Benny really is back in the world.

"Hey there, girl," Benny smiles bashfully, looking at her with a form of adoration that Lizzy's never seen from him before.

In fact, the whole reunion is freaking her right the fuck out at this point. They're acting like long lost lovers or something. What the hell?

"Hey, you stupid asshole," Lou's voice wavers as she runs for him. She slams into him and hugs him hard, her arms around his neck as he squeezes her back in a tight embrace. They stay that way for a long time, just taking in the fact that they're even near each other again.

After a stretched out moment of Lizzy shuffling her feet and waiting awkwardly, Lou kisses Benny's cheek and backs up while wiping her eyes.

"I missed you too, girl," Benny kindly tells her.

Her answer is a strong one, and meaningful for sure.

She slugs him right in the cheek

"Ow!" Benny complains, holding his face. "The hell is that for?"

"I couldn't find you!" Lou shouts heatedly. "What the fuck!?"

"That ain't my fault," Benny excuses. "We got surrounded…."

"And it was your idea to stay there, you dumbass!" she fires out. She shoves him in the chest and he takes a few steps backwards. "I told you that wasn't a safe spot for us to linger!"

"We had the trees all around…."

"That Leviathan got me! I was bleeding everywhere and you ran away!" She pushes him hard again and this time Lizzy jumps in between them when she sees Benny's teeth descend out of reflex. "You left me to die!"

"I would never want that!"

"Alright! Enough!" she shouts over them both and puts an arm out to each being. "Cut the shit!" Lizzy takes one look at her fired up sister and can see how bad her anger is. "If I knew this would be your reaction I'd have come alone!"

"He fucked me over!" Lou accuses and points at him over Lizzy's shoulder.

"I did what I had to get as many in our nest out as I could!" Benny keeps trying. "If we stayed we would have lost a lot of our friends and we were already down so many. I made a snap decision." He lowers his head in shame. "One I regretted every single day since."

"Damn straight, you regretted it," Lou grumbles. She then sighs and walks away a little bit with her arms crossed over her chest.

"Of course I did," Benny tells her, voice soft. "You _know_ what you meant to me."

"Okay, that's it," Lizzy's had it with the mysterious story they're talking about. "Someone start fucking explaining or I start throwing punches of my own. What are you two talking about!?"

Lou and Benny connect sights and he makes it clear that she needs to spill. "She's _your_ sister."

Rolling her eyes, Lou spits it all out fast. "We were in the same nest in Purgatory."

"I know that," Lizzy nods.

"Well, Benny and I… we were close. Really good friends… that may have… become more now and then."

Blinking a few times as the news settles into her brain and she sorts it out, Lizzy just blurts out loudly, "You two were fucking!?"

"When we had the chance, yeah," Benny answers her. "I had quite the eye for your sister."

"And I had quite the eye for someone else that I couldn't be with," Lou keeps going. "I told Benny all about Sam. But… being a vampire locked in Purgatory as I was, I assumed that was it for me. And Benny was… is… he's a good man. And I had… liked him. A lot. I thought that was it for me and I was there for the long haul… Sam just a memory."

"Say no more. Please," Lizzy begs of them. Sighing, she looks to Lou specifically. "Well now we _really_ can't have Sam and Dean in on this."

"God no," Lou agrees wholeheartedly.

Lizzy rubs at her face. "Fuck, you are such a slut."

"Four years!" Lou rebuts.

"Your sister did nothing wrong, darlin'," Benny assures her. "I knew where her heart was. But I just… I couldn't help it. She's a hell of a woman."

Lou smiles slightly and looks away.

"One day we got surrounded by Leviathan," Benny keeps explaining. "It was an ambush. Lou got cornered and… I fled with whoever else in the nest managed to get away. We got separated. Never could find her again after that."

"They never came back to look for me," Lou tells her sister in correction.

"We did," Benny swears. "But you wisely moved on. Someone smart once told me that spot wasn't safe to loiter 'round."

Lou huffs, the corner of her mouth lifting a touch with the admission.

"Well shit, did you two get enough of your crap out? Could we please focus here?" Lizzy asks of them both. When neither respond Lizzy takes that as her cue. "Moving past the Springer moment… Benny, what's going on here? Why am I finding you beat to shit and all alone like this?"

"Oh, your work here is done, Liz," he assures her, pulling a third blood bag out of the cooler and opening it up. "You already saved the day. You know, I got my, uh, _deal_ to handle. And you got a family to get back to."

"Uh-uh," she denies him right away. "Start talking. Why are you getting into machete fights with your own kind?"

"You don't need to get mixed up in this, darlin'," Benny promises.

"Dude, speak up," Lou gets angry with his attempts to hide what's happening. "We can't just drop everything every time you get your ass beat and we have to save the damsel."

"Damsel? I recall a few times it wasn't me that was the damsel, girl. Best remember that," he winks at her and takes a long pull from the tubing of the blood bag.

"Fuck off and start talking," Lou gets pissed off with the jab.

"Alright, alright," Benny gives in and leans back into the table in the room. "Quentin, the one I came here for… we were in the same nest. I tracked him here."

"Shit, Benny," Lou gets it already. "You're hunting the vampire who turned you, aren't you?"

"I have to," Benny explains quickly.

"Why?" Lizzy wonders aloud, eyes narrowed on him suspiciously.

"Kill him before he kills me... _again_ ," Benny smirks, trying to lighten the situation if he can. "Quentin and I went way back… one of the old man's favorites, next to me, it turns out."

"This his stuff?" Lizzy wonders, seeing some bloodied items on the table behind Benny.

"Yes, ma'am," Benny answers and lets her pick through it all.

"Benny, I don't get this," Lou says to him. "You could've just headed east and avoided all this shit. What the hell are you doing looking for this kinda trouble?"

He stares at her a moment. "I have my reasons. Don't you go worryin' about that."

"Of course I'm gonna worry about that, you jackass," Lou snips. "I know you're out there now. I don't want…." Crossing her arms, she looks away from him and doesn't finish her sentence.

"Aw, I think you're still a little sweet on me, girl," Benny says with much delight.

"Fuck off," Lou fires back gruffly.

"Hey, listen to this," Lizzy cuts in, turning around with a small bound notebook she's opened. "Age of Aquarius II, 0800, Port Washington. And then there's some other pretty interesting names and numbers all crossed out. The Big Mermaid, Solitaire, Boaty McBoatface… it's all crossed out, except one. The Lucky Myra."

"Yachts. Names of yachts. Lucky Myra _..._ " Benny pauses to take the notebook from Lizzy. "Age of Aquarius II _._ Look at this one… Sea You Later _,_ spelled s-e-a. I mean, come on." He gives her a disappointed look.

"I don't come from sea farers," she caustically returns and steals the small book back. "So, these are launch times. And… destinations?"

"Mm-hmm. Except none of them ever get there." He points to the last on the list that's not crossed off. "The Lucky Myra left yesterday afternoon. I guarantee you it's already been hit."

" _Hit_?" Lizzy wonders.

"Boarded, burned, and buried at sea," Benny spells it out. "My nest, that's how we fed, how we always fed. We kept a tight little fleet, maybe a half-dozen boats. Nothing ostentatious, just pleasure craft. I must have circled the Americas ten times during my tour. A few of us would act as stringers and patrol the harbors, looking for the right-size target. Fat, rich yachts going to far-off ports. Take down the boat's name and destination, radio it to the crew in the water. And then we just, uh... let the ocean swallow up all our sins."

"You guys were pirates?" Lou figures out.

"Pretty much," Benny nods.

"You were… vampirates." Lou can see Lizzy rolling her eyes next to Benny.

"You know, all the years we ran together, I can't believe nobody ever thought of that," Benny smiles at Lou's sense of humor on it all.

" _What_? It's like the most obvious thing you say."

Benny stares at her a beat. "No, it isn't."

"Alright, so, your maker is set up to work with his crew around here, right?" Lizzy questions and looks at Benny. "What are we looking for?"

"Well, he likes to live in style. He usually rents legitimately. Always remote, always coastal."

Lizzy picks up the money clip from the items stolen off of the killed vampire. She unclips and unfolds the piece of paper in the wad. "So… an island, maybe? This is a cable bill. With address." She smirks at Benny. "Hmm. Quentin's got the NFL package… ooh, and Penthouse on Demand. We should stay a few days, take a vacation."

"We?" Benny questions her use of the word.

"You think we're letting you do this on your own?" Lizzy laughs at his assumption. "Thought you knew us better. So, Prentiss Island. Heard of it?"

"Oh, yeah," Benny sighs, knowing he's not shaking either of the woman he's with now.

"So, let's go," Lizzy tells him. "Bring your juice boxes and we'll head that way. And I call shot gun."

She scoops up the items on the table and starts for the stairs taking them two at a time.

"Well damn, if I didn't know any better I'd say she's happy to head out on a hunt," Benny mentions to Lou as they watch Lizzy go.

"No kidding," Lou says with concern, bounding up the stairs after her. "Come on, Benny. Move."

"Yes, ma'am," Benny fake salutes to her and picks up the cooler to bring it with.

"Lizard!" Lou runs after her and catches up on the docks. "Dude, stop."

"What? We gotta get this done before Dean gets pissed," Lizzy tells her, still walking for the Mustang. "I'm on a time crunch."

"So, you _want_ to hunt down a nest of powerful, been working together for years vampires?" Lou challenges with pure concern, having to double time her steps to keep up with her longer legged sister.

"Benny needs our help… and these guys sound like fucking dicks. Someone needs to stop them."

"Hold on," Lou stops her completely, pulling her shoulder and making her stand still and face her. "All you ever wanted once you had a family was to get out of hunting… and now you want to go make heads roll. I don't get it."

"Yes you do," Lizzy denies and tries to walk away but Lou stops her again.

"No I don't," Lou repeats. "So explain this shit to me."

Lizzy stares at her sister a moment. "When you got back… what was the only thing you wanted to do?"

"Cut throats."

"There you go," Lizzy says, thinking she's fully explained herself now.

"But I'm not you… and you're not me," Lou tries again. "What the hell?"

Sighing with frustration, Lizzy tells her, "All I did was fight and kill back there. And I haven't for two weeks. I need… _something_. I can't just sit still anymore. I need a better transition than this."

Lou just looks at her sister, thinking. She knows it's a bad idea, that Lizzy and Dean need to both stay out of hunting for good for Sammy's sake… but she can completely relate either way.

It's then that Benny catches up with them. "We going or not? Because I can surely do this on my own…."

"No fucking way," Lizzy points at him. "We're coming. Everyone in the car."

She walks on again and the other two just follow, knowing they have no choice.

* * *

 

"Dude, eat the vegetables or you're sitting there all night," Dean warns yet again as he starts to clean up after dinner. He made a real meal, cooked chicken and veggies as he's learned pretty quickly early on that his eating habits weren't very good for a child. They eat healthier… but his son is far too much like his dad to want to.

"They yucky, daddy," Sammy tells him from his seat at the table, his cheek smashed into his fist as he leans an elbow into the table surface. He pokes at the cooked vegetable mix with his fork while sulking.

"Of course they're yucky," Dean says with obviousness. "They're vegetables. They're meant to be yucky. But big guys eat the healthy stuff that'll make them bigger so get going." Dean points to Sammy's plate and uses his business face.

"Don't wanna," Sammy tells him with a groan.

"Too bad, kid," Dean denies the complaint and looks at the clock on the wall. "It's after six o'clock. I told her to call by five."

Sam looks over at him from his chair at the table. "Yeah, and they might have gotten caught up in something. They'll call."

Dean gets pissed with how light Sam sounds over this whole situation. "She hasn't hunted in years…."

"That's all she did while in Pur… at work," Sam censors himself for Sammy. "She's in far better hunting shape than the rest of us. If that's even what she's doing."

Dean shakes his head. "I just have a bad feeling."

"You're overreacting," Sam assures him. "Give her a second. She'll call. And if she doesn't, then you call her. She'll be expecting it anyways."

Dean nods, clenching his jaw with worry before turning back to the dishes in the sink. He hates everything about this situation right now. She's a mess and he can't be there to help her. That's not sitting well.

And then he dips his hands into soapy water gets a reality check. He's cooking and cleaning. "Did the girls just ditch us to hunt while we do chores?"

Sam smiles at that. "Was wondering how long it'd take you to see it."

"What the hell, man? Am I a Real Housewife of East Bum, Montana?" Dean grips and listens to Sam laughing behind him.

"We'll have to get you a boob job and a glass of wine to throw in someone's face then."

Dean just shakes his head and peeks at Sammy. Not a single pea gone from his plate. "Dude, you better get eating…."

"I no like it!" Sammy complains.

"And I don't like whining. Because you know who whines? Babies," Dean informs his son, knowing he likes to think of himself as a big guy and not a baby.

"I not baby!" Sammy gets angry right away.

"Then eat up. I'm not dealing with this from you right now. Eat and you can get down from the table."

"Yucky," Sammy mutters to himself as he pokes his vegetables again. Peas and carrots. Gross.

"You know, I used to hate vegetables too," Sam tells his nephew out of nowhere. He tried to stay out of it as he usually does. Sammy isn't his. Dean is his father. But sometimes some help isn't always a bad thing. "But I like them now."

"You like rabbit food," Sammy repeats what his father's told him about Uncle Sam over and over again.

"And you don't, right?"

Sammy nods a yes.

"Well, when I was little, your dad didn't like vegetable either. He didn't eat them," Sam explains as Dean turns around with a suspicious face, not sure he likes where this is going. "But I did. I ate all my vegetables every dinner. And you know what happened?"

"What?" Sammy asks, wide eyes on Sam.

"I grew really tall… and your dad didn't," Sam smiles wide.

"Dude!" Dean complains and his brother ignores him.

"You wanna be tall, big guy?" Sam asks his nephew.

"Yeah!" Sammy gets a little excited about that.

"Okay then, you better eat those vegetables unless you wanna be short like your daddy."

Sammy scoops up a big bite and eats it, chewing fast to avoid the taste.

"I'm over six feet," Dean bitches from the sink.

"So am I," Sam gives him a shit eating grin.

Biting his tongue to avoid language his son shouldn't hear, Dean turns back to the sink. He starts scrubbing, all the while wondering where Lizzy is and why she isn't calling. "My phone better ring soon…."

* * *

 

"So… if you were your maker's favorite, why did he kill you?" Lou asks out of nowhere as they speed through the ocean in a small boat, Lizzy steering the motor at the back of the vessel.

"When you get turned, it's like you're reborn into a vampire nest… but you know that already," Benny winks at her. Lou responds with a surly look. "Your maker… he means everything to you. I mean, you really start believing he's God. Now, if your maker happens to believe the same thing, well..."

"Lou doesn't understand that at all," Lizzy jumps in there. "She never respected her maker all that much."

"Oh no?" Benny asks, knowing that Lou always was very quiet about her turning and former nest on Earth.

"I was only with them for, like, a week before I was beheaded," Lou points out.

"You killed your whole nest, you psycho!" Lizzy laughs a little at the idea and turns to Benny. "Even vamped up, Lou was her own woman. She took over the nest within days."

"Somehow that don't surprise me all that much," Benny tells her, taking out one last blood bag and opening it up, taking a sip. "Anyway...our father? He was a jealous god. He kept the family together but kept us apart from the rest of the world, always at sea. I always did what was best for the nest... till I met her."

"Andrea?" Lou asks, knowing he must mean the woman he's spoken about a million times in Purgatory.

"Andrea," he nods a yes. "Andrea Kormos. Beautiful. I mean, words don't even cut it, you know? Greek, heiress."

"She was your one," Lizzy says knowingly, can tell just by the look on his face.

"Yes. She really was." He grins a little before the expression falls again. "She was sailing a 42-foot sloop to the Canary Islands. Now, I should have called her boat's destination in to my crew, but instead, I joined her on it. My life changed when she entered it. Everything I had been or done up to that point just... seemed to vanish... into what we had become together. I mean... We found it. Eventually, we settled in Louisiana. And then one night, we were coming home, and the old man… he was just there. Quentin, Sorrento, my oldest nest-mates. It was only that night I understood what a crime it was to him… me leaving my maker. They pinned me down and they beheaded me. The last thing I saw was the old man tearing out Andrea's throat."

"Jesus," Lou laments, knowing how awful that must have been. Even after years together Benny never mentioned this to her, how he lost his beloved and how she got killed.

"Well, that's what payback's all about… am I right?" Benny sadly says.

"Bullshit," Lizzy shakes her head. "All he had to do was turn another dude to take your place. Why so much hate?"

"Our kind… we are meant to stay close. And we don't really account for falling in love with our intended meals." Benny looks ahead and points to the island as it comes into focus. "Docks are up ahead. Should be able to find a dinghy to use."

Lizzy nods and heads that way. She can feel her phone buzzing in her pocket. Pulling it out she sees what she assumed she would.

Dean calling.

She quickly ignores the call and pockets her phone again. Yes, she's about three hours late in calling him back but out on the ocean about to go after a powerful vamp nest is not the time to speak to the other half about how it's going.

"You never called," Lou points out, a chastising look on her face.

"No shit," Lizzy answer back.

"He's gonna freak out."

"He's probably freaking out anyways," Lizzy tries to brush it all off to focus.

"Fuck, Lizard," Lou mutters and takes her own phone out. At least one of them should contact their family.

* * *

 

"Damn it," Dean complains, tossing his phone with anger onto the kitchen table.

"Didn't answer?" Sam asks, sitting on the couch with a laptop and a glass of whiskey.

"Ignored my call," Dean corrects, pissed off too much now. "The hell is she up to…?"

"She said she'd get back to you," Sam reminds him. "You know how hunts go."

"She never said shit about a hunt. She just said she was helping a friend."

"She's got a handful of friends at most, all hunters," Sam makes a point. "You do the math."

"Already assumed," Dean admits. "Shit…."

"Hey," Sam says and picks his phone up off the coffee table. "Got a text from Lou. Says they're fine. Sorry they didn't call. Can't talk where they are."

"Why?"

"Doesn't say."

"Doesn't that seem suspicious?" Dean asks.

"Uh… not really. Not if they're hunting." Sam sighs and puts his phone back for now. "Dean, this is not something to freak out over. Lou says they're fine and she wouldn't lie."

"Yes she would," Dean rebuts.

"Not to me," Sam swears. "Just… grab your laptop, grab some more whiskey, and sit down. We're on prophet duty still."

Dean washes a hand down his face in frustration. "Yeah, in a minute. I'm just gonna go check on Sammy first."

Dean marches off to the back of the cabin to make sure Sammy's sleeping after they put him down just fifteen minutes ago, the child sometimes having the tendency to get out of bed and play with toys instead of sleep. Sam sees the opportunity and grabs his phone. He types out a response.

_Dean's freaking out. Have Lizzy text him if she can. It'll go a long way._

In just seconds he gets a response.

_Headed into a pretty serious situation. She will if she can. Tell Dean we're both fine._

Sam rolls his eyes as his brother comes back out to grab some booze and settle with his computer again.

Taking the open spot on the other end of the couch, Dean props his feet on the coffee table and fires up his laptop settled on his legs.

"They're calling when they wrap up their night," Sam promises, not sure if that's the truth or not. "For now, focus on the little advanced-placement shit that's been ditching us."

"What choice do I got?" Dean comments bitterly, pulling his phone out and checking the screen again. Nothing. He places it next to him on the couch cushion and gets monitoring.

* * *

 


	14. B-B-B-Benny and the Vamps (Part 2)

* * *

As they near the shore in their stolen boat, the entire nest of vampirates, along with Andrea, now dead and burned, Lizzy's been getting the very distinct feeling that Benny isn't doing so well with it all. When she looks over to him sitting quietly he makes eye contact with her, the sadness in his hollow eyes is very difficult to see.

"Why'd you do it, Liz?" he asks her out of nowhere, his thoughts spilling from his mouth.

"You know I had to," Lizzy painfully admits, knowing Andrea had to go as there was no changing her ways at this point.

"Not that. I mean… resurrect me." Benny looks down at his hands, some blood still staining them. "You could have drained my soul into any culvert and no one would have been the wiser. But you stuck to our deal. Why?"

"Are you friggin' kidding me?" Lizzy asks with heat, angry he'd even say those words. "We had a deal. And you got me out. I owed you. I… I still do."

"Man…." Benny huffs in disappointment and looks away from her as Lizzy steers them into the dock. Lou hitched the stolen small boat to a dock post and Lizzy won't let her worries go.

"Benny, are you alright?" Lizzy prods as they both stand up and grab their things. She stops him with a hand to his arm. "Hey, I mean it. I know this was a tough blow but… seriously, are you gonna be alright?"

"L!"

Lizzy's eyes immediately close when she hears his voice. "Shit."

The pounding of heavy feet coming closer down the dock ends their conversation right there. Benny gets out of the boat as Dean approaches with his own weapon packed bag and he turns to give Lizzy a hand getting out, then Lou.

"What, did I miss it?" Dean asks her, looking her over for wounds or anything wrong.

"Yeah, you did. We handled it on our own, just like I told you we would," Lizzy comments with a surly attitude. "So you drove out here for nothing."

He doesn't respond to her as the whole time she speaks Dean's eyeing the new guy he's never met before over. "You seem fine," he states coldly to the stranger. "I was told you were in a real jam."

"I was until these two lovely killin' machines came to my rescue. 'Specailly this one," Benny answer with a jovial southern accent as he shoulder bumps Lizzy in a friendly manner, smiling as he knows Lizzy wasn't ready to introduce them. Might as well try for at least a good impression since they have no choice now. "I'm Benny," he holds out a hand to Dean. "Heard a whole lot about you, Dean. Your little boy, too."

Dean puts on a suspicious look as he shakes the guy's hand, feeling instantly how cold and lifeless his skin is despite his walking and talking. He's not human. Dean knows he isn't.

As he turns his eyes to Lizzy and makes contact, his left hand reaches to his hip, opening the holder for his machete out of reflex.

" _Dean_ ," Lizzy sharply warns.

Benny catches on and takes his hand back. "I can see you two have a lot to talk about." He picks up his personal things and looks to Lou and Lizzy, realizing how quiet they've been about his involvement in their lives. "You girls helped me out more than I asked for. Thank you. Truly."

Lizzy sighs and steps up to him, giving him a tight, hard hug. "You need anything, you get in a bind… you call me right away."

"I thought you said that was dangerous?" Benny quietly asks, feeling Dean's glare on him.

"Well, cat's out of the bag now. Just call me anytime," Lizzy tries again and backs off, her nervous smile giving away how much trouble she's in just for associating with him now.

"I'll do what I can to leave you and your family be, Liz," Benny tells her and turns to Lou. "My, my, girl. It was good to see you on two legs and alive."

"You too, Benny," she says, her tone actually heartfelt as she hugs him also. "Please take care of yourself. No more being a dumbass."

"But I'm so damn good at it," Benny denies jokingly.

Lou pushes him away. "You know I'll kill you if you're stupid again."

"Like to see you try that, girl," he laughs as she shoves him in the chest. He just laughs some more at her and tips his hat at them. "See you ladies another time."

He walks down the dock and disappears towards his truck, leaving Dean fired up and Lizzy unprepared for the fallout.

"Don't say anything," she points at him warningly.

"Are you fucking kidding me!?" Dean yells at her.

"Not until you hear the whole story. You owe me that much," Lizzy says to him.

"Owe you!? You left! To associate with a vamp!"

She rubs her tired eyes. "Let's just get back to the cabin and have this talk with Sam so I don't have to rehash anything…."

"He's here too," Dean tells her. "He and Sammy. A motel a few blocks down."

She shakes her head at him in disgust. "You're unbelievable."

" _I'm_ the one that's unbelievable in all this!?" Dean disbelieves.

"Fucking right you are. Let's go."

She marches off, Lou following, and Dean' left to lead them in his Impala to their motel for the night all while fuming with pure anger.

* * *

"A friggin' vampire!?" Sam asks with wide eyes as he sits at the end of one of the motel beds, shock running through his system with the news. "You're friends with a friggin' vampire? What the hell?"

Lou stares at him with anger for a split second before reminding him, "You fucked a demon for a year while I was gone. You done hurling insults?"

Sam clenches his jaw. "I thought we all learned from my mistakes in the past."

"Yeah, don't trust a fucking demon that's screwing you over six ways from Sunday," Lizzy fires out, still sore about the whole Ruby thing. "Benny isn't Ruby."

"How could you know that? I hadn't seen it coming," Sam challenges, Dean standing by with crossed arms. He hasn't moved or spoken since Lizzy started to spill the truth that her friend that helped get her out of Purgatory is a vampire… one that Lou knew well while she was there too.

"He saved my life. How's that for solid intel?" Lizzy keeps up her heated attitude.

"And Ruby saved mine too!"

"What's with the total lack of trust in Lou and me all of a sudden? You can't just go on our word?" Lizzy asks with upset.

"No!" Dean and Sam both answer simultaneously.

"This is bullshit," Lou paces the room. "You're a couple of fucking hypocrites."

"How so?" Sam asks her, wanting some proof of that.

"I would have thought you shoving your dick in a demon for a year would have been good enough evidence but… how about Amy?" Lou gives a new angle a try.

"You killed Amy because all evil should be killed according to you!" Sam shouts at her. "But Benny gets a hall pass?"

"Hells yeah he does!" Lou gets really mad now.

So does Sam. He stands up from his spot on the end of a bed. "Why!? Why him and not Amy?"

"Because!"

"Because why!?"

"Because he's my…! Shit!" Lou steps back a bit and presses a hand to her mouth, realizing what she almost said. She almost lost control of the truth there.

"He's your what!?" Sam gets really mad, stepping closer to her.

"Sam," Dean calls his brother back from the edge with just his voice alone. Sam snaps his focus to Dean.

"No! I want to know." He turns back to Lou. "He's your what?" Sam keep pushing.

"Sit down, Sam," Lizzy asks gently of him, hoping he'll listen.

"No, I want to know why Benny's so fucking important to you two… more important than Amy was to me."

"Amy was a crush, Sam. And I get that she did something damn big for you, okay?" Lizzy calmly says. "But Benny… we both knew him for a year or more. He's more than some crush."

"She killed her _mother_ for me," Sam spells it out to her. "She saved my life."

"And Benny saved ours countless times, far more than once," Lizzy tells him, words strong without yelling. "We wouldn't be in this room with our family without him. He's a friend, a real one."

"He's still a vampire," Dean mentions in a hushed tone from his spot.

"And you've been a torture master in Hell," Lizzy goes deep and cuts him with her words. His face shows the pain she causes him right away. "And Sam, you've been a soulless, unstoppable dick. We've all been things we don't like, some worse than others. Benny made his mistakes… but he's turned around."

"How so?" Dean asks, still hurting from her words.

"He doesn't drink people, for starters," Lou tells them both. "He's on blood bags and animals. He hasn't killed since Purgatory and even there he was only killing because the place forces you to. Even before he died he'd stopped killing humans."

Sam and Dean say nothing at that.

"He's not violent, not anymore," Lizzy tells them with promise. "He went after the people that wronged him and killed him in the first place. He did it to protect himself. Now… he's safe. And he plans to disappear and live quiet."

"Until he's off the wagon and kills again," Dean challenges her. "No monster stays clean forever."

"Like Amy," Sam says with pure attitude, eyes on Lou.

"He has earned the chance to prove himself," Lizzy assures, Lou nods in agreement.

"And when he kills?" Dean asks her, needing to know she's prepared for the inevitable.

" _If_ he kills… then Lou and I will handle him," Lizzy vows. "We'll put him down. And he knows that."

"Does he?" Dean questions with narrowed eyes. "Because you need to understand… the day will come when he slips up." He steps closer to Lizzy with a strongly set jaw and ridged stance. "And when he does… it could be _my_ machete that's got his blood all over it."

Lizzy's eyes darken. "Your lack of faith in my judgement is starting to really piss me off, Dean."

"Your lack of good judgment on this whole damn thing is worrying me, L," Dean explains simply, no harsh edge in his voice. "I don't like the idea of a vampire out there, knowing you and having your damn cell number. That doesn't sit with me well."

Lizzy stares up at him, having said all she can to explain herself and her husband is still unsure. Untrusting. "Just when I think we're getting better… we're not. You get this way. You can't trust me…."

"And you lied to me," Dean shows her where she also went wrong. "You lied and scared the crap outta me. We don't lie anymore, remember?"

"I never lied," Lizzy fights him. "I told you I was helping a friend you hadn't met before, which I did. And I told you I would explain everything when I got back, which I had fully planned to do but you never let me get there. Where did I lie to you?"

"You lied by omission," Dean feels hurt and it shows.

"What did I omit!?"

"That you were helping a vampire!"

"This is fucking crap," Lizzy tells him, heading for the door. "I'm going to sleep in the other room with Sammy. I'm fucking done with this."

She leaves the room, slamming the door as she goes.

"Awesome," Dean grumbles, never having expected them to get into that level of fight after the solid bunch of days they've had with her return. He looks at Lou. "Who is this fucking guy?"

"He's the reason your wife is here… and don't you forget that." Lou eyes him hard, daring him to start up with her now.

Dean wisely doesn't. He knows better and he's well aware that Sam's not about to drop it that easily anyways. "Fuck this. I'm going for a drive." He grabs his jacket and keys and heads out the door, it once more slamming.

The room goes silent, the sound of the Impala revving to life before disappearing all they can hear for a moment. When Lou sighs heavily, not sure what to do here, she decides to try at least talking to Sam. He tends to be rational when others aren't.

"Giant, I…."

"Don't use that name," Sam denies her right away and plops down on the end of the bed in the room. He shakes his head with loss, trying to wrap his head around everything. "You… killed Amy. She was a friend and now… you want me to trust a vampire. You're asking me to do the same thing I asked you to do. And you didn't listen." He looks at her, the pain of Amy's loss still deep in his heart. "Why should I listen to you? Why does Benny deserve to live and Amy had to die?"

By the time he's done explaining, his voice is sad and quiet. He does still feel that loss… the one that Lou created. She takes a chair from the small table in the room and places it a few feet back from Sam, facing him. Sitting down, Lou looks right at him with very sad eyes.

"I know what I did was wrong," Lou admits to him for the first time since it happened. "I should have trusted you."

"Damn right you should have," Sam responds with an edge.

"And I see that now."

"But why now?" Sam has to ask. "Lou, if anyone should know that some monsters can be redeemed it should be you. You literally were a monster."

"But I wasn't a redeemable one," she nearly laughs. "Do you not remember vamped up me? I sucked. I killed my own nest. I wanted to kill Dean!"

"We all want to kill Dean sometimes," Sam mutters under his breath.

Lou isn't sure if it was meant to be a joke or not and moves on. "My plan was to turn you and Lizzy and Bobby. I wanted to take more humans down with me. And I played God… or Dexter. Any person I deemed unfit to live we drained. I was killing humans. I wasn't a monster that deserved a pass and, at the time… I though Amy didn't either. I didn't think she had a right to judge humans and kill whoever she wisely chose."

"And now?" Sam asks.

"I still believe that," Lou explains. "No monster has the right to kill humans, good guys or bad. But Benny isn't killing."

"He did at some point, right?" Sam knowingly asks.

Lou hangs her head a little. "Yes. Decades ago. He's been in Purgatory for over fifty years. Before he died he had met a woman… a human woman. And he was in love. He changed that day and since then he's never drank a single person. I think fifty-plus years sober isn't something to dismiss."

Sam sits and thinks. He stares at her, sees the sincerity in her and the fact that she really does care about the vampire. "He needs to be checked on."

"I'll keep tabs. And where ever he goes Lizzy and I will scour the news, check for suspicious deaths. Just one and his head rolls." Lou holds her hand out to him, offering to make a deal.

Sam's eyes widen. "You believe in him that much? You'd promise me you'll kill him if you goes off the wagon."

"I believe in him that much," Lou swears, hand still out.

"There's more to this," Sam says to her, absolutely sure of it. "What is he to you?"

She drops her hand and leans back into her chair. "Fine. Truth. While I was dead you had some… women come into your life now and then, right?"

"Well… yeah… but…."

"I had Benny," she tells him with a strong, adamant voice. "He was a friend. He was a best friend. He was even more than that at times because he was… what I needed at the time."

"So, you guys… had a relationship?" Sam tries to comprehend.

"A form of one," she nods. "I told him about you. I told him that, you know… he wasn't you no matter what he could have tried. And he reminded me that I wasn't Andrea, his girl. But we… were a comfort to one another. I needed him. He needed me. And I can't just ignore everything that happened between us now that he's back." She keeps avoiding eye contact after that confession.

"He's your ex then? From Purgatory?" Sam pushes her.

"Don't be a dick," Lou fires out. "I'm being fully honest with you and you throw some jealousy crap at me?"

Sam huffs a long sigh. "I'm sorry. Okay? I am. Just trying to… wrap my head around all this."

"Well, sit with it for a bit then," Lou tells him getting up and walking for her bag. "I'm gonna catch some sleep. I convinced Lizzy to head back to Kansas with us soon. I think she's ready to get back into a real life. We're gonna drive back to the cabin first thing tomorrow."

"Alright," Sam nods, watching her head for the bathroom with his mind spinning.

She's right anyways. He needs time to sit with all that.

* * *

Early in the morning, Dean pulls the Impala back into the motel parking lot. A few beers drank, a couple games of pool won, he feels better. A little. Enough.

He may not be sure where his head is quite yet with everything happening but at least he never blew up. He never punched a wall or broke a lamp so hey, maybe Lou's right. Maybe this year was good for him. He's feeling almost like a real adult now. The adult thing to do would probably have been to stay and not leave at all but most adults probably don't lead lives anything like his. He did alright.

Quietly as he can, Dean unlocks the motel doorway he knows Lizzy and Sammy are in and walks in. He closes it slowly, making no noise, and realizes that he stepped on and broke the salt line Lizzy laid. She's still stuck in their old world, assuming everything is out to get them. He fixes it with the toe of his boot, making the line solid again, before turning around and checking the room.

There they are. On the bed farthest from the door Lizzy's curled up around Sammy protectively as they're both fast asleep under the sheets, Sammy's book long forgotten on the comforter.

The moment he sees it he can feel how badly he wishes the fight they had never happened. He just got her back into their lives and they're already fighting. Of course he's concerned and worried about her friend that's also a monster but she's Lizzy. He knows her head is on straight, or mostly straight after Purgatory… so why let it cause such a huge rift between them? They've been here before, letting their opposing ways of seeing situations rip them apart. It turned into a disaster. It broke them.

He's certainly not willing to let that happen again.

Quickly, Dean heads for the bathroom and gets ready to catch some sleep. When done, he undresses down to his boxer briefs and his t-shirt and pulls the covers back on the bed behind Lizzy. He makes no attempt to move slowly and keep from waking her. At this point, after all she's seen, she's probably already awake with the minimal noise he's made since he got back anyways.

She shifts a little over to give him room and Dean sidles right up into her, his front against her back as he pulls an arm around her waist. He settles there for a quiet moment, allowing himself to feel the press of her form to his while spooning up behind her. It reminds him of how badly he really doesn't want to fight with her.

"I shouldn't have left," Dean whispers to her, his mouth by the back of her neck as he speaks. He presses a quick kiss to her skin there in apology.

"It's okay," she promises quietly, turning her head to just peer at him out of the corner of her eye. "You needed to."

"I don't wanna fight with you," Dean admits to her. "I already had so much time with you stolen away…"

"I know," Lizzy nods and smiles sadly. "And I don't want to go back to that mess we were before I left."

"Never," Dean shakes his head a little, remembering how cold they got towards each other. Months apart, barely able to speak on the phone without fighting, the lonely nights, the frustrating words exchanged… it was terrible. He pulls her in tighter. "This Benny guy… he just scares me."

"And I just need you to trust me," Lizzy asks of him, no heat behind her request. "And you should know you can."

"I'm trying," Dean swears to her and she knows that's the best he can do. "And I know I can trust you. I just have a rough time trusting everyone else. _Everything_ else."

"He's an everyone, I swear."

Dean nods and she can feel his head moving on the pillow. "Okay."

She smiles a little, feeling remorse. "I never wanted to lie to you."

"We're past it," Dean tells her, kissing her cheek.

"I didn't, Dean. You need to see that," Lizzy tells him again. "I don't lie to you. You don't lie to me. I know where that goes."

"Nowhere good. We don't lie anymore. That's the deal," Dean lightly tells her, reminding her it's over.

"I love you, Hot Shot," Lizzy tells him with an unsteady voice, turning back to Sammy and cuddling in close to him, squished between her two men.

"I know," Dean says and she can hear the smirk in his tone. He's trying to easy it all up. So very, very Dean of him.

They both fall asleep easily that night right where they are, looking to get past the blip on the radar quickly.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for how short this update is. I've become less hectically busy lately so I hope to update more frequently!


	15. There's No Place Like Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short, I know. Sorry. I will try to put up another chapter this week!

 

* * *

**Four Days Later**

"Home sweet home," Dean smiles at her as he pulls up to the small two story house in Smith Center, Kansas. He parks the Impala in the two car driveway and looks over at her in the passenger seat, curious at the reaction she'll have once she sees their place.

Lizzy's face is a mix of nerves, awe and pure hope. She looks out at the modest building, the bright white siding with black trim and red front door is everything she's ever dreamed of since she was twenty and became a hunter, ditching everything normal behind her. It's everything she's wished for in those middle of the night dreams that would plague her. She would always see a cute house, a place to make a home for her boys, and she would always try to grab for the knob on the front door… but she never could quite reach it. Some invisible force kept her from being able to go inside.

But there it is. A house that could be ripped right from her dreams and this time it's actually tangible for her.

The front porch is bright and sunny with a couple chairs, a rocker, and some plants that desperately need watering. She can tell from the green grass in the small front yard and the curtains in the windows that this is a home, a real one. The people in it cared for it, kept it up and loved it. And the Big Wheels bike just abandoned randomly in the bright walkway? It nearly crushes her.

This is everything.

"You alright?" Dean asks her when he watches closely to her reaction to the house. He's getting the feeling she's being a little overwhelmed.

"I get out, daddy!" Sammy calls from the backseat, his legs kicking as he pushes out on the straps of his car seat.

"I'm coming, buddy," Dean says to him, patting Lizzy's knee once before he gets out of the car.

As he pulls Sammy out of the car seat Lizzy opens her own door and gets out. She stands tall, eyes never leaving the house. She can't stop looking at it. They have a house. They have a home. This is… wonderfully weird.

"Mommy! This my bike!" she hears Sammy's voice shout excitedly as he runs past her legs the moment he's put on his feet. He makes it to the Big Wheels swiftly and climbs on. "Watch!"

And he starts tearing down the driveway… or at least what he thinks is tearing down the driveway. He's only going about as fast as two year old legs can pedal.

"I had one of those when I was really young," Dean tells her when he stands next to her, pulling an arm around her shoulders. "Loved that damn thing… Hey!" he calls out halfway through his statement as he watches Sammy. "Too close to the road!"

Sammy diligently listens, turning around and heading back towards them in the paved driveway.

"So… what do you think?" Dean asks, gesturing to the house. "I know it isn't big and it's a little old, but we've put some good work into her."

The way she looks up at him, eyes shining and her chin quivering a bit, he knows the answer.

"Yeah, I like it too," Dean smiles and pulls her closer with an arm around her shoulder. "Sammy! Let's show mommy the house!"

"Okay!" he brightly returns and gets off his Big Wheels, leaving it right where it is while running to the porch. He's just too excited to be home and out of the car.

They grab their bags and follow Sammy to the front door. Dean pulls out his keys, the key ring noticeably fuller these days with more than a single car key on it, and unlocks it. He turns the knob, pushes it open, and lets Sammy bolt inside.

"Mommy! This my house!" Sammy tells her, arms wide as he wants her to look at everything. He immediately runs to the living room and points to a wall covered in picture frames in an array. "Look! You here!"

"Sammy, dude… slow down," Dean laugh a little at his son's exuberance, dropping all their bags by the door and heading towards his boy. He picks him up to prevent him from running around too much and overpowering Lizzy with his energy more than he already has. "Mommy wants to see everything. Give her a second."

Lizzy stands by the door frozen. The home is… damn it, it's adorable. It's not at all what she was expecting from two male hunters that have never had a home before now. The hardwood floors are shiny. The area rugs bright. The overstuffed, comfy blue couch and loveseat look nap-able. The walls are a light gray and they're covered in pictures and artwork… and she can't speak. Even the kitchen in the back of the house looks clean with stainless steel appliances and marble counters.

Pressing a hand to her mouth, Lizzy bites back tears yet again. Three weeks she's been back and all she's done is cry with excitement or joy. When will that get old finally?

"You come here, mommy?" Sammy gives up with his patience and asks Lizzy to come closer.

Lizzy nods, not trusting her voice to be there, and heads for him without a word.

"Look, that you!" Sammy points to the wall. About fifteen framed photos are arranged in a collage, just like in the Massachusetts apartment Lizzy and Dean had for a year. Back then, when Sam was gone and they had gotten out of hunting for the time being, she made it for herself and Dean to remember all those they lost as they had been the only ones left. She placed Dean's most cherished picture in the center, the only picture he had left of his mother and him.

That's not the picture in the middle anymore. In their home it's been replaced. Now, smack in the middle, is a picture of Lizzy holding her infant son, the onesie she loved most on him… the black one that said _My Daddy Can Kick Your Daddy's Ass_.

"That _is_ me," Lizzy nods at Sammy and points to the little baby in the picture. "And that's you."

Sammy smiles at her.

"You were so little," Lizzy laughs instead of cries. She leans in and kisses her boy's cheek. "And so cute."

"I cute?" Sammy asks.

"Very," Lizzy grins at him with pride. He is damn cute. They made one hell of a cute kiddo. She looks at Dean. "Thank you."

Dean just kisses her lips quickly and puts Sammy down. He knows she means that she's thankful for making sure Sammy knew who she was while she was away. Sammy doesn't seem confused at all by his relationship to her and he more than seems excited to have her around. Her level of gratitude is immeasurable.

"We see my room now!" Sammy shouts as he runs off, halting when he reaches the stairs. He takes them one at a time, his quickness slowed down drastically by the obstacle, and his cuteness just gets that much cuter.

"You better listen," Dean laughs lightly as he watches his boy get way too happy to be home. "We can do a better tour when he's down for a nap later."

Lizzy nods and goes along with it despite how badly she wants to look around more, especially at those pictures. But her boy is overly excited right now and she can't help but want to follow him more than do anything else.

Making her way up the stairs, Lizzy takes a deep breath. Surreal. Everything is so surreal.

When they reach the second floor there are three open doors. One in the middle that Sammy bolted through and one to either side of that. She heads into Sammy's room and smiles the second she gets in there.

"Mommy, look! I got car!" Sammy nearly shouts as he climbs into the red Corvette car bed in the center of the room. "Mommy! Look!"

"I see it, baby," Lizzy laughs at his antics as she walks to it. She drops down on it and looks at the wide grin Sammy has on, realizing he actually does look like her a little. Specifically when he smiles wide like that. "This bed is pretty awesome."

"Daddy say I can have it."

"I'm sure daddy was very excited to buy it for you because he wishes they made them for daddies too," Lizzy giggles and reaches out for her boy, pulling him into her lap.

"Never got to have one myself," Dean shrugs and stands in the doorway, watching. He leans a shoulder into the frame and crosses his arms, watching happily. "And sadly they don't make classic Impala beds, which is crap."

"Mommy, you stay here now?" Sammy asks up to her as he sits there, his back to her front and comfortable. Being close to her is easy and he's so used to her now that it's all second nature.

"Of course," Lizzy tells him. "From now on, where ever you are… I'm there too."

"You don't leave and work?" Sammy wants to make sure. Now that he knows her so much he doesn't want her to leave.

"I certainly hope not, baby," Lizzy promises, leaning down and kissing his cheek. She then blows a raspberry onto it and he giggles again, her new favorite sound. "I'm staying with you and daddy for good."

"Honey, we're home!" Sam's voice calls out through the home and Sammy's reaction is priceless.

"Uncle Sam!" he shouts in a high pitched voice that makes Lizzy wince. He scrambles out of her lap and runs out of the room to greet his aunt and uncle that where just behind them on the ride from Montana. The second he's gone, Dean smirks at his wife.

"He's a whirlwind."

"You don't say," Lizzy smiles right back. "He loves his home."

"So do I now that everyone's in it," Dean tells her, reaching for her hand. He pulls her to her feet. "You doing okay?"

"I'm alright, surprisingly," she nods. "A lot to take in."

"I figured."

"But it's all so… fuck, it's so nice," Lizzy laughs with disbelief. "I wasn't ready for that."

"What did you expect?" Dean asks her.

"I don't know… some Zeppelin posters and beer bottles laying around. Maybe more military bunker and less… real home."

Dean grins. "Yeah, well… it's funny what a kid will do to your sense of style."

"And Lou probably did most of it."

"Probably," he lets on to the truth. He then slides his hands over her hips and faces her straight on, looking down at her surprised brown eyes. "But I helped where I could. I'm good at painting walls and swinging a hammer."

"Ooh, is that supposed to be a turn on?" Lizzy flirts a little, arms coming around his neck. "Because you doing house repairs… mm, kinda sexy."

"I also rebuilt the front steps and replaced some boards on the porch," Dean leans down a little closer, grinning with how damn happy he is to have her here in the home he made for them.

"So hot," Lizzy smirks back up at him as his lips come closer.

"And… I built the swing set out back. No help," Dean grins a little more, his lips brushing hers as he tells her.

"Ooh, baby," Lizzy jokes a little more and pulls him in, kissing him good for the very idea that he's been such a domestic king. She loves it. A lot.

Taking some time to enjoy the moment, the feel of his lips still like a long lost treat to her even after feeling them every day for a few weeks now, Lizzy melts against this man she never thought she'd see again.

"This is some kind of dream, right?" Lizzy asks against his lips, kissing him again instead of waiting for an answer.

"Mommy! You come outside!"

They both hear Sammy yelling for her on the bottom floor and they part lips, Lizzy's cheeks hurting with how hard she smiles with the interruption by their little boy.

"You're awake, momma," Dean winks at her and grabs her ass with both hands before letting go of her. "Wanna check out my craftsmanship?"

"Definitely," she grins, her face hurting from not being used to smiling so much. She takes his hand and he leads the way.

* * *

Sammy crashed after two hours outside in the backyard. Playing on the swing set followed by nonstop running around playing any game Sammy wanted all while Sam grilled up burgers for dinner on the grill. They have a backyard. With a swing set. And a grill.

And Lizzy's not sure she made it out of Purgatory after all. Maybe when a human dies even there they get sent to Heaven or Hell. She likes to think she's Heaven bound so maybe this is Heaven.

Now, Lizzy's wandering the house, stopping to check things out like the refrigerator stock or the picture collage on the wall in the living room. She's impressed. Everyone important to them was there, even the picture of her parents when they were dating that Dean still somehow held onto for her. It was touching to see.

By the time she finishes the bottom floor she's amazed. She gets to live here. She gets to spend days with her family making real lives. They'll probably still hunt when necessary. Lou and Sam sounded damn confident that they had work to do with Kevin… if they ever find him that is… but they can have a home too. The possibilities seem endless all of a sudden.

When Lizzy's wanderings lead her to the second floor she takes a guess and heads right. Looking into the open bedroom door she finds Dean with an open duffle bag on the big bed in the middle of the room. Taking one look around the space Lizzy immediately starts to laugh.

Dean's head whips up to see her in the doorway. "What's so funny?"

"Who lives here, a sixteen year old!?" Lizzy asks while hysterically laughing at what she sees. Clothes are strewn all over, something she's not really all that surprised by. Dean's never been a clean, tidy man. But it looks like his own closet threw up, nothing on hangers and all items, dirty and clean, mingle together in piles everywhere. And then there are the posters put up with tape. Led Zeppelin, a classic Impala print, Metallica. No curtains on the two windows in the room, old second hand furniture that's seen better days, piles of lore books on the dresser with no rhyme or reason to their organization, and an unmade bed. If she hadn't know her husband so well, known what he's like when left to his own devices, she might have asked when they adopted a teenaged boy.

"Hey! Easy!" Dean calls her out as he tosses dirty clothes from his duffle in the general direction of the hamper. He misses completely but doesn't even look to see if he missed. He doesn't care all that much.

" _Easy_? Dean, you're thirty-three. You're a dad," she laughs a little more as she makes her way to the hamper and scoops up the items he missed. She drops them in for him.

"Yeah, so?" Dean asks, pulling more clothes out of his duffle and leaving it in a pile on the bed. He walks for the dresser while asking, "What are you, my mom?"

"No, sweetheart. I'm your wife… and I have to share this room with you," she says, something slightly giddy behind her voice at the very idea. Their bedroom. They have one.

"You like Zeppelin," he points out, pulling the drawers on one side of the dresser all open. He pulls a few stacks of t-shirts and folded jeans out and adds them to the pile on the bed.

She sighs a little. "Look, I get it. You never had a room of your own…."

"Don't Freud me right now," Dean complains, hating when she does that. She's too accurate for it to be fun.

Lizzy rolls her eyes. "Baby, it's not like it takes Freud to figure this one out. But if I'm gonna share a room with you…."

"Compromise," Dean finishes for her, gesturing to his work now completed.

Eyes checking out the dresser, Lizzy sees that Dean's opened every drawer on the right side and emptied them out. It didn't take all that much as he's still simple at heart with his necessities but still, the gesture is there.

"Unpack," Dean says with lighthearted excitement behind his veiled same-old-same-old demeanor.

Without responding, Lizzy watches him scoop up item after item from the floor, making one giant pile of clothes on the bed. He starts sorting, tossing whatever smelled a certain level of used into the hamper and quickly folding the rest.

When he's occupied he doesn't see her come up right next to him. She grabs his arm and kisses his cheek, another thank you of sorts for everything that's happening.

Standing next to her husband while her son is asleep in his own room, sorting through their laundry and filling _her_ dresser with _her_ clothing in _her_ room in _her_ house… the surreal becomes real for her for the first time since they arrived.

That night she put her son to sleep after brushing his teeth and putting him in his favorite SpongeBob pajamas. They read a book from the small bookcase full of options for him to choose from, most of which were collected by his very smart uncle that loves him dearly. And Sammy tucked right into his bed, out like a light, proving just how comfortable he is in that house.

Lizzy walked around the small, sweet house one last time around midnight. She locked all the doors, checked under rugs to find devil's traps and found all the very secured, child-proof hiding places for the holy water and weaponry she assumed would be there. She smiled the entire time. Winning the lottery couldn't feel half as good as this.

And when she was happy with the security of their home, _their home_ , she bid Lou and Sam goodnight as they say on the couch catching up on Breaking Bad episodes. She climbed the stairs, checked in on her boy one last time, and went into what is now considered Dean and her room.

She found him shucking out of his flannel and hanging it up in the closet. She immediately helped him out of the rest of his clothing, him returning the favor right after, before getting into the big, comfortable bed. With her mind in a far better place now that she's been back in the real world for a month, Lizzy let herself be pulled fully into the domestic dream when Dean's hands and mouth welcome her sweetly and so lovingly.

If this is what she fought for… then every drop of sweat and blood, over ounce of pain and heartache, have been more than worth it.

* * *

 


	16. (Damn Near) Domestic Bliss

* * *

_**One Month Later** _

"We gotta get outta this place!" Lizzy sings loudly in her terribly off key voice. "If it's the last thing we ever do!"

Being alone in the car is a rare occasion. Sammy's almost always with her or Dean or both these days. Dean lost his job when he disappeared for a few weeks straight when Lizzy came back from Purgatory so he's out of work, every day free. It's been a blessing and a curse, really. She's never alone.

But right now, Impala windows open and tunes cranked, she's given a reprieve of sorts. Coming back into the world after so long in Purgatory has left her exhausted emotionally and confused fairly often. And with a two year old that's getting more and more attached to her every day free moments are rare.

"We gotta get outta this place," she keeps singing, inhaling fresh air between lines as she listens to the Animals. They always remind her of her father. He loved them. "Girl, there's a better life for me and you."

The plastic of the grocery bags in the back seat flap as she returns from a solo shopping trip on the back roads of Kansas and her thumbs lightly drum the steering wheel. A familiar pull, a spark of something in her chest, shows up out of nowhere right then. She hasn't felt that in a while now, a few months to be exact, and the former mundaneness of it almost makes her ignore it.

Up ahead she sees a man walking along the side of the road and she starts to pull away from the shoulder to be safe. He's wearing a tan trench coat. She sighs a little.

She misses Castiel. Every now and then… only, like, once every damn hour… she's somehow reminded of him and it gets her very down. Her friend and ally is still back there. And there's not a damn thing she can do about it. The guilt is crushing.

Rubbing her forehead as she passes the man, Lizzy tried to once more push past the thoughts. Her greatest mistake in life will haunt her until she dies, she knows it.

Looking out the passenger side window she gets a good look at the man's face. A scruffy beard, white institutional uniform, dirt all over his face and coat, and piercing blue eyes watching her as the Impala sails right past him.

After a couple seconds it registers with her brain. Castiel. That's Cass walking on the side of the road.

Two feet on the brake, Lizzy slams the car to a stop with squealing tires and her heart racing. The second the Impala is no longer moving, black rubber trails streaked behind her on the pavement, Lizzy shoves the driver's side door open and jumps out, ready to rush to the disheveled looking angel.

There's no one there. The side of the road is empty. Right where she could swear Castiel had just been standing is absolutely nothing.

Blinking a few times as she stares at the empty air, her body frozen with confusion as the image was so real and right, Lizzy jumps when she hears a car horn blaring as a pickup truck goes whizzing by her, just missing her. It brings her out of her head enough to really think things through as she gets back into the Impala.

She's got to be losing it. She knew the guilt was getting worse day by day for not being able to save her protector but this is ridiculous. She's now seeing him, even feeling him, when he's not there. And how could he be there? There's no way out for him. She was the key, the reason the portal would open at all. Without her, even in a human body Castiel couldn't leave.

"Damn it," she whispers to herself as she gets the car rolling again, ready to get back home and talk to Dean. Maybe he can set her straight. He seems to be good at that these days.

* * *

"Mommy!" she hears the second she opens the front door. Two months back from Purgatory and she'll never get sick of that sound.

"Hey, big guy!" she happily greets him.

"Look what I make!" he shouts from down the hallway and disappears into the kitchen.

With a smile on her face, Lizzy walks to the kitchen with several grocery bags. She places them on the small island and turns to check out Sammy at the table with Lou.

"Oh wow, dude," Lizzy cheers as she sits down next to Sammy, scanning over all the formerly blank white pages scattered across the table along with a litany of colored crayons. Each page is filled with different colored scribbles of all shapes and sizes, each one its own childhood masterpiece. "You two have been busy."

"I make 'dis one for you," Sammy tells her and hands him a particular drawing.

Lizzy takes it and looks it over. A big purple swirl of a blob with a circle on top is the biggest thing on the page. It vaguely appears to be a person, brown straight lines for hair and what appears to possibly be a face in the middle of the circle. Next to that is a shorter version of the same thing, this time in blue with shorter brown lines for hair. She knows what it is well enough.

"You drew us?" Lizzy smiles at him, loving how he makes stick lines for arms and they end together, like they're holding hands.

"Yup," Sammy answers, tongue already hanging out of the side of his mouth as he continues to work on another picture, this one with something big, black, and maybe on wheels in it.

"Are you drawing daddy's car?" Lizzy asks, astounded that at just two years old she can already tell what it is he's attempting to create on the page.

"I draw Baby," Sammy answers, knowing that his daddy's car has a name.

"Wow," Lizzy laughs, knowing Dean never taught him the Impala's name but that Sammy just picked it up over time. "Not too bad kiddo. And this one?"

"That's daddy," Sammy answers easily.

"What's in his hand?" Lizzy has to wonder, the brown scribble giving nothing away.

"Beer."

"Did you say beer?" Lizzy has to ask again, eyes wide on her far too observant son.

"Yeah. Daddy drinks beer."

Staring down at the picture, Lizzy's mind thinks over the picture. "Huh."

"We need more paper," Lou cuts in as she sips her coffee in the chair on the other side of Sammy, her laptop open and eyes glued to it.

"I can see that," Lizzy huffs a laugh.

"How'd it go?" Lou asks, eyeing her and asking for the truth.

Lizzy rolls her eyes. "I'm okay, Lou. I can actually be in public by myself and not lose my shit, okay."

"Mommy! No!" Sammy scolds her right away. "You no say that!" His little index finger wags at her.

"Sorry, baby," Lizzy apologizes honestly. "You're right. I shouldn't say that." She knows she needs to be better with her language. A year in Purgatory with no little ears has made her liberal with the gutter mouth. She then looks back to Lou once Sammy drops the issue. "All I did was pick up food anyways. It was easy."

Lou nods. "Okay." She then ends her concern right there.

Lizzy smiles at her sister, thinking how funny it is to see her like this. Lou volunteered to watch Sammy while she shopped for food. She wanted to be home with him. And she's good with him. Really good.

"So… any more thoughts on what Sam mentioned the other night?"

Lou's face goes angry and serious. "He shouldn't have said anything in front of you guys. That's between us only."

"Why not?" Lizzy shrugs. "We're family."

"Family or not… that's between us."

"Are you at least entertaining the idea these days?" Lizzy presses on anyways.

Now it's Lou's turn to roll her eyes. "Not happening. Drop it."

"Don't dismiss it," Lizzy says, picking up a paper that she knows has a picture of Dean drawn on it with a beer in his hand. "Could be good for you two."

"And Kevin's still out there," Lou reminds her. "We have work to do. If I'm not out of the life then I'm not doing… that." Her eyes are on Sammy when she says it.

Lizzy nods, understanding. "But he wants that."

"And he's smart. He can want it all he wants… but we can't. Sam knows that."

"I don't know, it's working out well enough these days for Dean and me," Lizzy reminds her.

"Oh yeah? And how did the first year go?" Lou challenges with upset.

Her sister can't answer that one. "Sammy does need a friend… just saying…."

Lou shoots her a dangerous look. "No." She then mouths the words _fucking_. "Way."

Lizzy sighs and gives up. "Whatever. Where are the two dummies?"

"Out back," she nods to the backyard. "Mower won't start and the two men who have never even owned a mowed until recently think they can fix it."

"Great," Lizzy sarcastically replies and heads out back, leaving Lou with Sammy for a bit longer. Masterpiece in hand, she heads for the shed in the corner of the back fenced-in yard.

**SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS**

"Wait… seriously?" Dean asks as he sits on the grass facing the underside of the push mower that's been tilted on its side.

Sam just smiles at the beer bottle in his hands from where he sits on the small cooler a couple feet away.

"That's pretty painful. And you just went with it?" Dean questions his brother as if he might have recently lost his damn mind.

"She can be very persuasive," Sam tells him, sipping his beer on the warm day. He's internally shocked that they're even having this conversation.

"Sam, you get uptight when someone even says words like pussy or balls deep."

Sam simply shrugs in return.

"It's like I don't even know you," Dean comments with surprise as he uses a screw driver to loosen the screws on the blades.

Sam huffs a laugh. "Come on. Like you've never done anything like that?"

"Uh, no, Sam. I haven't. Because I'm usually not on the receiving end of that kinda stuff."

"Never?" Sam asks, starting to feel self-conscious.

"Not really," Dean shakes his head, thinking. "There was this one chick… uh, I think we were in a town outside of Orlando…."

"The time we snuck out and went to Disney?" Sam asks, remembering vaguely.

"Nah, the time it rained for the whole week and we couldn't go."

"Right, that sucked," Sam recalls, mind far off. "You ditched me at a Plucky's one of those nights."

"Good memory," Dean remarks, surprised Sam would remember something so mundane. "Yeah, I went to a dive with my fake I.D. that night. Just had to get out." Dean pauses what he's doing to search his brain. "God, what was her name?"

"You're thinking of the chick with the bleached blonde hair with black roots that had bruises on her forearm and leg?"

"Yeah! That one!"

"She was pretty gross, Dean," Sam easily remembers the winner of the night. He was absolutely skeeved out by her when Dean brought her back to the motel and got Sam another room.

"I was twenty," Dean brushes the observation aside. "And, honestly, I swore off Florida chicks all together after that. Unless we were in Miami. Miami girls are… mm. Totally different breed."

Sam just shakes his head with a small smile, remembering the good old days that really weren't all that good.

"Well, that chick was berzerk. I mean… shit I hadn't ever thought of before."

"That's impressive," Sam nods.

"In a bad way," Dean assures. "And let's just say… she had bruises for a reason."

Sam just gives his brother a question look, not understanding.

"I think she got them from dudes trying to defend themselves," Dean spills. "She basically kicked my ass in bed. I was fucked up after that."

"Right. The black eye!" Sam recalls suddenly.

"Bingo. _Berzerk_ ," Dean eyes him hard as he gets the last screw out and pulls the blades off the mower.

"Dude, Lou isn't like _that_ ," Sam denies right away.

"You trying to tell me you two never left bruises on each other?" Dean shoves the fact in his face. "Because I recall some mysterious ones on both of you in the past."

"I never said she wasn't a little wild… just saying she didn't ever punch me in the friggin' eye."

"I would hope not," Dean says back, reaching into the mower and removing large wads of dead grass.

"Lou has her own style," Sam explains. "And, honestly… she doesn't scare me anymore."

Dean gives his brother a look of pure bullshit.

"Okay, so maybe now and then she still scares me a little," Sam confesses. "But I never tried half the shit she got me to try before I met her. I had no idea about half that stuff."

"Like?" Dean presses, more grass getting dislodged from the mower.

"Like… I don't know," Sam shrugs and gets quiet, drinking his beer while getting uncomfortable.

"No, no, no. You can't just sit here and claim that your sex life is more adventurous than mine but you can't even manage to say any of it." He laughs at Sam. "You blushing, innocent young man, you."

"Alright, fine," Sam sits up taller, ready to see if he can actually outdo his sex-crazed big brother. "Shot for shot."

"Seriously?" Dean asks.

"Yup. And only the wives. No past chicks. We'll keep it even."

Something triggers Dean's competitive spirit on this one. He drops his tools and takes a little break, taking up his beer instead. "Ladies first." He nods at Sam to start.

"Okay… I'll start small. Mirrors."

"What about 'em?" Dean makes an unimpressed face.

"She's so into mirrors it's almost weird," Sam explains. "I think it's an ego thing or whatever. But if there's a mirror in the room… we're doing it."

"Okay," Dean nods. "Vanilla as all hell, but okay."

"I said I was starting small."

"You did, you did," Dean agrees. "I'll see Lou's thing for mirrors and raise you… bathroom sex. Like, a lot of bathroom sex."

"Why the bathroom?" Sam has to wonder.

"Dude, how many years were we on the road with L and we all shared a room? Sometimes doing it in the bathroom was the only option."

"In our motel room!?" Sam asks, hoping he's wrong and they didn't do that while he was there.

"Sometimes. Or in the bar bathroom before coming back to the room. Whatever worked."

"Gross," Sam makes a nasty face at the idea of the bathrooms at the dives Lizzy and Dean frequented.

"Hey, we were fucking about four or five times a week back then. Desperate times."

Sam gives him a funny look. " _Back then_?"

"Yeah, back then. You know… when we were new and all," Dean tells him, looking down at his beer. "We've been married a while now. Shit slows down…."

"Doesn't have to," Sam slickly remarks, smirking proudly.

"And you don't have a kid, Sam," Dean reminds.

"Okay, that's fair," Sam gives in. "Alright… uh… I see your bathroom sex and raise you…." He thinks briefly before getting it, raising an index finger when the lightbulb goes off. "Watching porn."

"Lou's a porn watcher?" Dean asks with very pleasant surprise.

"She tells me any woman that claims to not watch porn is a liar."

Dean laughs. "L says the same thing. But we don't really watch it together."

"There's a reason our credit cards get maxed at some motels," Sam huffs a quiet laugh at that.

"No shit." Dean's happily delighted by this information on the hard ass woman he's been living with for a year and what she's done to his brother.

"And dude… I think she might like chicks or something," Sam mentions offhandedly and with a slight undertone of worry. "A lot of lesbian porn. And threesomes with two girls."

Dean face melts into something very serious with the information. "Are you complaining about that?"

"No! God no… just… weird, you know," Sam airs his concerns. "She's never mentioned wanting that in real life. She just likes watching it while having sex with a guy… I guess."

"Hey, I know I get off on two chicks," Dean mentions. "Why not Lou too?"

Sam just nods as his over analytical brain once more tries to make sense of Lou's pornographic preference.

Dean's brain starts thinking in another direction. "You know, you play this thing right you could get some side action on it."

"What do you mean?" Sam wonders, lost.

Dean shakes his head at his dense brother. "Dude, she clearly likes chicks at least a little bit. You could probably talk her into another girl joining you." Dean has a moment of surreal-ness. "And I just said that to my uptight little brother…."

"No way," Sam instantly denies.

"Why not!?"

"Just… don't want that," Sam says with an air of weirdness.

"No straight dude has ever said that before," Dean tells him with a very serious voice, his face fallen.

"I… don't know," Sam shrugs and looks away.

"You're voice went up."

"Shut up."

"You're lying."

"Am not!"

Dean doesn't bother speaking. He just lets his bullshit-calling expression do the speaking.

"Alright. What if… what if she ends up liking _that_ … more than me? Us?"

Dean pauses, brow wrinkled as he blinks a few times. "You think you'll lose her to a chick if you both sleep with one?"

"Maybe…."

"That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard. Sam, if you don't make that happen someday… I have no hope for the rest of us."

Sam just huffs a laugh at that.

"Okay… I'll see your lesbo porn watching and raise you threesome with a stripper."

Sam's face drops. "Dude, a stripper…."

"It was a crowning achieving in my life with L," Dean proudly tells him. "Had to make sure I got that in there before we settled too much, you know?"

"Maybe both our wives are a little gay then."

"I wish," Dean nearly drools at the idea. He then snaps his fingers after thinking over the idea of Lizzy possibly being into girls. "I got another one."

"I didn't even have a turn yet!"

"Doesn't matter," Dean hastily tells him and eagerly adds another one-upper to his list. "I've actually had my wife go down on me while fingering me." He grins so wide it hurts, an elbow leaning on his knee with pride. Oh, the memories of that very long night….

Sam's eyes pop out of his skull at this. "You too!?"

Dean's face turns white with shock. "Uh… what?"

Sam looks around, making sure it's just them as he prepares to say way more than he ever thought he'd share with his brother. He leans a little closer to Dean and nearly whispers. "Lou just kinda sprung that one on me a while back. I wasn't ready for it at all but her finger just kinda… got in there… but that's just how Lou does things. She just… does them. No warning…."

"Sam!" Dean interrupts him and it's then that Sam realizes the horror on Dean's face when this conversation takes a weird turn he wasn't ready for. "I was talking about when I got cursed. And I was a _chick_."

With instantly beet-red cheeks, Sam starts to stutter. "Right," his high pitched tone says with clear discomfort. "I remember that. I knew… that happened. And I was just… uh…." He stops there and takes a massive pull from his beer.

Dean washes a hand down his face as a smile creeps over his expression. "Sammy…."

"Dean. _Don't_ ," Sam nearly whines with already there embarrassment.

"Did Lou pop your backdoor cherry?" Dean asks with way too much excitement and glee.

"Shut up," Sam spits out, knowing he'll never live this down.

Letting out a good, hardy laugh, Dean enjoys the moment. "I can't believe you actually told me that."

"Me neither," Sam admits, looking down at the overgrown grass. Regret. All he feels is regret. And here he was thinking he was finally opening up a little.

"Oh man," Dean huffs out, trying to calm his laughing. "So?"

"So…?

"So, was it good?" Dean asks. "'Cause I gotta be honest, I've never been there with a chick before."

Sam's face turns bright red again.

"Aw, come on, Sammy!" Dean complains. "You're gonna clam up now?"

Sam shakes his head and swallows thickly. "It, ah… it wasn't _bad_." He pauses there.

"You figgin' liked it," Dean smirks. "Always knew you were kinky under all that studying and straight-laced bullshit." He then laughs a little once more.

Sam shoots him that all too familiar, patented bitch-face.

"Dude, relax. It's cool. Don't get all weird about it."

"You're laughing at me," Sam points out.

"Not because of the whole…" Dean says, making a poking motion with his index finger. Sam just groans with hatred for the pantomiming. "I'm actually kinda impressed. Lou's… adventurous."

"Putting it lightly."

"And you're keeping up. And I think that's a damn good thing if you ask me. I just never expected you to ever admit something like that to me. That's all." Dean laughs a couple more times, getting past how embarrassed Sam is. "Whoo. Wow. Insightful afternoon."

Sam huffs the smallest of laughs at that. Dean made a great point. Before now he never would have shared such information with his older brother. Maybe the year off, living together and just plain being themselves has helped them out a lot. Not ready to give up on this newfound ability to be open… or at least more open than before… Sam speaks up. "I see your… girl on girl action, and raise you the one thing you've never gotten outta Lizzy."

Dean looks at Sam with green jealousy, instantly knowing what he's speaking of. "No."

"Yep," Sam smirks, popping the 'p' sound with gusto.

" _No_." When his little brother just gives him a gloating look Dean gets pissed. "Seriously!? What the hell!?"

"Dude, if she was willing to go there with me then you had to assume I've been there with her."

"There is no justice in this world, I swear," Dean mutters to himself with anger. "Lou's into that?"

"Pretty hard, actually."

"So fucking unfair!"

Smiling, Sam says, "Remember last night when she whispered something to me after dinner and you made a joke about girls sharing secrets or something."

"Ya-Ya Sisterhood… or whatever," Dean nods, remembering somewhat.

"Yeah, well, she was telling me that she wanted me to… fuck her ass later that night. Her words. Not mine," he clarifies.

"And you did!?" Dean asks, golf ball sized eyes waiting.

Sam narrows his eyes playfully. "Lou generally gets what she wants in bed."

"Son of a bitch!" Dean gets super pissed off and incredibly jealous at that, Sam grinning ear to ear with his ability to make Dean this mad. "Holy shit. I married the wrong girl."

"Excuse you!?" a very upset sounding female voice asks and when they both look they see Lizzy heading their way with a paper in her hand.

"Did you know Lou takes it up the ass regularly? And _likes_ it?" Dean asks her impatiently.

"Of course," Lizzy shrugs, making it clear it's no big secret to her. "She's always been kinda into that. I mean, not every day or anything but now and then."

Sam absently nods, agreeing with Lizzy's assessment, and it makes Dean lose it.

"What the hell? You're just gonna let Sam hold this one over me?" Dean asks her with upset.

Lizzy pauses as she stands next to him, looking down at his seated form with a straight face. "Do you really want to discuss anal sex with me while Sam's right here?"

Dean glances at his brother, Sam making a show of sitting with an attentive, waiting face, and he sighs. "I guess not. But this conversation isn't over."

"When has it ever been over?" Lizzy laughs at him. "Here."

Dean takes the offered paper and looks it over. A lot of scribbles. "What the hell is it?"

"That, dear, is you. Holding a beer," Lizzy says, only partially patronizingly. "Sammy made it for you."

Dean nods to it now that he can make out what the image is. As he glances at what must be an alcoholic beverage in his hand, he comments, "Fair assessment."

"It doesn't concern you that when your son thinks of an image of you he pictures booze in your hand?" she asks, making it clear that it is a concern for her.

Thinking about it for a moment, Dean answers, "Well, maybe it's a little concerning."

Lizzy lifts an eyebrow at him.

"I'll slow down during the day, okay?" Dean promises. "Car work, yard work… just not when with him."

"I like it," Lizzy smiles at him and leans down to kiss his cheek. "Hey, uh… something kinda weird happened on my way home. Thought I'd mention it to you, see if I'm maybe losing it or not since, you know… Purgatory and all."

Dean's forehead wrinkles with worry. "What happened?"

"Well," she begins, sitting down on the grass next to him so that she can see both brothers. "I saw Cass."

"Cass?" Dean repeats with surprise. "What do you mean you saw him?" He can see Sam sit up taller out of his peripheral vision.

"I mean, I saw him," Lizzy starts explaining. "I was driving down the street after I left the grocery store to come home and he was just walking on the side of the road."

"Did you stop?" Sam wonders quickly.

"No, I sped away," she caustically bites. "Of course I stopped! I slammed on the brakes, got out… and he wasn't there anymore. He just vanished."

This is where Sam and Dean exchange a thoughtful look.

"No. See? This is why when I found out the two of you were together out here I almost waited to say anything until it was just me and Dean," Lizzy complains with their reaction.

"What? Why?" Sam questions, hurt by her comment.

"You both know I hate that stupid brother-ESP crap you do. Don't think silently to each other. Use words. Include other people."

Dean levels her with a look that's softer and filled with concern for her. "We're just wondering if you really saw Cass or if maybe just your brain or whatever did."

"I saw Cass," Lizzy answers quickly and with confidence.

"But you said that was impossible," Sam reminds her. "That without you he wasn't getting out."

"Right," Lizzy nods, agreeing completely with the statement.

"Then it couldn't have been him."

"But it was," she fights back and Sam gives her an expression filled with sympathy for her clearly messed up mind. "Dude, I swear it was him!"

"We're just trying to figure out how that'd make any sense," Dean calmly tells her. "Cass can't just pop out of purgatory on his own and he's stuck there. So, you know it makes no sense that you'd actually be seeing him on the road like that."

"Logically, no. I should be thinking I was seeing things and be really concerned with my own wellbeing. But it's more than just seeing him."

They both wait silently for further explanation.

"I felt him."

"Meaning?" Sam asks.

"Meaning… I've been able to feel Cass and his presence ever since he popped back into my life in my twenties. I know that feeling. Well. And I felt it right before I saw him walking on that road."

Dean sighs and closes his eyes before rubbing them with his free hand. Stress. Always with the stress.

"I'm fine, Dean. I just think…"

"You're not alright," Dean tells her, lifting his lids to look right at her. "None of us are ever alright. Every time we think we might be… something happens. Either Cass is back and that makes no sense or something terrible is happening or you're losing your freakin' mind. No offence."

"Oh, none taken," she lies with pure sarcasm.

"I'm sorry, I'm just sick of it. Even now, even after a year of having a home, a real one, and real jobs… it just never stops," Dean tells her with fear as he stares at his beer for a split second before killing it off.

And Lizzy just watches, sadness creeping in. "I didn't come out here to ruin your day."

"I know that," Dean tells her, ditching the empty next to his other on the grass and picks up the screwdriver and mower blade again. "But first having to find Kevin and now Cass in your head, I was hoping that once you were back shit wouldn't fall apart."

"It hasn't," Sam tries to help.

"Yet," Dean comments quietly while starting to replace the blade.

Sighing, Lizzy gets up onto her feet again. "I shouldn't have said anything."

"No, you should have," Dean tells her, not looking away from his work. "We need to know what's happening with you. It's just never great hearing about the crap."

Looking to Sam, Lizzy gives him a questioning look to ask if he's got this. Sam nods and Lizzy head back for the house to keep looking for leads on Kevin and make Sammy some lunch.

Once she's gone Sam waits a moment before telling Dean, "Could've been a little warmer there."

"You mean about reacting to my wife seeing her dead guardian angel?" Dean grips, blade almost back on the mower.

"We don't know he's dead."

"He's probably dead." The pain in his tone alone makes Sam move on.

"Look. She's being honest. Something both of us kinda suck at," Sam huffs a little laugh. "You should be thankful for that."

"I am. Hell, she's a freakin' open book and I don't think I could handle if she was anything like me."

"So take it in stride instead of act like she's burdening you. Or she won't keep sharing stuff with you."

Dean locks eyes with Sam. "You want me to act like sunshine and puppies over her brain cracking?"

"No. Just don't be a dick is all I'm asking," Sam explains himself. "And you really think her brain is cracking?"

"What else could it be?"

"Maybe Cass really is back. She said she felt him and Sammy had that dream a month ago that sounded like Cass visiting him."

"He's way more likely to die in Purgatory than get out and you know that," Dean tells him. "Cass… I'm just now accepting that about him. Don't ask me to have hope over him ever being alive and out of that shit hole. Ain't gonna happen."

"How do you know that for sure?" Sam challenges. "I mean, we've gotten outta hairier situations before."

"Well, Cass ain't us. And seriously, when was the last time we got any kind of good luck?"

Sam gives him a surprised look. "Lizzy's here, Dean. She's back with us."

"And there goes all the luck we had left," Dean depressingly assumes. "I've had to let it go, man. Cass is gone. No need to get hopes up… especially not Lizzy's. She can't handle the disappointment when he never shows up."

"Yeah," Sam agrees while peering back to the house in which Lizzy just disappeared. He knows her well enough too. She's been hanging onto false hope for Castiel this whole time. "Maybe that's why she's seeing him. She can't let it go."

"Especially since she blames herself for him still being there," Dean concurs with Sam's assessment easily. Dean's shoulders visibly drop. "As much as I'd love to have him back and as much as I wish I could do _anything_ to bring him here… he's gone, man."

Sam nods. "I know. Me too and… I know."

Dean and Sam both keep quiet as Dean puts the lawnmower back together. When done and he pulls the cord, Dean finds a reason to smile. "Got her started," he smiles wide at Sam. Sometimes a small victory is all he needs to hang onto.

"Nice work," Sam flatly tells him.

"Alright, get going," Dean shouts over the hum of the mower as he starts for the house, wiping his hands on his jeans.

"What!? Where you going!?" Sam asks, standing up off the cooler with outrage.

"Lawn ain't gonna mow itself, Sammy," Dean tells his brother and he walks up the stairs and into the house, smirking the whole time.

Sam just stares at the idling mower with disbelief. "Jerk."

* * *

"Am I the only one that doesn't drink all day around here?" Lizzy questions as she looks at Lou while putting the last of the groceries away.

Her sister is still at the table with Sammy, her laptop open and a bottle of beer next to it.

"Probably," Lou absently says, clicking away on her keyboard and giving Lizzy only minimal attention.

"At least you're busy while getting your buzz on," Lizzy comments, pulling out bread, jelly and peanut butter. "You got something on Kevin?"

"Nothing still," Lou sighs, sitting back in her chair once she's gotten a better idea of the story she's just found. She crosses her arms and looks to Lizzy. "He's a squirrely little fu… friend." She edits herself last second and Lizzy just laughs at her.

"Nice catch."

"Thanks," Lou half-laughs also. "But I may have found something else."

"Why are you looking for something else?" Lizzy has to wonder, having gotten the impression that Lou and Sam were only after Kevin and nothing else.

"Boredom. The Kevin search hasn't been too successful so I started farting around to break up the monotony."

"Old habits?" Lizzy keeps prying as she had thought they were all trying their best to get out of hunting.

"That, and I've been known to call people now and then with cases, make sure things get taken care of."

Lizzy pauses in the middle of spreading peanut butter on bread to smirk at her sister. "You're Bobby."

"Huh?" Lou takes offence with just the man's name.

"That's what Bobby used to do. He'd send us and tons of others out on jobs he found. You're the new Bobby."

Lou's face wrinkles with dislike. "No one is Bobby."

"I know that. You're just… taking up the slack since he can't." The sad smile on Lizzy's lips makes it clear she remembers the man with fondness and pain yet appreciates what Lou is doing in his absence.

Swallowing hard, Lou moves on so she doesn't have to speak about that loss. "Whatever. I've been looking for demonic activity since, you know, Crowley's a dickhead demon."

"Seems like a good start," Lizzy mentions, peering at Sammy. He's not listening. Instead he's wrapped up in his current picture. Good.

"Well, this kid went missing from a preschool," Lou explains, once more glued to her laptop screen. "And at the same time that he vanished a surprise tornado hit. Like, literally out of the clear blue sky. It was sunny and gorgeous out and then boom, tornado that lasted 20 seconds. And just like it started, it just suddenly stopped. Back to perfect weather."

"And some people still say climate change is crap," Lizzy shakes her head.

"But here's the super weird part. Similar things have happened over the past few weeks in other places all over the place. In Tulsa a bus driver vanishes and a river gets overrun with frogs. In New Mexico a mailman disappears, the earth splits open."

"So of course you immediately think… uh, our black-eyed friends, right?" She glances at Sammy to see if he's listening. Still nothing.

"Duh," Lou comments rudely.

"Duh," Sammy copies her right away, not _really_ listening but knowing the sound Lou makes isn't one he's supposed to repeat.

"Dude! Watch it!" Lizzy warns him as she finishes up the sandwich.

Sammy doesn't respond, just keeps coloring.

"Yeah, possibly our black-eyed friends, but... I mean, this stuff is nuts." Lou waits while Lizzy pours a sippy cup of milk and brings Sammy his lunch.

"Here, baby," Lizzy says to him, pulling the crayon out of his hand and sliding his current masterpiece out of the way. He grimaces and she laughs. "I swear, you took that look straight off your dad's face. Eat some lunch and you can finish up after, okay?"

"Okay," Sammy easily relents when he sees the sandwich in front of him, crust cut off.

"Lizard, these people have nothing in common," Lou keeps going, turning her screen so Lizzy can see the open article on it. "No religious affiliations, different hometowns, all ages. Why would de… our black-eyed friends… want _them?_ "

"Why do they ever want anything?" Lizzy comments while looking the list over. The kid that disappeared looks so young. He must be terrified. It makes her look over at Sammy with fear in her heart. That boy's mother must be going crazy. "Who you sending on this one?"

"Not sure yet," Lou lies, thinking this looks just Crowley enough to warrant their specific attention.

"Hey," Dean greets and comes in through the back door.

"Boots!" Lizzy points at his feet. "I just swept."

"Yeah, yeah," Dean gripes with fake upset and kicks his shoes off by the door. "Is it lunch time already? Whacha got, big guy?"

"Peanut butter and jelly," Sammy answers through a full mouth as he raises one half of his sandwich, two big bites missing.

"Chew your food before you speak!" Lizzy lightly scolds. She then looks to Dean. "You want something?"

"What're you making?" Dean asks.

"I bought turkey," she answers and holds up the package from the grocery deli.

"Awesome," Dean grins and sits down next to Sammy to leaf through the pages all over the table. "Wow. Sammy, buddy… you've been busy."

"I maked a picture for you," Sammy tells him.

"I know. Mommy showed me," Dean tells him, realizing he left it outside by the cooler. He now hopes Sam won't mow over it. "But it looks like you made one for every person in the neighborhood."

"I maked Baby," Sammy says, putting down his sandwich and pointing to the picture of a big, boxy, black blob on wheels.

"Look at that," Dean grins with much pride as he picks up the paper. It's Baby alright, somewhere in the scribbles. And even Sammy knows her name these days. There's just something way too good about that idea. "We should put this up in the shed with all our car stuff."

"Okay!" Sammy gets excited with that idea, knowing all the items Dean stores for working on the car is in one place in the back shed.

"We'll do that after lunch," Dean promises, smiling still.

"Where's Sam?" Lou asks.

"Mowing the lawn," Dean smirks with triumph.

Lou face wrinkles with confusion. "Thought you said you were doing that."

He shrugs in return.

"Well, when he's done, we're having a pow wow," Lou tells him, shutting her laptop for now and standing up from the table. She heads off to who knows where.

"Nice talking to you," Dean mutters quietly as he sits there.

"She's got something," Lizzy explains, cutting two sandwiches in half and plating them.

"On Kevin?" Dean asks, perking up with hope.

"Uh, maybe… maybe not," Lizzy tells him, grabbing two bottles of water along with two plates and sitting at the kitchen table. "Time will tell."

She places a big, loaded sandwich in front of him and he smirks a little. Homemade anything still gets Dean giddy like a child. He wastes no time and take a massive bite, barely chewing before humming in approval.

"It's just a sandwich," she reminds for the millionth time. Since she's been back and reintroduced into a more domestic way of life, Dean's been in heaven. Home cooked, not-fried food seems to excite him as much as a good roll in the hay these days.

"It's a treasure," Dean disagrees with her simplicity. A real sandwich made with real bread, turkey, cheese, lettuce, tomato, the good kind of mustard… and love? That's not something to think nothing of. It's huge.

"Aw, well _you're_ a treasure," she winks and smile, proving she's joking. Dean gives her a look of disgust and she moves on. "All Lou told me about were some weird omens and… people disappearing. Sounds like a certain one of our playmates."

"Ah," Dean nods, understanding right away. "Plan?"

"She'll get to that. I think Sam finishing yard work and Sammy's nap time should line up for us all to talk."

"Perfect."

* * *

 


	17. We're Bringing the Impala

* * *

"So that's the deal," Lou explains while all adults sit around the living room during naptime. Lou has her computer on and some articles and police reports printed out. As Sam reads through the reports Dean's eyes scan the screen filled with stories being reported all over the world of odd disappearances.

"Well, you're definitely onto something," Dean comments, sitting back on the couch next to his brother and looking to Lou. "Only question is… what does this have to do with Kevin."

"Maybe nothing," Lou admits fully, not looking to lie. "But if it's big and demonic, I say it could have something to do with him. Or at least it'll have something to do with Crowley,"

"And if Crowley's up to something big after being on Kevin's ass for a year… then it might be a lead," Lizzy adds in, agreeing with her sister.

"It's flimsy," Dean comments as Sam sits back also, leaving the pages he was reading through on the coffee table.

"But it's the first something we've had in a month or more," Sam rebuts as he thinks it all over. "People, even a kid, all disappearing with big omens like this? It all reeks of Crowley. Kevin or not, it still needs to be looked into."

Dean looks back to the screen at the face of Aaron Webber. That little boy was taken and most likely is in the hands of demons. When he looks at Aaron all he can see is Sammy. Someone has to go out there and try to find him. "Alright. Who do we call to get on this?"

"Actually, I was thinking no one," Lou speaks up. Both brothers look to her with surprised faces. "Lizzy's a better bartender than all of us. She can cover the bar for me while Sam and I head out."

Sam thinks for all of a half of a second before he nods. "Sounds good."

"Yeah?" Lou smiles a little, excited to have him on board so easily.

"Yeah. I mean, this kid was taken from his family. I can't… I can't image that," Sam vaguely says, making it clear he's also thinking of Sammy when he looks at Aaron. "Someone needs to at least look into it."

"I feel the same. We can head out first thing tomorrow morning. I'll set shit up tonight at the bar and make sure to hand over all the research I still had to do," Lou says, looking at her sister.

"I can handle that," Lizzy promises.

"Okay," Lou smiles and nods before clapping her hands together with excitement. "Alright. Get to bring my girl out."

"Uh, no," Sam shakes his head immediately.

"What!?" Lou gets offended immediately at the diss to her car.

"I can't fit into that thing!" Sam reminds her, voice getting almost whiny. "My legs alone…"

"Put the seat back."

"It's all the way back already!"

"But… she's my car. That's what I take hunting."

"We could just take the Impala…."

"Hell no!" Dean immediately denies and at the same time Lou speaks up.

"No fucking way!"

"Baby is staying here," Dean comments. "I was gonna replace the carburetor this weekend anyways."

"And my car is what I bring hunting," Lou reminds. "That's just how I roll."

"How you _roll_?" Sam repeats to make fun.

"Yup," Lou stands her ground, not embarrassed. "How I fucking roll."

"But I'm packed like a sardine in that thing," Sam keeps trying. "The last time we left we were gone for over a week and my back was killing me."

"Sure that wasn't from something else, honey," Lou winks, trying to joke off the very shitty idea.

"I'm sure," Sam answers in a surly way. "That car wasn't made for people over six feet. Just this one time… can't we take the Impala and leave the Mustang here? It'll be in good hands. Only Dean will drive her."

"Hey!" Lizzy takes offence.

"Well, you do kinda suck sometimes… at driving," Dean quietly says to his wife under his breath. She reaches across the gap between her chair and the couch to punch his arm.

Lou sighs as she stands up with arms crossed, glaring at Sam for making her have to even consider this. "My car has all the good weapons in it right now."

"And we can move them. Plus, Baby's got a false bottom. It's safer if we get pulled over," Sam reminds her as Dean looks at him with wide eyes. Baby. Sam never calls her that. Sam's really trying here.

"I don't wanna bring the Impala," Lou plainly states when no other words will form.

"Don't be a poor sport about," Sam gets frustrated.

"Poor sport? Because I like my own car?"

"Because you won't stop being stubborn about your own car," Sam tells her. "I don't understand you people and you're sick obsessions with your cars."

"Hey! What do you mean _you people_?" Dean asks, trying to lighten it up.

"Shut up," Lou immediately says to him.

"Shut up, Dean," Sam spits at the very same time, still looking at Lou. "Seriously. Who do you love more… that car or me?"

Lou glares at her husband with the fair case he makes. She hates it.

"Plus, who can you trust more than Dean with your car?" Sam tries yet again.

"Myself," Lou answers the no-brainer without hesitation.

Sam hangs his head with frustration.

"Let me think about it, okay?" Lou asks of him with stubbornness, knowing she has to compromise. "I hate it but you make some alright points."

"Thank you," Sam exasperatedly comes back with.

"Whatever," Lou grumps while a small smile tugs at the corner of her lips. She'd do anything for him and he knows it. It annoys her but it makes her stupidly happy too.

"Take tonight to think about it," Sam says with some hope, knowing how it will probably work out.

"And I'm putting Sammy down tonight," Lou points at Dean and Lizzy, the fight over that easily. "We could be gone a while."

"No argument here," Dean says easily.

"Good," Lou nods once and starts packing up the research they've done. "I'm heading to the bar then. Lizzy, come with me and we'll get you set for the week. Then I'll come back early and get Sammy to sleep, then pack and we'll be off in the morning."

"Aye, aye," Sam salutes to her jokingly as he stands up, seeing it's all handled. "I'm taking a shower then."

They both leave the room together and Dean and Lizzy sit there in the now quiet area that had been about to explode in a fight just moments before.

"They're so… efficient." Lizzy makes a face of dislike at Dean.

"Even their arguments get solved quickly these days," Dean comments right back. "So weird, right?"

"Super weird," Lizzy laughs. "That's how they've been lately?"

"Yeah," Dean huffs with his own surprise.

"Well, shit. When we fight it's nothing like that."

"No way."

"Our fights… someone's either getting punched in the face…."

"Usually me," Dean cuts in sullenly.

"Or fucked hard," she finishes her thought.

Dean smirks. "Usually me."

"Ha-ha," Lizzy caustically says and rolls her eyes. "It's just… they're so good together."

"They really are," Dean admits begrudgingly.

"It's weird."

"So weird," Dean nods, agreeing completely.

"And Lou's so different," Lizzy awes. "Never thought I'd see that."

"It's a whole new world," Dean flatly jokes.

"I feel like we should be learning from them," Lizzy huffs a laugh.

"No way," Dean denies the thought right off. "We're fine."

"We _are_ fine, aren't we?" Lizzy smiles small at him.

"Damn fine," Dean tells her as he stands up. "And we have laundry to fold."

Lizzy's smile goes full wattage. "How fucking domestic."

* * *

 

"We do mommy's song now?" Sammy asks, pajamas on as he sits on his uncle's lap in his racecar bed. He looks to Lou with hope as she sits on a chair in the room with her guitar in her lap.

"Okay, but this is the last one," Lou reminds him. She's made a routine with him. Sammy has to be ready for sleep and in bed before they sing any songs at all. And once they do, the last song every night is mommy's song. It makes him understand that, no matter what, it's time to sleep once that particular song is done.

"I know," Sammy agrees easily, his little green eyes glued to her. He looks straight upwards to look at his uncle. "You sing too?"

"No one wants to hear that, kiddo," Sam assures him, his arm around the boy as he sits on Sam's outstretched legs. The car bed isn't all that big, his adult feet hanging off the end, but he deals with it. There's nowhere else he'd rather be in the world right now.

"You sing bad?" Sammy asks him.

"Very bad," Sam laughs a little.

"Daddy say I sing bad but I tell him he sing bad," Sammy explains easily.

"Good boy," Lou tells him. "Your daddy does sing bad."

"So bad," Sam laughs in return.

Sammy follows and giggles too. "Daddy sing bad."

Lou and Sam both get a kick out of the taboo Sammy plays with in calling his dad out. He knows it's wrong, and so do they, but it's funny nonetheless.

"Well, I like your singing," Lou assures the kid as she gets ready to play, placing her fingers properly. "You ready?"

"Ready!"

Lou starts playing the familiar song. When Lizzy was gone she started playing this for Sammy every night she could, even before he could talk. He's grown up with it, it's part of the soundtrack of his life, and someday Lou will let him know why it's so important to his mother and to him.

"Blackbird singing in the dead of night," Lou starts, having sung this very song so many times before.

"Take dees broken wing an' learn to flyyyyy!" Sammy sings along with her, nodding his head to the beat created by Lou.

"All your life," they sing together. "You were only waiting for this moment to arrive."

Sam just sits and smiles as they sing. No, Sammy's voice isn't anything impressive at his age. He does have two very terrible voices as his parents so maybe there was no escaping it. But just like Dean, he loves to sing. And Lou nurtures it. She's made sure he shouldn't care about if he's on key or not. Belt it out and be happy. Maybe Lou turned out to be more like her hippie mother than she ever thought.

But that's what Sammy does. He belts it out and he looks happy as hell.

"Black-bird flyyyyyy," Sammy sings along and Sam and he leans side to side with the beat. Sam pulls his little arms out to the sides and pretends he's flying. The younger boy giggles hard at the silliness as Lou continues.

"Black-bird fly. Into the light of the dark black night."

Sammy and Sam sit and sway to the song with ease and listen to Lou play. Over the year she's had time to reconnect with her guitar and her skills never left her. Singing, playing, and creating music… it's in her bones at this point. And with a household of shit singers, tone deaf at best, it's a pleasant change when Lou uses her talents around there.

When the break in the music comes and Lou lets her guitar go silent for a moment, Sammy grins wide and makes tweeting bird sounds. Lou then keeps playing and finishes the song.

"You were only waiting for this moment to arise," Lou sings and Sammy follows right along. "You were only waiting for this moment to arise. You were only waiting for this moment to arise."

"She's not too bad at that, is she?" Sam asks his nephew, ducking his head to look at Sammy in the eye.

"Yeah," Sammy answers, looking right back. "We do more?"

"Nice try but no," Sam grins and picks Sammy up to get off the bed. He drops him back onto the mattress and pulls the blankets back for him. "You know the drill. Mommy's song and then bedtime."

"Aw…."

"No complaining, crazy man," Lou laughs at him. "You sleep tight."

"No bed bugs bite," Sammy answer back as he lays down and grabs his teddy bear like always. "I say bye in the mornin'?"

Lou swallows hard at the idea. "Yeah, kiddo. We'll wait for you to be awake before we go."

"You promise?"

"We promise," Sam assures as he ducks down to kiss Sammy on top of his head. "Goodnight, Sammy."

"Night, Uncle Sam," Sammy tells him.

Then it's Lou's turn. "Night, crazy." She kisses his cheek and he kisses her cheek right back.

"Night, Auntie Louie," Sammy says and lays back down. When they leave they make sure to keep the nightlight on and the door partially cracked, just like Sammy has it every night.

"He's so fucking easy," Lou whispers to Sam once they're in the hallway. "I'm gonna go pack."

"I'll just check in with Dean before doing the same."

"Okay," Lou nods once and disappears into their bedroom.

Sam heads downstairs to the kitchen where he finds Lizzy and Dean sitting out on the back patio, each with a glass of whiskey in hand. He opens the sliding door and smiles at them. "Thought you were cutting down on the drinking?"

"When Sammy's awake," Dean stipulates and takes a sip, grinning.

"Ah, right," Sam nods and smiles. "We're gonna pack up and get some sleep. We promised Sammy we'd wait until he's awake to leave."

"He'll really appreciate that, Uncle Sam," Lizzy nods, making sure that it's clear how much her boy loves his family.

"Can't leave without saying bye to him," Sam shrugs it off, not having thought twice about sticking around until Sammy's awake tomorrow.

"He go down alright?" Dean checks in.

"Like always." He turns to Lizzy. "You all set with the bar?"

"I think I can handle slinging beers for a few," Lizzy promises to him.

"Alright. Well… goodnight guys." Sam waves and walks back inside, shutting the sliding door behind him.

Lizzy hums contentedly as she leans back in her lounge chair in the dark backyard, only lit up by some citronella candles. "What the hell happened here?"

"What do you mean?" Dean asks, concerned with the way she asks.

"All of this… it's surreal still," she explains. "We're having a drink on a fucking patio in our backyard… of _our house_. Our son is asleep happily upstairs. We're… we're _people_."

"You weren't a person before?" Dean jokes a little.

"No," Lizzy laughs. "I was a figment of civilians' imaginations. I popped up, saved the day sometimes, and then disappeared into the fringes of society. That's not living."

"No. It's not," Dean easily agree. "But hey, we're living now, baby." He tips his drink up to her and she smiles.

"We are," she nods. "It's just… weird still."

"I get that," he assures her. "Every time I have a little kid call me daddy I get a feeling like this was never supposed to happen to me. Doesn't feel real."

Lizzy smiles sweetly at her man for that. "He's freaking awesome."

"We did alright, momma," Dean grins proudly and sips his whiskey, looking out into the night sky.

"We did great," she corrects. "Or… you did."

He sighs. "It was just one year of two. You're in there, L. You have a lot to do with how he turned out."

She stays quiet.

"Look at me," Dean calls to her when clearly doesn't believe that. When her still sad eyes find his he speaks the truth as he sees it. "Everything I did for him while you were gone I did by playing the what-the-hell-would-Lizzy-do game. I learned everything I know about parenting from watching your ass through his first year. Here or not, you raised that kid."

Her smile is still sad. "That's really sweet of you to say."

"I know, right?" he smirks.

"And it's all bullshit. You're a natural. You raised Sam. You knew how this worked."

"I raised Sam on crap food and a crappier attitude. Probably why he was such a little shit as a kid," Dean huffs a laugh. "Sammy… I was totally different with him."

"You were an adult when you raised Sammy."

"Exactly… but I was an adult that didn't know what I was doing. And I hadn't been around enough before it was just him and me. I swear, L… everything I did was because I thought it was what you'd do."

And her smile brightens to something genuine. "Well, whatever it was between you and me, he's a fucking great kid."

"No kidding," Dean nods, still a little surprised. "I was terrified he'd be like me in some not so great ways."

"Same here," Lizzy comments. "Luckily he doesn't have my temper."

"Amen," Dean laughs at that. "I can't deal with another one of you."

"Ha-ha," Lizzy caustically bites back before sighing with pure love. "He's just a really sweet boy."

Dean nods slightly as he smiles to the stars. "Yeah…"

Sammy really is everything either of them ever wanted. And as they think about that very thought while sitting on the patio in their backyard behind their house… for at least this moment in time life is very, very good.

* * *

 

"Heads up," Lou says easily, tossing the pair of boxer briefs in her grip across the bed. Sam barely looks up and catches it before stuffing it into his packed duffle bag.

Lou standing on one side of the bed, Sam on the other, they efficiently finish packing at the same time. Zipping their bags closed, Sam seamlessly grabs them both and drops them by the door.

"Ready to go first thing," Sam tells her as he turns around to look at her standing by their bed. Their king sized bed. Sam finally has a bed that his feet won't hang off the end of.

"You think Lizzy's good to take the Roadhouse on for as long as we're gone?" Lou second guesses as she stands there, hands on her hips with obvious nervous body language. "I mean, I know she's bartended in the past but she never _ran_ a place before."

"It'll be a week tops," Sam brushes the idea off as he pulls his t-shirt overhead and tosses it into the hamper in the corner.

"Yeah… but still. It's not like most bars," Lou admits her fears as she grabs the pad of paper and a pen she has on her nightstand to write down yet another thing on the list of things she needs to let Lizzy know before leaving tomorrow. "She needs to be a research queen while bartending and doing everything else."

"Lizzy knows everything we do," Sam reminds her, his jeans joining his t-shirt with the dirty laundry. "And she can handle some research in between pouring whiskey. She can do this. She's the most responsible person I know."

"Yeah," Lou barely responds, writing away on her list and paying him no attention.

Sam, standing there in his gray boxer briefs with disbelief that she's ignoring him while nearly naked, can't remember ever seeing her like this. "Lou?"

"Hmm?" she hardly hums as she thinks hard, rereading her list and making sure it's covering every little detail.

Last straw. Sam grasps the waist of his boxers and shoves them quickly down his legs, kicking out of them and staring at her with hands out to his side. "You done writing over there?"

"Soon," she tells him, writing one last inane detail onto the pad.

"I'm naked," he simple states to her.

"Yeah," Lou nods and doesn't look, too worried to focus on him.

"You don't put that down soon then I'm tying you to the bed," Sam warns her.

She keeps her eyes glued to the paper. "One more minute…."

"What the hell?" Sam mumbles under his breath and he walks back to their bags by the door. He pulls a pair of handcuffs from Lou's bag, the ones she always brings on hunts, and marches for her.

"The fuck are you doing?" Lou angrily asks as the pen and paper are ripped from her hands. Sam tosses them back onto the nightstand before picking her up and throwing her onto the bed. "Sam!?" she nearly shouts at him as she rebounds off the mattress a little. "Dude, I just needed to make sure…. Sam!"

He doesn't listen to her as he climbs onto top of her, a knee to each side of her hips as he quickly snatches up her hands and has her wrists cuffed to the slotted headboard before she could even bother fighting back.

Wide blue eyes locked up on him, Lou takes in everything happening. He's naked. Like, completely, not a single stitch of clothing on, naked. When did that happen? And when she pulls at her arms while watching the too focused man move over her with pure intent she realizes that she's immobile.

"Oh, come on," Lou complains with upset. Sam never really does this to her. She's usually attacking him and they worked well like that. This is a bit jarring and it's taking her off her game.

"You need to relax," Sam tells her in a calm, sure tone as his hands drifts down her small form, feeling her body through her clothing until he gets to her hips. He scoots back a little until he's straddling her thighs so that he has access to the button and zipper of her jeans. He opens them up as he tells her, "Everything's set. You don't need to worry like this."

She blinks once as he slides her clothing down her legs, underwear going with her pants. "You cuffed me to our bed because I wanted to make sure things run smoothly while we're gone?" She has a hint of disbelief in her voice.

"I needed to get your attention," Sam smiles a little as his rough hands take their time sliding up her smooth legs, crawling back up her form. "You were ignoring me."

"What are you, a puppy?" she asks, impatient with his tactics. She likes to be free to use her hands during sex. She's very good with her hands and not good at all with restraints being put on her. Sam knows this. "You gonna go take a leak on the carpet now?"

"No." Sam just smirks. "But I have your attention now, don't I?"

His large hands push the fabric of her t-shirt up, exposing her stomach an inch at a time. He peppers her skin with kisses as he works upward, bunching her shirt above her bra, and Lou simply sighs frustrated. "Yes. Now, uncuff me."

Hazel eyes peer down at her with a silent laugh as he reaches behind her back, wedging his hands between her and the mattress, and unhooks her bra. He pushes that up also, leaving her clothing up by her neck and getting her as nude as he can within her bound position.

" _Sam_ ," she uses her warning tone on him.

" _Lou_ ," he echoes the tone right back to her, making fun.

"Let me go," Lou demands of him with a very serious voice, making sure he knows she's isn't messing around. She means it.

"No," Sam denies all too easily as he lays down over her onto his elbows, hard dick shamelessly pressing into her leg as he gets his face level with her bare breasts.

"Sam, I swear… mm." She cuts herself off with a small moan when his mouth covers over her right nipple, flicking it with his tongue. Her hips instantly rise and press up into his stomach with the feeling. She always was a fan of having her nipples teased and he knows that.

"What do you swear?" Sam patronizingly asks as he keeps going, circling her sensitive skin with his tongue once more before giving it a good suck.

"Oh… fuck you," Lou tries to fight it all and remain annoyed despite clearly already falling into everything. "You know I don't like being bound."

"And when was the last time you gave _me_ a choice in anything?" Sam challenges, switching to her other breast.

She knows he has a point. She springs surprises on him in bed all the time. But nowadays he usually likes them. "Whatever. Sam…."

"Were you gonna shut down tonight?" Sam asks, eyes looking up at her as his tongue flicks her nipple.

Her hips grind up into him again. "I just want to make sure things go smoothly."

"Lizzy can handle it," Sam swears, kissing a line under the curve of her breast before trailing down the center of her stomach.

"Not the point," Lou says with upset. "Even if she can, I just left the place shut down for almost two weeks a month back. If I do that again… what kind of reputation am I making for the bar? Hunters rely on me."

"And they can rely on Lizzy for a little bit. You're not shutting down again. Your bar is in good hands," he reminds her before playfully biting her hip bone and making her involuntarily smile. Sam smirks when he sees it.

"You're saying I'm overreacting."

"Just a little," Sam smiles as he pushes himself further down the bed. Laying on his stomach, Sam parts her legs and hooks an arm under each of her thighs.

"So what… you're now determined to relax me?" Lou lifts and eyebrow, seeing what he's up to now.

"Maybe," Sam tells her with a little bit of delight. He lowers his face, lips just an inch from her most sensitive skin, and pauses. "Or maybe I just want to get you to agree to bring the Impala tomorrow."

So _that's_ what he's actually after. "You conniving little… oh… oh god," Lou's angry protest dissolves into moans all too quickly when Sam gets to work.

His tongue knows her so well that it's easy to get her to give up her stubbornness sometimes. Starting slow, teasing lightly when he knows she needs pressure to get off, this is his way to really get her going yet keep her frustration level high. His lips press light kisses to her flesh, slight licks to her sensitive skin, and his nose just once grazes her clit.

"Ugh, what are you doing to me?" Lou complains as she tries to push her hips up into his face for more.

"Whatever I want to do to you," Sam easily answers while his lips barely brush her pussy, his hands gripping her hips so hard it nearly hurts to keep her in place.

"More. Sam, _please_ ," Lou asks, making it a point to not sound too needy despite her words.

"We're bringing the Impala tomorrow," Sam reminds her of why he's doing this really.

"Oh my God!" Lou huffs out in pure annoyance. "You're using sex against me!?"

Sam's head pops up sharply with that, amusement in his expression. "Where would I have ever learned that trick?"

Her anger is clear in her face with the accurate accusation. She's totally done this to him before.

"Agree to bring the Impala and I'll give you what you want."

With a massive huff, Lou drops her head back onto the pillow hard. She's screwed here. He's got her. "Fuck you."

"Actually," Sam starts, his tongue flattening out and licking a wide stripe up her to accentuate his point. "I believe it's all about fucking you if you agree."

"Damn it," Lou moans out with total irritation mixed with enjoyment as he set to work. His mouth is perfect. Between simply having loved to perform this particular act his whole life so therefore having ample experience with it and her lack of reserve while in bed, her mouth always saying exactly what she likes and how and when, Sam knows her well. Better than well. He knows what actions to repeat, what ones warm her up versus put her well over the edge. He knows each sound she makes and what it means, using them to work her over just how he chooses in that instant. He's brilliant and studious, even in this. Lou used to think she was lucky for that. Right now though….

When his lips wrap around her clit, sucking far too lightly to do anything more than tease her and make her need, really _need_ , more, she already starts to break.

"You're just gonna torture me?" Lou asks, getting it. "Fuck… oh god." She tries again to push her hips up and get more but she can't. He holds her right there.

"Torture… that's a… strong work," Sam speaks in between his ministrations. Running the pad of his index finger up and down her folds a few times, reminding her of all he's capable of making her feel, he nearly laughs when she moans without shame and with total conflict.

"Fuck! We'll take the fucking Impala, okay!?" Lou gives up in a bratty tone way sooner than Sam was ready for.

"Just like that?" he wonders, almost sounding disappointed with how easy this was. He was ready for a much longer, much more drawn out process than this. He was ready for a whole fun scenario to play out.

"I know where this is going, Sam," Lou huffs impatiently. "You're gonna make this last way too long, I'm gonna get pissed and I'm gonna agree to take the stupid big-ass boat anyways. The least you can do is make it worth me giving in, right?"

Sam stares at her dumbfounded, his head just above her hips with wide eyes. She's usually far more stubborn than this. "I guess so."

"So, get on with it, Giant," Lou tells him, wiggling her hips to regain his attention. "Make me crazy. And then uncuff me so I can fuck you stupid."

Disappointed, Sam sits up on his knees between her legs and just looks at her, shoulders dropped.

"What?" Lou asks, very confused with how resigned he suddenly appears.

"You really know how to make a situation fun, don't you?" Sam complains, his voice proving his letdown.

Lou's heart drops. "Wait… what's wrong?"

"Did you really have to take over even this situation?" Sam asks her, upset. "I mean, yeah, I get it. I know you. You like to be in control and I took it away a little. But couldn't you just try to get into it instead of…." He sighs.

"Instead of what?" Lou asks, closing her legs and getting serious, sensing that she somehow fucked up big time here.

"Instead of taking it away from me," Sam blurts out. "You always have to dictate everything. And I'm understanding, you know that. Hell, I usually like it a lot."

"Yeah, you do," Lou says slickly and with suggestion, poking him in the chest with her big toe.

Sam grabs her ankle and stops her from turning this into anything funny. "But sometimes it'd be nice if you just let me… I don't know…."

"Be a man?" Lou asks, meaning for it to be a joke.

"Yes!" Sam agrees, hands on his hips as he kneels there still naked in front of her. "Sometimes it'd be nice if you'd just relax and let me take care of you for once."

"You want me to be a typical girl and submit?" she further asks, cocking an eyebrow.

Sam shoots her an angry look. "If I wanted some easy, submissive woman do you think I'd be with you at all?"

Lou cracks a smile that quickly turns big and bright. "Never."

"I don't want that," Sam shakes his head. "But now and then I would like some form of power here. And some trust from you would be nice."

Sam runs one hand through his hair before looking her over. Hastily naked and cuffed to their bed, he used to love getting women here. He used to enjoy playing them right, pulling the pleasure from them any way he could think of. It's been a long time since he's done that and clearly it's going to be even longer.

Getting off the bed, Sam makes his way to Lou's duffle again, reaching into a side zippered pocket and retrieving the cuff key.

"What are you doing?" Lou wonders as he walks for her and reaches out to her wrists.

"Letting you go."

Thinking quickly, Lou knows what she has to do. She always gets her way. Sam has been so understanding and surprisingly yielding with her since she got out of Purgatory. He has sympathy for all she's been through and when she needed anything he was there. He gave her his all. And she took what she needed because she trusted that he wanted to give that to her.

But that's over. She's not that damaged woman from a few years back. She's better and she needs to open her eyes and be as attentive as he's been. Sam has needs too.

"Wait!" Lou stops him as he takes a wrist in his grip and pushes the key into the lock to open it. He looks at her with surprised eyes. "What are you doing?" she asks again.

"You don't want this…" Sam starts to say but she cuts him off.

"We're taking the Mustang, Sam," Lou pointedly looks up at the tall, hulking man. She licks her lips, ready to let go a little and give herself over to him. "And that's final."

With wrinkled eyebrows, Sam cocks his head to the side a little and stares at her.

"We're not taking your brother's mistress on the road. I want to bring my car," she deliberately says to him, speaking slowly to make sure he understands that she's letting him have what he wants. Yes, Lou's a tough woman that sometimes forgets through her strength and intense attitude it's alright to let go control, to trust others, and to give the ones she loves what they need. With her nephew it's been easy. He needs a new diaper, some lunch, to play outside… easy. Other adults, well, she forgets they need things from her too sometimes.

Sam's eyes narrow a touch as he thinks over what she's doing. There's something stubborn in him that's upset that he knows it's an act she's putting on. But that stubbornness fades when he looks down her body and watches her hips rise and fall in a rhythm, seeking friction and more of what Sam already started to give her. When he sees she's needy as hell and he put her there, well, accepting her bratty, tough ways isn't exactly that hard.

She needs more. And she is still at his mercy after all. Even a seasoned hunter can't slip cuffs without a bobby pin or something to help. She's naked, nothing within reach, and he has her all to himself.

Quick decision made to keep it going, Sam tosses the keyring with the small metal key onto the nightstand. He knows how hard relinquishing control is for her. He best take advantage of the situation while it's there.

"No," Sam tells her, retaking his place kneeling between her knees. He grips each one in a hand and presses them sharply open. "We're taking the Impala."

"No we're not," Lou fights back quietly, her eyes darkening as she starts to see glimpses of a man she's forgotten about. Sam can be demanding, he can make her shiver with his strong voice alone, and he knows how to play her small form like a damn instrument. Why not let him take over this time? What is she, dumb?

"Yes," Sam slowly starts as he leans over her splayed out body, his hard cock pressing into her to create that pressure she desperately needed after Sam so abruptly stopped. He leans into her space, his lips hovering over hers, and tells her, "We are. Or you're not getting what you need."

"And what do I need?" Lou half smiles, flirting with her husband as if they weren't already naked and his lips didn't already have the taste of her on them.

Sam chooses not to answer. He just grins with confidence and presses his lips to hers. He takes his time, only kissing her while letting his hips roll slowly into hers. He presses into her again and again, just enough to give her a little something but not enough to give her what she wants.

And Lou's already regretting restarting this whole thing. He's making her nuts. The way he kisses her, all dirty and tongue and slow and exactly how she likes it, it's making her need so much more. And she can't get it.

"I want to touch you," Lou tells him, kissing him more as he moans when he presses just a little harder into her with the next roll of his hips. Sam leans up a bit and looks down at her, his hair a little wild around his face. "Uncuff me. I'll make it worth your while." She grins salaciously at him, hoping he might just take the bait.

Sam grins back before lowering his head. He kisses her neck once, runs his tongue up her skin to her earlobe, and sucks on it briefly. Her hips push up into him and he knows he's killing her. He asks quietly into her ear, "You want me to free your arms?"

"Baby, yes," Lou excitedly tells him, turning her head to look at him.

"You want to touch me?"

"Mm, yes."

Sam kisses her languidly, letting his lips drag against hers teasingly slow, and then tells her, "We're taking the Impala."

And then she has a real decision to make. She can consent like she already has to get her hands back. Or… she can keep playing and give Sam some power.

"No. Fucking. Way." She says it almost sweetly, kissing him at the end of her answer.

"Then… you're not. Getting out. Of those cuffs," Sam answers back while punctuating his denial with a quick lick over her lips, relishing the way this is working out. He slips down her body a bit, moving with intent, until he's back to eye level with her breasts.

Lou watches as he cups a breast in each hand as he lays over her, his hands so big that he practically makes her ample B-sized chest look much smaller. And the torture continues.

"Oh… mm, fuck," Lou hushes out with her quiet moans when his tongue laves over her left nipple, her brain just barely processing that they share a wall with their nephew. Luckily, as they've found, Sammy's a damned rock when he sleeps. Once he's under, he's done until morning most of the time.

And thank god. Because Sam knows what he's doing. He always does. And he's driving her insane with the way his mouth sucks and licks at her overly sensitive skin.

"Baby, more," Lou starts to ask for again, her hips practically humping his stomach with need. "I need more."

Sam smiles up at her. "I know." And then keeps doing what he's doing.

"Evil," Lou calls him, head dropped back with frustration.

"This isn't evil," Sam corrects, his right hand trailing down her form. He leans up a bit and makes room. When he reaches between her legs he cups her in his big hand he grins. "Because I know what you want."

Eyes lit up with hope, she knows what he's referring to. Sam discovered a little while back how to play her right, how to really drive her over the edge and quickly. Like, shockingly quickly. And hard.

Knowing what's coming, Lou closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. "I taught you well." She smirks.

Sam's eyebrow arches as he slips his middle finger into her as his palm presses to her clit. " _You_ taught _me_?"

"Mmhmm," Lou hums as Sam's finger moves slowly within her, just giving her a little something.

"I think I get some credit here," Sam tells her with a bit of sass. "I mean, I did do some serious studying over time to get to know you so well. I worked hard."

"So hard," Lou sighs, agreeing with minimal words.

"Now, come on. Tell me we're bringing the Impala," Sam tries again, internally giddy to watch this all play out the way it is. It's been a while. This is just plain fun.

"No…."

"We're bringing the Impala." He says it with more authority, his finger starting to curl upwards and hitting her spot straight on.

Lou moans in a hushed tone, knowing he's just starting. "I like my car…"

"We're bringing the Impala," Sam echoes yet again, adding a second finger. He speeds up his pace, curling faster and with more pressure.

"Oh… fuck. Oh yeah," Lou's voice moans out as her hips move on their own with the build.

"Oh yeah… we're taking Dean's car? Or oh yeah… you want more?" Sam playfully challenges, his fingers speeding up just enough to build the pleasure without letting her reach what she truly wants.

"Damn it, Giant," Lou grits out, her irritation growing. " _Please_."

"Say we're bringing the Impala and I'll give you exactly what you want."

Lou looks up at Sam, seeing the enjoyment in his expression. She then looks down and sees how damn hard he is over all this. It's worth giving up a little of her own pride for his clear delight.

But now Lou _really_ wants what she wants.

"Giant… we can bring the Impala."

Sam's dark smile lets her know it was worth letting this whole thing continue and worth giving in eventually.

Immediately his hand picks up speed. Sam's fingers curl rapidly and with pressure. Lou's entire form stiffens as the feeling strikes like lightning. He head arches backwards along with her back, her arms pulling at the cuffs keeping them there.

Grinning with pure excitement for all of this, Sam watches her face, seeing it contort with the powerful feeling she's getting from him. Using his free hand, he brings his open palm down onto her lower abdomen, his thumb quickly finding her clit.

Added sensation felt, Lou's voice heightens in volume. She's a goner.

Within seconds Lou's getting bowled over by an orgasm that rips through her with pure force.

"Fuck! Sam!" she shouts out, clenching around his fingers as she twists on the bed, her wrists still bound and limiting her reaction.

Sam keeps working her through it and she keeps riding the high, her hips moving up and down the entire time.

"Oh my fucking god," Lou exhales hard when she can form words again. He hips still as her lungs take in large gulps of air, her eyes opening to look at Sam still kneeling between her legs. He's smiling at her, a real smile with dimples and all, and it makes Lou sigh with complete adoration. And then, of course, she can't help but giggle for a good time like that.

"Worth it?" Sam challenges, knowing the answer already.

"Kind of," she defiantly answers.

"Just kind of?" he asks with slight outrage.

"Yeah, just kind of," she smirks back, looking for even more. She could easily end her night with that, satisfied and smiling, but no. Lou will always go for more if she can get it. "I'm sure you could do more to make it worth it."

"I didn't do enough already?" he asks with slight attitude, arching an eyebrow as he lifts his hand to show her how soaked it is.

Eye wide with pure excitement, Lou leans her head up to look a little closer. Yes. His hand is pretty wet. She has to ask, "Did I just squirt?"

Sam gets a good laugh out of her truly honest and almost innocent joy over such a dirty question. "Yeah. Uh…" he looks at his hand in an obvious manner before peering back at her. "I'd say definitely."

"Oh my fucking god! Dude!" Lou delights as she pushes him solidly in the chest with her bare foot, hands still locked. "That's awesome! Ha!"

Sam just laughs at her happiness. This has been something she's wanted to figure out how to do for so damn long. Ever since she got back from Purgatory and saw the phenomenon in porn everywhere she wanted to be able to do it. Hell, she even treated it like a hunt, researching everything about it and how to make it happen. She even got frustrated a few times when it wouldn't happen with Sam or alone, thinking she just couldn't do it. But now she's elated to put it lightly.

"Was it a lot?" she questions, craning her neck to look even though she's locked in place.

"Not really," Sam looks down at the wet fabric under her. "Enough to need to change the sheets."

"Holy shit! That's so cool!" Lou half-laughs now, still in awe that it happened.

Sam makes a funny face, a mix of enjoyment at seeing her this happy and need to keep things going. He hastily wipes his hand on the sheet before grabbing her ankles. He bends her in half, her knees almost touching her chest.

"Oh my god," Lou lets out as she watches him move. After the powerful orgasm, the take charge shit he's pulling on her right now, and the sexual novelty of what he's just done to her, she's in total awe of her man. And the way he moves, taking what he wants…. "You're so fucking hot right now."

Sam huffs a brief laugh as he grabs hold of himself, hard and more than ready. He pushes into her easily with how turned on she is right now, bottoming out quickly. He then leans over his moaning wife, her breaths already coming out in pants, and he kisses her lips hard. He bites at her bottom lip just lightly before pulling back just an inch, grinning at her as his hips begin to move.

**SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS**

Sitting up against the headboard in her own bed down the short hallway, Lizzy looks up at her bedroom door when Lou's voice moans out particularly loudly. She exhales with it all, a sigh that's filled with frustration of their volume with a child in the house and combined with a little twinge of jealousy.

She then looks over to her husband, also sitting against the headboard next to her with one of Bobby's journals out and her headphones over his ears. He's nodding his head to the beat and tapping his feet crossed at the ankle under the covers while listening to Black Sabbath and he's completely oblivious what's happening just a few feet away. After they decided they were going to bed they shut their door and settled in, getting a head start on the workload Lou left them before sleep won out. When Lizzy said she could take the bar for her sister she has no idea it came with research for _five_ different hunts.

Elbowing him in the side lightly, Dean's head whips over to her, catching her eye. Lizzy pantomimes for him to take off the headphones and he does, immediately making a disgruntled face when he's hearing what's happening in the house.

"Ugh. Seriously?" Dean asks her.

Lizzy just laughs.

"Why?"

"Why… are they having sex?" Lizzy doesn't understand.

"Why would you want me to hear that?" he gripes. "I prefer Ozzy."

Lizzy laughs a little. "Yeah, me too."

Dean just stares at her, wanting to know why she's made him have to listen to the sounds he truly wishes he never had to hear.

"Did you find anything on what's causing people to vanish in Minnesota?" she wonders, having had no luck on this particular case for an hour straight.

"Uh… probably," Dean tells her, flipping back to a marked page while glancing once at the door when Lou lets go of one particularly loud moan. He grimaces but keeps going. "Here's my best guess."

Dean points to a page in one of Bobby's old journals. Lizzy reads the entry quickly. " _Really_?"

"Makes sense, doesn't it," Dean shrugs a little, scratching at the stubble on his jaw a bit. "I mean, Bobby hunted something just like this in the Minnesota wilderness twenty years back. Said it was a Wendigo. Killed it with a torch he rigged up in some abandoned cabin out there. Who's to say one hasn't hibernated for this long and decided now was the time to wake up for some midnight snacks?"

Lizzy sighs. "Would explain the missing campers."

"And the fact that the few survivors there are have no description of the thing." He drops the journal and rubs his eyes. "Probably couldn't. They're too fast."

"Damn it," Lizzy complains, pulling out the info she was given by Lou on the case. She starts writing notes on what the creature probably is, what to look out for, to search and find it's lair for people still stashed there and alive, and how to kill it. "Rich isn't gonna be happy about this one."

"Who would be?" Dean tells her, placing the journal, still open to the page, onto the comforter by her side for her to reference. Dean then leans back against the headboard and watches her for a moment, trying to block out the noise from down the hall. Her hair is in a ponytail, loose piece falling around her face and her bangs practically blocking his view of her eyes. She has her lips pressed together as she concentrates and as his eyes drift lower over her shoulder and collar bone to the profile of her still perky breasts sans bra in a black tank top. Even now, a long day of household chores and running around with a very active child over with, she's stunning.

"Hey," Dean says and makes her look over to him. When her eyes connect with his, bright brown with a spark of something still young and happy despite being a very old 29 year old these days, his heart constrict a little. "You think you can put it away for the night?"

"After I finish writing this up," Lizzy nods.

"Good," Dean tells her and leans over to her, very lightly cupping her jaw to pull her closer. She grins lightly, knowing what he's up to, and falls right into it. He kisses her lips, something sweet and soft.

Lizzy's heart melts a little. It's been a few days since they've found time for this. Between Sammy, helping with the bar, searching for jobs, and keeping tabs on where Kevin might be they've found little time for _them_. They'd never complain, of course. Life is far better than ever before. But more time for them would be lovely.

_Fuck me with that big dick! Sam! Fuck!_

"No way," Lizzy immediately pulls away from her husband when Lou's voice is heard clearly.

"Yeah. Nope." Dean does the same and shakes his head. "Fuck this." He reaches for his headphones again.

Lizzy looks up at their bedroom door with worry. "You think they're gonna wake Sammy?"

"Never," Dean assures her. "That kid sleeps so hard. I've never seen it before."

"Probably because he's so active all the damn time," Lizzy points out, retaking her pen to finish writing what she needs to while hoping Sam and Lou will be done soon.

"Probably," Dean agrees and places the headphones over his ears again. He reaches for the lamp on his nightstand and clicks it off. He then turns to Lizzy and kisses her cheek. "Night."

"Goodnight," Lizzy responds, watching him slink down into the covers and rest his head on his pillow, settling in for the night. His bare back to her as finds his spot, Black Sabbath once more playing, Lizzy realizes she's done for the night right then. Screw the notes. She knows what a Wendigo is and she knows what to tell Rich tomorrow already.

Abandoning her notes on her own nightstand, Lizzy turns her lamp off and puts the room in darkness. She then sidles up to Dean's back for the night. She gets in close, drapes a leg between his, and hooks an arm around his middle. Exhaling once she's in that perfect spot, she kisses the back of his neck before pressing her nose to his hairline. He smells like shampoo. Not dirt. Not sweat. Not gunpowder or his leather jacket. Not decay or death. He smells like shampoo and nothing else.

Dean's fingers lace into hers at his chest and he grins to himself as he drifts off while Paranoid plays in his ears.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Okay, readers. Time for some honesty. I'm struggling with this story, I'm struggling with writing, and there are many reasons for that. 
> 
> I have some very huge things happening in my life that are exciting and very time consuming. I'm distracted by the excitement completely and preparing for everything is taking me away from my work. Sorry kids, this story definitely comes second to my big life changes and I am well aware that you all are more than understanding of that! Which is why I love you guys and need to keep this going. But it's been difficult finding time to write and when I do actually find time I keep having the same problem: I'm running out of gas. 
> 
> Maybe I've been writing the same series for too long. Maybe it's gotten a little stale for me. Maybe I've written myself into a corner and cannon doesn't exactly work within a story where the Winchesters are married and one of them has a fucking kid. Whatever it is, I am having issues with making the show work within my universe I've created, keeping to cannon in the way I've always wanted to, and including everything from the show plus my own twists to it. For example, it's getting boring writing about Benny. I know you all love him but there was no point to him. He dies anyways. I wrote him becasue the show did and now I keep having to interrupt my stories to include what happened to him. Ugh. I get stuck for days when I get to a point in my work where I'm forced to write out my version of inane stuff from the show.
> 
> I still have an overall plan for this series that would take it through the end of the show, that's hasn't changed and the beauty is that no matter how the show ends my idea will work. And I would love to get there. I'm just having a hard time making it through right now. Not sure what to do but I know I need to rediscover my motivation, the kind where I could write nonstop for a day with excitement and ideas. I haven't had a day like that in I can't remember how long. And my traffic and reviews are way down so when I'm doing all this work for a minimal audience it just further makes it all harder to push on.
> 
> Plus, I'm always a full story ahead. Like, for example, right now I should have the next story almost done and ready to be published by now since this current story is winding down. However, I have been battling just to finish this one story. It isn't even done yet! All I have is an idea for the next one. Yuck! 
> 
> Overwhelmed. I don't want to abandon this series, not after all this time and hard work. But I'm tapped out. What the hell do I do, everyone? Anyone out there that also writes ever found themselves in a place like this? Did you dig your way out? How? I'm hoping for some lovely advice from my lovely readers that I refuse to quit on. I'm not a quitter. I'm just... tired, I guess.
> 
> Thank you all for letting me rant my face off. Any suggestions would be very much appreciated.


	18. My Old Friend Cass

It's been a few hours into her first day taking the Roadhouse for Lou and Lizzy's feeling pretty good. She's gotten to know the three regulars well. Pete, Ray, and Ernie are good guys that just want to play cribbage and slowly down a few beers. They're retired and they have a routine.

Plus, they tip well. Bring it.

"You guys good over there?" Lizzy shouts over to the men as they start up a new game.

"We're good, Lizzy," Ray answers and waves over his head mid-shuffle.

"You just yell when you want another round, boys," she smiles wide at them, knowing they already love her. She's taken a few shifts before, they aren't strangers to her, but they've all gotten along well. In fact, they've told her to teach her sister how to be a little more kind if she can. Lizzy just laughed at the idea.

"Will do," Ernie promises and they concentrate on their game again.

This is perfect. Small number of customers early on before the possible night rush. Plenty of time to look up some info for Jackson. Lou handed her a list of inquiries she had to do as soon as she could in order of priority. First up for today: a mystery monster that's been killing young men around a campus in Florida. Their bodies are left completely drained. Not of blood. They still have blood. They just appear shriveled and empty. Very odd.

Laptop open as she sits on a stool behind the bar, she gets to work. She knows she's heard of this before. There's an odd recollection in her mind of Bobby dealing with something like this during one of her and Lou's many visits. He was looking into it and… she just can't remember what it was that he found on the matter.

Damn it.

"Mommy!"

Lizzy's eyes whip up to the front door. Her little man comes flying through it with his bright, happy green eyes, his feet pounding across the old wooden floor of the bar.

"Hey, kiddo!" Lizzy brightens up immediately when she sees him and runs to meet him. No matter what, even if she saw him just a few hours ago, that voice and that smile will always get her to drop everything in favor of hugs.

When she's on the other side of the bar she crouches down and opens her arms. Her son slams into her with a massive hug and her life couldn't be much better than this.

"He's been asking about visiting you since you left," Dean is heard saying and she meets his eyes when she looks up. Oh yeah. Life _can_ get better.

"Thanks for coming by," she says to them both, letting the hug go to look at Sammy. "I was missing you boys!"

"We miss you, too," Sammy tells her. "We bringed lunch!"

"You did!?" she gets excited of the thoughtfulness. "That's so sweet of you guys!"

"Even went to the good sub place a town over," Dean smirks, knowing she'll be excited.

"Italian?" Lizzy's eyes light up as she stands, Sammy on her hip.

"With hot peppers and pickles," Dean adds on and she grins so wide he knows the drive was worth it.

"We get you a cookie too!" Sammy says with glee, proud that he could help his daddy get mommy lunch. He always likes helping out. It makes him happy.

"I love cookies," Lizzy grins while looking at her boy. "You guys are so nice. Thank you."

"Hey, lunch date with momma sounded better than hanging around the house anyways," Dean admits and he knows she'll get it. He just wanted to come see her. Two months since they've been back as a unit and neither of them have eased up. They've been together every day, every moment possible, and there's no slowing that down in sight. He just wants to be near her.

"Is that Sammy-boy!?"

When the family of three turn to look at the corner table all three of the regulars there are looking at them.

"Hi!" Sammy says and waves to them.

"You come to kick my butt in go fish?" Pete asks him as the men clear the cribbage board for now and gather up their cards. "Because I'm not sure I'm ready to lose to you again, kid."

"I winned last time, mommy," Sammy informs her of what they're talking about. "And Pete was so mad! He say I'm shark!"

"Card shark," Pete corrects him.

"Oh, are you?" Lizzy asks with wide eyes.

"You in, kid?" Ernie asks as they deal out cards for a new game, more than happy to entertain the boy.

"You guys sure you want him messing with your card time?" Dean asks them. "I'm here. I can watch him…."

"Shut up, Dean," Ray stops him right there, knowing it hasn't been an easy year for the younger man. "You just enjoy your little lunch _date_ with your girlfriend."

Dean rolls his eyes, now feeling bad about the lies. Back when the bar was fairly new and the three men started going there almost daily, Dean was a mess. It was obvious to all when he'd take a rare shift at the bar for Lou that he was deeply saddened by something. The three men got him drunk one night after closing and he confessed to losing his wife, the devastation crushing him.

But now he clearly has a girl that's taken the pain away. Lou's sister showed up and made Dean a happier, healthier man. Hell, Dean's kid calls the new girl mommy even. The three men are willing to help Dean make this work no matter what.

It's a shame Dean can't explain that Lizzy's his wife that actually isn't dead and she's Sammy's real mom. Awkward. And unbelievable to the civilians out there.

"Thanks, boys," Lizzy grins. "Next round of cheap beer on me."

Lizzy puts Sammy on his feet and he runs to the three men. He finds a seat on Pete's lap and he shares a hand with him, the group getting going on a game of go fish.

"Wow… they're, like, seriously nice dudes," Lizzy comments as she walks around the bar to sit behind her laptop again.

"They definitely are," Dean agrees, remembering the times they'd been so kind to him in the past year. "I like them."

"And you don't like everyone." He huffs a laugh.

"Hey, I like people," Dean weakly fights back as he starts to open up their lunch.

"You barely talk to anyone outside of our family," Lizzy reminds.

"Shut up," Dean offhandedly says to her as he unwraps her sub and slides the white butcher paper it had been in across the bar to her.

She grins when she sees it. "Awesome."

Dean laughs quietly at her choice in words. They've been together a long time now. She's picked up things from him that show now and then. It makes him oddly happy.

"Mm!" Lizzy starts to speak after taking a huge bite. She looks right at him. "Hey!" she says around her food. "You remember Bobby hunting anything that would leave dudes all shriveled up about nine years back?"

Dean peers at her with wide eyes. "You want me to remember something Bobby looked up a decade ago? I can't remember what I did this morning."

"Think hard," Lizzy tells him, needing a lead. She swallows down her first bite. "It was back when Lou and I were first starting out. We'd been on hunts for a few months and when we came to stop in for a bit he was digging deep for something that was leaving young men drained. But not of blood. It was of… I don't know, maybe energy. Their life force or something."

Dean thinks hard. Back then he was hunting with his dad while Sam was at school. They did run into something like this. It just sounds so familiar. "Uh… were the dudes left pruned up?"

"Yes!" Lizzy gets excited.

"Yeah, uh… I think he was looking that up for me and dad," Dean struggles to remember as he opens up a smaller sandwich and pulls a little milk carton from the take-out bag. "That was our hunt."

"What was it!?"

"Shit… something weird. It was a female creature with a weird long neck… the name… something like…." He sighs, wishing he had his dad's journal with him. "Ro-karaoke?"

Lizzy's face drops with impatient disappointment. " _Ro-karaoke_? That's what you think it was called?"

"Not exactly. It sounded like that though," Dean tells her, sure of it. "Maybe Goggle can figure it out for you. Type that in."

"Jesus," Lizzy shakes her head at his lack of recall as she tries the odd term that just can't be right.

Dean leaves her for a second to bring the sandwich and milk over to Sammy. "Hey guys. Mind if he eats during the game?"

"Not at all," Pete promises as he moves his beer over to make room for Sammy's lunch.

"Yeah, maybe it'll help distract him so I might beat him for once," Ray grins. "Your kid's a card shark."

"That's because he's like his dad," Dean jokes a little and sets Sammy up. "You good?"

"I good," Sammy simply answers and picks up a sandwich half to take a massive bite.

"Whoa, easy kid!" Ernie laughs when Sammy's cheeks fill up chipmunk style.

"Slow down, Sammy," Dean warns and Sammy nods as she chews furiously, knowing he took on too much. He then looks to the group. "If he gets to be too much you send him my way, you hear?"

"Will do," Ray nods and Dean heads back to his wife.

When he sits down on his bar stool and lifts his sub to take a bite Lizzy interrupts him. "Rokurokubi!"

Dean snaps and points at her. "Bingo. That." He nods to confirm that the name is right.

"Oh, this totally sounds right," Lizzy tells him while reading on. "Thank god! Jackson was getting super frustrated trying to figure this one out."

"That the guy you two met when you were still rookies?" Dean wonders, pulling his own sandwich out finally. He knows that name sounds familiar.

"Yeah. He was helping us out with a really weird ghost hunt. Bobby sent him to meet us when we told him we couldn't figure it out. Jackson's a good dude." She stops typing to pick up her phone. "Great dude."

There's something in her voice. "Isn't he, like… old?"

"Older," Lizzy corrects, brushing the very idea off as she calls him up. Yes, Jackson is old enough to be either of their fathers but still... he's not _that_ old.

"Hello?" a male voice greets on the other end and Lizzy places her phone onto the bar top, it already on speaker.

"Jackson!" she lovingly grins as she answers him.

"Oh, my dear Lizzy. How are you, kid?" Jackson very fondly answers as Dean takes a bite of his lunch, ears perked and listening closely.

"I'm great. How are you, handsome?" Lizzy says in a flirty tone, Dean's eyes wide on her. Is she flirting with him?

"Stop with the flattery, girl. You're too young for me," Jackson jokes right away, clearly all too happy to hear from her.

"Too young!?" she asks with insult, her elbows on the bar as she leans down and grins ear to ear. "I think I'm still old enough for you."

"You're making me sound like a dirty old man over there, Elizabeth," he scolds her playfully. "You watch it, young lady."

"You know I love when you talk to me like that," she plays right back and they both laugh over the phone.

And Dean's face of horror is not lost on her. She rolls her eyes at him.

"I think I found your monster of the week," Lizzy tells him, getting down to business.

"Did you now?"

"Yes. It's a rokurokubi."

There's a pause. "You might want to try me again on that one."

Lizzy laughs some more. "A rokurokubi. It's a female creature. It sucks the life right out of men, usually young men. She hunts at night. And the way she leaves her victims sounds exactly like what you're dealing with."

"You sure?"

"Damn sure," Lizzy makes it clear she's confident.

"Okay. How do I kill her then?" Jackson gets serious.

"Sounds like you have to catch her feeding… like a shtriga."

"Any weapon I need specifically?"

"Nope. I would try ventilating her," Lizzy smirks. "Don't know much that can handle that."

"I'll use some silver bullets just in case."

"Good call."

She pauses as Jackson clearly writes everything down.

"You know, if you let me just email you all this information it's be a lot easier."

"You know I'm set in my ways," Jackson tells her when he finishes writing down his notes. "I ain't changed my ways for three decades… why start now?"

"Fair enough."

"You figure this out on your own or did Lou help you out?"

"Actually… it was Bobby," Lizzy tells him, her face dropping. "I remembered him figuring out a case just like this when I was barely starting out. And Dean helped me recall the name so I could look it up."

"How is that Dean?" Jackson asks with honest inquiry. "He still treating you right?"

"Always," Lizzy answers while smiling across the bar at her husband. "He's great."

Dean grins back.

"You sure? I don't mind putting the fear of god in that boy if he ain't doing right by my girl."

An angry face makes its way into Dean's expression. Lizzy just laughs.

"I think I put the fear of god in him enough. You don't need to worry."

Dean nods in agreement.

"Jackson, if you're ever near Kansas I expect you to come by," Lizzy lets him know. "It's been a long time."

"It has… but dear, I'm no booty call these days," Jackson lets her know. "That ship has sailed."

"I'm a married woman, you dirty old man," Lizzy flirts right back, Dean getting agitated a little.

"You know I'll stop in next time I'm around. I haven't seen you girls in so long… and I've never met that little boy of yours. Still can't believe little Lizzy is a mom."

"Better believe it," Lizzy laughs at him. "We'd be happy to have you. Beers on us and we got a room with your name on it."

"Well, how could I pass that deal up?"

"You can't," Lizzy grins. "You call me if anything goes wrong?"

"I'll call you when the bitch is dead. You take care of yourself, my dear."

"You too, old man."

She hangs up and smiles nostalgically at her phone for a second before closing up her laptop. When she reaches to pick up her sandwich again she notices the way Dean's looking at her with suspicious and narrow eyes.

"What?" she asks.

"You banged him."

"What!?" Lizzy questions with shock at the accusation.

"You did. You've totally had sex with him." He's sure of it.

She pauses, ready to lie, but then decides against it. "That obvious, huh?"

"You're a window," Dean tells her grouchily. "What is it with you and old guys?"

"What do you mean?" she wonders what the hell he's talking about.

"Jackson, that guy you told me about in Idaho… you absolutely had a thing for dad when you met him…."

"You look like him. What was I supposed to think?" she argues back.

"I just think you have a thing for old guys."

"I married you, didn't I?" she smirks and winks.

"I'm not old!" Dean denies her.

"Older than me. That makes you at least an older guy."

"Shut up," Dean gets agitated. "Just saying, you get on me for my little fetishes. I think you got one of your own."

She shrugs. "Eh. Maybe I do."

"You totally do," he corrects quickly.

"Hey, older men know what's going on," Lizzy tells him, taking a bite of sandwich before pulling a lined notebook out from under the bar. "I've never been disappointed by a guy that was older than me. They take their time. They care. They _know_."

Dean nods, getting it. He wasn't one to turn down an older woman looking his way when he was younger. Older chicks always did seem to love him.

"Alright. Next case," Lizzy says, looking at the list Lou left her. "Ugh, seriously!?"

"What?" Dean asks.

Lizzy looks up at him with an angry face. "Mari. She's having Lou do her research again. She's so fucking lazy sometimes…."

She stops mid-rant when her eyes slide just past Dean. She clearly locks onto something and her face pales.

"L?" Dean says her name but instead of answer she's off.

Lizzy sprints out from behind the bar and bursts through the main door.

"She okay, man?" Ernie calls over to Dean.

When Dean looks at them as he gets up, the entire table is staring at him. Even Sammy. "Lizzy's fine. I'm just gonna check on her. You good with him for now?" he asks, pointing at Sammy.

"He's good," Pete nods and Dean bolts outside.

Once in the daytime sun, Dean squints and looks around the parking lot. Nothing. No Lizzy. Then he realizes that if Lizzy was looking past where he was sitting in the bar she must have been looking out one of the side windows.

Once around the corner of the building, he finds his wife standing there with hands on her hips. She looks terribly confused. "L? You okay?"

She whips her sights onto him with wide eyes. "I, uh… no. Fuck. I'm not alright."

He walks closer to her, seriously worried. "Why are we outside right now?"

Lizzy sighs heavily as she shakes her head. "You're gonna think I'm nuts."

"I already think you're a little nuts," Dean jokes lightly, just trying to bring down the clear alarm she's feeling. He stands a little closer, grabbing one of her hands, and asks, "Just tell me what's happening."

"I saw him again," Lizzy tells her husband. "I swear I saw him."

"Who? Cass?" Dean worries a bit about her.

"Yes," she nods big while gripping his hand tight. "He was standing right here, in front of the window. He was looking right at me and… I felt him. Baby, I swear… he was right here." She points to the ground below her feet, making it clear she means it.

Dean isn't sure how to answer this. He's just standing there, brow wrinkled with concern, and staring at her.

"Dean, I know I sound crazy but I promise I saw…."

"I know," Dean assures her and steps into her, hugging her tightly. She immediately hugs him back. "I know, L."

"Am I losing it?" she worries aloud, knowing Purgatory might just have made her crack over time.

"I don't know," Dean tells her, truly unsure. "But I think your mind is just screwing with you a little because you're carrying so much guilt."

"I left him there…"

"No you didn't," Dean tells her once more, this being a topic of serious concern in their house for months now. He pulls back and holds her shoulders, looking her in the eyes. "You didn't let him down. You tried your best to get him out."

"I failed. After everything he did for me I left him there."

"You didn't leave him there!" Dean tries again with more emphasis. "You didn't! L, you would never do that. He knows that. Cass can take care of himself. You gotta let this go or it's gonna kill you."

Closing her eyes tightly, she sighs shakily. "I think I just miss him maybe. I really, _really_ miss him."

"We all do," Dean understands.

"Maybe that's all it is," Lizzy hopes as she blows out a hard lungful of air. "Probably, right?"

"I'd say so," Dean goes ahead and agrees despite knowing better. Something's happening with his wife and it's internally scaring the crap out of him. He won't say so aloud but he's very nervous about her seeing Cass like this.

"Shit," Lizzy shakes off the moment as her eyes scan around the empty lot to the side of the bar, just in case. "Okay. I'm good. I need to keep getting some research done anyways."

"You sure you don't need another minute?" Dean makes sure.

"Nah," Lizzy answers with a small smile. She reaches up and pulls Dean down a little with a hand to his shoulder, kissing his cheek sweetly. "Thanks for not thinking I'm crazy."

He huffs a laugh. "Not this time, at least."

* * *

"How you doing, big guy?" Lizzy asks as she starts to empty the dishwasher filled with pint glasses.

"I good."

When she pulls a stacked up tower of clean glasses out and looks up she sees Sammy a few feet away at a table. Once more, his crayons and blank white paper are out and scattered about as he lets his imagination fly. Dean brought him home for a nap and dinner and now he hangs out in his pajamas doing his usual nightly thing while Lizzy meanders around, keeping busy on a very quiet weeknight.

"You making anything special?" Lizzy questions, putting the glasses in their place under the bar where Lou likes them. Her sister is very particular. She likes things a certain way. Lizzy's going to prove she's worthy of watching over and properly running Lou's bar if it kills her.

"I drawed a doggie," Sammy tells her and picks up a picture he put to the side. He holds it up high for her to see from the other side of the bar.

On it is a large brown scribble of indistinguishable shape with a line of red scribble that could maybe be a collar.

"Is that Rooster?" Lizzy questions, thinking the red collar paired with brown fur might make up their neighbor's dog that loves Sammy to no end.

"Yeah!" he says. "He got red collar on."

"I can see that. You love Rooster, don't you?"

"I love him," Sammy says easily and puts that paper back down on the table to continue on the currently unfinished artwork in front of him.

"You wanna stop by and give that to Missus Glover tomorrow?" Lizzy suggests. Missus Glover is the older woman a few houses down that owns Rooster, the furry brown mutt that gets out now and then. He always ends up on their front porch waiting for Sammy to come pet him. "I bet she'd love it."

"Okay," Sammy answers, a tan crayon in his hand now as he scribbles away.

Lizzy pauses to look over at him working away, tongue hanging out the side of his mouth with concentration. He loves drawing. It can occupy him for hours a day. It's amazing how wild a child's imagination can run. "What you making now?"

"My friend."

"You're friend?" she questions, Sammy only having a handful of kids on the street he ever plays with. "Which one?"

"Cassie."

Her back stiffens when he says this. Cassie. "Who's Cassie?"

"He my friend." Sammy says it was nonchalance and keeps drawing.

"Where did you meet this friend?"

"When I sleep."

Heart pounding, Lizzy rubs her face. With Dean missing this conversation while he checks on the back rooms, she sighs. Maybe she thought she was losing it before but now? She can't be. "What did Cassie say to you?"

"He say I good boy and I take care a' you," he explains breezily.

"He told you to take care of me?" Lizzy questions, feeling the lump in her throat appear. That's absolutely something her angel would say.

"Yeah. I take care a' you," Sammy tells her while still drawing, grabbing a black crayon to make a black scribble on top of the tan scribble.

"Aren't I supposed to take care of you?" Lizzy questions, trying to not seem freaked out by all this. She takes a second and turns away from her boy. She grips the back edge of the wooden top displaying all the bottle of booze behind the bar and bows her head, breathing deeply. What the hell is going on?

And then she feels it. That deep in her chest feeling. It shows up for just a split second before she hears the rush of wind disturbed by invisible wings. She freezes with intense shock, knowing that the presence now felt behind her is real. Without looking she knows he's there.

"Cassie!" she hears her son call out excitedly behind her so she looks into the mirror behind the bottles.

"Fuck," she whispers to herself when she sees Castiel's bearded and dirty face looking back at her with a blank expression. She sharply turns back around and looks at him face to face.

There's a couple seconds that hang in the air between them as they just look at one another for the first time since she got out of Purgatory. She's shocked beyond words and he's appearing just so relieved to see her alive and well.

"Hello, Elizabeth," Castiel says in his usual low, deadpan tone.

"Mommy, dat's Cassie!" Sammy tells her, excited as he stands on his feet on the chair. He's so happy to see his new friend again. "Dat's my friend!"

Without a word said, Lizzy runs around the bar and plows into the dirty, tired looking angel with all her weight. She locks her arms around his neck and hugs him as hard as she can manage, pure relief filling her soul to see him alive. As she feels two tentative arms finally come around her back she exhales a sob.

"You're alive," she whispers to him, not loosening her hold at all.

"It appears that I am," Castiel says in his usual, flat way. His arms tighten a little and he closes his eyes when he can hear the slightest inhale from Lizzy, knowing she's that emotionally affected by him being there. It's good to be loved like that, even an angel can admit that.

"How!?" Lizzy asks, backing up a little. "How are you here?"

"Cassie!" Sammy calls over to him from his chair, still standing on it.

Castiel ignores Lizzy's question in order to look at the little savior. He's so big these days, talking and having original thoughts and being a fully developed personality of his own. "Hello, Samuel."

"I Sammy!" he giggles while pointing to himself, clearly having had this conversation before with the angel. "You call me Samuel!"

"That is your name," Castiel slightly smiles and walks to the young boy.

"It Uncle Sam name too! We the same!" Sammy tells him with much excitement.

Lizzy watches on with pure surprise as Castiel reaches his arms out to her son, Sammy accepting the invitation as if it's second nature.

"I know," Castiel explains as he pulls the child onto his hip and holds him there, looking lighter of mind already. "Your mother wanted to give you a proper name that would reflect how strong she hoped you'd be. Your Uncle Sam is one of the stronger men I've ever met. I think they made a wise choice."

Sammy just keeps looking at him for a moment when he's unsure of all that Castiel just said to him. "I maked you a picture."

"Did you?" he asks happily.

"It right 'dere," Sammy points to the table.

Castiel picks up the page with the tan blob topped with a smaller black blob. "I believe you were attempting to draw me."

"It you," Sammy points at it. "That you hair."

"I can see it," Castiel placates the child, having learned through time with the humans in his charge that sometimes honesty is not the best policy. He's thinking this would be one of them since Sammy is just so happy to share his work. "It's beautiful."

Sammy grins wide on that compliment, feeling the pride in himself that Castiel tries to give.

"That washer out back is crap," they all hear Dean say before he makes it into the main bar. He walks out from the back room with a filled laundry sack. "I'm taking the sheets home to wash since no one's here toni…." He pauses mid-sentence and his body stops mid-stride when he gets a look at the person holding his son.

Blinking a few times, brain trying to catch up, Dean's eyes shift from the angel to his wife and back again a couples times.

"Hello, Dean," Castiel greets with another small smile, always happy to see the hunter.

"Cass?" Dean asks but is immediately overshadowed by his son's loud voice.

"Daddy! Dis my friend, Cassie! He come to say hi!"

Dean's mouth hangs open for a moment as he tries to get his brain to figure out what's happening. Castiel is in their bar. Standing there. Holding their son. He's back, he's alive, he's….

"Jesus," is all he manages to get out at first, the shock too great. He looks to Lizzy and sees a very similar shock all over her.

"No. It's just me," Castiel simply responds in a half-joking manner. When he feels a little hand come up under his beard and pull a little, the angel looks right at Sammy.

"You got hair," Sammy tells him, his fingers still tangled in the beard Castiel has grown.

"I suppose I look a bit different than the last time I've seen you in person. Maybe I should clean up." He places Sammy down on his chair and turns to Lizzy with a questioning face.

"Right through that door," Lizzy tells him, pointing to the bathroom as she knows that's what he's asking for.

Castiel nods cordially and heads for the bathroom. When he disappears behind the door Lizzy and Dean's wide eyes find each other.

"What the hell?" Dean asks quickly.

"I have no idea," Lizzy harshly whispers back and grabs for Dean's arm, pulling him to the bar to speak quietly away from the angel in the bathroom. "I… I don't know what's happening."

"Maybe he got out like you did," Dean suggests.

"No way. That's a human portal," she denies, shaking her head.

"He's riding a human vessel still."

"Doesn't matter. Has to be a real human, soul and all, to open that door. That's why I knew he couldn't get out if he didn't come with me. He doesn't have a soul… just grace." She closes her eyes a second and sighs. "What the fuck is happening?"

"At least we know you aren't going crazy," Dean bright sides it. "You've been seeing him because he was around."

Lizzy just nods, her head a mess with all this. The bathroom door opens after a minute or two and out walks the Castiel they all know well. Freshly shaven, clean trench coat, and his old suit and tie back instead of the institute white scrubs.

Standing in front of them, wiping his hands on a paper towel, Castiel holds his hands out to the side in presentation.

When no one reacts positively he knows this is not a fully happy reunion.

"I can see my presence is a bit disturbing for you both," Castiel says with a flat tone.

"Not disturbing," Lizzy promises him. "Just… um. Shit. I need a drink."

Lizzy heads for the bar and gets behind it. She pulls out a shot glass and pours some Jameson swiftly into it.

Dean and Castiel watch as she drinks the liquor down to calm her nerves. Neither knows what to do in this odd situation. Luckily Lizzy speaks up first.

"Well, get your asses over and here and sit."

"Mommy! Bad word!" Sammy scolds her when he pays attention and doesn't like what she says.

"I know, baby. I messed up," Lizzy says to him, forcing a smile. "I'm trying though."

"I know you tryin', mommy. You no say bad words," Sammy tells her anyways.

"Sorry, Sammy," Lizzy says absently as she pours her own shot.

Dean walks for a bar stool next to Castiel, eyeing him suspiciously the entire time. He knows what Lizzy's told him about their time in Purgatory. It wasn't pretty and it wasn't easy. And she was so sure that Castiel was gone, locked away in the wasteland. So what's happening right now… this is crazy.

Once the two settle, Lizzy places two more shot glasses on the bar and fills all three. "Drink up."

Lizzy's shot is gone in a flash once more and Dean has no problem following her. He downs his own as Castiel sits and contemplates the golden liquid offered to him.

"Cass," Lizzy says his name and nods at the shot.

"I would need much more than that to even make a dent, Elizabeth. I can't see the point."

"Just do it to make me happy then," she says with annoyance and Castiel easily decides to appease her. He drinks it down in one go, just like Ellen Harvell had showed him years back.

When done, small glass back on the bar, Castiel looks at both of them briefly, observing their state. Both look very good. They're happy, he can just sense it past the confusion and surprise, and they're in a very good place together. "You both seem to be enjoying life these days."

With upset in her eyes, Lizzy stares at him a moment before saying, "Are you trying to deflect or something?"

"Deflect?" Castiel wonders, honestly having been delighted to see them looking so good.

"She's wondering what's going on, Cass," Dean jumps in to help.

"Yes, well… I've been trying to reach out, but for whatever reason, I wasn't at full power. So I couldn't connect with you," he tells him while eyeing Lizzy again.

"Explains why you've been seeing him everywhere," Dean adds in, making sure Lizzy understands that she's not going crazy at all.

"Yeah. I guess," Lizzy nods, her brow furrowed as she stares at Castiel with still running disbelief. "I just… Cass, man, how did you get outta there? You and me, I was with you. I know that place. I know what it took to find that portal to get out. We… we almost died trying to leave so I gotta know… how the fuck are you sitting here right now?"

"Lizzy, everything you just said is completely true," the angel assures her. "And that's the strange part. I... have no idea. I remember endlessly running and hiding from Leviathan and then I was on the side of the road in Illinois. And... that was it." He shrugs to show he means it. He's as confused as she is.

"That's it!?" Lizzy nearly shouts. "Come on, Cass! You know I'm not that stupid."

"I do. And I would never lie to you about it. I was there… and then I wasn't. I wish I knew what happened but I just don't."

Something about the way he says it makes her understand. He's being very truthful. He's as lost as she is on it. "Well, then… we're in trouble. Because if it took everything to get me and Benny out then whatever yanked your ass out is damn powerful."

"And might be after you," Dean adds on, glancing at Sammy working away on another picture behind them. Sammy's safety always comes first.

"I do not think I am sought after," Castiel honestly tells him.

"How would you know?" Dean challenges.

"I went right for you. The prophesized pair and the Second Coming. If anything was truly after me it would have made its presence know much before now."

"Comforting," Dean very sarcastically complains.

"You must know by now that I'd never put Samuel in danger. Ever."

"We know, Cass," Lizzy nods, assuring him when he needs it.

There's a silence that comes over them as Lizzy's mind flashes back to their escape from Purgatory. She was right there, the wind and energy from the open portal pulling her and tossing them around as they neared it. Climbing up that cliff after barely getting away from the Leviathan that tried to block their path. Reaching for Cass, grabbing his hand to pull him up into the portal with her… and her grip slipping. Watching him slide back down the cliff as he yelled her name, pleaded for her help… and she couldn't.

Nothing feels right here. And the memory of letting him down has haunted her ever since it happened.

"Shit, no. Cass, come on," Lizzy speaks up when she can't hold back any longer. She needs to understand and she needs to say her peace about what happened. "What the hell happened?"

"What do you mean?" Castiel asks her, confused.

"I swore to you I'd get you out," she gets very serious, eyes hard on his as she pours her heart out. "We were right there, right about to leave… and I let you down." Her voice cracks at the end with the truth of the memory.

"Let me… Elizabeth," he shakes his head, his face showing the horror he feels over her thinking this way. "You have never once, not since your birth, let me down."

"I dropped the ball and you know it," she says with certainty as a tear slips from her eye. She harshly and quickly wipes it away.

"How do you figure you dropped the ball?" the angel needs to know.

Smiling a little through the now pouring tears, she shakes her head. "I tried. So hard. And… I failed. I couldn't get you out. I let you down and of all people…." She stops there and bows her head with pure shame.

With a wrinkled face, Castiel looks at her with shock. "You think my staying behind in Purgatory was your fault?"

"I didn't want to let you down," Lizzy cries quietly. "I did everything I could to get you out of there…."

"I know that," Castiel says strongly, hoping she gets that he holds no animosity towards her. He reaches across the bar and gently places a hand over hers. She looks back up at him. "You've never given up on me. Not really. Even when you've wanted to. I know you tried everything."

"But I couldn't hold on," she rebuts. "And who else's fault would that be?"

"It's not about fault. It's about will. You… you really don't remember, do you?"

"I remember it like it was yesterday," Lizzy swears.

"No, I don't think that you do," Castiel tells her, reaching for her forehead. "Look at it. What _really_ happened?"

He presses his fingers to her head and the flashback hits her hard.

_They're running up the cliff, climbing and scrambling with Lizzy leading the way to the open portal._ _Lizzy makes it to the top._

_Turning around, she looks down at Castiel barely holding on. "Grab my hand!" she leans down and reaches for him._

" _Get in first!" Castiel shouts back to her, still clawing his way upwards._

_She listens. Lizzy steps into the portal and reaches over the edge again on her hands and knees. One hand still gripping her weapon, she managed to grasp his hand as hard as she can. She starts to pull. "Hurry! Cass, it's closing!"_

" _Elizabeth!" he yells her name, trying harder but still failing._

" _Cassie, please!" she starts to fear as their grip loosen. She's losing him._

" _Elizabeth!" he yells her name again and lets go of her hand, shoving it back to her. "Go!"_

_Lizzy just watches in deep horror as he lets go and tells her to leave. Before she knows it the portal closes and takes only her with it, the terror in his eyes the last Lizzy sees of her guardian angel._

When Castiel takes back his hand Lizzy returns to the present. She blinks a few times before peering at him with alarm. "What the fuck?" she whispers, hurt and so lost by what she just saw.

"You were remembering it the way you needed to," Castiel explains. "But it wasn't about you being too weak or letting me down. I was strong. I pulled away from you. Nothing you could have done would have saved me because… I didn't want to be saved."

"But why?" Lizzy questions, not understanding anything.

"It was where I belonged," he honestly tells her. "I needed to do penance. After the things I did on earth and in heaven I didn't deserve to be out. And I saw that clearly when I was there. I... I planned to stay all along. I just didn't know how to tell you when you had been so adamant about saving me. But you can't save everyone, Elizabeth... though, you try."

Speechless, Lizzy just shakes her head at him. She blinks once and the last of her tears fall, understanding that Castiel gets all the wrong he's done in the past. He knows how badly he's messed up and he wants to make up for it. And she never let him down.

When the bar phone rings she's shaken out of the moment. She sighs deeply, knowing she has to answer it as it may be someone needing her help, Lizzy wipes her face with her long sleeves and walks for the phone hanging on the wall.

"Hello?" she answers after sniffling once.

"Good, you're there."

"Lou, Jesus," Lizzy rolls her eyes. "Off course I'm here. I'm supposed to be here. Been here all day."

"And you got Jackson's case figured out."

"Rokurakubi," she answers. "Called him back and let him know. Told him to stop by sometime soon."

"You just want to flirt with him."

"Shut up. What do you need?"

"Well, we have a list of names of all the taken people around the world and we can't figure it out," Lou explains. "We checked with Aaron's people and they were clean and as confused as us."

"Well, give me the list," Lizzy says as she grabs a pen and paper. "Maybe we can figure it out on our end."

"Okay…"

Lou starts to list off the names one at a time and as Lizzy writes them she repeats them aloud. "Luigi Bianchi, Justin Griffin, Aaron Hagar, Maria…"

"Maria Diaz, Dennis Reynolds, Krista Woods, Sven Nilsson."

With wide eyes Lizzy and Dean both stare at Castiel with real shock.

"Louie, hold on a moment. Might be onto something," Lizzy says and covers over the receiver of the handset so Lou can't hear what's happening. "Cass, why did you know those names?"

"They're prophets." It's stated simply.

"Prophets?" Dean asks for clarification.

"Yes. Angels instinctively know the names of every prophet. Past, present, and future."

"So this list is the name of every prophet that currently exists?" Lizzy wants to be sure, tapping the paper she'd been writing on with her pen.

"Yes, until the next generation is born. Plus Kevin Tran, of course. The other seven are future prophets, since only one can exist at a time."

"But then how is Kevin a prophet? What about Chuck?" Dean checks, confused.

"I'm not sure what happened to Chuck, but... he must be dead," Castiel sadly informs them

"So, the next one comes off the bench if Kevin goes down?" Dean keeps prying.

"Exactly," the angel nods. "And they have no idea who they are, of course."

"Shit," Lizzy complains. "It's definitely got to be Crowley."

Dean nods. "Insurance. Boy, he's getting desperate."

"Explains all the weird phenomena for sure. Lower-level demons nabbing heavy-duty bargaining chips."

"I get the feeling something's going on," Castiel looks between them with narrowed eyes.

"Most definitely," Lizzy nods. "Are you in any shape to help them out?"

"Sam and Lou?" Castiel asks.

"Yeah. They're off looking into the missing prophets while on the hunt for Kevin Tran… since he's disappeared. We're hoping Crowley doesn't have him."

"Of course," Castiel nods and disappears from the bar stool he'd just been on.

"Crap," Lizzy worried aloud and pulls the receiver back to her ear quickly. "Lou! Hey! Uh, I just sent help your way…."

"Help? Who…. _Fuck_!" she suddenly shouts on the other end and Lizzy knows he's just arrived.

"Cass knows what's up and he's still got some juice. And yeah, he's somehow out of Purgatory."

"God damn it," Lou huffs out with shock and anger. "Guess I'll talk to you later then."

"Love you."

"You too."

Lou hangs up and Lizzy puts the receiver back. When she turns back around Dean's just sitting there looking at her.

"You alright?" he asks her.

"If by alright you mean freaked out and shaking… then I'm great," she smiles sarcastically and runs her hands through her hair with stress. The bar is now quiet and it seems like nothing occurred at all. "Did that really just happen?"

"Where my friend go?" Sammy asks from his place at the table.

"He had to go do something real quick," Dean jumps in and answers swiftly. "He'll be back to see us though."

"Cassie come back?" Sammy wonders, hoping to see Castiel again soon.

"He'll come back. Promise," Dean tells him, walking over to Sammy and picking him up from his seat. "You really like him? That Cassie?"

"Yeah. He nice and he play games with me," Sammy answers easily as he reaches out to grab the necklace that's always around Dean's neck. He fiddles with the gold pendant on a black cord as he explains, "We talk 'bout mommy and you and I telled him about the zoo. And he laugh when I roar like King did."

"He laughed?" Lizzy asks incredulously.

"Yeah."

"Cassie… the guy that was just here… he _laughed_!?" she has to make sure.

"Yeah, mommy. He laughed. Cassie laughs with me."

"It's like I don't even know the guy," Dean comments, also disbelieving the very idea of Castiel laughing. "I'd actually pay good money to see that."

Lizzy smiles but he can see how fake it is quite easily.

"You think he's okay enough to help them out?" Dean wonders with deep concern for the state Castiel might be in.

"I have no clue. I hope so but after everything… I just hope so," she answers with a voice that's obviously uncertain. "I… I don't know what in hell is happening right now."

Pressing his luck, Dean knows they should close down early for the night for her benefit. "Hey, no one's gonna come in tonight. It's a Wednesday. Why don't we close up shop and head home, huh?"

"Why?" Lizzy wonders.

"Are you gonna be effective if we keep this place open tonight?"

Thinking for a moment, Lizzy sadly answers with a, "No."

"Okay, then screw it. We close early. Lou won't know, it'll be fine," Dean assures her. "And I'll change the message on the phone so if any hunters need us they can call my cell."

It doesn't take more than a couple seconds for Lizzy to nod in the affirmative. "That's a good idea."

"Alright. Let's just go home and tuck this dude in," Dean tries for something far more fun. "And we can check in with Lou and Sam from there."

With nothing short of total love in her eyes, Lizzy smiles small as she pulls him down by the back of the neck. A quick kiss to the cheek and she tells her husband, "Thank you."

"Anytime," he shrugs and heads back to the table Sammy was working at. Together the clean up his stuff as Lizzy closes down for the night, no new customers ever coming through the door.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: I want to start off by saying THANK YOU! Every person that reviewed/commented with words of encouragement and love after that last chapter, THANK YOU! I really needed to know that you all would be there if I took a break. Which I think I need to do. For right now until my kiddo decides to pop out in roughly two months I am done with this series. I need to walk away, recharge, and let my life take over for a little bit. I will be exhausted and in shock and totally frazzled very soon. After I get past that phase I hope to be back at it. I have a long term plan that I just cannot give up on with this series. I can't. I have a vision and to lose it now would be totally devastating for me personally. I just hope that you all can be patient and put me on alerts/subscribe to me so that when I return to this series then so will you.
> 
> I am also playing around with a prompt-based idea just to keep my creativity flowing in the mean time. I want to write. It's fun and it keeps my brain sparking. I will figure out what the guidelines are and open it up to all readers that would like to give my brain a little challenge at the end of this story... which will be the next chapter. Get thinking, people!
> 
> Again, thank you so much for hanging in there with me and being such positive forces in my life. The love was amazing. Truly. Thank you!


	19. Prophet Recovery Plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> VERY IMPORTANT NOTE AT THE END! BE SURE TO READ IT!

* * *

With a deep sigh, Lou rubs her forehead and closes her eyes. What the fuck is happening here!?

There they are, sitting in the car waiting. Sam takes his usual spot in the passenger seat while Lou's behind the wheel. Peeking into the rearview mirror she sees Castiel peering out the side window from the backseat of the Impala, his forehead set in concentration as his eyes are hard on nothing in particular. They're waiting for Missus Tran after a frantic call received from her a few hours ago. She called just after Castiel flew in unannounced when he should be locked in Purgatory to speak to them about the prophet problem they are in the middle of.

What the fuck is her life right now?

"I want to be popping bottle caps and researching poltergeists," Lou grumps as she slumps lower in her seat, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Don't pout," Sam says quickly, swatting her knee.

"Dude, this sucks," Lou spells it out. "Missus Tran is scary and she's also a friggin' idiot when it comes to our type of stuff. She just takes Kevin and runs? Seriously? We could have helped them! They wouldn't be in this mess if they stuck with us!"

"You forget… you tried to _kill_ Missus Tran," Sam reminds her.

"I tried to kill Crowley!" she gets very upset.

"I doubt Kevin distinguishes between the two considering Crowley was possessing his mother at the time," Castiel speaks up while never looking away from the side window.

"No one asked you, wings!" Lou gets pissed off, still unsure and still uncomfortable with the angel that used her soul to become god not three years ago.

"Hey, take it easy," Sam calmly requests.

"Sorry," Lou says but doesn't mean it. She shoots him a look to remind him that she shouldn't be expected to like the angel at all. Sam just nods and gives a sympathetic look to her, sharing an apology with her. Lou rolls her eyes and continues to wait. "Can't believe Lizzy sent him to us," Lou mutters quietly.

Sam gives her a warning look.

"We're not babysitters," Lou whispers.

"And I am not deaf," Castiel speaks up when he can clearly hear her. He makes hard eye contact with her through the rearview mirror. "Despite our past encounters, I am a worthwhile being to know. Elizabeth wouldn't have sent me to you if I was not useful within the situation. I suggest you learn to at least work with me instead of hurl insults. It'd be far more productive."

"You used me," Lou reminds, stubborn on the fact. She knows how important he is to the rest of her family but grudges die hard, especially something as huge as their specific past.

"And I have proven myself since then, I like to think," Castiel rebuts sharply. "I took Sam's Cage burden away from him, did I not?"

"You unleashed that shit on him when you went rogue!" Lou fights back and turns around in her seat swiftly with much anger. "You broke the wall! That was your fault!"

"Lou, knock it off," Sam tries but Castiel holds a hand up to stop him.

"Sam, I feel this conversation is long overdue. Clearing the air between us may be the only way to mend anything here," Castiel sees clearly. He stares at Lou's challenging expression for a moment. "The wall in Sam's head was never going to hold, not long term. I believe by the time he reached middle age, if he were to survive that long within his lifestyle, he would have been a nonfunctioning disaster and that's putting it lightly. Without my intervention his life would have been over. Would you prefer the Sam you have now? Or the Sam that wouldn't even be able to recognize you in just a few short years?"

Nothing coming to mind to answer that, Lou bite her tongue hard.

"I took on Sam's burden as I understood clearly that I messed up. I messed up harder and in bigger ways than I could ever put to words and I am ashamed by it. I know I shouldn't be here right now, with any of you. I am aware that I need punishment and penance for my actions, and I tried to do that. I tried to spend my time in Purgatory paying for what I did to the universe. That's what I wanted. But I'm here now. I don't know why but I'm here and I'm part of your sister's life and your significant other's life. I'm even a part of your nephew's life. We have to live together. It seems I'm not going anywhere any time soon so we need to get along peacefully. And you need to find a way to get past what I did. It isn't fair that I ask that, not in the least, but this is for the sake of your family."

As he stares straight into her, as if pushing her to dare disagree with his assessment, Lou's heart pounds. What the hell can she say to that? He makes so many good points… all the good points really. And her family has accepted him into their lives even despite his flaws and fuck ups.

"I don't trust you," she tells him.

"I don't blame you for that."

It's a good answer. "And you know I'll be watching you like a fucking hawk… especially around Sammy."

"You do not need to do that but I completely understand why you feel that way," Castiel concedes. "I feel I will prove myself to you eventually, much like Dean has done."

Turning around in a huff, Lou sits back in her seat now angrier than before. She wants to hate him but he makes it so damn difficult to.

And the smug smile Sam tries to hide from her doesn't help. It makes her blood boil a little harder. Luckily, a car pulls up next to their parked one and lets them know Missus Tran has finally arrived, giving Lou something else to focus on.

The three get out of the Impala to greet her.

"You can do this, can't you?" Missus Tran blurts out as she exits her car, eyes wide and frantic. "You guys can get him back?"

"We hope to," Sam nods as he walks around to meet her, ready to do what it takes to get Kevin out of the situation he's in.

"How did Crowley find you?" Lou has to ask first of all, the question killing her.

"Oh, I hired a witch and she ratted us out," the mother rolls her eyes and admits begrudgingly.

"A witch? Why'd you hire a witch?" Sam wonders aloud.

"To make demon bombs, of course!" Missus Tran impatiently informs them. "These are Kevin's notes." She gives Sam a spiral notebook.

"You have any idea where Crowley took him?" Lou asks her.

"No. But, uh..." she trails off as she walks for the trunk of her car. Using the remote fob on her keychain she pops it and opens it up to reveal a black-eyed man stuffed inside. "This guy might."

Lou immediately smiles devilishly at the sight before her while she pulls Ruby's knife out of an inner pocket of her jacket. She twirls it once like the expert she is and grips it hard. "Damn, Tiger Mommy. You sure you weren't a hunter in a past life or something?"

Missus Tran looks at her with annoyance. "Just find out where my son is."

"Ten-four," Lou nods as she points the tip of the sharp blade at the demon, Sam standing tall by her side with a slight smirk on his face over the triumph the older woman had. "Let's talk."

* * *

Arriving at the old factory in Atlantic, Iowa in the late hours of the night, Lou parks the Impala with Missus Tran pulling up right behind them.

"She might punch me in the face for this," Lou warns Sam when she looks over at him, a pair of handcuffs in her hold.

"As long as you don't tell her where those cuffs were just a couple days ago," Sam lightens up and opens his passenger side door before she can retort. They both get out and Lou heads straight for Missus Tran's driver's side door of her Prius.

As soon as her door opens Lou reaches inside, not letting her have the time to get out. Swiftly Lou cuffs Missus Tran's wrist to the steering wheel, locking her inside her own car.

"Sorry, Mrs. Tran," Lou bashfully tells her as she takes a few steps back and makes sure she's out of swinging-fist-range.

"Wait! What?!" she yells back as she pulls her arm a few times, seeing that she's absolutely not going anywhere.

"You can't come with us," Lou explains. "This is the kinda shit we do really well. You need to sit tight and let us handle this one."

"Are you serious!?" Missus Tran yells at her.

"Dead serious," Lou tells her, quickly pushing the trunk release button on the open driver's door.

Sam takes the opportunity. He now has the demon killing knife and he opens the trunk, looking at the captured demon inside that's still curled up inside. "This it?" He points to the factory.

"Yeah, that's it," he confirms.

"Great," Sam nods once. "Exorcismus te, omnis imundus spiritus…."

"My son is in there!" Missus Tran tries to fight back.

"Which means Crowley already has leverage," Lou spells it out clearly. "He doesn't need another hostage. We aren't risking your life too."

With a loud yell, a cloud of black smoke erupts from the trunk and dissipates into the ground. When the body the demon had been riding doesn't move Sam presses a couple fingers to its neck.

"He didn't make it?" Lou asks, standing next to Sam now and checking in on him.

"Damn it," Sam shakes his head with disappointment before slamming the trunk, frustrated.

"You ready?" Lou asks him.

"Yeah. Cass?" Sam asks, the angel still hanging back by the Impala, a little awkward with the way he spoke to Lou before.

"I'm ready."

The three walk into the factory together, armed and ready.

And Missus Tran now realizes they truly are leaving her behind. "Oh, come on!"

**SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS**

Sitting in a room inside the factory, Kevin sighs and tries to keep his calm. His hand is radiating in biting pain, the stump of his pinky throbbing after Crowley so lovingly cut it off to inspire him to listen to the demands set on him. He's still covered in the blood of a possible future prophet that Crowley so adoringly blew up. And he's still reeling from the threat Crowley put on her mother so dearly.

This is bad.

This is where he breaks and gives Crowley what he wants. He's only so strong. He's only human

Piece by piece, one section at a time he's been spelling out the least important parts first. He's stalling. He knows what happens when he reveals what's really on this tablet to the King of Hell.

And out of nowhere the stone tablet starts to shake in Kevin's hand.

"Whoa," Kevin quietly says, blinking a few times to clear his vision.

"Kevin?" Crowley asks, pausing in blowing on the small, colorful pinwheel in his grip to look at the prophet.

"Hold on. This is different. It's… it's not text from God. It's like a personal note?"

Crowley sits a little taller with that. "A personal note from God?"

"No," Kevin answers, wrinkling his brow as he tries to understand the tablet. "From... the angel... Metatron."

"The scribe... and suck-up," Crowley grumbles with distaste. "Took down God's word, picked up his cleaning… blah, blah, blah."

"It's like a… a farewell note."

One eyebrow arched, Crowley bids, "Go on."

Reciting what he reads, Kevin tells him, "Upon completion of this task, I take my leave of my master in this world. So ends the transcription of the sacred word for the defense of mankind. Into the hands of God's children thus passes the compendium of tablets."

"Compendium?" Crowley asks with a very keen interest, pinwheel now dropped and forgotten.

"It's a collection of things, especially one systematically organized."

Crowley rolls his eyes. "I know what a _compendium_ is, Kevin. What does Metatron mean?"

**SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS**

After separating and pissing off his wife by leaving her with the angel she's still on the fence about, Sam makes his way down a long hallway. He used the one and only demon bomb the Trans were able to make to blow away some demons that had cornered him and now, demon-killing knife out and ready, he's looking for the stolen prophets he's damn sure must be here.

When he reaches a pair of doors that looks just suspicious enough, the wooden plank barring it closed from the outside, Sam lifts the wooden piece and tries to open them. They don't budge. Fuck picking locks.

Sam kicks the doors open with a hard shove, both swinging open harshly. When he enters the room and sees the bloodstained octagonal table in the middle he fears the worst. It's a lot of blood.

"Oh, no…."

One at a time, the future prophets stowed away in the room peek up from behind the lighted table that belongs in any clichéd evil lair.

"Hey," Sam awkwardly greets when so many people come out of hiding, clearly hoping he doesn't appear to be evil himself. "I, uh... I'm here to help."

"You're not one of them?" a man with glasses and a white push broom mustache asks in a quiet voice.

"No, no way," Sam shakes his head. "I generally think of Crowley as a dick."

"Get us out of here," a woman asks of him, her voice taxed with fear.

"I'm gonna…." Sam stops when he sees movement behind some crates to his right. When he looks he can just see the boy from the articles online peering around a concrete block. His tone softens immediately when he sees him. "Aaron?"

The little boy's eyes go wide when the man knows his name.

"Hey, Aaron," Sam crouches to the floor, once more the innocence and vulnerability of the young kid reminding him of Sammy. "I'm Sam."

The boy remains hesitant.

"It's okay, kiddo," Sam tries to assure him. He points to his eyes. "No black, see?"

Aaron nods and crawls out of his hiding place. He stands up and looks to Sam with confusion and worry.

"You wanna get out of here, maybe?" Sam tries for a comforting, easy voice. It seems to work. Aaron runs over to him. He hugs the much larger man and Sam takes the opportunity to scoop him up and sit him on his hip like he does with Sammy all the time. Once the kid is securely with him he stands tall and looks to the rest of the group. "I'm getting you all outta here. Come on."

**SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS**

"We're very near Kevin," Castiel informs as he searches with Lou. He can feel his proximity to the prophet.

"You can tell that?" Lou asks, eyes still darting about as they make their way through the factory. Her salt round-loaded sawed-off is in her grip and her heart is pounding… just like she loves it. She might have missed this feeling more than she's admitted before now.

"I can focus in on certain people of import, like prophets, yes," Castiel simply answers, eyes also peeled as they move.

"And like Lizard?"

"Yes. Samuel too," Castiel explains. "Though, I would add Sam and Dean into that group these days also. Having been around them so much and having had our… I guess I would call it friendship, become so strong it's affected my senses."

Lou doesn't say anything much to that, not sure what to say anyways. She's obviously left off his the list.

"I sense you're upset by this?" Castiel mentions, reaching out to grab her shoulder and stop her at the end of a hall. He steps in front of her, blocking any threat from getting her first, and peers around a corner carefully. When there's nothing there he walks ahead of her, feeling more comfortable that way.

Lou knows what he's doing but says nothing of it. "Not upset. Just recognizing that there's a name purposefully left off that list.

Castiel stops short and turns on her, eyes hard on her. He narrows them and tilts his head to the side a little. "You think I would let something happen to you? As if you mean less to me than the others?"

"I was already turned and sent to Purgatory for four years so… yeah. I do." She's honest, a specialty of hers. And if he cared wouldn't he have attempted to help her out with all that?

"Back then… I was different. Regrettably so," Castiel admits, eyes lowered to the ground as he turns back around to lead the way to Kevin. "I like to think I have improved since then. I know the importance you hold for the people I consider important to me. For that fact alone I would give my life for yours without thought. Plus… I will always be in your debit for what I've done to you."

Shocked by the angel once more, Lou stays quiet. No, she hasn't forgiven him for using her soul like he did on his God-power trip. But it's easier to see him as the tragically misguided being that he is these days.

Hearing something close behind her, Lou turns sharply to find a demon behind her. Quickly she raises her knife to stab the demon but it's faster than her and he sends her flying into a bunch of chains hanging from the ceiling in the hallway corner.

The demon then stretches out a hand towards Castiel. The kinetic force it sends out makes the angel take a couple steps back in weakness. He shakes the attack off as swiftly as he can and steps forward to cover the space between them. He places a hand on the demon's head and smites him without hesitation, the demon's eyes and mouth bursting forth with white light.

Lou blocks her eyes as she struggles to get back on her feet, the brightness making her shield herself. When it's over, the demon's body crumbling to the floor lifelessly, she opens her eyes again just in time to catch sight of Castiel trying to steady himself against the hallway wall. He's struggling to recover from burning out the demon, his strength very clearly not all there.

"Whoa!" Lou calls over as she runs the rest of the way over to him as she starts to fall. She catches him by the shoulders and tries to get him back on his feet. "What the hell? Thought you guys were all powerful and shit?"

The way Castiel's eyes slide over to hers with an annoyed and guilty expression gives him away.

"You're not back to your old self, are you?" she questions him with high concern.

"Not entirely." The answer is simple and clear.

"Would've been nice of you to bring that to my attention before we busted into the King of Hell's lair, dude," Lou complains with the truth. Once he's back on his feet, back leaning into the wall, Lou looks him square in the eyes. "Can you handle all this?"

"I'm fine," Castiel lies right away.

"And you've been hanging around Sam and Dean too much. Don't lie."

"I'm… well enough."

"You better be," Lou pokes him in the chest with her index finger. "I'm not dying today just because you're weak. Let's go. You said Kevin's near."

"That door," Castiel points to the closed door a few feet ahead.

Lou nods with excitement, ready to get their honor student/prophet back once and for all. She sprints over and tries the knob. Locked. As she pulls out her lock pick set, Castiel is impatient.

"Lou, I'm going in." He takes a few steps closer to the door.

With a look of audacity, Lou tells him,"No fucking way you are. Not without me."

"I'll be just fine."

"You're not strong enough," she reminds him.

He doesn't listen and disappears right in front of her eyes.

"Fucking angel…" Lou gripes as she sets to picking the lock again, moving even faster than before.

**SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS**

"So… there are more tablets?" Crowley sums up with the information that a compilation of tablets exists. "More than 'Leviathan' and 'Demon'?"

"I… I'm not totally sure but it sounds like it. Yeah," Kevin responds, sitting in his chair still. How hopeless. He's down a finger and trapped here, forced to translate the tablet for the King of Hell. He's clearly on his own.

But then the sound of fluttering wings fills the room and everything changes.

Blowing out a hard, disappointed breath, without even peering at the angel Crowley greets, "Castiel. Fresh from Purgatory. I wish you'd called first."

"Crowley," Castiel nearly growls with anger to see him well and thriving.

"Which Castiel is it this time? I'm never sure," Crowley asks, standing from his seat and making eye contact with his old partner. He takes a few steps until he's standing on the opposite side of Kevin's table. "Madman or megalomaniac?"

"Kevin is coming with me," Castiel wastes no time in making his mission clear.

"I think not. The Prophet's playing on _my_ team now."

Castiel's angelic sword drops into his hand from his trench coat sleeve and he holds it up. He makes it clear that he's willing to fight to get the prophet back.

Crowley, never one to shy away from a good fight, holds up his hand and his own knife materializes out of thin air in his grip.

Kevin, knowing what's coming, wisely stands up and backs away a few steps, looking to press his back to the wall. He watches the angel and demon stand across the table from one another with hate in their eyes.

"So, this is how it's going to be?" Castiel makes sure, internally debating how he can make it out of this alive.

"Oh, it's all very West Side Story, but let's be logical," Crowley tells him while slightly bored. "You look like hell, and I should know. You're not up for this."

Castiel knows he has to prove himself now. Crowley isn't afraid of a fight with him, especially with his currently weakened state showing through so clearly. Making a calculated decision, Castiel makes a show of what he is with what little strength he has left.

Bright, angelic light starts to glow from within him. Soon it shines outward from his body, illuminating the dark room as his eyes light up a very vivid blue.

The first hint of concern and possibly fear makes its way into Crowley's expression. "Maybe you can get it up, but you can't keep it up."

Intensifying the display, light glowing brighter, shadows of Cass' opening wings appear on the wall behind him.

"You're bluffing!" Crowley gets downright scared now.

"Do you want to take that chance?" Castiel asks, only getting more intimidating by the second.

Knowing his time is up, Crowley reaches for the stone tablet on the table. Seeing the quick movement, Castiel raises and lowers his sword over the table, smashing it along with breaking the table in half. Crowley swiftly disappears while still holding one half the tablet, taking it with him.

The moment the demon is gone the kinetic lock on the door releases. Lou them bursts into the room, stumbling a bit. When she rights herself and stands, she gets a look around the room. A shattered table, a bloodied prophet, and an ailing angel.

Quickly she runs for Kevin. "Jesus, kid! Are you alright!?"

Kevin's wide eyes look right at her. "Been better."

"You look like you've been beat to shit," Lou admits, checking him over. "But besides being down a finger you look pretty damn good. Surprisingly."

"Most of the blood isn't mine," Kevin looks down at his clothing.

"Been there," Lou laughs a little and changes her focus to Castiel.

He's now lying on the floor limply.

"Grab that," Lou tells Kevin while pointing at the half of the tablet left in the room. He listens as Lou runs to Castiel and helps him onto his feet. "You alright, wings?"

"I've been much better before," Castiel simply answers, steadying himself with a palm pressed to the wall. "We should leave here."

"In case the King Ass-Fuck comes back? Couldn't agree more," Lou nods at Kevin. "Let's go. Your mom's outside."

"Mom came?" Kevin asks with hardly veiled excitement to know she's alright and safe.

"You think she wouldn't?" Lou laughs and slings one of Castiel's arms around her shoulders. "Let's boogie, kid."

* * *

It's just after two in the morning when headlights shine through the living room, letting the occupants know they have an arrival.

"About god damned time," Lizzy says as she and Dean both get up immediately. They head outside, ready to see and speak to their family after several days away.

"Hey," Lou greets as she steps out of the Impala from behind the wheel, a smile on her face to be home.

"Hi," Lizzy greets quickly back and hugs her tightly. "You guys good?" she wonders over her sister's shoulder.

"Yeah," Lou nods and pulls away from the embrace. "Well, Sam and I are good."

Lizzy's face drops. "What's wrong with Cass?"

"Nothing's wrong with me," the deep voice answers for her as Castiel gets out of the backseat of the car. He stands tall and tries to keep Lizzy from worrying.

"That why you took a nap on the way back here?" Sam challenges over the car roof and looks at Castiel.

"Nap!?" Lizzy smacks Castiel on the shoulder. "Angels don't nap! What's wrong?"

"I'm… a little weak, I guess…"

"Cass, man. Don't lie," Dean steps in and looks at the angel hard. "What's going on?"

He sighs. "After retrieving Kevin and everything… why is the focus solely on me?"

"Because you popped out of Purgatory out of nowhere with no explanation and now I'm finding out you're weakened," Lizzy reminds him. "How would we not worry about you?"

"I am an angel. Don't waste your time being concerned about me. I will get my strength back. You need to only concern yourself with Kevin and Samuel."

His eyes shift around a bit as all four humans stand around him, looking right at him with a total lack of acceptance.

"You're still a shit liar," Lizzy says to him, a hint of lightness in her tone to relax him.

"And your mouth still needs to be washed out with soap," Castiel quietly remarks.

Lou huffs a solid laugh at that, enjoying the comment. "At least he's funny, right?"

Lizzy rolls her eyes. "Whatever. So, is everything taken care of?"

Sam answers for them all and starts his breakdown of where they are now. "Everything's good. Garth is gonna lay low with the Trans. I guess he has a boat somewhere close enough that..."

Everything suddenly changes. The sounds of a suburban neighborhood at night, crickets and the occasional gust of wind, all cease at once. Instead Castiel finds himself in a white, nearly sterile looking office and the people he'd just been conversing with are all gone.

Instead, he's greeted by an uptight, suit-clad woman sitting behind a desk with folded hands. Smiling tightly at him and her back if stiff with overly done perfect posture. "Hello, Castiel."

Looking around him, high alert coursing through his form, Castiel asks, "Where am I?"

"You don't know?" she asks him, surprised. He shakes his head no. "You're home, Castiel."

"Heaven?" he questions, the place unrecognizable to him. The woman, which he now assumes is also an angel, nods once in the affirmative. "I've never been here before."

"Not many have," she tries to assure him. "My name is Naomi. We rescued you."

"From Purgatory," Castiel finishes the thought for her to be sure he understands.

"An incursion of angels, which cost us many lives. Consider these chats your repayment."

Chats? He has no idea what she's speaking of. "I don't understand."

Naomi smiles at him. "Tell me about the Winchesters. All of them."

On autopilot, Castiel starts to answer. "The Prophet is being kept safe. The tablet has split in two and the Winchesters are going to be trying to recover the missing piece." Castiel blinks hard once as he takes a step back with surprise. "Why am I telling you any of this?"

"It's not your concern," she tells him in what she thinks in a warm manner. "Help the Winchesters, come when they call. You will report in to me regularly and you will never remember having done so."

"No," is his instant reaction to the directive. "I won't do that."

Naomi's smile widens. "You will."

"I won't," Castiel sternly repeats.

"I understand that you have gone against the task set before you and become far too close to the humans in your charge through the past years. But you're still an angel. And you'll still be loyal to Heaven… whether you think you will or not." She pauses, still grinning. "Now, as you were. They won't even notice you were gone."

And instantly he's snapped back into the reality he'd just left, hardly a minute has passed.

Sam's still speaking. "...track down the other piece. You're with us on this one, right, Cass?"

The angel pauses, blinking the jarring moment away. What just happened? He doesn't really remember. He just blanked out….

"Cass, you okay?" Dean asks the silent angel with sheer worry when he sees how off he looks.

"I'm… I'm fine. And, yes, I'm with you, if that's all right," Castiel manages to answer.

"Only after you take some time off," Lizzy sternly stipulates, grasping onto Castiel's forearm and gently pulling him towards the house. "Come inside and take a load off, okay? Catch up with us."

"Inside…." Castiel looks up at the small yet lovely house he's heading for. His feet stop in their path, Lizzy snapping her attention to him with concern. "Elizabeth. This house… it's yours."

"Yeah…" she answers slowly, not getting it.

"You live here? You and your family?" he checks.

"Yes, Cass. We all live here."

Castiel does something he's never done before. He hugs her, a hug that he _initiates_ , and he holds for a few seconds. Once he can feel her arms come around his back and return the embrace, he explains himself. "This is everything I've ever hoped you'd find."

His voice is so quiet she's sure she's the only one that heard it. The moment may still be awkward with the stiff and unusual way he hugs, his form never relaxing into it, and it may be weird to hear such a sentiment come from an angel but Lizzy smiles with her chin on his trench-coated shoulder. He's trying.

"Come check out our home," Lizzy tells him, backing away from the hug to look up at him. He looks good but tired. The exhaustion is radiating off of him in waves. He needs a rest.

He nods and follows her inside, the entire worn group following.

* * *

He can't stop looking. He can't. His eyes are glued and his entire being is in awe.

Samuel Robert Winchester… supposed to be Judah… is asleep and happy. And he made that happen. He's responsible for his existence and he couldn't be more proud of that.

Sammy's wild, dark hair is peeking out of the covers, his one cheek smushed to the pillow under his head in his car shaped bed, and he's knocked completely out.

From the doorway Castiel can just feel how content and happy the little boy is in life. He's a happy child, very much like Lizzy was when young. Very much like Dean was until the horrible night his mother left the Earth. He sees so much of the two of them in the small child. It's wonderful. It fills him with warmth and accomplishment.

No matter what he's done wrong and how many times he's failed, Castiel has this. His one crowning achievement. He's brought about all the hope for the world in one tiny, pure package.

"Still zonked?"

Castiel turns abruptly with the sound of the low whisper, finding Dean walking towards him to peek in just behind him at his son.

"He's very much under," Castiel answers, eyes back on the spitting image of the righteous man standing to his side. "And he's a happy child, Dean. I believe you've done quite well in Elizabeth's absence."

"Yeah, well, he's only gotten happier once Lizzy got back," Dean admits.

"He does love his mother dearly," Castiel nods with delight. "I'm glad he found it simple to let her back in."

"He has his moments but it's been easy enough. He's a good kid," Dean shrugs it off.

"That he is. I can tell," Castiel agrees easily.

Dean smiles a little, always happy to speak about the one little light in his life that makes everything far more than worth it. He then pats Castiel on the shoulder. "You doing alright?"

Unsure of how to answer that, Castiel hesitates. He knows something is wrong with him beyond the weakness he's felt upon returning but he isn't sure exactly what it is yet. "I'm here. That's what matters, especially now that a way to possibly close Hell exists. I would like to help with that if I can."

Dean smiles slightly. "Well then, strap in, Cass. This one's probably not gonna be a cake walk."

Castiel's head cocks to the side curiously.

"It's not gonna be easy," Dean clarifies.

"Right," Castiel nods in agreement. He glances back at Sammy sleeping before looking at Dean. "Doesn't matter. Just imagine a world for your family with no demons. Imagine what that could be like."

"Not sure I can," Dean admits, brow furrowed as he immediately thinks of his mother. A world without demons just three decades sooner could have meant a completely different life for the entire Winchester family. Dean might never have shot a gun or watched the light go out of so many pairs of very human-looking yet inhuman eyes. The toll it's all taken would be completely taken away. He'd still have his mother in his life and that hole in his heart wouldn't still, after all these years, be there.

As if Castiel can see his thoughts, the angel tells him, "If this feat can be accomplished then it will be as close to a guarantee as we are going to get that Samuel will never grow up with the pain that you have. He will always have _all_ of his family with him."

The simple idea that Sammy would ever feel that horrible loss, that sheer anguish, and have to live every day with it like Dean has makes him want to cry right then and there. Just a year back Dean was certain Sammy was going to live like that, his bright and beautiful and exceptionally loving wife dead. Anything he can do to avoid that from happening, he will.

"Then… I owe it to some people to lock those douche bags away for eternity. If it's possible, we're getting it done."

Castiel hears it clearly. He may have only be back from Purgatory for a short time, only have seen Dean again for a mere day's worth of time, but he's seen how different he is. He's calmer, deliberate. He has a handle on his emotions far more than he's ever managed to previously. The man has grown up and become an exemplary human and father… but the tone he just used right then, vowing to end the evil scum that's taken so much from him, is the old Dean. That was the pure soul wrapped up in a shell of ruthless killer that he's been for most of his life.

Only the loss of Mary can keep that fire in Dean burning so hotly.

Castiel just nods once, not sure vocally how to respond otherwise. He's lost other angels before, he's lost his absent Father even, but he cannot comprehend the true devastation Dean's seen through the loss of the one woman he needed most in his life.

"Come on. Let the kid sleep," Dean says, nodding to the stairs for the angel to follow him downstairs. When he gets there he sees Lizzy plopping a box of leftover cold pizza on the coffee table and Sam and Lou diving in. Dean laughs as he takes a seat next to Lizzy on the loveseat while she mutes the television. "Been a while since you ate?"

"Breakfast maybe?" Lou tries to recall right before she takes a massive bite of food.

"Yeah, can't say I miss that mess," Lizzy huffs a laugh at their old schedule. Her life has taken such a crazy and happy turn that she's still in awe of it.

"But it was worth it," Sam says around his own bite. "Kevin and Missus Tran are safe. That's a rare win for us."

"Amen to that," Dean nods.

"And thank you for finding them," Lizzy adds in. "I was so worried about Kevin. He's a really good kid."

"He's been through the ringer," Lou tells her sister, sipping on the beer she has in front of her. "But he's hanging tough. He's pretty determined to get the gates closed so if anyone is going to figure it out it's that kid."

"He _is_ smart…" Lizzy comments while looking over her shoulder to the still standing angel to her side. "Cass, dude, sit down a minute. Relax."

He looks at her, eyes a little shifty, and he walks for the upholstered chair in the room. He takes a seat but his back remains stiff and upright.

"You sure you're okay, man?" Dean has to question again, something clearly agitating the angel.

Castiel lies all too easily. "I'm fine. Just… drained."

"You wanna sleep here?" Lizzy offers. Castiel looks at her funny. "I know it's weird and all but… maybe sleeping a full night and being here will help."

"I mean, where else you gonna go, right?" Dean asks, reaching for a cold slice and taking a big bite.

Dean makes a good point. Where else would he go? Heaven? No, he can't go back there after all he did. And at least here, in this house, he's somehow still wanted. "I don't know where I would go."

It breaks Lizzy's heart to hear that. She leans over and grabs his knee, making Castiel look right at her. "You are always, _always_ welcome in this house. Whenever."

She takes her hand back and starts up a conversation with her sister and brother-in-law.

And Castiel watches on. While he was gone the group has repaired themselves, grown as a unit, and they're happy. It fills him with pure delight to see this as they all have earned it but… he just hopes it stays that way.

* * *

Ringing….

Ringing….

More ringing….

"What he fuck?"

Inhaling and lifting her head off the pillow, Lou looks next to her in bed. With the sunny morning she can easily see that she's alone. It's Sunday and it surprises her. Granted, Sam is an earlier riser these days now that they have a home and a routine. He runs every damn morning. Lou gave up on that shit years ago. Why Sam doesn't is beyond her. But after being on the road and the whole Crowley encounter, she figured he'd still be asleep with her.

Not so much.

With her hangover hitting her a bit, she tries to open her eyes enough to find her cell phone on the nightstand. Getting back that late and drinking that much with Lizzy was a bad idea. She searches blindly, hearing a book drop to the carpet in her bedroom when she knocks it off the nightstand accidentally, before finding it.

One look at the screen has her confused. The area code is from her home state of Massachusetts. She doesn't receive calls from there very often these days.

Curious, she answers the call and brings the phone to her ear. She flops onto her back, head nestled into her pillow once more, and closes her eyes. In a groggy voice she greets, "Yeah?"

"Uh… Lou?"

"That'd be me," she confirms for the clearly hesitant guy on the other end. Assuming it's a fellow hunter, she asks through a yawn, "What you got for me?"

"I, uh… Lou I need your help."

Opening her eyes, she wrinkles her forehead as she looks at the ceiling of the bedroom. That voice is familiar. "Okay… who is this?"

"Louie, it's me."

Louie. There's only one other person still alive outside of Lizzy that calls her that. And this mystery caller just called her that.

Back upright and sitting bolt straight with the realization, Lou inhales deeply once. "Holy shit. _Derek_?"

"It's me," her brother tells her, his tone a bit shaky. "I need help, Louie… and I'm pretty sure only you can help me."

**TO BE CONTINUED…**

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PROMPT CHALLENGE!  
> Here's what I'm doing. To keep me writing and to get my brain off the story line of the series, I'm accepting prompts for my next fic! I will be posting them in a single story, each chapter a new prompt. Here are the rules:  
> 1) Submit prompts here in the review/comment section of this chapter. I don't have Tumblr or any other account to submit them to so here is just fine with me. If you'd like to review the chapter, do that first and then add on the prompt. I will be posting the prompt you submitted when I post what I've written based off of it so try to make it grammatically correct if you can. :)  
> 2) I am taking all different kinds of prompts, not just series based ones. Lizzy, Lou, and Sammy are not a requirement for a prompt but if you want them in there sounds great. This can be completely AU and in a different time period or world. Or your prompt can absolutely be within cannon. It can involve any of the side characters from the show or maybe characters that you ask me to make up. It can be from any season. Go nuts! You can submit a prompt about medieval times or include a crossover with another show... which I've never done before. If you try for a crossover I just hope I'm within the fandom to write it and if I'm not I'll let you know. The world is your oyster!  
> 3) I will NOT be writing the following things: Wincest, Destiel, incest of any kind, or the whole Alpha/Omega thing. Related people getting it on is not my cup of tea. And even if you want a non-related Sam and Dean... it's still Sam and Dean to me. Can't do it. And the whole Dean/Cass thing is something I just haven't quite figured out just yet, personally. No judgment or disapproval for those that see a whole deeper level to their relationship. Do your thing! That's why this fandom rocks... among other reasons. But it's just not in me. And the Alpha/Omega thing is way over my head. I don't think I understand it, honestly. Sorry if that kills anything for anyone out there.  
> 4) A chapter long idea only. I don't think I'm going to be writing the usual 100,000+ word stories based on any single submitted prompt. I would like to do a chapter only per prompt but remember that my chapters tend to be as long as 10,000 each. If it's a prompt I really love, maybe a couple chapters. So nothing more than that!
> 
> I think I covered it. I really, REALLY look forward to what you all come up with! I hope many of you create fun ideas and hand them over to me. If you have questions, feel free to ask. I've never done this and I can't wait to hear from any and all of you! BRING IT!


	20. New Story!

Hello, readers!

 

I just wanted to let those of you that aren't subscribed to me as an author but may be subscribed to this story that I have a new work out!  It's called Prompts, Bitch!  (I had been rewartching Breaking bad in it's entirety and I always had a soft spot for the very tragic character Jesse Pinkman.)

 

Prompts, Bitch! is a collection of fulfilled prompts that were submitted to me.  I am tackling as many as I can as I slowly adjust to motherhood.  It's been slow but so far I'm really proud of my writing.  And I needed a break from my series.  I will get back to that once I find more time to sleep and figure out the whole mom thing.  I have an idea ready to go for story 23 of my Lizzy-verse.  Just need a break.

 

Hope you check out my prompts-only story!  Thank you everyone!

 

DLSOB


	21. NEW STORY!

**NEW STORY!**

**Hello, everyone! I wanted you all to know that I FINALLY got the first chapter of my next story in the series out! Super excited for you all to read it!**

**Look for the newly published first chapter of my story Loose Ends. Story number 23 of my series! (WHAT!?)**

**Thank you**


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